Letting Go of the Life You Were Told to Want

Want more posts like this in your life? Join the Tiny Buddha list for daily or weekly insights.

“To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.” ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

Ever since I was about four years old, I knew I was different from the other kids. I was always on the outside looking in. As I approach middle age, I’ve never shaken that feeling—the knowing—of being different.

We live in a noisy world where we find whatever we seek. If we’re looking for validation that we don’t belong, that’s exactly what we’ll find.

While flawed, the standard ‘life blueprint’ hasn’t quite sailed off into the sunset. The path to happiness, according to societal norms and expectations, goes something like:

• Getting the degree
• Climbing the corporate ladder
• Finding ‘the one’
• Having children and the ‘dream’ family
• Buying the fancy house, the car or whatever else we desire
• Buckling up for retirement and living ‘happily ever after’

Let’s Stop Selling People the Fairytale

For many, life’s expectations sink so deeply into their bones that they hardly pause to ask: Do I actually want this life? Am I simply following the path I was told to walk?

The reality is that, as someone living through the experience, choosing a life that doesn’t look like everyone else’s can be confronting. I’m single at thirty-eight and have no kids and live alone.

I always say everything has its pros and cons, but when I am alone with no outside noise to sway me, I am genuinely content. I feel this at my core. I’m home.

The Heavy Weight of the Word ‘Should’

I despise the word “should.” It’s a heavy word because it comes wrapped in fear. More pointedly, fear of letting people down, of being rejected, of daring to dream of something that isn’t on the tried and tested path, and ultimately, the fear of getting lost in uncertainty.

I was never a fan of ticking boxes. Even more so when I learned through experience that every box left me feeling emptier.

Recently, I’ve become increasingly interested in the origins of societal ideas. We are the only people walking in our shoes and experiencing this world as we do. Checklists may seem comforting thanks to their supposed certainty, but I speak from experience when I say they are suffocating when they fail to align with who we truly are.

What would happen if you engaged in a self-audit on the “shoulds” in your life? You’d be surprised at how often the word pops up. I know I was.

Being Open to Curiosity

Curiosity is a superpower. If people asked questions more than they assumed, the world would be a softer place.

When I was younger, I remember a family member saying something along the lines of, “Everyone wants to find their person, settle down, and have kids.”

Even as a teenager, I knew that assertion didn’t sit right with me. How can everyone on this planet have the same life path and desires?

Permitting ourselves to ask the uncomfortable questions is a gift in the long term because it helps to prevent us from creating a life where we are playing a character rather than truly living.

• What if I don’t want children?
• What if owning a home isn’t important to me?
• What if [enter whatever your greatest desire is] doesn’t make me feel how I think it will?

Listening to the Wisdom of Our Body

It’s odd to me how we compartmentalize mental, physical, and emotional health and well-being. There’s no mental health without physical health and vice versa. The body knows before the mind latches on.

That sinking heaviness in your chest when you picture a future you don’t truly want. The flutter of lightness when you imagine an alternative that feels more aligned, even if it scares you. This is not your imagination.

Our bodies are constantly speaking to us on a 24/7 basis, willing us to listen. Learning to listen to our body’s signals can be a compass.

If a decision leaves you feeling constricted, drained, or resentful, it may not be congruent with your values. If it leaves you feeling expansive, calm, or quietly excited, it may be pointing you toward your version of freedom.

Of course, this doesn’t mean the path will always be easy (it won’t), but it will be yours. And there is peace in that.

Facing the Fear of Judgment

Let’s be honest: choosing a life that is counterculture often means facing judgement. Lots of people think all kinds of things about me. I let them because correcting them isn’t important to me.

Here’s what I know for sure:

• Family often question our choices
• Friends don’t always understand
• People fear change and the uncommon

Here’s the truth: People are often most unsettled not by our choices, but by the mirror our choices reflect back to them.

When you step outside the script, you remind others that they, too, have the option to choose differently. For some, that’s inspiring. For others, it’s threatening.

Creating Your Own Life, Not Someone Else’s

The beauty of life lies in diversity. Your version of a meaningful life may shift and evolve as you do, and that’s okay. What matters most is you choose it consciously rather than by default.

Choosing a life that doesn’t look like everyone else’s isn’t about rebellion for the sake of it. It’s about alignment.

It’s about living in a way that honors your values, nourishes your well-being, and allows you to show up authentically.

I’m not here to offer fun tips and tricks. I assure you that if you feel you are destined for something greater or more, you’re not alone.

So what will you choose?

If you feel your life doesn’t fit into a standard mold, you aren’t broken. You are simply hearing the call to create something authentic for yourself.

It takes courage to step off the well-worn path. And every time you choose your own version of enough—your own rhythms, joys, and definitions of success—you make space for others to do the same.

The world doesn’t need more cookie-cutter lives; it needs people who are brave enough to live in alignment with their hearts.

See more posts