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Dealing with Depression: 10 Ways to Feel Positive and Peaceful

“Once you choose hope, anything is possible.” ~Christopher Reeve

I have suffered from depression since I was a teenager. My experiences have also caused severe post-traumatic stress disorder.

My father has been abandoning me for my whole life. As a teenager, I went to live with him because my relationship with my mother was so difficult. He sexually abused me for the year that I lived with him.

At the age of seventeen, I sought solace by turning to what I thought was God. For the next twenty-eight years I held a set of beliefs that were angry and judgmental and made me feel cut off from others, including my family and those in my own church.

Because of my experiences with my father and the church, I had a hard time living in the moment and enjoying life. I lived with low self-esteem and had trouble establishing healthy boundaries in relationships, which caused me to continue to create painful interactions with others.

When I was forty-five years old, I sought relief from my depression and loneliness through self-help books. I quickly found my way to author and publisher Louise Hay and began my journey of enlightenment and healing.

Over the last couple of years, through therapy and continued reading, I have discovered some tools to help me feel more positive, peaceful, and joyful. I notice when I use them consistently, I recover faster from periods of depression. Perhaps they will help you, too, when you are feeling depressed.

1. Focus on self-love.

Some ways to do that are: be patient and compassionate with yourself, release perfectionist standards, remind yourself of all your wonderful qualities and talents, and give yourself praise and encouragement.

Doing a self-love meditation is especially comforting and uplifting for me. I talk to myself like I would to someone else that I want to express love to. It feels amazing to give myself what I want and need.

2. Listen to your inner child, without resistance.

Allow her to feel and express what she is going through and grieve when she needs to. Let him know that you are always there to listen and to love him.

When my inner child feels angry, I validate and soothe her. I let her know that she deserves to have relationships that feel good and have healthy boundaries within them.

3. Notice how you feel in your body when you are upset.

As you observe your unpleasant sensations, name them. For instance, I feel heaviness in my chest, I feel like crying, my arms are warm, my head feels like it’s going to explode, my stomach hurts, my muscles are tight.

As you simply allow your sensations to be, you will notice that they start to dissipate on their own. Try it. You will be amazed.

When I do this exercise, I may also notice the thoughts that are causing the troubling sensations. I have learned that in spite of my unpleasant sensations, I can still hold a positive thought or belief and when I do, I feel better.

So, I may say something like this to myself, “In spite of all of these unpleasant sensations, I know that things can work out the way that I want them to.”

4. Ask someone else for what you need.

One day I was feeling very disconnected from others, so I called a friend of mine and asked if she had time to come by and give me a hug. She said she loves hugs and she came over for a short visit to give me one, which gave me the sense of connection that I needed and wanted to feel.

Here are some examples of things you might ask for: a massage, a favor, someone to listen to you or to help you problem-solve, or a date with your partner or a friend or family member.

Something I do on a regular basis is ask the Universe for a gift. I always get what is perfect for me at that time. Sometimes a wonderful new thought fills my mind and lifts me up or I receive guidance on an important issue, and other times I receive an unexpected monetary gift or an interaction with someone that makes me feel loved or appreciated.

5. Participate in enjoyable activities to help you get out of your head and into the present moment.

Some things you can do are: meditate, spend time with (or call) a friend or family member, read, do a hobby that you love, listen to music, take a hot bath, watch your favorite television show or a movie, or treat yourself to something you have been wanting.

Spending time in nature helps me to ground myself in the present moment. It gives me an inexplicable peace and joy that surprises and rejuvenates me. I love going to the lake or for a walk or sitting on my porch, which has a beautiful view of the most wonderful trees.

6. Focus on the thought “All things are possible.”

You don’t have to know how you will receive your desires and you don’t have to figure anything out. Just rest, knowing that the possibilities will unfold.

I specifically remind myself that it is possible for me to: feel well physically and emotionally, be fulfilled and prosperous, and have love, joy, and peace in my life. When I do this, I sometimes get excited as I anticipate the changes and miracles to come.

7. Use a visualization to release your painful thoughts.

In your mind’s eye, place negative thoughts on leaves and watch them gently float away downstream, or place the troubling words on cars of a freight train and watch them zoom away.

When I do these exercises, I place distance between myself and what is bothering me, and I feel lighter.

8. Practice gratitude for the good times.

Notice when you are not depressed and take the time to be fully present in those moments and appreciate them. Notice how it feels in your body to not be depressed.

Now that I am more aware of when I am feeling good, when depression hits, I know that I am not always depressed. I acknowledge that this too shall pass.

9. Be productive.

Sometimes what you need to get out of the pit of depression is to be productive. You may get depressed because you are not getting important things done, or you may be depressed and therefore not get important things done. In both of these cases, productivity may make you feel good about yourself and lift your mood significantly.

When I feel depressed, I don’t feel like doing anything. So, I tell myself, “In spite of how I feel in my body and these upsetting thoughts, I am going to wash my dishes (or any other activity) anyway.” Once I get one thing done, I feel a sense of accomplishment and am usually motivated to get other things done.

10. Let love in.

Surround yourself with positive and loving people and healthy relationships. I remind myself that I deserve to have relationships that feel good and nourishing to me. I may give myself space in certain relationships and release others that are not working for me.

I remember that people do love me, even if they don’t show it the way that I want. I know they are doing the best they can, and if they don’t love themselves, then they are not going to know how to love me. I forgive them for the ways they have hurt me or let me down, and that gives me some peace.

I consistently practice using my tools when I feel depressed and I know that the saying “practice makes perfect” is not true. My human self will never be perfect, and that is okay.

Not all of my tools will work every time to help me move through depression. Sometimes I use just one tool and other times, I use additional ones. I listen to myself so I will know each time what I need. And you can do the same.

About Lori Anderson

Lori Anderson is single and has two grown children and five grandchildren. She discovered metaphysics and New Thought five years ago and is writing a series of books about using specific thoughts to create our lives as we desire them to be.

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  • Tim

    Great post! Thanks for sharing.

  • Your story is very moving for me. I used to deal with depression a few years ago; and although I still go through my fair share of ups and downs, I myself have grown to be aware of the good feelings I get on good days that when I do have bad days, I remind myself that “this too shall pass.” I think reminding myself that the state of being will constantly change and even though I think my world is crashing down on me sometimes, knowing that it’s not going to last forever is my silver lining. Without the downs, we wouldn’t come to appreciate the ups. Thank you for sharing your journey and I wish you the best as you continue through life.

  • Lori

    Thank you Tim.

  • Lori

    Thank you Mariel for letting me know that you can relate to what I shared. And I wish you the best as well!

  • Sadie

    Wonderful post. I have battled with depression since I was a child–at 53 I have learned what to do to get past it. One thing that helps immensely is getting out of myself and helping others. It’s amazing what can happen when you “don’t surround yourself with yourself”

  • Jeff

    A very nice article. I’m posting those 10 points here on my desk at work as a reminder every day. Thank you.

  • himanshu saini

    i want to die .. i have a fail realtionship my ex cheated me everyday i see her happy and i did everything for her . i left job for her evrything i can do i did for her .. when she moved to new loacation she changed . she earning and i m unemployed and she suddenly changed and not want to talk to me everyday i texting her . i req her on my knee .. i want to die . i have nothing i am totaly lost..

  • AP

    I love this post! I, too, have suffered from depression for most of my life. I’m in my 30’s now and feel like I am just now learning how to live with it instead of just trying to cure it or “get over” it. These are all such wonderful reminders that I’m printing this out and hanging it in my office. It’s like my own little gift from the Universe 🙂 Thanks, Lori

  • Sillysphynx

    Lori, I too love your article. Hearing some of the struggles that you have endured and being able to relate just makes one feel at ease. When you said you held in resentment and anger, that hit the nail on the head. Although I am younger, I too have held in a lot as well. It was effecting every aspect of my life. from relationships to work. I recently tried to put all things in the past and learned to forgive and I must admit, the more positivity the more your brain will train itself to steer clear of negativity. Thank you so much for sharing your story! <3 You sound like one hell of an incredible woman 🙂

  • Tammy

    Lori,
    This is a very well written article and so true. You have so much to share and it will be so helpful to others! Please keep writing and I will keep reading my friend! You are so very talented!

  • I know it’s tough. I’m going through a very similar thing. Moved 1100 miles across the country to live in the same city as a woman whom I loved with all my heart and spirit. Gave up my roots in my lifelong home to be with her. Four months later she told me it was all for nothing–she didn’t want me. I considered suicide for the first time in thirty years. It’s not easy. It’s not going to be easy, either, but you have to let her go and move on. You can’t live your entire life for anyone but yourself. You are not alone in this. You are never alone.

    This is just a moment in time, my brother. Step aside and let it go past.

  • Julia

    Wonderful read. I can relate to your circumstances (childhood) and I feel like I’m just coming to realize that depression as it stands now is my battle. I love that you pointed out where in your body do you feel these negative vibrations, I’ve been practising yoga to try to get out of my head and into my body. I admire the courage you have for workingg through your depression. It’s comforting to read one’s advice whose going through it. It makes you feel more connected. So its greatly appreciated Lori (: -love and light

  • Mark

    Hey there my bro 🙂 guess what! You don’t need her and you are better off on your own! I’ve been through this same thing twice now, even lost an unborn child. So I can promise you when I saw life will get easier, u just got to learn to live for you. 🙂

  • melloland

    You don’t want to die, what you want is to feel better. But right now that seems impossible to you. I promise you that this shall past, you will be stronger because of it. Go through the pain, its the only way to start healing. Their is a light at the end of the tunnel for which you just entered. Stay strong! your hurting cause your human. Things will get better……….

  • himanshu saini

    thank u everyone for ur support .. u people dont know me and u r giving time to teach me that means every people here have beautiful soul . everyone rook mark and melloland u guys are so good .. i love u lori for this website and god bless dear

  • Lori

    Thank you so much for Julia. Your kind words are quite an encouragement to me. I send you love and light for your journey!

  • Lori

    Hi Tammy, I am feeling so blessed by your comments. Thank you so much for your encouragement to keep writing. It means a lot to me!

  • Lori

    Hi Sillysphynx, You sure do know how to make someone feel like a million bucks! Thank you for your kindness!

  • Lori

    Wow Ap!! I am feeling blown away at the love and gratitude coming my way! Thank you so much for taking the time to share part of yourself with me. I wish you well on your journey and I send you love.

  • Lori

    Hi Jeff, Thank you for taking the time to let me know that you liked my article! : )

  • Lori

    Hi Sadie, Thank you for taking the time to reply to my article. I am glad you brought it up to anyone reading this that there are other things you can do as well to help yourself to feel better. My original list was 19 things, but space did not allow for them all. lol.

  • Katie

    You can and will make it through this. Your good spirit is evident in your writing. Read some Tiny Buddha posts every day while you are feeling so sad. It will help. Little by little, you will remember what a very good person you are. I hate to say it, but I think were to GOOD for your ex. It may take time, but you WILL find someone who really appreciates how much you love. It will happen. Hang in there, bro.

  • Lori

    Hi Himanshu Saini, I am sorry that you are suffering. I can see you gave your ex your all. I hope now you can begin to focus on giving yourself all the love and attention that you once gave her. I know what it feels like to desperately want someone else to love me. But, I promise you that after you learn to love yourself, you will not feel this pain any longer. Give yourself the love that you need and want so badly. I know you can do it. And there are many others that will love you. I send you love and light.

  • adriana

    #7 is amazing, and i will try it.. putting my thoughts on freight cars and watching them roll away… you have built such a strong sense of character to be able to encourage and motivate others to learn of and be gentle with themselves, and i am grateful for your post. I had a miscarriage last week and am trying to cope and many times forget that the universe and God is waiting here to love me, and be there for me no matter how long i take to be whole again. I have found love and comfort in a few friends, rather than family, and that is okay to me. It is taking time, and the external pressures of the world to contiue on like nothing happened, is overbearing and overwhelming. This post helps me a lot, and helps me see that i am not alone and everyone goes through struggles… we just have to learn how to cope and move forward at our own pace.

  • lv2terp

    This post is powerful, such wonderful insight, advice, and rich with wisdom! Thank you for sharing your story, your experiences and tools, wonderful! That is so true about practice, agreed…..my mom always said “practice makes improvement” for that same reason, something I love by and say to this day 🙂 Thank you again, this post was really GREAT!

  • Joshua Vanderkroef

    Can’t agree more. Very well said Lori. If your in the tornado, hang in there. When life is a little more calm, practise these ideas as much as you can. It really does help.

  • Fin

    I really liked this Lori, thank you for sharing xxx

  • Talya Price

    We all get depressed however it is how you deal with it that matters. I have small episodes of depression but I face them. I deal with them. Well have to face the monsters and move on. This was a very good ready, very inspiring. Thank you for this Lori.

  • Day

    Lori, you are a beautiful soul and I am so grateful you wrote this. You’ve figured out how to uplift yourself and in doing so you’ve also uplifted others. You’re a blessing to this world.

  • Lori

    Thank you so much Day for your generous words. I feel so blessed by the things you said to me! You are a great encourager! Namaste.

  • Lori

    You are very welcome Talya and thank you for taking the time to let me know that you were inspired. My heart is singing with joy today because of the wonderful response from you and other readers!

  • Lori

    You are welcome Fin. I am thrilled that you and others enjoyed the article. Thank you for taking the time to drop me a line.

  • Lori

    Thank you Joshua. It is nice to know that we are all one and that others share our experiences. We are not alone.

  • Lori

    HI Iv2terp, Thank you for taking the time to lift me up with your words! I love what your mom says and I am going to use that for the rest of my life! I am glad you shared that with me. Namaste.

  • lv2terp

    Awesome!!! I’m so glad! 🙂 hugs and Namaste!

  • Lori

    Thank you Adriana for letting me know something specific that you liked about the article. Your response is a great encouragement to me. I almost left #7 out of the article because the article was getting a bit long. Now I know it was left there for you. I am sorry to hear that you had a miscarriage and I send you love and healing energy. Take all the time you need to grieve and heal regardless of what the “world” thinks. I also am learning that the love and support that I want and need does not have to come through family members. Namaste.

  • ellie

    Wow, Lori. You’ve summed up my 6 months of self-exploration and learning. Amazing. Thank you so much for writing this up! It’s a great set of reminders for the tough times AND in every day living to remember how to live life fully and authentically. Awesome!

  • Martha Penagos-Price
  • Lori

    Thank you Ellie! I have been learning these tools a little at a time (along with a few others) and thought it would be great to actually write them up so I could refer to them when I feel depressed. Then I realized that would probably help some other folks as well.

  • jerryjohnson

    If your experience in church was that bad thats a shame. You were definitely in the wrong church. Jesus taught a different message. But it sadly sounds like where you went they didn’t get the message at all. Some people make of it what they want to fit their life so they can justify there view. God himself taught me and showed me his truth. I didn’t listen to much to what man said. I was seeking His truth. Forgiveness is the way to forgiveness from wrong. I didn’t say it was easy but when you learn forgiveness then you have peace within. Next is don’t judge others because we begin to compare ourselves and.begin to look at ourselves as better than others. Love really at the top. If we will love God first, love others before ourselves, and love ourselves third. Then all other things will line up in our lives.

  • vivek pradhan

    good to have read the life that went through u n the life u have planned to all.

  • Thanks @disqus_xivefRq5OS:disqus for these lovely ways to get away from depression!

  • Animesh

    All the best Lori! This helped me 🙂 Lots of love.

  • Sillysphynx

    Where credit is owed credit is due 🙂 I think you have made every soul feel like a million bucks after reading your article. Thank you so very much! It really does give some comfort that others can relate. I look forward to reading more of your publications! <3

  • Benet McManus

    Really important reading for people suffering from depression. Learning to like yourself is really difficult but I think you have given us some really useful tips there. Thanks Lori

  • Fiona

    I struggle with depression at times, and I found your post very inspiring, uplifting, and comforting. These are all really powerful suggestions. Thank you so much for taking the time to share what you have learned. I wish you love and light on your journey. 🙂

  • Lori

    And I look forward to writing more for readers like you!

  • Lori

    You are welcome Fiona and thank you for your praise. You post brought a big smile to my face. Love and light back at you!

  • Lori

    You’re welcome Benet and thank you for taking the time to give me your feedback on my article. May we call upon our collective strength when we need it and know that we are never alone.

  • Lori

    Thank you for letting me know that this article helped you Animesh. I send you love as well.

  • Lori

    You’re welcome Ram Babu and thank you for your praise.

  • Lori

    Hi Vivek, Thank you for taking the time to connect with me about my article.

  • Lori

    Jerry, Thank you for taking the time to remind us that it’s all about love!

  • Lori

    Hi Martha, thank you for sharing this url with everyone.

  • Ben Saini

    11. Learn to say NO and don’t be afraid to put yourself first whilst cutting off ALL energy sucking abusive using and manipulative triggers in your life. Each verbalised amputation of these inconsiderate self absorbed people will lift a massive weight off your mind whether they are family or friends. There is no forgiveness just action, release and progress.

  • Lori

    Hi Ben, Thank you posting your comment. I believe that forgiving is what enables us to progress.

  • Marcan

    thank you for this post and happy v-day! from the comments below i felt such a sense of happiness and love just seeing how complete strangers can all help and support each other and have such good intentions. we are not alone and there is love everywhere.

    @himanshu saini : in time you will see that the universe was indeed looking out for you and showing you that this is not the one for you.. love shouldn’t hurt.. It will get better

  • Lori

    You’re welcome Marcan and Happy Valentine’s Day to you as well! I feel the love.

  • benny

    Last three weeks ago i lost my job and i started seeking for another good job and i have been to many interview but i was not giving a job so one day i saw a testimony on the internet on how Ekaka help someone to get a good job so i have to contact him on his email: ekakaspelltemple@yahoo.com and he told me what i need to do and after 2days all the place i have attended interview they all started calling me and i was confuse because i do not know the right one so i have to call Dr. Ekaka again to know the right place i need to work so he told me how i am going to know the right one which i did and now i am the happiest person on earth..

  • It’s my pleasure to be here .. keep it up @disqus_xivefRq5OS:disqus

  • nikhil

    hello i am upset i dont know why
    but its not letting me to concentrate on my studys or any other ativity which i try to do can u help me plz.
    i dont what actually is happing with me ?
    & plz email me ur ans my email.id is nikhilshendkar@gmail.com thanls waitimg fr ur reply

  • Live Grow Enjoy

    This is such a wonderful and wise post! I think a lot of people will find this wery helpful. Thanks for sharing with us all!

  • Melanie Lapensee

    This is such a well-written article. I completely agree with points 4 and 7 – asking someone else for something, even as small as a hug, can be so impactful. Visualization can also really help lift your spirits – I know I visit my “happy place” when needed. Depression can be such a serious issue that negatively impacts one’s life in so many ways. As a holistic therapist, I know how important it is to keep positivity in one’s life.

  • Jason Holborn

    This was a very affirming, comforting, feel-good read, Lori. You make me glad I came to Tiny Buddha first thing this morning. Thanks for this compiled wisdom!

  • Jess

    Wonderful article 🙂 I would like to add a few thoughts as well –

    I would like to add about the importance of self-talk with navigating a stressful or negative situation or even positive ones..Talk to yourself like you would talk to a dearest friend. Be gentle and firm, not a mean condemning type. Often we are very hard on ourselves and develop such unrealistic goals, standards and hopelessness that it becomes harder to follow through consistently.

    Certain motivational sources, like great songs, TED talks are also good way to get perspective and a “kick”.

    It is important to educate yourself about how the mind works- it is affected by the body’s state. The mind, in turn also affects the body. Most most people miss out this connection while thinking of healthier life-styles with a series of quick-fixes.

    One must realize the balance between self-consciousness and interest in others. Sometimes, no matter how bad our problems are, we need to understand that the whole world isnt just about us. It could have been even worse. Who knows?

  • Lori

    Thankyou for this. This is just what I needed to read today xxx

  • Lori

    And I can’t believe how many loris are on this site 🙂 thanks again though, about to go to sleep and I’m going to try out the floating leaves thing x

  • Stronger

    I agree with Ben. You can’t give everyone the same 10 rules, we are all too different. And likewise you can’t tell everyone forgiveness is a must. There is no one size fits all.

  • Lori

    Hi Jess. Thank you for your insightful comments!

  • Lori

    Hi Stronger. There are no rules given here, only tools that can be used if someone wants to use them and thinks they would be helpful. There are many other tools as well. We all are free to forgive or not forgive or forgive when the time feels right for us.

  • Lori

    You are welcome Lori and thank you for leaving a comment. It’s encouraging to me that you found a tool to try while you are drifting off to sleep.

  • Lori

    Hi, I just became aware of the message you left for me. Thank you for your very kind words!

  • Lori

    Hi Live Grow Enjoy. I just saw that you left a comment and thank you for taking the time to post. Your words lifted my heart and brought a smile to my face.

  • Lori

    Hi NIkhil. I am sorry that I did not reply sooner. I just became aware of your post. My heart really goes out to you. There are so many things that you can do to try to help yourself feel better, but I would start with getting quiet and asking that the best option be revealed to you. Only you know what would help you most right now. When I feel the way that you do, I keep looking for the answer that is right for me and know that it will come and that I can get through what I am experiencing. Please know that you are surrounded by love and that there is an answer. The answer may be in an article that you read on this site or in a book that you feel guided to read or on a youtube video you decide to watch or it may come from a therapist or friend and sometimes medication can help. Giving my self love helps me more than anything. Encourage yourself, approve of yourself, praise yourself, and be patient with yourself. Much love, Lori

  • A

    your words are beautiful and true! so glad to hear your voice

  • Lori

    Hi A, Thank you for taking the time to say something so nice to me!

  • HHPDA

    Thanks for this, came at a time I’ve really needed it.

  • Lori

    You are very welcome. I am glad it was helpful!

  • Lori

    Hi Lori, I just noticed that I did not respond to your post 2 months ago. I want to say You’re welcome and thank you for the love and leaving a comment for me.

  • milk

    Why am i such a loser? I keep trying my best but all i get is criticism. Even from my own family i appear to be such a failure. Im so tired. Im so depressed. I just cant see anything good about me anymore

  • Lori

    Hi Milk, I am sorry that you are feeling so down and so unloved. I feel your pain and I send you love and compassion. You are lovable. I see the truth about you. Your heart is good. I have been reading “The Presence Process” by Michael Brown. I highly recommend it. This author has shown me the value of feeling my emotions and not suppressing them. He has taught me a lot about loving myself. What you feel is valid. You need the love that you want and you can learn to give it to yourself and it will feel very wonderful and it will get reflected back to you in time. I wish you well. Lori

  • banny

    hi Lory, I have some problems, of course those are small problems but i cannot handle
    am going in depression, so i choose to you, please replay to my mail so that i tell u my problem

  • Self-love is immensely important for healing depression. In the Mindfulness therapy sessions that I teach, we develop this concept in great detail. Basically, you have to direct that love toward the very emotions and painful thoughts themselves. You have to learn to meditate on your suffering (dukkha) directly. This facilitates change, healing and transformation as the Buddha taught; just as avoidance and aversion will increase depression and suffering. Visit my profile to learn more about Online Mindfulness Therapy.

  • dora

    please tell me if i wrong i love a married man i do everything for him but he cheated me he use me for sex only and now went away from me he is so happy with his wife and i am in depression

  • dora

    i want to forget him completely i never wanna see his face i know i am a very bad girl who loves a married man i am so shameful what i did but what to do now i want to feel new want to feel great but i can not why ,why i am in depression still he is happy i am so alone and feel guilty for what i did . Please help me i want to make my career a great life partner who loves me i know it was my fault that i love him when i know he is married but in begining he don’t wanna loose me for his need why he does this and now he left me feel alone with tears.God please help me i want to die please God let me died .

  • María Del Mar

    I am so happy for having found this post about depression. I love when you talk about being productive because that’s exactly how I feel and sometimes I just don’t feel like doing anything but at the same time if I have the courage to do it then I feel such a relief that I can’t even express in words. I think every human has gone trough this at some point of their lives and they feel alone no matter how many friends they have or even when you don’t have really big problems. We just can’t understand what’s happening, who we are or what we actually want. But I realize that we have to be positive and spread it, just enjoy the little things and hang out with friends to have a great moment and talk about life.

  • Lori

    Hi Maria, Thank you for taking the time to respond to my article. I am learning to not resist how I feel when I don’t want to do things and at other times when I have upsetting emotions. I find that once I stop resisting how I feel and just observe it, then I become less identified with it and it can pass through. Then I am more free to enjoy what I do.

  • Using visualization is well worth practicing and developing. It is much easier to manage depression and other painful emotions when you can see them. Also, when you have a good image you can experiment on moving the image and changing it’s size, color, etc. Interacting with emotional imagery is a very powerful technique that I have found invaluable in working with clients with anxiety and depression.
    The Boulder Center for Online Mindfulness Therapy

  • Lori

    Hi Dora, I see that I did not respond to your message when you posted it and for that I am sorry. Somehow it got overlooked. I don’t know if you will get this message but I hope you do. I hope you have been able to move through the experience you were having with the married man but if you have not found yourself happily at the other end of it, there is no shame in that. You have nothing to be ashamed of. You want to be loved and have your needs met and that is a good thing. You deserve to be happy and be in a relationship with someone that loves you who you love. The situation you found yourself in or may still be in with this man is something that many women go through so you are not alone. I have felt used before and I learned that I what I want to do is value myself enough to walk away from unhealthy relationships. There are always going to be people who will use us but it is up to us to not allow it and walk away and open ourselves up to relationships that feel good for us.

  • Lori

    Hi Peter, It is so interesting that you would mention that. I just read about that technique yesterday but I kind of passed over it. Maybe the universe is telling me to re-consider. Where can I read more about it? I do not recall where I found the article. At this point in my journey, I am focusing more on observing my emotions. However, I am feeling a little unsure about how to feel them without getting bogged down by them and then stuck in them. Maybe this technique would help. Thank you for stopping to comment on my article.

  • Wishing

    Our family is not perfect and will never be a perfect one. My father is working as an OFW, my mother also works in Bacoor. Both of them work because of financial needs . I do have a brother, specifically an older brother. I used to have a nonsense conversation with him that always ends up, us quarreling. Tonight, it was just sudden he got angry for a reason that I don’t know. He even talked harshly to mom. I think he is a bipolar. Are you familiar in the word “bida- bida” or just lack of attention?? That’s how he describes me. According to him it’s hard to make friends with me and my mom, but he didn’t know that I and mom do have more friend than him. That “tropa” of him, he just met those people while competing basketball. Unlike me I have true friends, they love me for who I am and as a return I will be also one of their closest friends on Earth. They didn’t criticize me like what my brother does to me. They respect me. I hope someday there will be no problems between our family because I am learning and eventually applying ” smile deppression”.

  • Lori

    Hi Wishing, I am sorry for the problems you have with your brother. So many of us have experienced pain within our family relationships. Our family members can be our greatest teachers. When we can feel love and compassion for them no matter what they say or do, then we know what love really is. It is then that we experience the joy of loving. It is easy to love people who are not triggering us to be upset but can we love others when they are being unkind or judgmental?That is very challenging. Also we need to have boundaries about how we allow others to treat us. It can be a balancing act. Sometimes we have to love others from a distance and interact with them on a limited basis. I have learned to allow all the feelings I have to come to the surface so that they can pass through. So when I feel angry or low self esteem because of interactions with others, I just allow the emotion to be there and I observe it. I don’t try to get rid of the emotion. Just sitting with it and accepting it helps it to dissolve and then I feel better. Wishing you love, joy, and peace in your heart. Lori

  • kya Lavender-Williams

    Hey guys and gals i am so sorry for all of you that are dealing with depression but your not alone because i know how it feels. I for one have not gone through a second of not being bullied at primary school. But it all stopped at my current high school and i still have those terrible memories but i have helped it by talking to people and following these steps. Thank You Lori!!!!!!!!

  • Lori

    You’re very welcome Kya. Thank you very much for sharing.