When You Fear Things Might Not Work Out: 3 Helpful Tips

Hands in the Air

“Your belief determines your action and your action determines your results, but first you have to believe.” ~Mark Victor Hansen

This summer, after three years of dreaming, my daughter and I moved from the city I’ve lived in all my life to my dream city six hours north.

The season of summer is known as a time when plants fruit, grow, and bloom. In order to harvest new crops we have to have a clear field and clean soil to plant in, right?

Before we can grow new things, we need to look hard at what isn’t working for us, what isn’t serving us, what needs to go to make space for new, better, more deeply satisfying things to come. That could include work, relationships, ways of spending time, and beliefs.

Then we need to clean and fertilize our own fields and soil so we can intentionally plant what we want to grow.

This move was preceded by such huge old beliefs, fears, and heartache that I had to face and work through for us to be able to make this move.

I felt terrified that I wasn’t seeing things clearly and might not make a decision that would work out well.

Do any of the below feel familiar to you?

  • Where you are isn’t working, but you’re not sure how to change it.
  • You’re drained and exhausted by a part of your life—a relationship, your work, not enough self-care, no down time.
  • You know the change you want to make, but you’re afraid you can’t do it, you’ll be alone if you do it, or you’ll have no money if you do it.
  • You know a change has to be made, but the path isn’t clear. Maybe you’re not even sure what needs to change; you just know something needs to.
  • You’ve decided to make a big change, but the fear and doubt are making you feel stuck and miserable.

Having grown up in NYC, I have a natural fear of apartment hunting. In NYC you practically have to commit a crime to find a good, affordable, safe place anywhere near where you want to be. For this reason, I had a deep fear around searching in Portland for our perfect home, even though I knew it wouldn’t be as difficult as looking in New York.

So I did what I always do when I want to call something into my life: I made a want ad.

I thought about what I wanted in a home and how I wanted it to feel for us. My ad looked something like this:

A safe, cozy home for my family, in an aesthetically beautiful part of town, that feels amply affordable, has two to three bedrooms, allows dogs, and has space for us to grow, where we can walk to most things we need, with parking for my car.

Then I started apartment hunting while in Portland for a week.

Two to three bedroom apartments in the neighborhoods I wanted were more than I could afford, and most wouldn’t allow any “pit bull type” dogs, like we have.

After running into this over and over again, I got worried. I had given July 1st as the date we’d be out of our current place. It was June 1st and we were about to go back to NYC, leaving me unable to keep seeing new apartments.

It would have been easy to get sucked into a place of fear and self-doubt—worrying that we couldn’t find the right place, that I couldn’t afford any of the apartments I was seeing, that my dogs wouldn’t be welcomed, that we’d be homeless in four weeks.

However, instead of staying in the fear place, I decided to use this situation as a wonderful opportunity to practice having faith.

I did this by using EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques) videos from YouTube, visualizing myself finding the apartment, and believing the apartment was out there.

Then a friend connected me with her friend who lives in Portland.

Portland-friend knew someone who was showing an apartment rental for her father-in-law. It was the neighborhood I wanted and the price I wanted but only a one bedroom, which was too small for us.

But I talked to Renter-Lady and liked her, and she said there was a weird little room on the second floor that had a low ceiling but could possibly be a kid’s room, so I decided to go see it just for fun.

The house was exactly what I wanted.

I filled out the paperwork and gave impeccable references. Her concern was that her father-in-law didn’t want dogs there. I assured her that our current landlord would vouch for my pups, and I’d be happy to give them a security pet deposit.

I filled out the application and walked away. I waited on pins and needles for five days and heard nothing.

Five days after I’d last heard from her, I texted her to tell her how much I loved the place and asked if I could give her any further info. She texted back that night and said she was so sorry, but it wasn’t just wasn’t going to work.

Her father-in-law worried that as a single mama with my own business I wasn’t making enough to cover the rent and utilities.

I sat up in bed and texted her back furiously. I told her that their place was $600 less a month than any other place I had looked at—that it was $50 more than half of our rent in NYC.

I texted, “How can I show your father-in-law that I’m more than capable of affording this place? Would you like to see three months records of my income?”

She wrote back that that might help, so I jumped out of bed, ran to the computer, and emailed her my last three months of income.

The next morning she wrote back: “The house is yours! I’ll email a lease tomorrow! Thanks for jumping through all those hoops!”

Little-cottage-whose-windows-I’ll-decorate-with-window-boxes-dripping-with-flowers, here we come. 

What made the difference between the fear place where everything seemed scary and difficult and an uphill battle, and the flowing place where it all worked out?

1. Clear vision.

I had a clear vision of what I wanted, what it would look like, and how it would feel to have it.

2. Belief in my value and worth.

I fought to convince the owners of house that yes, I do have enough income to pay the rent. My attitude was, “How can I show you how successful I am at what I do?”

3. Energy management.

I didn’t stay in a place of fear and doubt, but instead practiced faith, using tools like EFT, prayer, and visualization to focus my energy on what could be, rather than what might not work out.

You could easily say, “Well, what if I do all these things and don’t get the house, or don’t get the job, or that person doesn’t want to be with me?”

Energy management is a long-term, sustainable, inner piece of growth. It doesn’t mean that it’s a magic wand that gives you what you want. It’s a growth tool that helps create inner peace and grounding, no matter the outcome.

So even if I hadn’t gotten this specific house, energy management would have helped me stay positive, which would have kept me focused and proactive, increasing my odds of finding a home.

Can you think of a situation in your life where you can apply some or all of these tools? What small step can you take today to create something new in your life?

Photo here

About Britt Bolnick

Britt Bolnick is the owner of In Arms Coaching, heart-centered life coaching for women. You can connect with her at www.InArmsCoaching.com.

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