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Get Unstuck: Stop Believing the Negative Stories You Tell Yourself

Break Free

“You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them.” ~Maya Angelou

We’ve all done it, right? Somehow, somewhere, something bad happened to us and since that moment we’ve continued to tell ourselves the story about what might and could go wrong in our future.

For me, the biggest negative pattern I’ve had to release stems from my parents’ divorce. For as long as I can remember, I’ve been a positive person. When I was a kid I was happy-go-lucky, nothing much bothered me, and life was pretty awesome.

Also, being an only child I was always close with my parents. The thought that they wouldn’t be together was something that never entered my mind.

Then they split up when I was 18 and things began to change. I made different choices and I also began to believe that all romantic relationships were doomed.

A few years later, just after I had split up with my long-term partner, I was in LA spending a lovely afternoon watching US daytime TV. Nothing much was on, but every channel I flicked to seemed to mention the word “marriage” or “divorce.”

I also happened to be reading Wayne Dyer’s Your Sacred Self at the time, and suddenly it all made sense:

I had been telling myself stories like “Marriages never last forever” and “All relationships are doomed,” and in essence I was creating my reality.

I finally realized that my beliefs about relationships had been causing me to attract those exact experiences.

I was giving these negative stories power and acting on them. I was skeptical that I would be able to have a successful and happy relationship, which caused me to see everything that could go wrong. I ultimately initiated our break-up because I believed that it was inevitable.

The very experiences we fear keep repeating themselves if we continue to focus on them and give them power. We’ve got to become aware and first change ourselves if we want our reality to change.

Now that I’m a few years on from that, I have replaced my negative relationship beliefs with new, positive thought patterns.

Now, I believe my current relationship is a lifetime partnership and as a result, I act in a way that manifests that type of relationship without worry and doubt. I take responsibility for my part of the relationship, and because I have positive thinking patterns I bring my best self to the table. This allows me and my partner to have confidence and faith as we plan our lives together.

Our experiences reflect our beliefs, so it benefits us to make them positive.

Here are a few questions to help you get to the root of your negative beliefs so you can make changes in your life:

1. What are the negative stories you’ve been telling yourself?

Is there an area in your life where you seem to struggle? Which experiences trigger negative thoughts?

It’s time to narrow in on the beliefs that are keeping you from living the life that you want.

2. Where do those negative beliefs come from?

What happened in your past? Did someone in a position of authority make a negative comment about you that you’ve held on to?

Just know that you can’t change what has happened or what someone said to you or about you. But you do have the power to decide not to allow those experiences to control your life in this moment.

3. Why are you holding on to those negative beliefs?

Which needs are you fulfilling by holding on to these beliefs? For example, are you getting attention by playing the victim?

By not letting go of negative beliefs, we keep ourselves trapped in a vicious cycle, repeating the same pattern over and over again. Life will continue to give us lessons until we learn, grow, and move past it.

We need to make a change within ourselves to move forward and break through to a new reality.

4. What does your future look like if you let go of these beliefs?

Close your eyes and imagine your future if you didn’t have these thoughts. Notice all the amazing things that you close yourself off from just by holding on to your negative beliefs.

What can you do in this moment to move toward that future?

Holding on to past experiences and old beliefs gives you an excuse to continue to repeat the same behavior. It justifies negative thought patterns and keeps you in that loop.

It’s time to break the pattern and realize you have the power to shape your reality!

Photo by Hanna Irblinger fotografie

About Rachel Jessica Huxtable

Rachel is an author and spirited mentor to women around the world wanting to live in happiness, love and success. She is also an inspired speaker and actress. Her intention is to help women around the world find their spark and claim their best life! Connect with Rachel at her website, Facebook, Instagram and Twitter.

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  • growthguided

    “By not letting go of negative beliefs, we keep ourselves trapped in a vicious cycle, repeating the same pattern over and over again.” Really sums up a lot of peoples struggles in life. To think that a small correction in perception can create such a varied life is incredible!

    Thank you for the great post!

  • Anders Hasselstrøm

    Hello Rachel,

    Thanks for the post. I agree with you that we should stop the negative attitude before it takes over completely. I always say that having a negative attitude is like driving your car with a flat tyre. You won’t get far before you change it. Give what it takes to start looking at the bright side. If you find that hard sometimes I would encourage you to read this: http://andershasselstrom.com/personal-development/

    Best,
    Anders Hasselstrøm
    Motivational Speaker

  • Manoj Sethi

    Thanks Rachel for boosting the confidence. I have just started my blog.
    http://www.theinternallight.com

  • mrsGambit

    I agree with the article, but I do have to say that sometimes it’s not just a decision of not letting people influence you.
    I have grown up in an environment, where I, since I was young, constantly got the message: you are not good (enough), you are not important, etc. It’s not merely a question of not letting it influence me, it’s part of my foundation.
    Although I do not dwell or think about it very often, I do realise in a lot of situations how it has made me who I am.

    It’s in my roots and my automatic thoughts. I’m 35 now and I’ve been working for a few years now to overcome these things I believe about myself, but it is not easy.

    I have overcome it in a few situations, and the freedom that I felt was overwhelming. It was like a whole new world.

  • Mario Hilgenfeld

    ” it’s part of my foundation”, and “but it is not easy”. Two good examples of limiting believes. As long as you believe this it will be difficult, because that’s what you expect it to be. Your thoughts create your reality.

  • TK

    The problem there is that “just changing your mind” is quite literally not that easy. There’s a reason it’s not easy to override emotion with rational thought (if it were, the would would be a completely different place, and articles like this wouldn’t even be necessary!)

    Why do you think that is?

  • Tracey

    I was just recently thinking about the stories that i have been telling myself for years. I having been thinking that I no longer liked those stories and wanted new ones. Thanks you for giving me some questions to ask myself to delve deeper into this.

  • mrsGambit

    That’s easy to say… ‘getting unstuck’ is more than quotes on facebook and bite size quotes, I’m afraid.
    As I said, I’m working on it. It’s not just as easy as telling yourself You Are Worth It and you’re magically changed. It takes effort and time.

  • Rachel Jessica Tan

    Thanks for reading! Glad you enjoyed it!!

  • Rachel Jessica Tan

    You’re welcome Tracey! It’s so funny that when we stop and objectively look at how we speak to ourselves, it becomes so clear how we create situations in our lives for ourselves! Thanks for reading!

  • Rachel Jessica Tan

    Absolutely! Becoming aware of our thought patterns is the first step to changing. And it’s not always easy, in fact the first step is often the hardest. Just acknowledging that our own thought patterns contribute to our reality is sometimes hard to really take in and accept.

    But once we do, we can then begin to take responsibility for the way we see certain situations. We can only change when we see that we have the power to change! It all lies within…and it’s all a process!

    Well done for investing in your personal growth!!

  • Rachel Jessica Tan

    Well said Mario!

  • Rachel Jessica Tan

    I think we’re all learning to firstly understand the relationship between our thoughts and emotions and actions.

    Rational thought has no power until there is an emotion attached to it. Emotion is what drives us to direct our action in a certain direction.

    Usually it’s from a past experience and we then believe that every similar experience in the future will be exactly the same. If we went through something painful in our childhood and believe it is true for every similar situation, we will focus on finding those exact feelings again.

    First step is to change our perspective, then attribute more positive emotions to the situation and eventually it becomes a belief and then knowing (through actual experience).

    Thanks TK!

  • Rachel Jessica Tan

    You’re welcome! Thanks for reading!!

  • Rachel Jessica Tan

    Thanks for reading Anders! There’s always another way to see things – we just have to also know we have to the power to see things differently!

  • Anders Hasselstrøm

    True :o)

  • RandyH

    Nice read, Rachel…thanks for sharing! Peace…

  • tg

    hey that is some awesome advice. i feel better already. now this is how advice should come. thanks.

  • king kiro

    why do i have beliefs that every negative thought i think about myself happens? most of the time in social situations, like having an argument with friends or family, or thinking that people does like me it scares me because most time it does happen.how can i stop this?