“Sometimes the heart sees what is invisible to the eye.” ~H. Jackson Browne
The first time I was stung with the notion of a soul mate, I was twelve years old. I had accompanied my mother to the wedding of a family friend. The church was blissful, the bride beautiful, and the way the groom looked at her had me thinking that one day this would be me.
Almost instantly, I felt that I was already one half of the most beautiful love story, like a divine wave of love magically swept me into thinking that my soul mate, my proverbial “other half,” was waiting for me to find him so that we could live our lives together in wedded bliss.
Of course, I was only twelve years old, which was just a little too young for that. But romantic dreams and fantasies soon followed, and they came and went as swiftly as two attractions I experienced as an adult.
These attractions were powerful magnetic pulls, but unfortunately, the other thing they had in common was that both represented unattainable love.
It would have been impossible for these connections to transform into anything lasting. However, at their height, they lured me into a spiral of passion and longing for that sense of completeness that I thought only they could bring.
The first of these attractions was to a man I met at the age of nineteen. A couple of years older than I, he was about to become an ordained priest and was in absolutely no position to be married to anyone but the church. Still, I was enchanted. He mesmerized me and piqued my interest in ways I didn’t understand.
The second was with someone I met later. A free spirit who will, most likely, always want to make his life on the beach, he was not one for any type of commitment or responsibility. However, he liked me. And, I really liked him. To this day I feel happy to have met him.
These men touched something in me, and each brought back my teenage belief in the existence of that proverbial “other half.” But both were also unavailable. If I would have actively pursued them, I would have dived into an emotional cesspool of heartache and drama.
So what was it then that made them so attractive? And why did they make me feel even fleetingly complete?
I only found the answers to these questions later in life when I embarked on my journey back to Self.
It was through meditation and self-reflection, imperative tools to my journey, that I slowly began to understand how these attractions were actually reflecting hidden parts of me.
In other words, both these men in a way were indicative of my soul mate because they were pointing to parts of my true “other half,” my inner soul mate. They were pointing to aspects of my inner self.
As the first man touched upon, what was at the time, my underdeveloped spiritual side which held my need for prayer, meditation, and service to a higher power; the second man connected to another part of me—the part that was undisciplined, relaxed, and carefree, a part I always did my best to fight against.
My heart and soul had picked up on something my brain couldn’t understand. These individuals were representing qualities within myself that needed my attention.
Through my journey, I learned a lot about these types of connections and, the more I did, the less I looked for anyone outside of myself to complete me.
If you are struggling with a confusing attraction, unattainable love, or a complicated relationship that is causing you pain, yet you feel this person, in some way, completes you, I would take time out to self-reflect.
Ask yourself what is pulling you the most toward this person.
For instance, if the object of your attraction is a musician, could he or she be reflecting the musician in you? This is something you may wish to explore possibly through singing, learning how to play a musical instrument, or writing a song.
If it’s not something musical, creative, or artistic, it could also be that they are pointing to an aspect of your sensuality—an underdeveloped inner energy like your inner masculine or inner feminine.
For example, if you grew up in an aggressive environment where there wasn’t a compassionate, nurturing presence, and as a result, did not develop those qualities within yourself, you may be attracted to someone else who has them in spades simply because you’re seeking balance.
When we meet someone and feel a magnetic pull toward them, their purpose in our life may not be one of romantic relationship or even one of deep or long lasting friendship. And, certainly, it does not mean they will or can ever possibly complete us.
Nevertheless, these types of attractions are important and magical because even when we don’t realize it, to varying degrees, we are seeing ourselves in another person.
These attractions come into our lives to guide us. Each, in its own unique way, directs our attention to the parts of ourselves we need to see the most. Then, once seen, we begin to experience true completeness—that sense of wholeness that can only be found within.
And it’s only when we’re already whole that we can feel complete in a relationship with someone else.
Photo by Tony Hall
About Mary Dunlop
Mary Dunlop is a passionate student of life with a keen desire to learn, share, and grow. She believes everyone has a special gift. Hers is writing. Her first novella, The Beauty of Twin Soul Love is currently being published.
Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine.
That was a great post. I never thought of attractions that way. I always thought of them as train wrecks, or Chernobyl sized meltdowns, in my case. I’ll be thinking all day about what this might imply for me. Congratulations on your publication.
Thank you Tim! Meditation helps, reflection helps, and so does getting your thoughts down on paper. So much insight can be found through one’s own “pen”.
Nice post!
I understand what you mean. We only recognize in others what we see in ourselves, consciously or subconsciously. I would often get attracted to girls who need ‘help’, but in the process of projection I forgot about helping myself! Fortunately I’m no stranger to meditation, so that has been an invaluable tool to me as well in addressing my feelings. I think the best relationships don’t arise from the need to ‘complete’ each other, because it implies that something is missing. Rather, I believe they’re based on complete people who share their completeness with each other. To enjoy without getting needy, and to love without attachment.
Absolutely! Thank you Socratez.
agree. <3
But how can you possibly know that you are complete? I believe most of us have some kind of flaw. Accepting each other completely without being needy is a way to go or I probably not understanding the whole point you are trying to make though so my apology. 🙂
With complete I mean being happy and feeling content with yourself. So you don’t look outside for your personal fulfilment. From that perspective there’s only giving and receiving, and no taking out of neediness. And I don’t think flaws are part of our personality, but only a judgment of ego.
Beautifully put!
And when you feel complete and you have magnetic attraction to someone else? ☺️
I believe in what you say. I am attracted to a guy who is out of my reach because he is of same sex and already has somebody in his life. But still I am trying to figure out the reason behind this attraction.
You’ll get there, Seeker. I truly believe that there is always a reason and once you find it you feel freer, yet more connected.
Thanks.
What can I say after reading such a beautiful post? I’m speechless… Recently I read Brida by Paulo Coelho, and you’re post certainly reminds of this book. I would love it Mary Dunlop, if you could read my blog also and comment on some of my posts. My address is, mariam03rehman.wordpress.com – I’d be looking forward to seeing you’re comment 🙂
Will do Philosopher, as soon as I get a chance. Thank you! I look forward to reading your blog.
Thank You so much 🙂
This is one of the best Tiny Buddha posts I have read. It is so very relevant and insightful. Thank you!
Thank you Mandarouu! Happy you enjoyed it.
Wonderful post. It reminds me of what I have said to others many times before: We meet people for a reason. Everyone comes into our lives for one reason or another no matter how short or how long they may stay.
This really gave more depth to why I have always felt this way. Thank you.
Beautifully said Jennifer! Always for a reason. Thank you.
You know something. I didn’t always believe this but I am starting to believe this more and more.
You’re superb! What an insight! Thanks for this beautiful perspective 🙂
Thank you, Geetika! You words are very kind.
This was exactly what I needed to write. Beautiful, insightful. And 100% truth. Thank you for writing this.
Thank you TN!
You touch on an idea that I’ve encountered before, and find to often be true in my own life — that what we see as good in others can point to things we want to develop in ourselves. I find that is especially true with envy of talents. If I find myself envious of a beautiful dancer, it’s usually true that what I really want is to feel the dance in my own body, to understand how music and movement make emotional expression, and perhaps (if I’m willing to let myself realize it) that I want attention and to shine in the spotlight as well. And when I can respect those desires for myself, I’m less likely to make unhealthy choices about my relationships.
There’s a book that touches on a similar idea to this post: The World is a Waiting Lover; Desire and the Quest for the Beloved. It might be a fun read for anyone who’s interested in the topic, especially as it pertains to relationships. http://www.visionarrow.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=6&Itemid=9
Thank you Skywind! I actually have this book and am hoping to get the chance to read it very soon. It looks very interesting. This is the quote that drew me to it:
“I knew, almost from the start — though, frankly, I tried to deny it — that my longing betokened a plunge into something other than a relationship with this particular man. Curious, spellbound, I was compelled to explore a new frontier by tracking passion itself. And so I came to know the longing for ardor and oneness with myself and my world, which, as the myths make plain, is a very old and universal quest. It changed my life. It revived my postmenopausal sexuality and shifted the ground of my attitude toward my femininity. It deepened my relationships with my husband, my friends, my colleagues, and my clients. It emboldened me to offer programs, as well as ideas and approaches within those programs, in a more spontaneous, effusive manner, unafraid of being judged. Through my pursuit of the Beloved, I saw the world change around me: strangers in airports and restaurants ceased to be mere background figures and took on a shimmer of impenetrable mystery. I no longer saw distances between myself and people, ideas, and prospects without also envisioning the bridges that might link us. The journey to the Beloved taught me how to walk into the world as into the arms of a waiting lover. It started with a mountain in southwestern Colorado that held a dream, (which as) it turned out, not just the dreamer but the “dreamed of” had need of. ” – Trebbe Johnson
Wow that is a pretty impressive piece of writing.
Thank you. I needed to be reminded of this. Peace be with you.
Thank you! Peace be with you too.
Thanks so much for this, it’s really timely and appropriate for me right now. The last 5 men I’ve dated have been unavailable and not willing to be present with me in a relationship, but beyond that, they all share similar characteristics of living outside the box, being creative, being free spirits, not being afraid to be truly themselves, and being unwilling to change for anyone else. I’ve both admired and resented their unwillingness to “settle down” with me. I can see how they’ve mirrored my own desire to be wild and creative and free to explore the world without limitations.
Thank you Lucy! It’s a really great feeling when everything starts to connect.
I’ve met my soul mate and have always tried to figure out what has me so drawn to her. The magnetic pull for each of us is incredible. Thank you for helping claify
Thank you James!
Hi Mary, I had a brief encounter with a person who I had both an intense physical and mental attraction to .I was only in his presence a few minutes so i didn’t find out any personal details.Afterwards I was overwhelmed by fear of getting too close. Yet a year later I still think about him frequently.Any ideas to what it could mean?
These brief encounters can be so powerful sometimes, and again, even if ever so short, we are being shown something about ourselves. I believe there is always a reason, no matter how brief the encounter. Hollie, my suggestion would be for you to write a short story about this experience. In as much detail as you can, describe what you saw and felt. Allow your “pen” flow…it could give you some valuable answers.
“Some (soul mates) are only meant to last a moment. That brief soul gaze with a ‘stranger’ at the grocery store that reminded you of your own essence was just right.” – Jeff Brown
Never commented on a TB post, but this one really spoke to me. I got lost within my own marriage then within an affair–long story short, I was always looking outward to fulfill my personal voids. It makes so much sense now and now I can finally work on these issue myself, without dragging someone else into my orbit. I still believe that the attractions are legit, but it they pull you that deeply, as you couldn’t breathe without them, that’s a red flag.
Very true Mamatyrone! In my opinion, that is well said indeed: “if they pull you that deeply, as you couldn’t breathe without them, that’s a red flag.”
I never thought about this, I like it.
Thank you Erin!
Thank you @disqus_FUt3Dc9Ny8:disqus 🙂
Thank you for your article. I could identify a lot with your story of your attractions as a young adult. I used to become enamored with men who were unattainable in some way. It was usually a teacher, a celebrity, spiritual, or talented person. I see now how those feelings meant something deeper. I was always looking for that elusive love. I yearned for that soulmate. I was on a spiritual quest since I was young–always wanting to understand a higher purpose. Meditation and spiritual practices helped a lot. Not until I had gotten into learning that this love was inside did my relationships change. I wasn’t attracting men who needed fixing, or men who were players or unavailable anymore. Although, each one was a learning experience about myself. I still hope for a partner, but I’m feeling more fulfilled knowing that true love is inside and reflected everywhere. I can share that and not feel like I depend on the other person to complete me.
Beautifully said, Rosemarie. And very true! My experiences have taught me that It always means something deeper.
Thank you for this.
You’re very welcome Sadie! Thank you.
Mary, your words came to me at the very moment I most needed and appreciated them and I can not thank you enough for this post, you really have made a profound impact on me in this moment, and hopefully my future as a more complete individual. God bless you.
God Bless you Liss. Thank you. I’m happy my words have helped you.
I really enjoyed this post. I’ve been in a situation lately that I was unsure how to approach, but I can totally see it in a new light now! Thanks so much!
You are very welcome Bean. Thank you!
Mary, you have been gifted with a beautiful talent. Thank you so much for sharing this insightful piece. I found myself in happy tears and self reflection about 2/3 of the way through. Your words are powerful yet gentle, and certainly true. This article reinforced for me the importance and meaning that all types of relationships (romantic, platonic, work, family, etc.) bring to our lives; each for its very own special reason. I had a lovely conversation with a colleague today about our own unique spiritual paths and their evolution. I saw such beauty in him as he spoke about his path. Not in a romantic way, but in a way that inspired me to want to be as loving, caring, and peaceful as he is. To seek the truth. To be a better, more compassionate person. I saw and loved in him what I want to nurture within myself. Our human interactions are so powerful, but we often dismiss them for the daily mundane. I plan to be more thoughtful with my encounters moving forward, allowing myself to more thoroughly understand and reflect upon what has drawn me to individual people and thus perhaps what needs to be further nurtured within myself. This was one of the best articles I’ve read in a long time, and I subscribe to many spirituality/healing blogs, pages on Facebook, etc. Thank you again for this special gift you’ve given us.
To see in others qualities we wish to nurture in ourselves, to learn from them, to be touched and inspired by their gifts and dreams is, in my opinion, a very big part of the meaning of life. Thank you, Breathe, for your kind and beautiful words.
This is such a beautiful and unique perspective! This piece spoke to me on more than one level, and came in perfect timing as I am currently experiencing something very similar. I recently met someone to whom I felt a very strong pull, a deep connection that went beyond the feelings I began having for him, but he is very much unavailable in every way possible. I’ve seen this pattern in my life, and I had reached a point where I began to wonder if there was something wrong with me that I kept falling for unavailable men. On some level, I did realize that they all had characteristics/qualities that I admired or even envied at times, but your piece just put all those things into a perspective I had never quite come to see. It is also wonderful to see someone having similar ideas about soul mates, as it is something I have been pondering on a lot lately. Thank you so much for this!
You are very welcome Alia! I’m glad you found this helpful. Thank you!
Dear @Alia , You are very welcome! I am happy this has helped.
Nice
Thank you Charlie Victoria!
Nice article. BTW, it’s “piqued”, not “peaked”.
Wow, this really spoke to me and opened my eyes on something that I’ve been trying to understand for a long time. Thanks so much!
BuddhaMare, You are very welcome! Thank you!
Great article Mary, thank you! It’s always interesting to me how written words or photos arrive when needed… everything happens for a reason in due course. So well-timed that I should read this moments ago 🙂 Have a wonderful day! Love and light, Liz
Indeed, Liz, I have often found this to be true. It’s like the Universe knows who and what to send us. Thank you. Wishing you a wonderful day too! Love and light.
The truth is good to us when we’re open to receive it… both good & not-so-good. I love the lessons along the way and believe they guide us to where it is we are meant to be, and to be with!
This post really gives me something to think about, thank you so much for this message! I love when you said “….directs our attention to the parts of ourselves we need to see the most.”
Thank you Iv2terp! I’m glad you found it helpful.
Thank you so much for sharing this, has really made me see relationships in a way I haven’t before.
@fairydreamer:disqus, You are very welcome!
I really loved your post Mary – thank you. It was very insightful. I recently found myself attracted to a person much younger than me, even though we were both unavailable, and unattainable. But this pull was so strong and I didn’t know why. Even now, months later I am still struggling to put this person out of my mind and understand why this happened. This post made me recognize the fact that this person had qualities and strengths I wished I had more of within myself. Even at almost 37 I am still growing and learning much about myself. Life is a continuous journey, as is personal fulfillment. This site and the blogs on it are enlightening and inspiring.
Absolutely Hilary, to some degree, you saw yourself in that person. Either they reminded you of your spirit, or the qualities that you admired most about them are qualities that you, yourself, already have but are unaware of. At 48, I am still growing too and loving it! Thus far, this is the best time of my life 🙂
Thanks for this! It gave me a lot of peace about something that I’d been holding on to.
You’re very welcome Kathleen!
wow…that’s an very interesting perspective, and definitely something to take notice of. thank you for this.
~infinite LOVE,Always
infinite love, Fred. You’re very welcome!
Thank you, Mary. Good post!
We would be wise indeed, to pay attention
to and to love our attractions, for they are the keys to our evolution.
There is no fascination without a desire unfulfilled
within oneself.
To deny the desire is futile, for it will
always surface again.
Life experience is the mother of
wisdom. At the end of this rainbow comes
self-fulfillment.
Beautiful expressed Nicole! Thank you!
I got chills reading this, because I’ve hit this exact realization this year. I was attracted to a few people who were reflecting a version of me that was in limbo. It seems the more I work on bringing the parts of myself out that I am craving from these others, people I was highly attracted to, the less I want the others to “complete me.”
It’s like some secret code… when you want to BE someone, but project that you want to be WITH someone, it’s time to look at how you can make your life more like what you see and envy in theirs, which is what I am working on (and have succeeded in in so many ways). In this way, I believe soul mates are there to remind you of who you are. They ARE magical, because they are mirrors, soul mirrors, and once you see that it’s YOU who are reflecting in them, you can break free. Thank you so much for this, beautifully written. Especially the part about musicians (as I am one, and have had the experience of being attracted to people who are what I am, I just didn’t see it at the time).
PS: I also had the experience of having this happen from the other side. Someone was very attracted to me, because of my passion for life and going after what I love. They wanted the shortcut to these things through dating me, but didn’t want to do the hard work of bringing these things out for their own lives, and ended up in more of a victim role, trying to use me as a crutch. It did NOT feel good, and I could see how it would feel when someone admires you but just can’t see what they have to offer and are trying to instead get succor from your energy. Oi! It’s been a trip to see how it works from both sides, and has helped me grow immensely (though it’s been difficult at times!!)
This is a very good point too and, in my opinion, may often be the reason when love is not requited in the way we wish it to be.
Very well said Kyrsten! Thank you! I especially love this part. It is so true: ” In this way, I believe soul mates are there to remind you of who you are. They ARE magical, because they are mirrors, soul mirrors, and once you see that it’s YOU who are reflecting in them…”
Well said Kyrsten! Your comment about mirrors hit home for me perfectly as I was recently attracted to someone younger than I, and although we were both unavailable, the pull was so strong. When I looked at him, it felt as if I was looking at myself in the mirror, just a better version of myself. Now, I have come to see it was me reflecting in him. Even though he was only in my life for a short period, now I can see I want to be more like that person, not be with him in a romantic sense.
This has me thinking that our strongest attractions are nothing to do with genuine love but addressing gaps in our identity. The only way to have a healthy balanced relationship is to seek an equal not a “fixer”.
Thank you Jackie! This, in my opinion, is right on the mark: “The only way to have a healthy balanced relationship is to seek an equal not a “fixer”.”
Great post! Thank you!!
Louise, You are very welcome! Glad you enjoyed it.
Thank you for writing this. I really appreciate some of the concepts you explored in this post. It’s a little helpful to think on when dealing with impossible attraction. It is hard to find anything helpful to think on in this sort of situation!
Liv, Kyrsten’s comment is good to keep in mind too: ” In this way, I believe soul mates are there to remind you of who you are. They ARE magical, because they are mirrors, soul mirrors… it’s YOU who are reflecting in them…” Everyone you are attracted to is you. 🙂
I found this person, well, she found me online through our love & passion for cars, but she was in another state. We began talking everyday & eventually Skyping with each other for 5 months. We had conversations about everything; good & bad in our lives. We talked about our dreams & things we would like to accomplish in life. Her mom was going through a rough time being sick, so I helped her w/ that. She helped me stay motivated when job searching. So, we were able to help each other, w/ our struggles, at the time. We became attracted to each other mentally, because we were so much alike (personalities & backgrounds). It wasn’t all physically even though she was beautiful, I saw so much of myself in her that it was kind of scary. I told her she was the female version of me. I never met her physically, because of distance, but I was able to learn certain things from her, help each other in times of need, be a friend to each other, but had to let each other go. I could have seen myself with her, but we know that distance was a huge factor in all of this. Sometimes, certain people come into your life, so you can take things from them, to apply to your life. Her background wasn’t the best, but she made the most of her situation, to better herself. She was a true reflection of me as a person & somebody that I will never forget.
@traicetrebrown:disqus, Yes, online relationships and/or attractions to people we’ve never physically met can also be quite powerful. As you said, you can become attracted to each other mentally, which is why, here again, through that other person, the one you are really getting to know is yourself. People come into your life always for a reason and sometimes it is the most unlikely person who gives you the greatest gift.
I am MANY days late to coming across this article! But I have lived this type of lesson for 25 years with one man. In an effort to try and understand the madness of this attraction is when I came across the Twin Flame/Soul concept.
Mary, you are right in the money because yes, this relationship forced me open in so many ways and taught me two most valuable lessons: Self-love and unconditional love. I also developed a deeper sense of dignity and self respect, because to face this type of situation, to undersatnd why this attraction exists with this specific person, you really have to know yourself and your boundaries.
While he was not the only man that contributed to my completeness, he is the main catalyst that led to some serious personal growth. I offer gratitude to the Universe everyday for placing him in my life.
Awesome article….right on point
@disqus_pVtRygFJmL:disqus, Thank you! The only one who could ever contribute to your completeness is you. But, people like the man you’ve described inspire us to self reflect, which in my experience was a giant step towards feeling the completeness I enjoy today.
Hi,
nice post,.kindly accept my apologies for a long message in the beginning only.
I got chills reading this actually This happens when genrally I deny something,
and I don’t know what I am denying right now. I am a female who grew up with
parents who expected a strict perfection out of me, so I was not allowed to
live the way I wished even if it was within the limits of right or its okay.
Another reason for my missing freedom was my parents were conservative, for
myself being a female. I define myself as quite high on many virtues of
humanity, like loving, caring, understanding, hardworking, principle centric.
But in my relationships at workplace, family and friends. I had to face lots of
jelousy from peers and had tough time. so I got inclined for inward journey, to
free myself from people and circumstances. Now suddenly I got attracted to a
man. There was a strange pull always. We became friends and gradually we
realized we are almost alike. Though on finer levels we are different but we
share same things like very sensitive towards relations, principle centric, we
share a common complaint that people don’t understand us fully. We found each
other very supportive. We were going through a phase of low self esteem so we
made each other feel good about each other. i grew mentally and emotionally
very fast with him. I saw him as my own reflection so got insights about my own
nature, where it needs to change. Gradually we realized we have a very strong
telepathic relationship. Even in my deepest sleep I get up to find him online,
leaving msg for me. its not coincidence almost a rule even in odd hours. We
named our telepathic conversation as soultalk. Though I don’t know specific
details but I know when he thinks about me, I feel comfortable when he tries to
soothe my soul. my mood is so sensitive to his mood. I mean its so strange to
see our connectedness. We call ourselves as soul mates. In light of your
article I tried to search for, towards which void in me he is pointing at. If I
see best I felt with him when I express myself freely with him my feelings my
thoughts my moods over emails. I mean I love writing to him. Other is because
of my some childhood sexual assaults I used to resent my body, I resent my
feminity, he convinced me to feel good about myself, feel proud of my feminity.
But gradually I started developing an emotional dependence of him. If I don’t
get enough of his attention in terms of times I feel angry. Then when I see
myself feeling like this, I start disliking myself. Other thing is I constantly
blame him now he doesnt takes care of my feeling, takes me granted like my
previous relationships. I’ll accept here because of my lowself esteem I
developed a habit of overdoing everything to get approval from the other
person.
I read your article and started thinking what
thing is missing in me which I find in him. I will honestly accept one more
thing that I like his passionate nature in expressing feelings but I am very
clear about this that because we can not be more than friends so I don’t want any
guilt for getting weak over physical expressionsFrom this article I got a clue
that I have to search within myself but I am not able to find out what, what
actually in him is attracting me or what quality I should try to enhance in me.
I don’t want to loose this friend because of my own emotional instability. . I
want this emotional pain to end.
@Monkey, I was in a similar situation, once, and for me, what stood out profoundly was my inner child. For example, I, too, had feelings such as what you have described here
“gradually I started developing an emotional dependence of him. If I don’t get enough of his attention in terms of times I feel angry. Then when I see myself feeling like this, I start disliking myself. Other thing is I constantly blame him now he doesnt takes care of my feeling…”,
and these feelings indicated that my inner child needed healing. Eventually, I realized how important it was for me to take care of that aspect of myself, because otherwise, I was not able to share in relationship as an equal.
Hi Mary. That’s a very interesting perspective. Thank you for sharing it.
While I have thought about this concept quite a bit in the past, it really helped to read it articulated specifically in the way that you articulated it.
Thanks for sharing. 🙂
You’re very welcome Ash! I’m really glad it helped 🙂
Mary,
Thank you so much for helping me realize why I have been feeling the most intense connection I’ve ever felt to any male in my life. The first time I spoke to this person I understood he reflected me, but didn’t understand all of this full circle until right now. It’s mind blowing how writing can help with perspective. We recently let each other go because he is currently emotionally unavailable for a relationship, and has a lot of growing to do. Although I am heart broken we didn’t work, I now have a much more positive outlook on why he was sent to me. He’s helped me realize the immense amount of growth I still have to do as well, while I’ve helped him do the same (he was in a really rough spot when I met him and is ready to jump into himself on his own).
How beautiful.
I hope someday we can be friends. Life is such an incredible experience, and I’m so excited to continue on my journey.
I’ve never cried so many happy tears in my life.
Thank you again,
Lots of love
Beautiful comment Felicha! So much wisdom in your words. Thank you so much for sharing.
This is such a lovely post. It’s important to think of these things outside of the romantic domain too. Sometimes we feel attractions or a pull towards others because of qualities they have or experiences they are having we can connect to. It can be a cathartic release, or a self exploration. Lovely post.
Thank you @Raeeka:disqus. “It can be a cathartic release, or a self exploration. ” — beautifully said!
Thank you for this post. This is a very interesting concept that I believe has a lot of truth. At one time, I was extremely attracted to older men only. I’m finally realizing that it wasn’t really their AGE I was considering, but maybe that their age symbolized a sense of wisdom, peaceful mindset, calm, and security that was often missing in my childhood and young adulthood.
Now in my 30s, I’m on the cusp of buying a new house, I have the real potential of solidifying a real career, and I’m realizing I can make the future whatever I want. I still have crushes (of course :-P), but they’re no longer the desperate, end-all, be-all they used to be. I think I’m finally realizing that I don’t need them to obtain what I’ve always been looking for.
Yes, exactly, Mind of B. I totally agree – “I’m finally realizing that it wasn’t really their AGE I was considering, but maybe that their age symbolized a sense of wisdom, peaceful mindset, calm, and security that was often missing in my childhood and young adulthood.”
It sounds like you’re in a wonderful place.
Crushes are great. They can teach us a lot about ourselves. They pave the way to a healthy relationship with our self and healthy relationships with others.
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Dear Bleh, It means you are attracted to men of a more feminine nature. I’ve described this type of man in my book as being a soft nurturing feminine man, but a heterosexual man nonetheless. This is the type of man you may wish to begin visualizing. Visualize, get to know this type of heterosexual feminine-masculine energy, and eventually you will be in a good place to attract your ideal match.
This phenomenon has happened to me three or four times in my life.
At the time of the first instance, I was a young adult attracted to someone with whom I had an infrequent business/professional relationship. Because this person was of the same sex, I wondered if I might be bisexual even though my attraction seemed grounded in personal magnetism, not biology. More than a decade later, the secnod time involved an opposite-sex instructor connected to a peak experience: this time I knew very well that I was attracted to becoming someone like the object of my attention rather than actually having a relationship.
What is especially painful is identifying such an attraction for what it really is, knowing the qualities we admire in the other person (physical, mental, and spiritual) are not attributes we will ever develop in ourselves due to a lack of skill, determination, and/or courage. Though we may have or develop other qualities, those we want often remain elusive. The only positive benefit of this pattern is that it innoculates us with a lifetime dosage of humility, preventing arrogance.
@Tonglending. Actually, it’s the opposite. A powerful attraction as such most often means that we do have the qualities we admire in the other person. That’s the reason we become attracted to them — because in them we sense qualities that exist within ourselves, waiting to fully manifest. It’s like a call from our subconscious telling us what we need to work on.
I am soooo confused but I do believe what is on the post nailed it … I have a male figure at work that I met a year ago and had an instant attraction to him, but I put it off as just being human, but I also got the feeling he was instantly attracted to me. Well over the year this attraction, not even sure I should use attraction because I can’t explain how my feelings are about him and I know it’s the same for him. I am sooooooooooooooo drawn to this man and I have never felt this way with any other man I have been with or married to. We are both married and I feel as if what my feelings and body is doing is wrong but I can’t control the feeling with this man, I get all excited and happy when I see him or when we look at each other or talk and when we get a moment alone I just want to do things with him. I have been able to control my feelings on and off in life, but this is something I can’t explain except WOW… am I wrong feeling like we have a magnetic attraction to each other and I have missed something in my life with my husband and other men. I love my husband but the feeling with this man is nothing I have ever felt with my husband or ex husband. Please tell me what this feeling is called. I know it’s not an infatuation or lust, I know people say when you meet your soul mate you will know because you get a feeling you can’t explain and that’s me.
Dear Mary, If you’re asking if this can be a soul mate instance, I believe it can. Everyone we are attracted to, to varying degrees, is showing us something about ourselves. However, if you are asking if this can be a life partner type of love, then my humble opinion, which based on the way I’m experiencing true love, is that it takes more than that to know. Powerful magnetic pulls do not always indicate the One. Sometimes they mean something else. To me, real love is about growing; growing together, learning about each other, supporting each other in dreams and goals and through difficult times, making a home, sharing life’s responsibilities, feeling each other’s sorrows and joys…In other words, to me, true love is about feeling each other’s souls.
I agree with the premise of this story, which is that our strongest attractions actually reflect hidden parts of ourselves.
“In other words, both these men in a way were indicative of my soul mate because they were pointing to parts of my true ‘other half,’ my inner soul mate. They were pointing to aspects of my inner self.”
But what if you realize that much of your attraction to someone is because of their “outer” beauty, their looks, their prettiness? That seems so superficial, but isn’t it often the case?
What does it tell me about myself when I feel a strong attraction someone mainly because of his/her outward appearance? Am I simply being shallow, or am I actually reflecting my anxiety about my own “hidden” beauty, or the fears I have about my “inferior” appearance?
And what can I learn from this – perhaps to work out more, and pay more attention to my appearance, so I can get the attention of someone beautiful? It still seems shallow to me.