10 Ways I Know There’s Nothing Wrong with You (or Me)

So true and yet so easy to forget

Superb article. Second-person address a good style choice!

I really loved this post (and blog by the way!)…

There’s no such thing as the way you should be.

I could agree more!

Cheers,
Dayne

I guess it's true that great minds think alike! Have a wonderful rest of the day =)

I think the best part of life is striving for more and more success. This may differ from you, but I think that drive pushes all of us to achieve what we want. In many cases though, we let small things affect our major goal. Leans, credit cards, debt in general prevent us from reaching such. I agree that enjoying and appreciating all we have accomplished is great. But the strive for more is what drives me.

Whatcha think?

Dave
LifeExcursion

I think you bring up a great point about striving.

There was an episode of House in which one of the doctors had a near-death experience. For a couple weeks after that, he was so happy to be alive he didn't let anything else concern him. This narrow focus on the single fact that he wasn't dead made him far less effective in his job. It also robbed him of his personality, somewhat.

My feeling now is that striving and struggling are not bad things. Wanting and pursuing things helps us learn, grow, form relationships, and make contributions to society.

I just think it's a lot healthier when you strive from a place of happiness–not toward a place of happiness. In other words, push yourself because you love yourself; not because you don't.

I can't really respond to a spiritual position, as I only have my past and present human experience as a guide, and can make no predictions as to my future… I suppose our positions are matters of definition… I consider this present moment my existence and am in no place to speculate about some higher, universal being or existence beyond my ability to conceive. Actions on earth are of consequence and importance to me, so in terms of Hitler I can unequivocally say he was wrong, as I would say it was wrong of Joe to shoot John, whereas I suppose by your position you find their actions reprehensible but in the spiritual sense I suppose the “conscious universe” might not feel the same, or have any position about it at all.

I'll leave it at that. Interesting discussion though!

sdfsdfsdfsdf

Brilliant !!! I don't have enough words to express my feelings…Thanks for making me realize that there is nothing wrong with me…now i feel i am just like anyone else

Excellent post!

I thought it's right, it doesn't matter to any of the substances of the universe whether a puppy is being torn apart or not, whole galaxies get torn apart and that's not wrong, its natural and occurs somewhere in the universe all the time. Besides, if a puppy was ALL you had to eat,its def not wrong to cook it up to survive.

I thought it's right, it doesn't matter to any of the substances of the universe whether a puppy is being torn apart or not, whole galaxies get torn apart and that's not wrong, its natural and occurs somewhere in the universe all the time. Besides, if a puppy was ALL you had to eat,its def not wrong to cook it up to survive.

I love the message here and it's a great reminder for us all.

Hey there Tina Buddha, oops I mean Lori-

GREAT post!! Thanks so much for sharing your wisdom!! I'm with positively present….these pearls need to be kept close to my heart….easily accessible for reminding me, and those in my life, about whom I care, who need reminding sometimes.

Thanks again!!

Great post. Good luck to u !

“…Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.
Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be.
And whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace in your soul…”

Section from the poem 'Desiderata'.

I'm going to have to disagree with #6- NO ONE deserves to be hurt? What about pedophiles, serial murderers, rapists, and other people of that nature?

“Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.”
Margaret Mead

.. supposedly from a commencement address! So perfect.

I am enjoying the discovery of your website young Lori Deschene

I just have to say. What you say in this piece can be detrimental and misleading to some. For example: someone who suffers from a psychiatric condition who is told that there is nothing wrong with them will not have a positive outcome from this advice. They are more likely to feel confused, angry, and mislead. You mean well, but don’t think that your wisdom is perfect. I mean, yes, every human being is perfect and complete. As someone who is afflicted by very real and intangible psychological problems, your advice is destructive to me. It is the epitome of why you can never understand what it feels like to be me. The same is true in reverse. I consider myself a buddhist, but I do not believe there’s nothing wrong with me. There’s things I’d like to change but am entirely unable. If I could change these things it would mean the difference between killing myself someday without really wanting to, and realizing my greatest potential. I realize as well that this potential can be realized in spite of what afflicts me, however, I don’t agree that all people necessarily become smarter or learn from their mistakes. There’s something wrong with me. I consider myself a buddhist, but there is definitely something wrong with me. I know where I stand on a lot of issues, but I have a morbid fascination with death, especially painful death. It gives me a sick pleasure. This is something wrong with me. I think what you are really trying to preach is self-acceptance. I would revise what you are saying as: “There are many things wrong with me, and I need to accept all these things as a part of me.”

Don’t cling to universal axioms that lead to delusional optimism. There isn’t only a positive outlook, there’s also a negative one. The two work in balance. I think you understand this, but your ten points are oversimplified and misdirecting. I offer you this criticism with respect, as I see you wrote the article from a place of human empathy.

Joshua

Thanks, I needed this =)

hey there Lori,
             
                 You know after reading this article, I was pretty surprised to know that you are still someone who goes through similar doubts & questions as you have described about yourself in the past & in this article.  Until reading this article , I thought you were someone who has completely figured it all out & recovered from your past traumas, after a decade of trial & errors as u have said about yourself previously.  I used to wonder whether it was ever possible for me to just completely recover from all the demons i’ve had to face in the past & just move on with my life as if talking about those experiences someday would be like telling a fairy tale story.  But, after reading this article, this gives me a perspective that I might never completely recover from my traumas & have no doubts like today..but that it is quite normal & with small steps I can always try to makes things better…& yes, “IT DOES GIVES ME A GREAT DEAL OF COMFORT TO KNOW THAT THERE IS NO REASON FOR ME NOT ENJOY LIVING IN THIS MOMENT…” Thank you so much…!

Dear Lori,

I know my comment is too late but I have just read your article and I have to say it’s amazing!!
As if I’m reading about myself

Actually I have always been feeling this way, and I have reached to this conclusion recently myself,, that I am already perfect. Once I believed in that I got this enormous energy and confidence which was supported by the people around me. I felt happy, content and loved for who I am

Until a person came into my life, a person I really admired, respected and liked, she was new in the job and I helped her as much as I can, I thought of her as my little sister, I opened my heart to her and tried to be her friend. I liked her personality, she was sweet, friendly, cute, kind, warm, eloquent, knows how to express herself in a very simple, precise and funny and yet sophisticated way, and to be honest some of these qualities I wish I had them myself.
 
But she hurt me, she actually said she doesn’t want my friendship. She made me look bad in some situations in front of people I like and some of her friends, I felt she stabbed me in the back and I let her.

What’s worse is that she made me feel that she didn’t like the way I was behaving, she made me question myself, and my way of thinking, and I believed her 
I even tried to change myself to the version that suits her

But after all this, one year later, I am still her friend and I still like her as my little sister 
I couldn’t help it, I overlooked so many of her mistakes, I forgave her on so many unforgivable things 
Because for the last one year, she was going through really bad times, and I feel that I would be a jerk if I ended my friendship with her now
I am trying to be the good samurai I guess, and to do the noble thing
And actually she is a little different with me, her treatment to me is much better than before

What I wanted to say is that I learnt once again that I am perfect just the way I am, I promised myself that I will be myself again, myself that I love and admire, and if she has a problem with that then I will end my friendship with her,

I had to go through this to learn that , as I read recently, ” a first-rate version of yourself is better than a second rate version of someone else” , just be yourself, it’s that simple

I just wish that I learnt this sooner

Sorry for the long comment, but I just was being myself

so helpful! a beam of light while I reside in a deep hole that I’ve dug for myself. working on climbing out currently.

Thanks for sharing.. This is really nice sayings . All the sayings you have discussed are really true.

You are most welcome. And you are so not alone. =)

Hi Foad,

How much is enough of life? And who defines what’s true? Just some questions that came to mind…

Much love,
Lori

I’m glad you enjoyed my post Kat! I also used to dwell on regrets. One idea that’s really inspired me: “Never regret anything. If it’s good, it’s wonderful. If it’s bad, it’s experience.”

Hi Mary,

You’re most welcome. I can only imagine what this experience has been like for you. I’m really inspired by your strength and perspective.

I’m glad this post was helpful to you!

Lori

I know I don’t know you, but I don’t think you’re crazy. It sounds like you may be dealing with some confusing feelings. Have you talked to your mom or anyone else about your interest in darkness and where it might come from?

Hi Stephanie~ Can you expand? Is this person putting you down? Or are they calling you out on unhealthy choices? In what way does this person imply something’s wrong with you?

Thanks Lori, loved the list …

‘LifeRevisited’, I’m guessing you’ve read Neale Donald Walsch/Richard Bach, etc? (If you have, note how they – like most of the New Age – twist and turn as and when it suits.) Anyway. It’s not the puppy’s choice to be maimed; so you are inflicting your ‘will’ on an unwilling, sentient creature (which would have loved you.) If you thing that’s OK by the ‘Universe’, I think you may have misunderstood something … satanists are all for do what you like – the caveat; someone else can then do what they like to you. Welcome to hell …

By inflicting pain on another creature, or by calling everything OK with the ‘Universe’, you are also ‘assuming you know what is right’ – and you are obviously wrong. The person who loves the puppy will be right. Beings were made to live and love, grow and learn. If that didn’t happen, there would be no life here. Try living in a farming community, with no supermarkets, and then try doing as you wanted. Without help from others, you’d starve to death. I doubt you’d do that, without going to them for help. And oh boy! would you then want them to help you, not do as the ‘satanists’ may want, and leave you to die … Living in filth, also, will have an immediate physical consequence ..

Wrongs have a consequence – eg pollution/tortured conscience, etc. If nobody ever ‘passes judgement’ – ie says ‘Rape, murder, torture, bullying, paedophilia’, are WRONG; how is the abuser ever going to learn? in your relative hell?

I’ll take the Golden Rule any day – and note how the New Age try to change that, any which way they can ..

Maiming a puppy (or anything else) is wrong because the puppy is a living, breathing creature that can feel pain. It’s also wrong because it’s wrong for you – bad for you. (Should someone maim you, with absolute coldness, I doubt you’d be saying it’s all relative …!) Also – how can you go on to define ‘good’ if you say there is no ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ to the ‘Universe’?

I’m all for forgiveness, but absolute relativism is an argument for hell on Earth …

How are you defining wrong? I was referring to the judgments we make about ourselves based on the belief that we’re not good enough or fundamentally lacking.

You’re most welcome, and thank you. =)

I’m glad this was helpful. What makes you think that everyone who knows you would describe you as annoying? I know I don’t know you personally, but I suspect that may not be the case!

@LifeRevisited:disqus Universe doesn’t think anything about it because universe is not a being with a subjective conciousness.
However, we all are, and therefore we have cultural values that we all hold dear. Most of these are based in firm (human) logic.
Such as the golden rule of doing onto others what you would have them do onto you.
But without passing judgement we will let people hurt others, so therefore it is important to take a stand against wrongful action, and promote right action.

Thanks Lori, that was a wonderful addition to my day!

I have written this right here, on the fly for you.

-for joshua-

I walk that place
Called might not go
It is the darkness
In the snow
The pits, the falls,
A foggy maze
They trip you up
They steal your days
but I have found
That to accept
Their presence there
Beside your step
Is best for me
To know them well
To name them
We
To walk with them
To give them truck
not only when
You’re in the muck
Look, too at them
When sunlight shines
And one day soon
Behind those eyes
Will be a hand
To hold in yours
So find the hands
And hold the eyes
Don’t raise your sword
Against the lies
Admit their presence
In the fog
And stand with them
Against the smog
Together, one
The night, the sun
I found this helps me
Every one

I have asperger’s, adhd, dyspraxia, probably misophonia, definitely congitive deficit nad executive function issues… I used to think I was evil and bad…

But no more. Because i found them, and I continue to do so. I reach, into the slot, and I find them. They are there, waiting for the hand of your acceptance.

All the parts of you. Think of it as psychological alchemy, the marriage of the sun and moon… the azoth and alkahest… turned again and again into itself, onto itself, like a merkabah… facets of a diamond, reflecting each other. The nigredo, the albedo, the rubedo…

At least, that worked for me.

best wishes to everyone here. sometimes these posts really help me remember to stick my hand back in the slot again.

;)you will abide, Joshua. you will abide. Even if the darkness comes, it is for you and it is yours. wade into it. walk through it. And remember your elvish sword. it glows blue in the presence of grues.

You’re most welcome!

What if you want to hurt someone back if they hurt you, so they know what it feels like? Does that also mean nothing is wrong with you?

For the past few years, I have worked very part time and have spent much of my time in my house. I have friends, a husband, two dogs and a life with which I am reasonably content. Like you, I used to be an overachiever. I burned out. Now though, I am the complete opposite. I don’t want challenge or adversity. I just want to be and yet I feel so guilty about that. Thank you for writing this. It was exactly what I needed right now.

Thank you so much

Thank you for this. I battle low self esteem and insecurity for the Classic Freudian reason of having an overly critical father. It’s hard for me to accept myself, give myself the best or interact with the man I love without a constant fear of disappointing him or losing him. It’s something that I’m working on every day and articles like this help tremendously. Thanks again!

Without taking any side in this…maiming puppy is wrong, but not because the society says so. First question after I read Mat’s contribution about forming society was: “Can I check out from these social rules without being punished?” After all I was never there to agree on these rules in the first place. So I am forced to follow rules I never had a freedom of choice to agree upon…Second: Maiming puppy will ultimately lead to the perpetruator’s unhappiness…that is the punishment. Society does not need to lay more judgements or punishments on the person, because the person is already being punished by his own judgement…his own feelings about himself, his self-concept that inevitably every one of us forms on the past experiences in our lives…Yes, we can speculate where is the line of acceptability of human’s deeds…on the other hand my experience is that when a person suffers too much, feels anger, shame, guilt or fear, then it the least we can do is not to add to it by judging that person and instead to try to understand them…Many crimes are commited just because of judgement being layed upon a person since their infancy by their parents, friends, social groups and casts…because of the color of their skin, origin, sex, education status, age, achievements…etc…By judging anybody against social rules the one never agreed upon following we do not perform a good service for that person and ultimatelly not to the world that we fill with judged people…

You’re most welcome!

Thanks Mellie. I will check it out!

GOD always exists and is loving !!!!!!! rest assured you maim a puppy you cabe forgiven but repentance after accepting the Grace is still necessary!!!!!!! Heaven or Hell WILL BE your eternal home !!!!!!! details: http://HeavenSense.ws !!!!!!! love and peace and Merry Christmas everyday !!!!!!! kirk

Lori, I was taught to believe (by a dysfunctional parent who was also an MSW) that if I felt annoyed, upset, or dissatisfied with someone or something, it was a reflection of what was wrong with me. Thus, if I felt *anything* other than happy, it was a reflection of my own lack of whatever. Now, I’m 55, and can’t even trust my own emotions, because every time I am upset or annoyed, I start dwelling on *why* I’m annoyed and what it is about *me* that can’t handle someone’s behavior. Then, I start wondering if I am annoying to others, and if they think the same about me. This keeps me in a never-ending spiral of anxiety and depression; I don’t think I trust my own emotions and (sometimes) my own reality, because I think I can’t possibly be as horrible as I must be if these things keep bothering me … does this make any sense to you? (because it just puts me in a fight or flight type of mood) …

I’m sorry, but I can’t agree with LifeRevisited. Life shouldn’t be about spreading misery or cruelty, I don’t give a flying **** if in the grand scheme of things and on a universal scale the decision that the decision would be equally right as an action to save a puppy. Even if it was a situation where all you had to eat was the puppy, the least you can do is end it’s life quickly. You’re taking it’s life to fuel your own, so you might as well be goddamn respectful.

my peternal grandfather was stroke about a day before.he can’t walk,not eating hard foor,can’t controlled his body….please help me about..i am in dhaka,bangladesh.

I’m tearing up….this is my biggest struggle….convincing myself I’m enough.

Great point! Though I think that it’s human to struggle with our thoughts and emotions at times. After someone has been abused physically, emotionally, or sexually, they are going to go through a period of emotional pain. For some people it may be longer than others, but it’s inevitable, nonetheless.

I add this because I recall a time when I felt guilty because I was causing myself suffering with my thoughts and emotions–which ironically, creates more suffering. When I am able to accept that there’s nothing wrong with me for having a reaction to someone else’s abusive actions, it’s much easier for me to heal.

Still, I think it’s important to remember the power of perception and choice, and I appreciate that you added this to the conversation!

I’m so sorry to hear about the fear you’ve experienced and the pain you’re in–and based on what you wrote at the end of your comment, I’m worried for you. Have you seriously considered taking your life, and have you shared this with anyone you’re close to?

Also, have you ever seen a therapist? I saw a therapist in my younger years, and it was one of the best decisions I could have made. It helped me understand the misguided beliefs underneath my thoughts and actions, and that was key to changing them.

If you were to see a therapist, it might help you focus less on being good so people won’t tire of you, and more on loving yourself and releasing the fear of inadequacy. It’s admittedly not easy to release deeply ingrained fears and beliefs, and it can take time, but it is possible to make significant progress if you get help.

Incidentally, you may find some useful resources here:

http://tinybuddha.com/helpful-free-resources/

I hope this helps. You are in my thoughts!

Lori