“Pain makes you stronger. Tears make you braver. Heartbreak makes you wiser. So thank the past for a better future.” ~Unknown
I used to think when someone cheated on me that I was flawed.
You see, I had a core belief that there was something wrong with me. I never felt enough. I’m not even sure I can fully articulate this feeling, but whatever it was, I just didn’t feel enough. Slim enough, pretty enough, clever enough, worthy enough, or just, well, anything enough.
I’ve now come to see that when someone mistreats you it has almost nothing to do with you. Other people’s behavior is about them.
I’ve come to realize that my ex flirting and engaging in a sexual manner with other women had to do with his insecurities, and nothing to do with me not being good enough.
It was his issue, not mine. It was his ego that needed a boost, and he used other women for that because he wasn’t emotionally or intellectually developed enough to boost himself.
I believe we must be responsible enough to look after our own feelings and not make someone else responsible for how we feel. He was still trapped in a cycle of thinking he needed someone to make him feel happy. He needed to use other women to boost his self-esteem.
Previously, I’ve felt that my world was falling apart when a man cheated on me or left me. I felt my value decreased the moment he didn’t want me.
I can now see my value just is, it’s innate. We are all born worthy—worthy of love and good enough. Even if no one in the world can see it, it’s the truth. I am enough exactly as I am. I don’t need to be anything other than who I am. I have nothing to prove to anyone anymore.
I’ve realized that I am more than lovable. When someone doesn’t or can’t treat me the way I want and deserve to be treated, it’s not a reflection of me.
I’ve learned that it’s my job to put my best interests at heart and love myself enough to walk away from anything that doesn’t serve me or build me up.
This time I discovered an inner strength much sooner than I previously have. I walked away when I discovered the lies; previously I would stayed trying to fix myself when I wasn’t the one that was at fault.
I now recognize that I am a complete person all alone. I don’t need someone else to complete me.
I function and enjoy my life on my own. That’s not to say I don’t enjoy being in relationships—I really do, and I think it’s so magical when two happy, complete people come together and share their lives.
However, I’ve discovered that if the other person is looking for someone to complete them or to make their life more exciting than it is, it’s more than likely never going to last.
Relationships are places of spiritual growth, and they can enhance an already happy life. Their purpose is not to make a miserable one better; that’s too much power to hand to any one person.
Love is a place of pure positive energy. If someone has to put you down in order to try to keep you then that’s not love; it’s control. Control is based on a scarcity model of love, and that’s not positive energy; it’s fear-based.
I have never understood it when people said that love isn’t enough. Love is always enough, but love is about loving actions, loving behavior. You can’t claim to love someone yet lie to them; the two things don’t match.
So here are the five things I’ve learned from my past failed relationship.
1. When someone cheats or mistreats you, it almost never has anything to do with you.
You are good enough even when their actions may have you believe otherwise.
2. Someone else’s bad behavior doesn’t reflect badly on you.
Someone cheating on you doesn’t make you look silly. It highlights that they have issues they need to work on.
3. Your value and worth aren’t tied to anyone or anything.
Not your weight, relationship, or job.
4. Love is never bad; love is amazing, pure and simple. Cheating hurts, lies hurt, being heartbroken hurts, but these things are not love.
These cause pain, but cheating, lying, and hurting others are done out of fear, not out of love. Love is, in fact, the only thing that ever makes the pain better again, and you can start to love yourself today. Self-love depends on you alone.
Set the standard for how people should love you by loving yourself wholeheartedly.
5. Just because one relationship doesn’t work, that doesn’t mean the next one won’t.
Don’t give up on love; give up on the people who made you think love wasn’t good.
And always remember what Steve Marabolie wrote, “The most powerful relationship you will ever have is the relationship with yourself.”
About Kirsten Davies
Kirsten Davies is a nutritionist and founder of The Food Remedy. She combines her nutritional knowledge with neuro-linguistic programming, helping clients understand the link between the food they eat and the thoughts they think. Real, whole food is her mantra, which, teamed with her burning passion to help others see their own light, makes her compellingly magnetic.
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Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine.
I need this and you are right about the insecurity.
I can imagine how shocked you were when you found out that you were cheated by your ex and that must have been hurtful.
In my past experience being the other woman, cheating was an act done out of frustration as a result of unfulfilled needs of the married man I had relationship with and often happened when accompanied by lack of communication skill.
I am currently in a relationship where she is cheating but doesn’t admit to it.. it does help knowing it’s not me as to her reason to cheat.
That’s an excellent realization that a lot of people need reiterated. I do have to admit that when MY ex cheated on me, I never blamed myself (ok, I did say to myself – congratulations, you know how to pick them – but reasons – ie I had some premonitions about the idiot that I ignored).
Being mistreated and cheated on is the worst feeling in the world, especially when you haven’t done anything wrong. In today’s society, some people don’t understand the true meaning of maintaining committed and monogamous relationships.
I stopped talking to my ex-boyfriend, since his behavior was too controlling. I had to contact him several times a day, to make sure I wasn’t cheating on him. His ex-wife pulled that stunt while he was fighting in a war overseas. I couldn’t understand where he was coming from, but at the same time, him comparing me to her was beyond hurtful.
The last straw occurred was when I didn’t contact him for a couple of days. I was dealing with the worst migraine in my entire life. When my ex-boyfriend called, he not only cussed me out, but demanded to know why I never called. His verbal assaults made my migraine worse. I realized that he’s NEVER going to change, and called the relationship quits.
I recently bumped into my ex-boyfriend when I was on my way to work. He wanted to know why I stopped contacting him, and I told the truth. His answer took me by surprise. He explained that I could have told him! He did ask for my forgiveness, and wanted us to get back together someday. Honestly, I can’t be with him, since I know his behavior isn’t going to change. I know I deserve more.
Thank you, Kirsten for writing the most powerful article on self-respect.
Thank you LaTrice for your post.
Wow, I know exactly what this is and the emotional pain, talking agonizing pain that fills you.
Hi Kristen, thank you for sharing. I really need this encouragement and reminder for self-respect. A lot of things happened to me last year .. well, until now in fact. I’m still trying to heal and picking up myself. At sometimes, I think I am going crazy.
I met this guy last year around this time. He joined to the company where I have been working for 6 years. Then we became colleague. When I first get to know him, he was engaged (kind of verbally engagement as he claimed bcos he was not wearing any ring). His gf was in Canada that time and they were having a long distance relationship. She came from a very rich family. He is just a normal guy. He mentioned to me a few times that they were having some problem…that’s all I know and I didn’t asked much as that is none of my business. We just hang out (go for lunch together) like any normal colleague would do. Of course not just us, with a bunch of other colleagues. I treated him like any other normal colleague. He is very good at talking and makes me laugh all the times. He asked me out a few times (to hang out as colleague), I rejected a few times. But then I think, we are at same age, we can be just friends and colleague.. why am i thinking to much? And he is new to the town and alone so then I agreed to have dinner together. We had a great talk and we enjoyed. As day goes, we became more and more close. He started showing behavior that he likes me and he started showing too much attention and caring towards me. When he officially text me that he likes me, I remember I scolded him. I told him that this is wrong. Because he has gf. Then he explained that he just like me as a friend..nothing more. So I forgave him and we just continue being friends. He told me about his past. He had a lot of gf before and basically he was a play boy when he was young. Now as he is 28, he wants to focus on his career and be a gd man, blah blah blah. So i told him, everyone has a past. I told him that I don’t agree looking down on a person because of his/her past. If the person is willing to correct then how the person lives now and future is more important. He still constantly showing too much attention and caring towards me. Before I knew it, I found myself having feelings for him. To sum up, I finally decided to put things on the table. I told him that I do not want to be a third party or anywhere near to that. So I told him that he has to stop being good to me if he is still engaged to another girl. I will only consider a single guy. Then things happened so fast and he told me that he ended with his gf. He deactivated his fb. My other colleagues helped me verified by checking out the girl’s fb and instagram.. the photos of them are all gone. I remember, he told me that he went through all the drama and scolding from the girl’s mom, his mom and their common friends. With all these, I believed him that he really wanted to be with me.
Then, we started dating. One thing about me is for the past 28 years of my life, I was busy with studies, working, taking care of my parents so I didn’t give myself a chance for relationship. So this can consider as my first serious love and relationship. We were basically together almost every day, every time. He treated me very well and I was over the cloud. We did have some arguments but nothing serious. We always talked things out and reached to an agreement everytime. Oh ya, we are from two different countries so we have different culture. But we agree to work things out together. We had a good times but suddenly one day, he said he feel suffocated and blah blah blah. I was shocked, so angry and I told him that I don’t believe in taking a break so let’s break up. we both cried and we decided to stay as friend.
After that I was so miserable, I couldn’t eat and cry alot. I thought he was just confused and I thought if i gave him and myself sometimes we can make thing work out again. During this difficult time, he again took care of me alot. Even if i message him in the middle of the night saying I am not ok.. he would call me immediately and console me. He always checking on me whether do I eat properly and stuff.. even when he was on a trip with his family, he called and check me whether am i ok? Or crying again. He still told me that he still loves me, I am a very nice, perfect girl … he wants the best for me..all the shit. With all these emotional strings, I became more and more crazy. Some days I am ok but some days I am like a mad woman with all the emotional stress, losing love, losing the person that I love. As times passed, I sensed the change in him, he started to care less about me so I thought I am driving him crazy emotionally and blame myself. Then i started to control myself. While we were dating, I did asked him whether am I a substitute of his ex-gf? He would denied like hell and he would always say how perfect am i and how much he loves me and treasure me. And even after we break up, he told me that he was not getting back with his ex…because we both knew that his ex-gf is back to their hometown after we broke up. Somehow, girl’s six sense.. I feel something is strange. One day, I found out from the girl instagram that she came to our town and she was in a zoo. That day, when i message him, he told me that a friend of him came to visit him. I knew that since we have broke up, he is free to go out and make friends with who he wants. I really don’t want to be a freak ex-gf so I do my best to keep it low key. I really did my best to control my emotional, I reflected on myself alot.. in what could I have done wrong so that we ended up in this situation. I basically blame myself for being too simple minded, not having experiences with guys, dating, being too emotional when the break up happened..etc.
The worst part is, all these times, I have to see him at office. It is really a torture for me. How can I forget him and move on while I have to face him. There was a time, I couldn’t go to work because I missed him so much. I missed us so much. Well, but again I tried my best to move on. As saying “truth can never hide”, before Christmas, with the help of my friend I got to know the whole truth. (By the way, soon after we broke up, a few weeks later after the girl came back to their hometown, her instagram suddenly became private. That was one of the reason for my suspect.) The girl posted a picture of them together stating celebrating anniversary. That’s where my whole world crushed. I trusted him. Not to mentioned before we date, even after we have broke up.. I still believe him. All these time, I blame myself for the situation where we are. Because deep down, I did blame myself for appearing in his life and he had to break up with his gf and chose me. I loves him with everything I have. And the truth is he just used and played me while his rich gf is away, he cheated me all these times, lying to my face. He was someone I trusted him and was so close to me and now suddenly I feel like.. I know nothing. Is like, he is no longer the person I knew anymore. Which of his words are real and what are the lies… I don’t know anymore. I felt so useless, mistreated. As if I have no value to him and he played me when he wants and throw me away when he don’t need it anymore. I live like a zombie. I locked myself up in a room. I lost weight until all I have is bones and skin… to the extend I wanted to end everything. I almost wanted to give up everything.
My friends are very angry and asked me to let the girl know what kind of ass## he is. May be the girl knows or don’t know.. I don’t know. High chance, she might not know anything because I never go public while we were dating. Because of our work, we keep it low key on social media. It was kind of his suggestion… if I think back. And I don’t care much of these so I agreed to him that time. (I kind of regret though).The thing is I am a human, of course I feel jealous, anger and everything that normal human would feel. But I do not want to involve in any drama anymore. And one thing that I believe and practice is, “I cannot and will never destroy something that I couldn’t have”. That’s the main thing stopping me to show my face, let the whole truth came out and show my existence.
To date, even though I am doing my best to move on, find my happiness and confidence back but I don’t denied the fact that this nightmare still hunt me. But I am trying to find my peace and telling myself every sec that it’s him. Not because I am any less.
Sorry about the very long story. This is the first time I am actually sharing to strangers. I hope that if someone from somewhere feeling mistreated… remember, you are not alone. Be strong. “Not because your are any less! We are prefect in a way we are”
P, I read the whole thing, and as it’s been two years I’m sure you’ve moved on by now and hopefully you are in a much, much better place.
I have always believed in learning from past experiences (both good and bad) and applying this knowledge so that we may make good choices in the future. Hopefully from your bad experience you have learned the red flags to look out for in spotting a cheater. This guy cheated on his fiancee long before he told you that he broke things off with her. He did not maintain appropriate boundaries in his friendship with you (asking you out, disclosing his personal relationship problems, being overly attentive to you, expressing romantic interest in you, etc) he was emotionally cheating on his fiancee with you. If there’s one thing to learn from this, past behavior often times predicts future behavior. The way that he treats his past relationships will very likely be the same way he will treat his future relationships. If he cheated on her, he will likely cheat on you too. Plus, breaking off an engagement and immediately jumping into a new relationship is very telling of a person’s immaturity and impulsive decision-making.
Losing this guy was a blessing in disguise for you. Hopefully the girl he ran back to wised up to what kind of person he really is and did not actually marry him. If she did, it was a grave mistake which I’m sure she already regrets.
Nothing hurts more than to be there for someone who you considered a friend and they lie and use you. Then try to put the blame back on you after their lies have caught up with them. I try to remind myself everyday that one day karma will come back on this individual and give them a serious reality check.
Cheaters will lie to their closest friends first. They want their best friend to think that they are a person of their word, would never cheat on their spouse and that they are truly a good person.
Unfortunately your friend has a huge EGO and needs to cheat to feel like an adult. This friend deserves what KARMA brings into their life. Cheating makes you a child, not an adult
nothing hurts more than giving your all and still get dumped and cheated on, this happens alot and if you figure out you want a pay back there are more way than you can imagine without even lifting a finger, you could ake the life of your ex miserable by hacking into his accounts and transferring funds or even freeze the account, all this could be done throught the help of a one true reliable hacker by the person of cheeterhacker AT outlook DOT com..a word is enough for the wise this heart breakers must feel the pain they cost us..
No one deserves to be cheated on, especially when your full loyalty lies with the betrayer of your trust. Initially, I thought I was just feeling insecure when my girlfriend would just be on his phone at odd hours, until I decided to take a chance to know, knowing is better than self doubts and it was exactly what happened when I employed the services of (computer(dot)surgeon(@@)outlook(dot)Com) he gave me a discreet and unlimited access to know who she’s texting on her phone and social media . Now I know when she’s telling the truth and how to curtail her, I think it is not a drastic step if it’ll make you feel better. My life got better, I stopped using my precious time to bother about her indiscretions and channeled my energy positively. Their services includes: Social media Hack, Phone Hack all form of hacks….. Tell him i referred you
how did you get a ful access on her phone? can you teach me on that? please?
Thank you for this, Kirsten. This post gets to the heart (no pun intended) of the most difficult part of being cheated on: what it does to our self esteem. My wife cheated on me years ago with a friend of ours and we’re dealing with some issues again. However she won’t even acknowledge that she cheated because she was unhappy in our marriage and wanted to leave.
Anyway – feeling unloved, unlovable, useless, unworthy, unwanted, alone, isolated, hopeless…and on and on: these feelings have been dredged up again and I feel like half the battle is just getting her to understand that I have a right to these feelings – I was hurt by her choices, and the negative effects of those choices are still echoing with us today.
Feeling good about myself and positive about the future have been extremely difficult for me lately, but your wise words have helped me tremendously. Thank you!
Thank you. I was not feeling well these days then I read this
Now go read this and allow your mind to change it to the words of a man talking about a woman….same feelings apply
Yes, sir. I’ve been there, brother. She crushed me so bad. Thank God I was young, still am, and have learned from this. Cheating cuts deep and that’s why I can never entertain the thought of helping someone cheat.
"Pain makes you stronger. Tears make you braver. Heartbreak makes you wiser. So thank the past for a better future.”
Not in my case. Pain made me more tense … there is a difference between tension and strength. Tears made me more shy. Heartbreak made me more timid. I'm 63, and the past hasn't helped me, only fear the future more. What the F is life?
My have has cheat on me the last year and somehow always turns it on me to where I'm apologizing and makes me the bad person and than says I'm cheating and a afuwl person
My wife has cheated on me the past year and continues to and somehow turns it on me where I'm apologizing and saying sorry and than says I'm cheating I don't know why I can't leave I tired but I been with her for 12 years idk
I love this 😍 I’m going to read this everyday for as long as it takes for me to believe.
Its what i do lo key dont lose hope in realms
Dealing with being cheated on and the subsequent divorce. This was nice to read, especially since I can’t seem to do anything other than stay alive and read about being cheated on.
Same here
Hope you’re feeling better or start feeling better. Man the pain and betrayal is beyond agonizing.
I know your post is four years old and you probably won’t see this but I can so relate. It’s so painful. So painful.
Today is the worse day, it’s sunny everyone seems so happy, my ex is calling me saying he loves me, he’s cheated lots of times leaves for weeks on end goes on holidays without me, he’s 50 I’m 41 it’s killing me x
You should take a little trip to a mouseum, would help in some ways.
I hope helps you level your soul, your ex doesn’t deserved you.
Continue on with your shining day lokey its meditation
Interesting view and summary. I myself have never cheated, though have been cheated on many times. I can’t bring myself to do it – for the simple reason that I don’t want it done to me. If someone were to cheat on me, that would be the end of our relationship.
Just found out the love of my life cheated & I’m in agony! can’t stop crying shaking & it feels like my heart is skipping beats. I found this article n i feel somewhat better now.. i keep asking myself why, what’s wrong with me? I gave him everything a man could want in a woman & he acted like he was happy & we even went to look at wedding rings. This is the worst pain i ever felt in my life & I don’t know how I’m gonna get over this, but i can’t stay with him. Thank god for google & great articles like this one. God bless.
How are you today? I am going through the same ordeal. Found out about my husbands infidelity last week and am feeling like u did. I’m also lost and confused. I don’t know what to do.
This was a nice read. My ex boyfriend was mean to me and serial cheated on me with many many people. I know it wasn’t about me yet I also know he didn’t love me. He’d lie and become abusive a lot. Sometimes I feel foolish for still being inlove with him. Although I think that may be my strength and not my weakness. I’m in the process of letting go. I have his number blocked. I’ll reread this article as it will help me keep it blocked I think…
Wow lokey im going through a tough and this helps alot with whats relevant
Nice
My ex cheated on me repeatedly during our marriage and would never want to discuss it. I didn’t know how to deal with it, how to process it. So I buried it in me and carried on for the sake of the kids. He finally cheated and made the other woman pregnant just after I gave birth to our son. I kicked him out and filed for divorce. This all happened 9 years ago… I will be 40 this month but seem to keep attracting men who “are not ready for the responsibility of a relationship”. Is it the “type” I attract? Am I too clingy? Do I come accross too direct? I ask myself these questions but in the back of my mind I remember the pain, the anger, the frustration of the times I was cheated on and wonder if this isn’t a factor too? I just don’t trust men not to cheat, especially when they’ve had a few drinks and yes, I still blame myself sometimes…maybe if I’d been thinner, more fashionable…drank with him…more fun… and still these insecurities remain. I am attractive, plump around the middle but not fat, I know I’m not the blonde haired, blue eyed porno star but I’m okay in looks and have all the working parts! Yet…I am not the partying, social fun kind of girl. I guess Im more reserved and sensebile… and honest, I always wonder if it’s my honesty and openess that puts men off. I don’t play the usual games, I can’t it would be fake. So I am in despair most days. Perhaps I am too romantic and idealistic when it comes to love. I don’t know but it eludes me and Im soul weary of looking for it anymore…
Don’t look for it just be aware that it exists. Work on the new you! Because you are and always were enough to be loved and cherished.
Your words are an exact replica of the burden I carry as well. I am starting to believe we are a dying breed.
You rare beautiful gems of a woman are surely a rare breed dying out. It’s really good to see some of you still exist, as a man who’s been cheated on, all I wanted was an honest woman who I could share real mutual love with, who is willing to put in as much as I do and work on communication and trust building. I haven’t really seen many around like that over this past half decade 🙁
Stay strong! You are all beautiful rare queens amongst the rubble!
Benjamin,
It’s such a bummer that there aren’t a LOT more men like you out there for those of us who; DESPITE all the DEBAUCHERY society continues to force down our throats; are STILL faithful, honest and “loyal” to our men. (I really hate using the adjective “loyal” bc I feel like I’m describing a DOG😂.) Thank you for posting such kind and uplifting words. ❣️
Honey, I’m not blowing my own trumpet here but I’m like a khaleesi and my fella cheated and it was on a spy cam online, so even that is not enough to stop them and doing it all they will always put their needs first, sound so feminist, certain men will always cheat, but there are those few so do not be low in you, know that you are amazing 🤩 and he will find you, I’m still looking for him, and I’m not accepting less, I loved my boyfriend like a Titanic love story, but with my son it was hard making them both happy and not myself, and he still took advantage of that and when I got very ill, and lost his baby of 7 months he was holding that woman, not her fault, she prob doesn’t know, kissing her on the soy cam. And we tried to get back, he denied it but I just knew it was him, God put it on my lap, some men need to feel that ego, just one woman is never enough, find someone who thinks your the only thing they can have and would not cheat or play games with your heart. Love yourself, smile 😊 be happy
This is not the reason. It’s the type of man you are attracting unfortunately. Hold back and make them prove a little. A good man will never even have the thought to cheat!! I’m romantic, honest, open and loving.. Nothing about me is fake. My partner would never cheat (I mean never) and thinks the absolute world of me. He is charming, attractive, loving and giving. Please don’t give up on love. The one who deserves you will show up. Manifest and look with you soul. Until then, keep loving yourself darling x
That’s what I thought to he loves me and would never hurt me but he did and made sure the whole neighborhood knew
My ex fiancée broke up with me because she’s been contacting an old friend overseas and suddenly she felt so in loved with him! We are suppose to get married within 6 months time and all she did is to cheat on me behind my back by flying over to see him.
The worse is she didn’t tell me the truth that she is cheating behind my back, instead of giving me excuses that I work too much and not giving her attention.
Thank you so much for the heartfelt insight and truth you’ve shared. I think you saved me, and my marriage.
It’s really funny how one can deeply relate to these stories. It takes me back to when my ex-husband started abusing me emotionally, then it got physical sometimes. I never knew it was because he was cheating on me. At the time it started feeling like he hated me for doing something I wasnt aware of then I started feeling worthless and became a shadow of myself till a friend suggested we watch my ex-husband’s every move. She introduced me to this Dmitri guy her lawyer used when she was getting her divorce done and Mr was still lying. This guy will send me pictures of my husband from restaurant, hotels, roads and dates with this strange woman. I recieved full text messages and social media messages. He sent me copies of messages from dating sites and social medias. It turned out he got fed up I guess. You can try him out too if you may ever need one. One can never be so sure of what these men are up to these days. Here, dkowalskicyber @gmail. com
This is the best thing I have read in a long time. I am dealing with my husbands infidelity at the moment. Just learnt he has been cheating on me since we were engaged, 13 years ago. He lost interest in me as soon as we got married and I have lost a lot of self confidence and self esteem. This is really motivating and inspirational. I intend to read this daily to make sure I remmeber that I am worthy afterall
I loved your article. I am going through heartbreak and i really felt unworthy when he left me. But i still miss him badly. I still love the memories with him. How should i control myself?
He does not deserved your love. Just forget him.
I got cheated on multiple times. And I kept asking myself why? What did I do wrong? Am I not handsome enough?
But coming to find out; she didn’t believe in love. Not saying she didn’t love me in her own way.
Thank you
Thank you…just wonder if I’ll ever find someone who does love and cherish me…or even someone who wants my love and cherishment!… *sigh* 😟Old soul born in the wrong era. 🐺
My name is Dickson I am looking for a serious relationship
I was recently in a relationship where I was cheated on. It has just been about a month since the last time I had contact with him cause about two months ago when we broke up and when I blocked him, I still couldn’t control myself to unblock him and send him messages resenting him. But before the very last time I was finally able to ignore his messages, take days realizing that I’m feeling lazy to check his messages. And finally I blocked him cause I felt annoyed of him and his messages. And just about a few weeks ago I struggled with myself having to cry myself to sleep almost every day. There were times then that I questioned myself and my worth. The other times I was saying I hope he finally finds a woman one day who he will treat better than ever and will finally not lie or cheat on and will love him too and take care of him and not lie or cheat on him nor take advantage of him, cause I was already that person for him but I guess I wasn’t enough for him to be treated in the way I know I deserve: with pure love, respect and honesty. But now I realized I still think about him, however, it isn’t like before anymore where I felt a tug in my chest and makes me cry. Now there’s just no more feelings, no more bitterness, no more hate, no more resentment, no more regret, but most of all, no more care and no more love for him. I have to say that what happened may have broke me to become somebody I no longer could recognize as myself, and had my good pride and confidence with myself burn to nothingness, but I gained something that I would always be thankful for myself, for love, and for God. My worth. I thought I always knew my worth and that’s what kept me my confidence but I had to always admit that from time to time I had to face my insecurities. And it always brings me down. But now, I know better. I gained more wisdom about love and life than ever. It finally sinked in that I have always been complete yet not content. So now I’m spending every moment to reach my goals and dreams to build myself up and better while I’m waiting for that one person who is meant for me. And this article is really lovely and helped me boost myself and be motivated more than ever. Thanks for sharing this! 😍❤
I been with my partner since we were 16 years old. We had a son and we started to disrespect eachother and we were not working out. So we called it quit for couple of months. We got back together 10 year passed I thought everything was going well because we were talking about goals. But his phone was always lock didn’t think nothing much of it because I trusted him. My father passed away 3 months so I was in the dark. I got therapy to start healing. Something in my gut told me to check him Apple Watch and what do I find he called two different escorts. And one of the escorts could not answer the phone. Texted him back saying to him if he could please text her back. He said how is it going wanted to know if you had a change to meet up? I confronted him and he changed his password and I feel like there is probably more he has been hiding. When someone is guilty they come clean right? Well he wants to brush it under the rug like nothing happened. I felt that text message was not his first rodeo. I been feeling sad and I’m trying to work on it but alway feel like it’s a two way street. I feel like I’m in a dark dark place one I lost my dad and it fresh and the person I was leading on hurts me. How can I get better or even forgive him?
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I was having serious relationship problems with my boyfriend and it had resulted in him moving out to her friend’s apartment. Everything got worse because he started going to bars and strip clubs frequently with her friend, getting drunk and passing out. He always threatens me on the phone whenever I call him because of all the bad advice that her friend has given him. I really love him and we had been dating for 4 years which gave us a beautiful daughter. I had also lost a lot of money on therapists until I was introduced to Dr Phil Idoboiwa by a friend whom he helped to marry her childhood girlfriend; this gave me total confidence and strength to get him back. I did all he asked and after 4 days my boyfriend called me and rushed back home, things just changed between us emotionally. He has a job and stopped drinking and keeping irrelevant friends. It’s a miracle I never believed was possible because I had lost all hope until I found Dr Phil Idoboiwa. So that’s why I promised to share my testimony all over the universe. All thanks goes to Dr Phil Idoboiwa for the excessive work that he has done for me. Below is the email address in the situation you are undergoing a heart break, and I assure you that as he has done mine for me, he will definitely help you too. contact him via email: drphilidoboiwa AT gmail. com
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5 years after her betrayalwe are very much in love . However I felt apart of me died that night i found out. We were 6 months into a relationship when it came out . It happened at the start . Pretty much the day before we met each other’s parents and officiated our relationship. When I found out it took away the happy memories i had and left me with embarrasment and shame and a sense of not feeling good enough. She didn’t quite see me in time misleading and using me. I have suffered in silence over the years and feel bad for her as I felt like the happy loving man she should have had changed forever. I love her deeply but can’t seem to shake the hurt of the past. I felt I lost myself and the man I should have been to her. I know I can’t change the past. I just hope that in the future I can let go and love myself
I agree with this but I also want to say that in certain circumstances it could have everything to do with you. In my last relationship my boyfriend would be very emotionally and verbally abusive and do things to hurt. Even though I had him I didn’t feel like I really HAD him. I cheated multiple times when I wouldn’t have if he treated me better. So I’m that situation it did have to do with him. He also wouldn’t let me leave and would threaten my life just saying before anyone comes at me.
Cheating is never ok, even in this situation. You could have broken it off and left.
I was cheated on with my military bf, he thought that I didn’t know that he’s hooking up with other girl. Seeing how they’ve exchange conversations thru chat makes me more feel a little about myself. I am tired of getting angry, & even asking him many times if he’s cheating on me. But that’s how it goes, guys are born to be that way. But I’m not saying that all guys are like that ‘coz I still believe that there’s one man out there who’s the opposite of unfaithful man. I pray that this too shall end, im tired of crying. Asking myself what I did to deseve this, but I know God won’t leave me broken. I pray that God will use my brokenness to fill me up for the new plans he has set for me. Be still and trust God above all 🙏😭❤️
I met him once, now LDR due to pandemic. He was my first love after divorce. But got shocked from a call from a woman saying she is his FUBU or sexual partner. Okay here is the story, I met a guy online and we met once because of pandemic and felt the best connection in my life, emotionally, mentally and sexually.. There is no problem of us meeting again even if he is a different nationality. He can travel anytime but due to pandemic. We cant be together. So Meanwhile, he is getting closer to me and also introduced me to his family members even online… he introduced me to all his friends too.. We everyday contact and video call.. The first few months, we struggled to make love on video because we both our first time to do such kind of setup. So its like very rare thing for us to make love… But he have Given me all the attention, sent me and my kids many gifts. He sent me letters too and surprised me on my birthday through delivery only. We cried, we laughed, we talked about everything…we always do dinner together. Video call before bedtime and video call in the morning.. He is like a bestfriend for me. All the attention and interest he showed all to me. But sometimes, he was lost for one night and contact me the next day..this happened less than 10x within our 8 month relationship. And always we had fight about it… he said he just got drunk and got asleep…so I forgave him.. On our 6 month, weve learned to watched movie together thru Netflix, make love twice a week… weve never been closer. But something happened on our 8 month together, a girl called claiming she is a sexual partner… i confronted him and let me asked him everything.. he said this girl was never an official gf. But for me, I called it FWB or FUBU right? He said they fucked more than 1 year ago…thats before we met…he clearly told the woman about my existent and he said he i am a serious girlfriend… He said the woman knew about me even in our first few months of relationships. he tried to avoid her but due to work related he cannot. i know better, his all time was devoted to me. After work, he would tell me everything about his whereabouts… I felt his real love for me and kids. His attention are all for me… morning, lunch dinner, bedtime, we never failed to do that… he introduced me to all his friends and mom and sister…he planned to live in the Philippines… he always said to me, his love is like ALL-IN for me… but why this woman suddenly appeared and has the gut to call me and claim all these? Should i believe him? Is a man just need vagina to stick his penis because we are far…If it happened to her during the times he was lost, was he with her? is it just sex? Because we are far? But told me, last sex with her was before he met me.. should i believe? Does he really love me? Or just himself? Should i forgive believe him? But this is the best love of my life. First time i fell in love like this…. but is my trust for him broken?? Should I give it a try… and wait till he really migrate here?
Owww this is very difficult… First time to love someone…
I’ll keep reading but you’re incorrect about value and worth.
Value and worth are determined by the 2nd party. The “customer” in a capitalist example. What you personally consider to be your value and/or worth are entirely irrelevant. The “customer”, or to bring my analogy closer to the topic at hand, your partner is the one who determines if the exchange is acceptable.
Surely you can see this? The only entity in the known universe capable of setting 1st party value is DeBeers…
❤️
Wow!! After being cheated on and lied to in every relationship over the last 35 years – I have never felt the way I do now after reading your article!!! It all makes perfect sense now! THANK YOU SO MUCH for your words of encouragement. I am SO READY to pick up and move on ❤️
Yes I was cheated on twice and she thinks I’m going to keep supporting her while she’s laying with another man every day I had three kids to her and she thinks that I should be happy but I’m not because it’s not right if I have full responsibility while she’s laying down with another man
I have been being cheated on for about a year now. I am pregnant & before the pregnancy, we had a sit down & I set him free. Of course he didn’t want to part way & claimed what he had going on on the side was over. I fell back into the swing with him, ended up getting pregnant all to find out that his affair is far from over. I feel so foolish after investing 10 plus year into a relationship that was full of lies and deceit. I feel so trapped because I’m due in any day & all I wanted was some answers, but he isn’t man enough to deliver them. I thought to myself, pregnancy is suppose to be a beautiful, stress free moment not something that is filled with heartache and pain. I pray for me, my unborn & my other children, I pray that we will not be troubled by their Dad’s way & that I find the strength to start from scratch on a new life without him trying to dictate every moment of it!
Thank you for this, I am going through this now my wife is emotionally cheating on me and decided that she no longer wants to be married and wants to be single again after 9 years. I had gotten so low that I felt useless and worthless, so low that I contemplated suicide.
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I just want to be out of this pain. I also feel so incredibly foolish. I just can’t believe that my entire dating relationship, combined with my entire engagement, a total of about 3/4 years was just an opportunity to fill me up with absolute lies and totally false expectations. I just can’t believe how I was duped. I can’t believe how long it took me to pick up on things. I was so absolutely convinced this girl/woman (27) when we married was a virgin when I met her. And I wasn’t looking a virgin, it was just one of the hundreds of unnecessary lies she effortlessly and effectively filled my head with. I just can’t believe it.
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I was married for 40 years to a narcissist. He was a predator when it came to women, he could never have enough.. it took me years to realize that. Memories are now floating back details of things that I try to not think of.
I’m just trying to think how to heal myself.
My husband keeps cheating on me
Leave!!
I am going thru this now … it hurts all over I cant think I cant do anything all I want is an explanation why did he lead me on for two years the one he is seeing is so rude to me like it is a game. He has hurt me to the coire this is the first time i have actually blocked him, I want a different out come. I know I didnt deserve this I feel like I am in a circle. I dont think he even cares. Please god help me thru this give me strength.
we have been together 8 years
Wow.
I’m so happy I found this post.
“I’ve come to realize that my ex flirting and engaging in a sexual manner with other women had to do with his insecurities, and nothing to do with me not being good enough.”
I’m still in the process of healing after my two year relationship ended this Pat summer and your above statement really hit me sideways. Both things you mentioned are how I feel about my past relationship, he was extremely insecure and I also knew that his behaviour wasn’t necessarily about me as a partner. I somehow never correlated the two in such a black and white way until reading this. Thank you.