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10 Ways to Have Peaceful, Loving Relationships

Love

“Love and compassion are necessities, not luxuries. Without them, humanity cannot survive.” ~Dalai Lama

Though Valentine’s Day is coming up next month, this is not a post about romance. It’s about any relationship—with your brother, your mother, your coworker, or your friend.

And I admit I am not an expert.

I’ve made a million and one mistakes in relationships. I’ve expected too much. Or not asked for what I needed in fear of rocking the boat. I’ve been competitive. I’ve been suspicious. I’ve been dependent. I’d like to think what redeems me from all these mistakes is that I’ve also been honest.

Being self aware, in my opinion, is far more valuable than being perfect—mostly because the former is attainable and helpful, while the latter is neither.

Relationships are not easy. They mirror everything we feel about ourselves. When you’ve had a bad day, the people around you seem difficult. When you’re not happy with yourself, your relationships seem to be lacking.

If you’ve ever gotten in a fight only to find yourself wondering what you were really upset about, this post may help you. If you’ve ever been disappointed because someone didn’t meet your expectations, this post may help you, too. Feel walked on and unheard? You guessed it—there’s likely something in here that will help you change that.

We don’t live in a vacuum. We have thoughts and feelings that can be confusing. Other people do too. And just like in the movie Crash, they don’t always collide smoothly.

When I apply these ideas, I feel confident, strong, compassionate, and peaceful in my interactions. I hope they can do the same for you.

1. Do what you need to do for you.

Everyone has personal needs, whether it’s going to the gym after work or taking some alone time on Saturday morning. If someone asks you to do something and your instinct is to honor you own need, do that. I’m not saying you can’t make sacrifices sometimes, but it’s important to make a habit of taking care of yourself

Someone once told me people are like glasses of water. If we don’t do what we have to do to keep our glass full, we’ll need to take it from someone else—which leaves them half full. Fill your own glass so you can feel whole and complete in your relationships.

2. Give people the benefit of the doubt.

It’s tempting to doubt people—to assume your boyfriend meant to hurt you by not inviting you out with his friends, or your friend meant to make you feel inadequate by flaunting her money. People who care about you want you to feel happy, even if sometimes they get too wrapped up in their own problems to show it well.

Sometimes they may be hurtful and mean it—let’s not pretend we’re all angels. But that won’t be the norm. It will likely be when they’re hurting and don’t know what to do with it. Odds are they’ll feel bad and apologize later. If you want to get good will, share it by seeing the best in the people you love. When we assume the best, we often inspire it.

3. Look at yourself for the problem first.

When you feel unhappy with yourself, it’s easy to find something wrong in a relationship. If you blame another person for what you’re feeling, the solution is on them. But this is actually faulty logic. For starters, it gives them all the control. And secondly, it usually doesn’t solve the problem, since you didn’t actually address the root cause.

Next time you feel the need to blame someone for your feelings—something they did or should have done—ask yourself if there’s something else going on. You may find there’s something underlying: something you did or should have done for you. Take responsibility for the problem and you have power to create a solution.

4. Be mindful of projecting.

In psychology, projecting refers to denying your own traits and then ascribing them to the outside world or other people. For example, if you’re not a loyal and trusting friend, you may assume your friends are all out to get you. It’s a defense mechanism that allows you to avoid the discomfort of acknowledging your weaknesses. There’s no faster way to put a rift in your relationships.

This comes back to down to self awareness, and it’s hard work. Acknowledging your flaws isn’t fun, but if you don’t, you’ll continue seeing them in everyone around you. And you’ll continue to hurt. Next time you see something negative in someone else, ask yourself if it’s true for you. It might not be, but if it is, identifying it can help create peace in that relationship.

5. Choose your battles.

Everyone knows someone who makes everything a fight. If you question them about something, you can expect an argument. If you comment on something they did, you’ll probably get yelled at. Even a compliment could create a confrontation. Some people just like to fight—maybe to channel negativity they’re carrying around about the world or themselves.

On the one hand, you have to tell people when there’s something bothering you. That’s the only way to address problems. On the other hand, you don’t have to let everything bother you. When I’m not sure if I need to bring something up, I ask myself these few questions:

  • Does this happen often and leave me feeling bad?
  • Does this really matter in the grand scheme of things?
  • Can I empathize with their feelings instead of dwelling on my insecurity?

6. Confront compassionately and clearly.

When you attack someone, their natural instinct is to get defensive, which gets you nowhere. You end up having a loud conversation where two people do their best to prove they’re right and the other one is wrong. It’s rarely that black and white. It’s more likely you both have points, but you’re both too stubborn to meet in the middle.

If you approach someone with compassion, you will open their hearts and minds. Show them you understand where they’re coming from, and they’ll be willing to see your side. That gives you a chance to express yourself and your expectations clearly. And when you let people know what you need at the right time in the right way, they’re more likely to give that to you.

7. Don’t be afraid to be vulnerable.

There are all kinds of ways you can feel vulnerable in relationships: When you express your feelings for someone else. When you’re honest about yourself or your past. When you admit you made a mistake. We don’t always do these things because we want to maintain a sense of power.

Power allows us a superficial sense of control, whereas true, vulnerable being allows us a sense of authenticity. That’s love: being your true self and allowing someone else to do the same without letting fear and judgment tear it down. It’s like Jimi Hendrix said, “When the power of love overcomes the love of power the world will know peace.”

8. Think before acting on emotion.

This one is the hardest for me. As soon as I feel hurt, frustrated, or angry, I want to do something with it—which is always a bad idea. I’ve realized my initial emotional reaction does not always reflect how I really feel about something. Initially, I might feel scared or angry, but once I calm down and think things through, I often realize I overreacted.

When you feel a strong emotion, try to sit it for a while. Don’t use it or run from it—just feel it. When you learn to observe your feelings before acting on them, you minimize the negativity you create in two ways: you process, analyze, and deal with feelings before putting them on someone else; and you communicate in a way that inspires them to stay open instead of shutting down.

9. Maintain boundaries.

When people get close, boundaries can get fuzzy. In a relationship without boundaries, you let the other person manipulate you into doing things you don’t want to do. You act out of guilt instead of honoring your needs. You let someone offend you without telling them how you feel about it. The best way to ensure people treat you how you want to be treated is to teach them.

That means you have to love and respect yourself enough to do that: to acknowledge what you need, and speak up. The only way to truly have loving, peaceful relationships is to start with a loving, peaceful relationship with yourself.

10. Enjoy their company more than their approval.

When you desperately need someone’s approval, your relationship becomes all about what they do for you—how often they stroke your ego, how well they bring you up when you feel down, how well they mitigate your negative feelings. This is draining for another person, and it creates an unbalanced relationship.

If you notice yourself dwelling on pleasing someone else or getting their approval, realize you’re creating that need. (Unless you’re in an abusive relationship, in which case I highly recommend getting help.) Instead of focusing on what you can get from that person, focus on enjoying yourselves together. Oftentimes the best thing you can do for yourself and someone else is let go and give yourself permission to smile.

What do you do to create peaceful, loving relationships?

Photo by Mr. Theklan. This post was originally published in 2010.

Avatar of Lori Deschene

About Lori Deschene

Lori Deschene is the founder of Tiny Buddha. She is the author of the Tiny Wisdom eBook series (which includes one free eBook) and Tiny Buddha's Guide to Loving Yourself. She's also the co-founder of the eCourse Recreate Your Life Story: Change the Script and Be the HeroFollow @tinybuddha for inspiring posts and wisdom quotes.

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  • http://twitter.com/verahoffman Vera

    Hmm. I'm not sure I'd use the word “boundaries” in point 9, since to me that implies shutting others out rather than opening up. My preferred reading of that point is “maintain self-respect”. This might have to do with limits or values, but it really comes down to respecting oneself.

    What do you think?

  • lashbatdreams

    this is so perfect for me! changed my perspective. thank you so much :)

  • hoparillo

    I've been learning a lot about boundaries lately primarily because I don't set them and then wind up wondering why people treat me the way they do. I respect myself but without making those boundaries, I can't expect others to respect me.

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  • http://twitter.com/shirtmat naveenchilakapati

    i like to maintain boundaries.

  • http://www.BuildBetterRelationships.com/ Jenny Sassoon

    I really enjoyed reading this post and will be sharing it on my facebook fan page. I especially appreciate the points you made about giving others the benefit of the doubt and bettering relationships from the inside out (beginning with yourself.)

    Thank you.

  • happyguy

    Beautifully written. Now I will forward it to my girlfriend :) We fight for no reason then suddenly at the end of the day there is burst of emotions and love. I suspect we've been neglecting some of the stuff mentioned in here. Thanks!

  • http://twitter.com/BeMeaningful Lori Deschene

    I personally believe boundaries are crucial to healthy relationships, not to shut people out, but rather to maintain a sense of individual self within that relationship. I've seen many people lose themselves in friendships and romantic relationships; forgetting to ask for what they need because they want to please the other people.

    So it's not so much a matter of shutting yourself off from people. It's about being able to both honor your needs and vocalize them.

    Thank you for offering your thoughts!

  • http://twitter.com/BeMeaningful Lori Deschene

    Excellent point. I can relate. I've been working on boundaries for a long time, and I suspect it will always take some effort.

  • http://twitter.com/BeMeaningful Lori Deschene

    You're most welcome!

  • http://twitter.com/BeMeaningful Lori Deschene

    I'm glad you enjoyed it. Thank you for sharing your thoughts!

  • http://twitter.com/BeMeaningful Lori Deschene

    You're welcome. I'm glad you find this post helpful!

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  • http://www.syafiqueshuib.com/ Syaf

    Wow, there is nothing more to add! U've said everything, really! Every point was on target! :)

  • Geo

    regarding #6, did Buddha ever confront? I would not think so…

  • http://twitter.com/BeMeaningful Lori Deschene

    I understand your concern that confronting people may not be Buddha-like; however, I still think it's necessary in healthy relationships. Confronting doesn't have to imply a hostile confrontation; I was more referring to addressing your thoughts and concerns with people. Keeping the lines of communication open and expressing yourself, instead of holding it in, which can create worse problems down the line.

    Does that make sense?

  • http://twitter.com/ANOTHERBOY ANOTHERBOY

    Awesome! its very helpful to me,thanks a lot!

  • http://twitter.com/ANOTHERBOY ANOTHERBOY

    Awesome! its very helpful to me,thanks a lot!

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  • Mitzi

    This is a terrific article and couldn't be more timely! Thank you SO much!

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  • http://twitter.com/tracyberna Tracy Berna

    Dear GOD I needed to hear this today. All of it. Thank you so much.

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  • http://lettersandquestions.blogspot.com Shradha

    Perfect day for a perfect summary – couldn't have said it better or summarized my own feelings today better..

  • http://twitter.com/paulormb Paulo Bittencourt

    The really hard part is remembering to apply all this in everyday life. Especially numbers 3 and 8 – you only notice you've neglected them after it's happened.

  • http://twitter.com/amyraelle amy hughes

    Great reminders! Something we all need to hear from time to time. I'm bookmarking this post.

  • http://www.ritamariagallery.com Rita Maria Gallery

    This article couldn't have come into my hands at a better time. #4 described a painting I was just finishing perfectly. The name of my painting is “what is about me that you don't like about yourself?” I couldn't have explained it any better. Please read by blog where I posted about it.
    http://www.ritamariagallery.com/Rita_Maria_Gall

  • Lauren

    FANTASTIC article! I am posting it on my Facebook wall, and re-reading a few more times. You skillfully addressed the most important relationship obstacles in a very succinct, practical, and easy to read way. Bravo, Lori!

  • http://twitter.com/lori_deschene Lori Deschene

    I visited your blog…very cool! I love your painting, and I'm honored you included some of my words in your post =)

  • http://twitter.com/lori_deschene Lori Deschene

    I'm so glad you found it helpful. Happy Thursday!

  • http://kingkabuz.wordpress.com kingkabuz

    Love this article. Really great ideas on how to keep on that positive track. Thanks! :)

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  • Marija

    wow, thank you a million times ♥

  • Lauren

    Dear Lori, Thank you so much for writing this article….there are so many like it floating around the web, and even so many of these thought processes I've explored perpetually myself and yet?…none that really speak with the pin point impeccability and integrity you've managed to express here. Such a gift. Thank you, thank you, thank you! and please keep writing…

  • Lauren

    Also I did think of another way to create peaceful loving relationships…reminding yourself that this interaction is “bigger than you” bigger than any one person or relationship but really is about the larger picture of how we contribute to the energy in the world and what we want our world of interactions to look like as we are all connected. Just that one thought “this is bigger than me or this relationship” can sometimes unlock your own inhibitions tied up in your own personal agenda and give way for a greater sense of purpose, unattached to the reaction of the person, to flow through you

  • http://twitter.com/lori_deschene Lori Deschene

    You're most welcome–and thank you for the kind words =)

  • Venronduaa

    I really liked this post, it was like looking at a reflection of myself. I think in the same ways and it's was hopeful to see I'm not the only one (these “values”, as I call them, are extremely important to me in a relationship).

    Also, this is going in my quote book.

    “Being self aware, in my opinion, is far more valuable than being perfect–mostly because the former is attainable and helpful, while the latter is neither”

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  • Rose

    love your blog ! get the emails everyday and really enjoy the insight

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  • http://www.stressreliefpack.com Stress Relief

    Great point noted.
    very much help full to keep the relation ship in a good & loving way.
    thanks for the post.

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  • Anonymous

    Great for the great article and the many new insights you have given me. I certainly will think about ”do what you need to do for you” idea. I often try please everyone, but it makes me often angry eventually. Also creating boundaries is a great one. When you all too close with someone for too long your relationships get worse. I’m a diy solar panels for home use enthusiast myself.

  • http://twitter.com/lori_deschene Lori Deschene

    I never saw this comment before, so my apologies for the insanely late reply–but thank you! I’m so glad you enjoy Tiny Buddha!

  • Ashton Jor.

    My boyfriend and i are having so many problems! We fight over everything and were both the type that is stubborn and have to get the last word…He’s the type that he dosen’t know how to express his feelings and when he’s mad about something he takes it out on me…Don’t get me wrong he’s NEVER hit me or anything, but he shuts himself off from me and the rest of the world. When he’s mad, yes he’ll cuss at me if i ask him more than once what’s wrong but anyways, this post really helped me understand and look at things in a different way than i use to. Thanks. – Ashton Jordan

  • http://twitter.com/lori_deschene Lori Deschene

    I’m sorry to hear you and your boyfriend are having problems. I hope this posts helps you both communicate better! I think good communication is the cornerstone of all healthy relationships. It’s not easy, but so worth it.

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  • Lmeiy

    Lori, I really really love this post. It’s like this huge awakening for me. I’ve always felt very defensive when people say certain things to me & I felt like people were often out to get me & i hated the thought of them disapproving of me. And I’m always wanted to change this part of me because all it makes me feel is insecure, alone & inadequate. I know deep down that comments by others probably mean nothing & they aren’t saying/doing things just to hurt me but I never really knew how to eradicate the feeling. This article really woke me up & I’m really gonna start practicing these tips to improve my relationship with others.

    Thanks a lot :)
    PS: Since I discovered TinyBuddha.com earlier this way, it has been my favourite website ever since. I just love reading all the featured posts & it has helped me so much in the way I view things in life. Keep up the good work ! :D

  • http://twitter.com/lori_deschene Lori Deschene

    You’re welcome Lmeiy! As a people pleaser, I have also struggled with this, and it helps to remember that we *all* feel insecure at times. We all want approval. But if we’re open with each other, we can help each other overcome these fears and insecurities. =)

  • Angadhgoud

    very nice ..

  • Sally Eddy

    I enjoyed your advice.  It was honest, simple and brief.  How long have you been a Buddhist, and is your expertise in couseling, writing, and /or other fields?

  • http://twitter.com/lori_deschene Lori Deschene

    Thanks Sally! I don’t actually consider myself a Buddhist. I practice “tiny” Buddhism–meaning I apply small pieces of Buddhist wisdom to my everyday life. I also don’t consider myself an expert on anything. I am a student of life. =)

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  • http://www.facebook.com/trinhhang2303 Trinh Kim Hang

    Thanks, I really like it. It’s very useful

  • http://twitter.com/lori_deschene Lori Deschene

    You’re most welcome!

  • Gilpinc

  • http://goldirainvesting.com/ Frank Latimore

    Thank you for this uplifting post.

  • http://goldirainvesting.com/ Frank Latimore

    Really uplifting, keep it up.

  • http://twitter.com/lori_deschene Lori Deschene

    You’re welcome Frank. =)

  • MR

    Lori, this is your first post that I have read and I find it very relevant and useful. But, what do u think is the role played by ‘ego’ in relationships. How much is needed and how much is to much? How and where do we draw the line? What are your thoughts?Is there any post of yours touching this topic?

  • http://twitter.com/lori_deschene Lori Deschene

    Thanks so much MR. I’m glad you found it helpful! Can you clarify your question for me? I’m not entirely sure what you’re asking…

  • Krislynciaracruz

    OMG im in the middle of doubt and confusion at this moment,,and these thoughts help me a lot,rthank you so much for putting this up.

  • Krislynciaracruz

    well this article made me think that the main prob is within myself,, and my boyfriend is just doing his best effort for our relationship.

  • http://twitter.com/lori_deschene Lori Deschene

    You’re most welcome!

  • Underclassophist

    I especially like the 10th item. It hits a soft spot. I guess I have Codependency issues as well, and it realli is hard for me to have a life outside the relationship. Smetimes it feels like every little thing that my boyfriend does affects me and my mood. Which it actually shouldn’t.

    “When you desperately need someone’s approval, your relationship becomes all about what they do for you: how often they stroke your ego, how well they bring you up when you feel down, how well they mitigate your negative feelings”

    This paragraph clearly explains how I am in relationships. And it sucks. Maybe I do need time to figure things out on my own…

  • Estella

    I’ve been crying for the past 3 days wondering what is wrong with me after my boyfriend told me my flaws and wanted me to change. I couldn’t comprehend why and started formulating negativity and picking his flaws instead. I’m taking time to digest your tips here and I really do hope I can find some inner peace in me. I think it’s time for me to lead my life the way which makes me happy. Thank you Lori, for bringing my tears to a halt. I really appreciate it.

  • http://twitter.com/lori_deschene Lori Deschene

    You’re most welcome Estella. I’m so sorry you had to go through that with your boyfriend. We all have flaws..we’re only human. I’m sending good thoughts your way!

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=874095074 facebook-874095074

    So many lessons to learn. Seems when we sleep through the profound ones we just get to repeat them until we ‘get’ the lesson. The most difficult part of each one is trying not to shoot the teacher in mid course. Thanks for sharing your ‘tiny’ wisdom with a little student of this big life. :)

  • http://twitter.com/lori_deschene Lori Deschene

    I’ve experienced that too, about finding myself in similar situations until I get the lesson. You’re most welcome. =)

  • swiss

    my boyfriend of seven years are having the same issues over and over. insane right? i have a big fear of abandonment issues that stem from my child hood. He is fully aware of this problem and also aware that my reaction that i feel is very fear driven is rage.recently we went on a trip, just the two of us. it was great. Because of life and some circumstances things can be pretty tough around the home. Upon returning home he told me how much he needed me ect.. three days after arriving home i go into his office to find a letter stating that he loves me but just decided to take off. He wrote in the letter that he did not know where he was going or when he would be home. Left a little cash and was gone. I tried to call his phone many times and he would not answer or return my calls. Naturally i acted out of rage. He is telling me that i was wrong for behaving that way. I feel he is in denial of his part in the whole mess.. Any ideas?

  • shabnam

    how do you deal with people who are not peace loving beside deserting them…specially when it is difficult to desert them like a family member. I always feel like I struggle the most with this one. no matter how hard i try to set an example, sacrifice or do good, they remain hostile, their expectation just keeps increasing and they take everything for granted and step all over you:(

  • http://twitter.com/lori_deschene Lori Deschene

    Hi there,

    I’m sorry to hear about what you’re dealing with. I actually write a couple other posts that may be helpful to you:

    http://tinybuddha.com/blog/how-to-maintain-a-relationship-with-a-loved-one-who-has-hurt-you/

    http://tinybuddha.com/blog/how-to-deal-with-negative-people-or-difficult-people/

    I hope these help!
    Lori

  • surez Kay

    what would you do when you feel your partner is ignoring you?

  • Erica1511

    I was in tears reading this because I just got out of a 5 year relationship n if I been would have read this we will still be together. This is a powerful post

  • http://twitter.com/lori_deschene Lori Deschene

    I’m sorry to hear about your break up Erica. I hope you’re doing okay!

  • http://twitter.com/lori_deschene Lori Deschene

    Have you talked to your partner about it?

  • Alexa Quill

    It was like you read my thoughts. Because I struggle with these issues a lot, it made me realize what my issues are. Sometimes I’m a very dependent friend and expect too much from my friends (I think it is because I’m an only child so I don’t have that bond with siblings like my friends do) but your post really helped my mindset on these issues. Thank you.

  • Phil Bennett

    This post is very close to what is taught in the book “No More Mr. Nice
    Guy.” If you’re a man who seeks happiness from the approval of your
    partner, I suggest you read this book.

  • http://twitter.com/beauxyeux64 Mary B.

    This was so inspiring and thoughtful. I’ve printed it out and will keep it as a reminder. Relationships are hard and it they take work. I have learned to practice #’s 5 and 8 and they do make a difference, but we are all human and works in progress from birth until death. Life is a journey of learning. Thanks Lori!

  • http://twitter.com/bookofwhy Nicholas Montemarano

    Great post—hadn’t seen this one before now. Such great advice. One thing that works well—imago dialogue. Each person gets an opportunity to express feelings, and the other’s only job is to listen, mirror the other’s feelings, then validate them as understandable. It’s remarkably effective.

  • BJ

    Someone once told me people are like glasses of water. If we don’t do what we have to do to keep our glass full, we’ll need to take it from someone else—which leaves them half full. Fill your own glass so you can feel whole and complete in your relationships.

    I use this analogy all the time in our character developement and with my own kids when kids are being unkind (bullying)…but I refer to it as their gas tank…they deal with a low gas tank and are just trying to steal some of yours, but it doesn’t last long in their tank, so they continue to go back to the source.

    Another fantastic article…I thank you.

  • cw

    and what if you speak up and have spoken up a thousand times yet they still don’t give you what you say you need?

  • Di

    Hi Lori,
    Another beautifully written piece. You have touched many lives after reading the comments from your followers. You certainly have a gift.
    Kind regards from Di again.

  • http://twitter.com/lori_deschene Lori Deschene

    Thanks so much, and you’re most welcome. =)

  • http://twitter.com/lori_deschene Lori Deschene

    Is it that they can’t, or won’t? Is it an otherwise fulfilling, healthy relationship, or does this person willingly treat you hurtfully, thoughtlessly, and disrespectfully?

    If the latter rings true, you may want to check out this other post I wrote a while back:

    http://tinybuddha.com/blog/relationships-that-hurt-when-enough-is-enough/

  • http://twitter.com/lori_deschene Lori Deschene

    You’re most welcome. I can understand how that would create a challenge, having grown up as an only child. I’m glad this was helpful to you!

  • http://twitter.com/lori_deschene Lori Deschene

    I’ve never heard of that book, but I will check it out! Thanks for the recommendation. =)

  • http://twitter.com/lori_deschene Lori Deschene

    Absolutely Mary! It helps me to remember that, as well–that we’re all doing the best we can, learning and growing day by day. You’re most welcome. =)

  • http://twitter.com/lori_deschene Lori Deschene

    Thanks Nicholas. I’ve actually never heard that phrase before–imago dialogue. But I am familiar with active listening, and I’ve found it very helpful in making both people feel heard, understood, and respected.

  • http://twitter.com/lori_deschene Lori Deschene

    Thanks so much BJ. I bet that’s helpful for your kids, to think of things in that way!

  • Liz Roberts

    Great post Lori! Warm wishes for a fabulous 2013!! Liz

  • lv2terp

    Lori, this was an amazing post to read…sums up all my not so bueno traits all in one well written post! Amazing! Thank you for this. I have been working on all of these, and am grateful for your insight and wisdom/learnings! Those questions on #5 i will definitely write down! :-) I think you are my long lost twin! Ha…Your stories are mine! :-) Thank you, I am truly SO GRATEFUL to you…every day!!! :-)

  • http://twitter.com/lori_deschene Lori Deschene

    Thanks so much Liz. Happy New Year. =)

  • http://twitter.com/lori_deschene Lori Deschene

    Thanks so much! The questions in number 5 have really helped me. I hope they help you too! =)

  • Nicole

    Lori, i love every blog that is written on tinybuddha. It brings me up whenever I tend to venture off to negative thoughts through every day life and situations. I hope someday I can help others, and figure out what my passions are to do so. Thank you!

  • http://twitter.com/lori_deschene Lori Deschene

    You’re most welcome Nicole! I’m so glad the site has been helpful to you. =)

  • Deboo Singh

    Well written but its to hard to apply all ways in real life. Try to cover more and more points and make your partner happy.

  • Ani

    Thanks. This was a great article and I will make sure to send it to my friends. As a side note, it amazes me how many articles on the internet that show up when you search on these topics (self-love, loving relationships etc.) which speak as if these ideas are only for women to implement in their lives. A lot of these articles are from a female perspective seemingly to help other females. As a society, I think we tend to believe and propagate the idea that only women want loving relationships, and a man asking for such things is either weak or weird. It’s also entirely possible that these is my own thought bias. Again, thanks for the article.

  • Beka Rapatsa

    went throw your painting I like it,more special the 10th one.

  • odilly

    Thanks for you time Dr. Jefferson, I so happy and know longer sad about my husband,we are back together as one family and he did not go for the divorce again,thanks for your work once again.Longer may you live on this continent,you are must trusted.You email is left on this site so that people that needs your service can contact you.I have equally forgiven him.
    doctorjeffersontemple@gmail.com

    I love you.

    odilly

  • Ben

    thanks!

  • marther Stewart

    i want to say a very big thanks and appreciation to chief priest Great OGUNA for bringing back my husband who left i and the kids for almost three months within the space of five days after following all instruction given to me. i am very much grateful for restoring peace in my marital home’ i pray God almighty give you the strength and wisdom to help more people having similar problem like mine,for help you can CONTACT HIM on this e-mail:ogunaspiritualtemple@gmail.com

  • rose

    Hello i am Rose caparas ,I am out here to spreed this good news to the

    entire world on how i got my ex love back.I was going crazy when my love

    left me for another girl last month,But when i meet a friend that introduce

    me to Dr zoza the great messenger to the oracle that he serve,I

    narrated my problem to Dr zoza about how my ex love left me and also

    how i needed to get a job in a very big company.He only said to me that i

    have come to the right place were i will be getting my heart desire without

    any side effect.He told me what i need to do, After it was been done, In the

    next 2 days,My love called me on the phone and was saying sorry for living

    me before now and also in the next one week after my love called me to be

    pleading for forgiveness,I was called for interview in my desired company

    were i needed to work as the managing director.. I am so happy and

    overwhelmed that i have to tell this to the entire world to contact Dr

    zoza at the following email address and get all your problem solve..No

    problem is too big for him to solve.. Contact him direct on:

    drmanusolutiontemple@gmail.com

  • jlovur64

    Thanks for saving my Relationship by saving who i am! I felt very codependent on my partner. Like the need to feel like she cared for me all the time, constant affirmation that i was good enough for her and that she wouldnt find a reason to leave me. Even though she loves me very much and shows it, and wouldnt rather have anyone else. It came to a point where i got depressed because the thought of her dancing with other guys at clubs made me feel vulnerable even though i know shes just having fun.

    This article has allowed me to reassess who i am, and why ive become like this. I can use this wisdom to become that loving man she fell in love with and i thank the higher power I found this website! It has saved me from myself!

  • http://twitter.com/lori_deschene Lori Deschene

    You are most welcome! I’m so glad this has helped you in this way. =)

  • williams collins

    Dr okorom brought a smile to my face when all hope was lost, when i thought that no body can help me cure my sickness.if i will ever praise someone in this life i will forever praise God and Dr Okorom for the wonderful work they done in my life. i want to use use this medium to prove those that say there is not a cure for hiv i want to say i was tested hiv positive last 2 years ago went i went to free hiv test by govt and i have been trying to get a cure from different doctors and but i still remain positive, but now i wan t to say that i am hiv negative by the medicine of this great herbalist called Dr Okorom when i went for a check up two days ago. please contact Dr OKorom on his email: dr.okoromspellhome@live.com he is the one that can only cure your sickness because he has cured mine. truly there is a solution home to all problems.once more i say a very big thanks to you for saving my life.
    WENDY FROM FRANCE.

  • johnson

    I
    am happy to report that my wife and I are now happily back together. I
    have to say it was effortlessly done! Within 72 hours, My wife is back
    in my life. My wife left me a year ago.with my two kids The longer she’s gone, the
    more I see what a jerk I was. At first, I blamed her for leaving. I told
    her she was ‘wrong’. In fact, I slapped Scripture on her, trying to
    guilt-induce her any way I could. My anger make me only to pushed her farther away.
    I can’t believe the way I acted. My wife gave me chance after chance,
    and I ignored her.

    I contacted Dr Great and within a few minutes of speaking with him, I
    realized that Dr Great was the one person whom I could completely trust.
    I just wanted to thank you for all your help! and I will always be using Dr.Great for further
    work in the future because he really put smile on my family again. We are now blissfully celebrating our Birthdays
    together. Thank you
    so much!!!
    For those who might also want to give him a try. Email him on bestgreatspell@gmail.com. you will never regret ever
    contacting him i wish all that will contact him best of luck

  • sophya.Alexander

    Hi every body.

    Are you sure that this tips really woks in having a good and permanent lovely relationship? I’m not a successful person about having a lovely relationship during whole my life at all and I don’t know what the reason is.Looking forward your guides.

    Thanks.

    MY HOME PAGE:درب اتوماتیک

  • Maria

    Wow…i really found the answers i was looking for…just someone telling me to relax a little bit and stop choking my fiance with my insecurities….i have a lot of issues about being too proud or having a im the queen complex…like expecting someone to basically kiss my feet for forgiveness because otherwise i dont feel loved…:/ i dont know if that makes sense :/ its hard for me :(

  • Golden

    I want to thank DR. STANLEY for what he has done for me in my life, After my lover left me without notice i was so frustrated and confused i never knew what to do until i told my friend, After she told me the great deeds of DR.STANLEY on how people talk good about him on radio stations and internet so she gave me the contact. I email drstanleyspelltemple@hotmail.com and told him how my lover left me for over 3years,He told me just to be happy that i will have him back to my arms that’s its only a matter of time,i was like is this real mean while i had fate in DR STANLEY that he would bring back my lover,amazingly to my surprise after 3days i got a call from my husband who has left me for over 3years begging me for forgiveness,Which i did, And now we are together and he love’s me more than anything on this earth. Please you can contact him for help on this email address; drstanleyspelltemple@hotmail.co m or cell Number +2348038139297…….GOLDEN

  • DaveTheGuru

    So my girlfriend and I havent been spending much time together in the last couole months and it bothers me. I know that I work and we dont live together but Im tired of waiting up to not see her anyway. She doeant work but also doesnt get up at 4 am like me. When she does come over I have to be in bed in 20 minutes but she doesnt seem to want the time together I do. I dont wana be that clingy guy but I feel I deserve the same kinda time she spends with her friends. Does anybody have any advice to offer?

  • Devon James

    Dave my friend if you are looking for companionship and closeness from your girlfriend then you have to be prepead to give the same back , you can’t get out what you have not put in ,your girlfriend is only displaying a disgust and a cry for help when she rather spend more time with her friend rather than with you , because you are not giving her that time so she is not giving it to you either prity soon she will find someone who will and then you will get mad , choose between her and your job , i would surgest that you cut your work time and give her some if you love her.

  • DaveTheGuru

    I didnt realize 20 hours a week is working to much

  • Devon James

    hi cw in that case you keep speaking up till it sink in , because one day it will trust me just keep on loving and careing for your partner and one day you will get result , becaue there is no quick fix in a relationship .

  • Devon James

    well dave if its not your work hours then its time to evaluate your relationship and see if its you are its her that is going off track and if its her then you need to move on but it is you who is not doing something right then you need to change what you are doing wrong and go back to where you first started to re kindle the relationship .

  • Succaram Sha

    My name is Succaram Sha, am from maimi usa. i want to use this opportunity to thank my great doctor who really made my life a pleasurable one today. This great man DR.ukaka brought my husband back to me, i had three lovely kids for my husband, about four years ago i and my husband has been into one qaurrel or the other until he finally left me for one lady. i felt my life was over and my kids thought they would never see their father again. i tried to be stronge just for the kids but i could not control the pains that torments my heart, my heart was filled with sorrows and pains because i was really in love with my husband. Every day and night i think of him and always wish he would come back to me, until one day i met a good friend of mine that was also in a situation like me but her problem was her ex-boyfriend who she had an unwanted pregnancy for and he refused to take responsibility and dumped her. she told me that mine was a small case and that i should not worry about it at all, so i asked her what was the solution to my problems and she gave me this great man email address. i was doubting if this man was the solution, so i contacted this great man and he told me what to do and i deed them all, he told me to wait for just two day and that my husband will come crawlling on his kneels just for forgiveness so i faithfully deed what this great man asked me to do and for sure after two days i heard a knock on the door, in a great suprise i saw him on his kneels and i was speechless, when he saw me, all he did was crying and asking me for forgiveness, from that day, all the pains and sorrows in my heart flew away,since then i and my husband and our lovely kids are happy.thats why i want to say a big thank you to DR.ukakaspiritualtemple. This great man made me to understand that there is no problem on earth that has no solution so please if you know that you have this same problem or any problem that is similar, i will advise you to come straight to this great man. you can email him at:freedomlovespell@hotmail.com

  • NP

    Any tips about #8? I mean, how to achieve that… I am always so impulsive!

  • Joe

    Awesome article” wish my partner would read these, without me telling here to read it”

  • jenny

    I had a reading with Dr. Kpelede on net because I was having problems
    with my marriage. Initially, I was nervous and didn’t know what to
    expect from him. Immediately, Dr. Kpelede told me that the reason I was
    having problems in my marriage is because my husband was cheating with
    another woman. I suspected for months that my husband had been cheating
    but I couldn’t pinpoint for sure. I have decided to allow Dr. Kpelede to
    do some spellwork for me and it turned out to be the result I was
    expecting, my husband is now back to me and he promise he will never
    hurt me again. If you need Dr. Kpelede help just contact him on his
    email via: kpeledesolutiontemple@gmail.com.

  • jenny

    I had a reading with Dr. Kpelede on net because I was having problems
    with my marriage. Initially, I was nervous and didn’t know what to
    expect from him. Immediately, Dr. Kpelede told me that the reason I was
    having problems in my marriage is because my husband was cheating with
    another woman. I suspected for months that my husband had been cheating
    but I couldn’t pinpoint for sure. I have decided to allow Dr. Kpelede to
    do some spellwork for me and it turned out to be the result I was
    expecting, my husband is now back to me and he promise he will never
    hurt me again. If you need Dr. Kpelede help just contact him on his
    email via: kpeledesolutiontemple@gmail.com.

  • Denise

    My Names is Denise
    I want to say a very big thanks and appreciation to Dr Obom for bringing back my husband who left me and kids for almost 2 years, within the space of five days after following all instruction given to me by Dr Obom. i am very much grateful for restoring peace in my marital home i pray to his Oracles to give you the strength and wisdom to help more people having similar problem like mine. for help you can reach him on this email homeofsolutions1@gmail.com or call +2347053319835 and you will be so happy you did

  • Bella Walton

    I AM BELA i want to give thanks and i will always give thanks to DR JOHN who brought back my love that has left me for 6years within 48hours, i have said about this last week but i promised to always tell people about this every week end so that those that did not read about it last week will read about it this week, i have been looking for how to get this boy back to my life because i love this boy with the whole of my heart, i could not replace him with any body,one day i was watching my television when i saw a lady giving thanks to DR JOHN and telling the world how he helped her i was so shocked i could not believe it because i never taught that there are powers that can bring back lost love, then that was how i decided to contact him too because i do really need my love back,when i contacted him i told him everything and he told me not to worry that my love will surely be back to my arms within 48hours at first i could not believe because i was thinking how could somebody that has gone for 6years come back within 48 hours,so then i decided to watch and see,unbelievable within the next 48hours i got a call from unknown number so i decided to pick the call the next thing i could hear was my loves voice he was pleading and begging me on the phone that i should forgive him that i should forget all that have happened that he did not know what came over him,he promised not to leave for any reason, that he was really sorry for what he did,i was so surprised because i never believed that this could happen,so that was how i accepted his apology and the next morning he came to my house and still pleading for me to forgive him i told him that everything is okay that i have forgiven him, that was how we started again and now we are married, i promised to say this testimony in radio station, commenting this testimony is still okay but before this month runs out i promise to say this in radio station and i will,sir thank you very much.World please am begging you people to try and thank this man for me,or if you need his help here is his email address: prophetbaz@gmail.com or you can also reach him through his mobile number, +2348108918276 *

  • Vivie Loxton

    AM from south Africa…i saw this comment on positive blogs and i will love to tell every body how my status changes to negative, and am now a living witness of it and i think its a shame on me if i don’t share this lovely story with other people infected with this deadly virus…,hiv has been ongoing in my family… i lost both parents to hiv,. and it is so much pain ive not been able to get over.. as we all know medically there is no solution to it..and medication is very expensive. So someone introduced me to a native medical practitioner in africa..i had a job there to execute so i took time to check out on him.i showed him all my tests and results.. i was already diagnosed with hiv and it was already taking its towl on me.. i had spent thousands of dollars so i decided to try him out…i was on his dosage for 3 weeks. although i didnt believe in it, i was just trying it out of frustration… and after 2 weeks, i went for new tests… and you wont believe that 5 different doctors confirmed it that am negative..it was like a dream,,i never believe aids has cure..am now negative,,am a living witness..i dont know how to thank this man… i just want to help others in any way i can..have joined many forums and have posted this testimonies and alot of people has mail and called this man on phone and after 2 months they all confirmed negative..bbc news took it live and every.. hope he helps you out.. everybody saw it and its now out in papers and magazines that there’s native cure for hiv and all with the help of this man,,have tried my own parts and all left with you,,if you like take it or not..god knows have tried my best.about 97 people have been confirmed negative through me..and they send mails to thanks me after they have been confirmed negative,,this man is real..don’t miss this chance,,hiv is a deadly virus,,get rid of it now.. DR.ABEGBESPELLHOME@HOTMAIL.COM OR DR.ABEGBESPELLHOME@GMAIL.COM +2348113017989

  • Cbilly Francovich

    its a pleasure for me to write this testimony about this wonderful thing that happened to me last week on how i got my HIV aids cured, i have been reading so-many post of some people who were cured of HIV, but i never believed them, I was hurt and depressed so I was too curious and wanted to try dr.Jerry then i contacted him on his email on Dr.jerryspellhome@gmail.com, when i contact him, he assured me 100% that he will heal me, i pleaded with him to help me out, its a great success that he healed just as he promised, he told me that in three days time that i should go and check on my HIV status, I was floored that when i went to the hospital to check of my status that i was HIV negative, i never thought possible that dr.Jerry can do miracles, i never really believed in magic but I played along with a little hope and and faith and after everything but dr Jerry changed my life and made me a true believer you can contact him on ( Dr.jerryspellhome@gmail.com ) or call +2348156769001 so he can help you out also..

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    I particularly just like the tenth item. It hits a soft spot. i assume I even have Codependency problems likewise, and it realli is tough on behalf of me to possess a life outside the connection. generally it seems like each very little factor that my swain will affects Maine and my mood. that it really should not. click http://www.punkrocket.com/

  • michelle

    What will it take the whole world to know of the great and powerful prophet called AKHIDE, He has helped many people the whole world many people came from different countries to see him for solutions, including me, I based in in UK because of my illness i travelled down from UK to bini republic to see him for cure and it did take him an twinkle of eye to heal me because I was able to provide all the requirements needed for the cure, and I am now happy that I am now +1 this year, and how which I did met this dr testimony on net I would have been in my grave and joined my ancestors today….thanks to dr akhide for his cure and his mercies he show to me… emailed prophet AKHIDE ON PROPHETAKHIDESOLUTIONTEMPLE@GMAIL.COM

  • Leila Stephaine

    This is a great day of meeting dr sakura he is a man full of clear conscience, I am just regretting why that I did meet this man at the first place, he healed my wife and also brought all my sons and daughters back to me email him on DR.SAKURASPELLHOME@OUTLOOK.COM and also on DR.SAKURASOLUTIONALTER@GMAIL.COM, DR.SAKURASPELLHOME@HOTMAIL.COM mobile phone number is +2348125943237 and while my email is nellymolly333@gmail.com

  • Garrison Berry

    My ex and I had been together 5 years and he left me with my 2 year old daughter all alone and moved to a different state permanently partially, because he does off shore drilling. But it hurt a lot. I found out that he got a girlfriend FFAASTTTer than i could say goodbye…and another…and another and that hurt me I was jealous that he could because i was the primary caretaker and more because i claim that my daughter needed her dad so bad, but in reality i wanted him to be there for me also……It hurts but you have to con fort the hurt loinesss sorrow and whatever you are dealing with and put all that energy into raisin your child. I didn’t have the best support group idk how yours was but i knew that i could just sit in the house all day so i gathered myself and I would put my all into my daughter now a little over a year later I have found the man of my dreams…through the help of great Zalilu, who help me in getting all i ever want in a relationship. i can now say goodbye to tear,you can get in touch with he at… greatzalilu@gmail.com