You Already Know Your Soul Mate

“You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.” ~Buddha

During the summer, my husband and I decided to take our lovely nieces and nephew out for a day-of-fun in the city. I expected a day filled with fun, laughter, and connection; I was in store for much more—a lesson in love and truth, told by my eleven-year-old niece.

We were all at dinner and decided to play a game where one person asks a question of their choice, and everyone else answers. The question “Who do you have a crush on?” arose, and around the table we went.

All the kids had normal answers such as “um, Jason—no Adam—well, sometimes Chris,” “Definitely Sarah,” “I am not sure if I want to say,” and so on.

Then the question came around to one of my nieces and she answered with a big smile on her face, “Myself!”  Wow, what an answer, I thought. If only I had that kind of wisdom and self-love at that age. I was so proud and happy for her that she saw herself through such a beautiful lens.

Her answer started to make me think. How many of us have spent endless hours and years trying to find our true love, the one who will finally find us and make all that time we waited worth it—ultimately, our soul mate?

As my niece pointed out to me, could it be possible we have been searching for a connection that has been within us the whole time?

What if we took that term, soul mate, and looked at it from my sweet niece’s eyes. What would we see? Maybe we would see that a soul mate is not always someone else; it does not have to be outside of you. It could be the meeting of your soul and self within you.

Sometimes, we use so much of our time waiting and searching for someone else to fill us up and love us that we forget how much love we all already have inside that is patiently waiting to be released. We could find that missing piece if we turn inward and remember how special and beautiful we are in our core.

But more often, we forget how to release this innate gift and fall into our own joy and divinity. We forget to connect to our power within ourselves.

When this happens, we usually end up giving our power away and allowing someone else to define us. We allow ourselves to been seen through others’ eyes, and eventually, forget what we look like through our own.

If we search for our missing half, our soul mate, in another person, we inherently believe we are not complete without someone else. We convince ourselves we are not whole, and we can never be whole until we find our true love.

I believe this false notion allows us to ignore our true potential and avoid taking responsibility for our own love and happiness.

We end up using precious time trying to learn, accept, and love every possible mate, while dismissing the opportunity to learn, accept, and love ourselves.

Sometimes, we are quick to welcome all the “beautiful” and “good” aspects of ourselves, while avoiding the “bad” and “unacceptable” pieces within us. Would we do that to our true love, our soul mate? Or, would we see and accept them for who they are?

I don’t think we will ever be able to love ourselves until we acknowledge all our different aspects—the “strong” and the “weak”— and start giving ourselves compassion instead of judgment. A puzzle needs all its pieces in order to be complete.

Now, I am not saying the only soul mate we can ever have is ourselves. I believe we can have different variations of soul mates—some being people who touch us profoundly and understand us deeply.

But if we make a strong connection with ourselves, we will be able to live from a powerful, authentic place. From here, we will be able to identify our other soul mates more clearly because then we truly know who we are and can better see who inspires us to be more of our truth.

So, where do we find this amazing soul mate? I think it is the meeting place of pure divinity and humanness within us.

Soul mate can be defined as the reunion of our lost self and found spirit.

Only when we learn to love and accept ourselves are we able to receive love and acceptance from someone else. We must first feel it from within to understand and recognize it from without.

So, the next time you catch yourself wishing to be with that one person who could complete you and make your life perfect, remember: Your wish could come true. You might just need to borrow my niece’s lens so you can see more clearly.

The mate of your soul is already here, it is you.

Photo by The Glowing North Stars

Profile photo of Sheila Prakash

About Sheila Prakash

Sheila believes in everyone’s ability to open their hearts and heal their hurts in order to discover and share their Light. She follows this passion as a Psycho-Spiritual Therapist and Transpersonal Breathwork Facilitator in which she guides people on their journey of self-discovery. Learn more at

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  • H R

    Great article. And at such an opportune time. Thanks Sheila 🙂

  • faye assee

    How well said. I absolutely wholeheartedly agree and I thank you kindly for reminding us all. Namaste
    Wonderful article and very inspiring.

  • nectar

    Unfortunately it isnt quite the same as a tender kiss or being held by a lover 🙁

  • Patty

    Great post.  One of the deep truths about love – the more we love, honor and respect ourselves, the greater our capacity to love others becomes.  Being centered in self…not “self-centered”
    love’n’light, y’alll 🙂

  • vanessa

    It’s a wonderful thought and I wish I could think that way but as ‘nectar’ stated….it is not the same as being kissed tenderly and held by a lover….:(  

  • Vageli M

    It never ceases to amaze me the great depth of wisdom in the offhand remarks of children.  This post is truly inspiring.

  • Vageli M

    This, for me is the greatest hindrance to accepting myself as my one true love.  Intellectually, I know that within me I have all the tools – I am complete within myself.  But emotionally, or better yet, in terms of faith, I do not feel that.  I feel that I need something outside of me to bear Witness to my existence.  Why is that?  Why do we (or most of us at least) yearn for external validation when in the end we are our own judge?  This has been the hardest gap for me to bridge in terms of my spiritual life.

  • Jgrhyy

    The best lesson I learnt is to love yourself fully – anything else is just a bonus 🙂

  • nectar

    I believe we all find comfort/security in intimacy and perhaps also we like to feel like we are the most important thing in someone elses life…this is perhaps due to our ego but also innate in our primal instincts of survival and longing for nurture (which brings us comfort even as a child in our mothers arms)…what does anyone else think? 

  • Kelito

    What young people can provide is the simple and fundamental essence of being present and uncluttered.  We adults have spent so many years filling and cluttering our minds with stories, meaning, interpretations, ‘growing up’, experiences, circumstances, ‘surviving’, searching outside ourselves for validation and living in the past or in “someday” and so we lose touch with what is “really” real.  We confuse the things that we want or think we want (such as a tender kiss or being held) and think they are things that we need to BE some way, like happy or fulfilled or complete.  Then many of us wake up a little – usually in breakdown or from a traumatic experience – and realize our “glass” is too full.  We then seek out spiritual experiences, books, quotes, courses, etc so that we can try to get back to that point when we were all kids seeing life as it IS, uncluttered by all the extra added meaning, living in freedom, choosing rather than reacting and by just being in the moment (I call this ‘wisdom’).  Maybe we should just all seek coaching and advice from the children of the world instead and to remind ourselves of who we were then and just become that again today, our true soulmate. Great timely article and discussion. Thank you!

  • NaturalVee

    This is bringing tears to my eyes this day. I Am my own soul mate. My soul mate is ME and has been here all along. So beautiful. Thank you so much. =)

  • One of life’s most difficult lessons is to “start giving ourselves compassion instead of judgement”. Instead of striving to be someone else’s version of perfect, I’m totally happy being perfectly me. With all my weaknesses and bad points 😉 Great post, thanks

  • lily

    i just came to this realization recently. i’ve been having trouble learning to love myself but i am working on it. truly inspiring . thank you

  • Edieharmony

    Unconditional love can only truly come from yourself.

  • Contact

    Connecting to one’s mind and soul, one’s higher self, really is something special…but nectar makes a good point – tangible, human touch is something to be cherished. It’s something nearly impossible for our minds to replicate, as much as we need to know ourselves – humans need humans.

  • SB

    “I believe we can have different variations of soul mates—some being people who touch us profoundly and understand us deeply.” 
    Although this whole article was profound and needed at this time in my life, that quote spoke to me the most. I’ve been blessed to meet two men who are like that-people who just get me without me trying. These people I know for fact had a divine purpose in my life and are my soulmates. 

    Isn’t it amazing when a child teaches us lessons? Never would have thought 🙂 

  • nectar

    why do we have such a craving to be wanted and to do life with someone? And if its due to how we are programmed (biological) then how can we overcome that and be content to do life on our own?

  • Candelaria

    Nectar…I don’t think the author said anything about it being the same or not. She clearly states that before falling in love with someone else and letting that define us, we must look within and see how much love we are caplable of giving ourselves.

    One of my friend’s said it clearly to me “be kind and gentle to you,” you’ll find that then the rest will fall into place. We are eventually our own soulmates, we do not need anyone to “complete” us, but we do want someone to complement us.

    I’m on the path to self loving and it might be a hard and rocky one, but I’m realizing that even though I am walking it on my own, it in no way makes me feel lonely because I am my own good company.

  • Rachel

    Absolutely love this article. “Believe this false notion allows us to ignore our true potential and avoid taking responsibility for our own love and happiness” is SO true. So inspiring of your niece to say something like that at (what seems like) such a young age. Props to her elders/mentors. 🙂

  • Tinarose29

    A few years ago I would have read this article and thought ‘ ha what is she talking about’, but these days I look in the mirror and the love that I feel for myself is so intense it hurts lol, and I truly believe that the man that does come into my life as a ‘soulmate’ will be damn lucky to have me xx

  • @Sheila, I think self love is more of failing to recognize one’s own flaws. Those who fall in self love often become arrogant and undermine others. What do you say to that?

  • Hakan

    Interesting article. I learned a lot. I wish everyone good luck on this. This blog post of my covers same topic but using maths! Interesting! Take a look at it.

  • Kiso

    Ha, depressing, so after all this time of waiting all you’re telling ppl is that they don’t have a soul mate and will just wind up alone, wow. Nothing beautiful about this.

  • johnsmithsonian

    let see what you would say if you didn’t find your husband

  • Emily

    This is beautiful.

  • ~Madness~

    well what if you need your other half to help you love yourself?

  • Rima

    what is the difference between “to complete” and “to complement”? I can’t see the difference. when you love yourself and think you do not anyone to make your happiness complete (better), what is the “utility” of another person in your life?

  • Michelle

    the title is flawed for the article. I already love myself. This question is, “If I speak and nobody hears me, did I really speak?” She has a husband, so she is heard whether she is understood by him or not is another story. The point is to have somebody to share all of this bountiful love with, even the nieces. It makes a huge difference. To have somebody even give you a hug validates your existence. Loving yourself, no matter how much does not do that on this plane anyway.

  • Sammunn

    I love this! And you for writing this!

  • susanna

    wow! i was just telling someone this the other day, they had posted something about the difference between a soul-mate and a life partner. i had a problem with that article simply because it made a life partner seem so ordinary, and unimportant. however while i was reading it and reflecting, i realized, i’m my own soul mate. the past four years for me has been and still is the beginning of me starting to know my own soul and my own personal and spiritual self. i came to these conclusions on my own, and for me i don’t think i would’ve been able to look at myself for who i really was 4 years ago had it not been for my husband daniel. and as i have matured, grown, and learned so much, i try to enlighten my husband as well. sometimes he questions and doesn’t understand but i know he listens to me and hears what i have to say. by me helping myself, i’ve been able to help others. and for this, i know i am my own teacher, my own spiritual guidance, and my own soul mate.

  • Anthony Williams

    Agreed. I was wondering is anyone else was irked by a married person authoring an article advising others that they are their own soulmate. I can acknowledge that there was some useful advice in the above article if one considers the advice independent of the source; but frankly I don’t find it relatable when a married person is advising others on replacing love with another person with self love.

  • RealityCheck

    Where is she?

  • R

    Excellent article but unfortunately the majority of people confuse self love with egomania.