When You Feel Angry More Often Than Not

“If you correct your mind, the rest of your life will fall into place.” ~Lao Tzu

I spent a lot of time in my life being angry. At one point I hated everything and almost everyone. I had a saying for a while: “God, I hate people.” I hated the people driving in front of me on the way to the store, then in the parking lot of the store, then inside the store.

I hated my job. I used to love my job. It’s what I chose to do, what I went to school for. But then I started to hate it—the patients, the nurses, everything about it.

I can’t recall when the precise moment was that it began, this disgust of the world around me. I do know what I was disgusted by: the mindless selfishness of others. I was in total frustration of the way everyone seemed to be wearing blinders to the world around them.

I was so tired of the judgment and condemnation of others toward those different from them, whether it was race or religion, size, or shape (or that of their bank accounts). The arrogance with which they treated each other, the unfriendly way they regarded each other in public situations, the way I felt I was treated for so many years by people I encountered every day—at my job, within my family, out in public—by unsmiling faces of unhappy people trudging through their miserable lives.

Misunderstanding can cause a lot of contention.

I hated the way I was talked down to by other staff at work like I was less significant than them because they didn’t understand what my job title was (Registered Diagnostic Imaging Technologist, or X-Ray Tech), or that I was as educated as they were, or sometimes more so.

I hated the treatment I received from ungrateful patients who thought they deserved more than I could give. I was called names, screamed at, bled on, vomited on, defecated on, and had the occasional arm reared back in the threat of being hit. This while having to touch, move, and position these people and equipment, all while seeing and smelling the human condition besides.

Then, I would go home at seven in the morning, get a whopping six hours of sleep, if I was lucky, get up, go about my wifely and motherly duties of house-managing, dinner, and grocery shopping, where I was almost sure to be treated with righteous indignation by a disgruntled cashier who also hated her job (I would sometimes tell them to try my job and then complain), get a shower, relax for maybe an hour or so, and do it all over again, five nights a week.

What a life. And it was like this every day, in all aspects. This made me resentful of everything, including my family and myself. I just wanted to be left alone, and I wanted that piece of what I thought everyone else had, though I didn’t quite know exactly what that was.

I thought it was more money, a better house, definitely a better job. I was tired of seeing everyone else get rewarded while my situation was still so perceivably awful. There were so many things that I needed to fix in my life: the roof, the ceilings, the floors, the kitchen, the bathroom, the car, our finances, and my health.

I was miserable.

I was so tired of myself. I needed something, desperately, and I knew it. I was nearing the combustion point and I desired a way out of the awfulness that I was feeling every day. There must be a light at the end of this infernal tunnel, I thought.

Then one day, while half-watching an episode of a popular female comedienne’s daytime talk show, I sort of perked up when I heard her introduce, quite seriously, a guest to her show who she spoke very highly of.

It was someone whom I had never heard of, Dr. Wayne Dyer. He was on to promote his book Change your Thoughts, Change Your Life, but it was more than that. He seemed to actually care how people felt inside.

I listened and I eventually bought his book (though I didn’t read it right away). Very shortly after that show, I was flipping through the stations and came across another popular daytime talk show, and paused there to hear what the guest on her show had to say. That turned out to be Eckhart Tolle.

Again, I was riveted. He was on the show speaking about his book A New Earth. A short while later, I purchased this book as well. This one I did read. I absorbed these words and thoughts and could not believe what I was reading. These were my beliefs, my understandings of the way things were.

I soon picked up his first book, The Power of Now. I have never felt such relief in all of my life. This was the chisel that cracked my wall of despair. In the meantime, Dr. Dyer had released the book Excuses Begone, another big help in my transformation.

Now, I am not a huge follower of any type of self-help movement. I’m not a faithful follower of any man-made religion, though I was raised in the church and have tried almost every religion out there trying to find a way to the “truth.” And I do mean every one.

I believe that whatever you believe, if it helps you to become the best you can be, then you are right, as long as it doesn’t make you start treating everyone else like they are wrong.

But this isn’t about religion; it isn’t about gurus, which these men do not claim to be. It’s about finding the path that opened my eyes to my own healing. And that path was in me all along.

I figured out what I hated.

I hated me. I was hate-full. I was full of contempt and dissension. Do you remember those people who I ”hated,” who I thought felt they deserved more than I could give? Who thought they were owed something? I was one of them.

When I used to have hateful thoughts and feelings, I would get more down on myself. But now? Now I allow the feelings, if and when they come, and I forgive myself for them.

I envelope myself with loving kindness, because I am human, and I will make human mistakes. And, because I can now love myself with kindness and forgiveness, it is only natural to love others with the same. I can now revel in the glow of others’ happiness and joy.

I still get low. I still get forgetful. I still have moments, sometimes each day, when I forget for a while the light that fills me.

I’ve had one detrimental summer with the tragic deaths of both my mother and my husband’s mother. But when I come back to my moments of clarity it is not with shock but a simple knowing that all is well, because the light is still there. Always has been, waiting for me to come back to it.

I realized that it is all about choice.

You can change what you’re tired of. You can change your thoughts. You can change your life. You can learn to live in the now, the present. You can build a new life. You just have to choose to do so.

The power does not lie without. The power lies within you. You just have to know that you deserve it—happiness, peace, love, and joy.

I know it seems easy for me to say, but I went through it. I started my journey in 2008. I picked up those books; I read them, put them down, and sometimes reverted to my old damaged ways of thinking and doing. But something urged me back.

I believe once it’s in you it doesn’t go away. You just have to allow it to find you again—the peace, the connection to your higher self. With this connection comes a life of gratitude. For me, there’s no richer way to live.

Photo by AmandaLouise

About Nanette Stein

Nanette started her first blog in 2011 as a hobby. After her family faced multiple tragedies, she turned those experiences into lessons to help both herself and others by writing and starting her website She took the leap in November 2015 and ‘retired’ from her career as a Radiographer to pursue her writing and speaking full time.

See a typo, an inaccuracy, or something offensive? Please contact us so we can fix it!
  • Toni

    It’s hard to imagine that someone, some where, in a totally different society is experiencing the exact feelings and battling with the same issues as you are. I could relate with every word you wrote, it was bassically my life story as it is right now. The fact that you have overcome it gives me hope that I too can do the same. Not to mention that this was beautifully written. Simple, direct but very thoughtful piece.

  • I can REALLY identify with what you wrote. I too worked as a technician in a hospital and was treated as “less than” by nurses, doctors, etc.

    I also note that cashiers and other people who work with the public can be rude and even act arrogant to customers, which always disappoints me and makes me angry. I try to remind myself that those people most have miserable lives, but it is hard to always remember that…

    When I worked with the public, if I was rude to customers I would have been fired or at least reprimanded, so I do not understand how others get away with it.

    I am so glad I am self employed now, because I think most people are miserable which causes them to be nasty and hateful to others. Also, a high percentage of people these days think much too highly of themselves and are so arrogant that it is ungodly. I do not enjoy their company and doubt I ever will, but I will definitely read the books you mentioned and try to change my mindset.

    Great article !

  • I agree with the previous comments. For me, it’s almost serendipitous to read how someone is going through, or has gone through, similar experiences. Thank you for your comforting words and for reccomending Dyer’s books; I’ve only read Tolle’s up til now. Cheers! 🙂

  • julie

    I loved this blog. I can relate to this blog on so many levels. Including the job! Thank you for sharing. I will have to check these books out. I too am stuck in a rut of my own negative thoughts and need to stop the cycle!

  • Vicki

    Beautiful piece, I can completely relate. I’m glad to see that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Thank you for your honesty, it gives me hope…

  • Giardinidimarzo

    Wow! This woman’s story resonates with me so strongly. After years of chronic depression and deep frustration, I found reprieve. Tolle’s writing was a liferaft as was the much older text “Thoughts are Things” by Prentiss Mulford. When we find compassion for ourselves, when we treat ourselves more gently and less critically, we can offer that kindness to others who are facing similar difficulties.
    In the midst of deep depression, it is hard to change established thought processes, but please know it is possible. It is an on-going process, but it gets easier with practice. If everyone knew their inner critic voice was usually comically wrong, and disregarded its fear-mongering messages, we would live in a radically more peaceful world, I believe.

  • sugarpencil

    Thanks for sharing. I’ve been thinking positive to change my thoughts. Left a job, began to make changes. And it’s hard some days but I’m a lot happier than I was trapped in those old cycles of thought (once I’d made up my mind to change).

  • Yes, and the more you become grateful and aware, the more you can’t help but be more of the same.

    My mom is an X-ray tech, and I worked at the hospital as a porter, so I know all about status at the hospital and the crap that staff has to put up with.

    The words reflect my own thoughts perfectly, and I’m glad you wrote this. I also ready a new earth first and went from there. I’m babbling, but the point is, I get it, I get what you are saying, and it is an important message to send.

  • seren_du

    This is so me, I was always angry and it was exhausting, I felt I was always battling everyone, always on the defensive. But then I got help and used self-help to change my views. The key is attitudes and perceptions – if you go into anything angry and defensive, then you’re whole body language means everyone else will be like that back. I took everything the wrong way and I could never let go of anything, and I could never praise myself for anything. Perfection was the norm, to be expected. I was doing a better job than everyone else, but I never got anywhere as easily as anyone else. The key to change was to approach everything from a neutral position, to expect a neutral response from others and approach things with a more open minded approach. This made such a difference, and slowly but surely I managed to move away from the anger and hate, into neutral, and then into positivity. I still slip sometimes, but I don’t hold on to the anger any more, I can move forward, judge situations better, accept compliments as genuine, and take pride in what I’ve achieved and how far I’ve come. It’s been the biggest struggle of my life, but nearly 3 years on it’s transformed who I am. thank you for sharing your story, it’s really inspiring to know that I’m not the only one who struggles with this and has found it difficult to overcome, but it was so worth the effort x

  • I appreciate and empathize with much of your story, Nanette. For those of us who can ‘do’ self-help, this article is inspirational. And it leaves many of us who cannot bring ourselves to do what the self-help books tell us to do feeling left out and, often hopeless. That’s why there are so many self-help books to read. Most folks love the content of a book, and for some reason or another just cannot bring themselves to do the exercises it takes to shift the words into an experience. I myself have read many hundreds of self-help books over the span of many decades. And still I have needed an outside voice to assist me to find myself -over and over again. Objective, non-invested, assistance by some type of healer has been my ticket to peace and joy.

  • I agree with the part where you wrote “I believe that whatever you believe, if it helps you to become
    the best you can be, then you are right, as long as it doesn’t make you
    start treating everyone else like they are wrong.” — oh, how I wish more people would not only realize this but also put it into practice, which could reduce the separation-by-religion that our society practices all too often.

  • Nanette Stein

    Toni, I so appreciate your words.

    All I want is for everyone to know what I am discovering. Peace is there for the taking, and it is ours for the having. Since I opened myself up to other people and let myself realize that I am not “wrong” (as in nothing is ‘wrong’ with me, I am ok and deserving of love and capable of giving it), I can now start to see that fear is mostly fear of judgement of other people, but we’re all the same. We just need to start helping each other, instead of living in fear that there isn’t enough to go around (of everything that makes human kind greedy) causing us to treat each other unfairly. You are a beautiful soul…we all are. You deserve the very best of everything, and I wish that for you, wholeheartedly.

  • Nanette Stein

    And, thank you, seren_du, for your reply. I, too, need to know that I am not alone. Everyone does. I took a chance with the posts I have written. I am overjoyed that I connected with you, and you replied and I learned something from it, and so will countless other people. It’s amazing how close we all actually are…

  • Nanette Stein

    Thank you so much for your reply….Do you know what a comfort it is that you understand? Thank you.

  • lv2terp

    Thank you for sharing such a vulnerable story, and your experience! It is amazing how perspective can get so jaded when there is so much anger and hatefulness inside. I am so happy for you finding such amazing guidance from 2 amazing authors/motivational speakers. Keep up the great work!!! 🙂 Again, thank you for sharing and giving hope to so many!

  • Nanette Stein

    Thank you for your comment.
    It is hard some days. I used to get down on myself for having any negative thoughts whatsoever, and that made things worse. Now I accept it, forgive myself for it, and notice it next time. I am gentle with myself, and can then be gentle with everyone else. Making big changes is hard, so kudos for doing that for yourself. I am still working on some of those, myself… I believe everything happens as it should, perfectly, even if we don’t see it.

  • Nanette Stein

    Thank you so much for your words. I just wanted to share the pain I’ve been through and that I discovered it doesn’t have to be that way. I had to put it all out there….because there is that light, that hope. I’m glad you hear that you could relate, also, because it proves how connected we all really are.

  • Michelle

    Wow! This article landed in my inbox at the best time ever. Just like the author, I’m feeling pretty angry and unhappy lately. I also relate to the comments she made about reading different self help books (because I’ve been doing the same) and I get frustrated sometimes because I feel like I’ve turned a corner, then I wake up the next morning feeling depressed or frustrated with life again. I definitely found comfort in the fact that she discusses how you have to be compassionate to yourself and I really feel that this is my biggest problem. This week, after making some big moves forward and resolving issues, I felt physically and emotionally drained. I was SO frustrated because I felt as though I just made huge steps forward, only to fall back again into my old way of thinking. This article helped me see that I have to have more love for myself and realize that I have made progress – but it’s a bit of a process. Thank you for the article. Now you are also one of the great authors that help others:-)

  • Thank you for this inspiring story. I enjoy hearing stories about people transforming their lives through spiritual development. I know that overcoming anger can be quite a challenge when we don’t know how.

    Here at the Mindfulness Meditation Institute, we’ve developed an exercise called writing meditation, which helps people overcome their anger very quickly. Author and clinical psychologist, Elisha Goldstein Ph.D., wrote about it in his blog post, “Wiring the Brain for Better Relationships.”

    What the writing meditation does is reprogram our subconscious in a way that seems to be much more effective than simply reading, hearing, or reciting the affirmations. Everyone who has tried this exercise has seen dramatic changes in just a few days.

    I saw one very angry young man overcome his anger in just a couple of weeks of doing the exercise, and a few minutes of daily mindfulness meditation. It works really well for improving our relationships and healing the wounds from our past. It also helps people sleep much better.

    Charles A. Francis
    The Mindfulness Meditation Institute

  • Nanette Stein

    You have no idea what these words of yours mean to me. Just think….if our words can help others, what wonderous things await us by being kinder to ourselves, as well. I am so glad that I was able to help you, if just for an instant. That’s all I ever wanted.

  • Nanette Stein

    Thank you. Your encouragement means alot. I appreciate you taking the time to read my story and leave these gracious words.
    Thanks again,

  • Nanette Stein

    I really would only stand behind something I feel strongly about. This is what jumpstarted my journey to discovering who I really am. They really did help me, but I believe the things we need are layed out before us, we just have to see them. It was a perfect dance of synchronicity, happening upon the interviews of these two men. I don’t know any other way to describe it, but for fate, I guess. It is all happening as it should…
    I wish you luck on your journey, just know that you deserve the best of all things, as everyone does.
    Thank you so much for reading,

  • Nanette Stein

    Thank you so much for sharing here. When more people like you post comments, it helps to encourage others that it really IS possible to change. Your contribution here helps to push that mindset along.
    Thank you, again.

  • Nanette Stein

    Thank you for reading. I appreciate you taking the time to read it and to comment. If I brought you comfort…well, then I also have comfort. (And I really did find revelations within Wayne Dyer’s books.) Excuses Begone was a wake up call and then there is the Shift, which has a DVD as well. I hate sounding like I’m promoting and plugging, but I really did find what I was longing for there.
    I hope this helps.
    Thanks again,

  • Nanette Stein


    I really am just amazed at the changes I’ve made in myself. I finally realized that I could only change me, not everyone else. I now try to live by example, hoping that my patience will help the next person to remember patience, and so on. I just always try to put myself into a scenario that the person I am encountering might be in. A little understanding can go a long way. When you extend grace, grace can then be extended further…like sharing a smile. It can be catching!
    It took me a while to get this down, and I’m still working on it, everyday. Life is a process, but I’m happy to be apart of it.
    Thank you for reading my post, and taking the time to share your comments.
    I appreciate you,

  • Nanette Stein

    I am glad you picked out one of my strongest beliefs. This, too, is a wish of mine. You said it beautifully.
    Thank you for reading,

  • Bobby

    For me, my trip started with anger management books, anxiety books, depression books. I noticed that a lot of the authors pointed out that the wisdom they were citing actually comes from ancient wisdom, from Buddhism. Then I started reading Best Buddhist Writings, a yearly anthology. Then Tricycle Magazine. Then I read Buddhism Without Beliefs, by Stephen Bachelor. And some other stuff. And now Tiny Buddha!

    My anger might have been for its own sake…just the existence of that emotion, forcing itself into me, barricading itself in there, dominating everything. It’s still there sometimes, making its famous appearances at the party. But there are so many others at the party. They’re all there. It’s all there. Anger occupies a smaller and smaller sliver of the periphery, and hopefully, I can keep it that way.

  • Michelle


  • Nathan Jester O’Connell

    Ive been suffering this darkness for as long as i can remember, i got to a point where i almost found strength in my hate it kept me going thinking “i have to be stronger then these people” .. ive literally just came home mid way through a music festival with my wife because i was starting to get agitated and panic. i show no one the pain except my wife see’s it all the time which causes more fear in me that one day she maybe sick of my shit and leave .. ive just read this post and it has shattered me to the core, in a good way .. if words of an unknown stranger can bring me to tears this quick because i feel like my thoughts are in your post it gives me hope i can fix me.

  • Nakshatra

    Your article is really beautiful. It was like I was reading my own thoughts. I hope to find a path out of this miserability…

  • Kesa Mogan

    I’m a good girl, im not faking it but yes i am. But the anger in me ruining my relationship with my bf. I tried so much so change my self in this 8 years, i did changed partially…but still its not enough, im ruining my relationship with my wonderful bf. he is so adorable and good. becasue of this attitude of anger i gonna loose him as well. now im really regreting my life, like so much. I have decide to changed wholly and i belive i can do that. im matured enough im 27 and i believe i can do that. I will accomplshed this in short while.

  • Ky

    I hate everybody. Ive always thought the best of people and if we just tried everything would work out. The older I get the more disappointed I am by people. It sucks that I feel like I try so hard to be a good friend and yet people call me “needy” and “insecure” “entitled” it’s like why don’t they see all the ways I try and effort I put in? It makes me want to say screw people I just don’t want friends. I keep getting involved with men that just use me or relationships that are controlling. I feel like no one actually cares about me. From being abused in childhood to having a long-string of unhealthy relationships. I don’t understand how someone can say it’ll turn around or it’s my fault at the end of the day.

  • kavin paker

    You deserve the very best of everything, and I wish that for you, wholeheartedly.
    Leipzig Messe

  • kavin paker

    I found it really touching as well. As a recovering perfectionist, I
    know that pressure all too well–and what a relief it is to let it go!
    project free tv

  • kavin paker

    Not to mention that this was beautifully written. Simple, direct but very thoughtful piece. Ian Filippini Santa

  • kavin paker

    To your success. SEO

  • gigi

    what a little piggy woman. 🙂

  • ridethewave13

    Totally with ya Ky. Im in the same spot. My girlfriend has told me about a dozen times that I manifest all my own problems. I responded by please never tell me that again while I am upset. It makes me feel like you dont care and you are blaming me. Its infuriating.

    I want to tell you to hang in there. Im struggling deeply too. This year has been the most difficult of my life. I often wonder if ill ever be happy in this life again. Joy seems like the infrequent and very short visits from your out of state relatives. Pretty infrequent, Kinda of good, but good in a strangley broken dynamic. Not often enough to really feel good, or ever really feel less broken.

  • suoil

    I stumbled upon this at a point in my life when being hurt too often, unloved, disrespected, neglected or avoided has left me feeling so angry more then not. I don’t want to live feeling this way but I wake up angry because of things I can not change and people I can not control. How can one feel this way operating an established business with a loving husband, family and supportive friends. I am extremely sensitive and very analytical. A curse; both for my life and artwork.Today I am going to try to finish a painting but feelings of pain from the unfairness and anger play havoc on my mind and stiffle creativity. I do better work when I feel at peace. Something I haven’t had for for too long. My peace is out of my control. I own one of Dr Dyer’s books and know it will help me to read it again.

  • Scott F

    I can really relate to this. I get very, very annoyed quite frequently and especially living in a crowded urban environment you will be forced to be around many people and see lots of selfishness and other problems and it’s right in your face much more than in a rural or less crowded area. I used to love being in an exciting urban center with so much to see and do, but now I just feel annoyed.

    I go back and forth between optimistic and pessimistic about things, but lately I’ve been on the pessimistic side and it’s hard to deal since my commute has gone from about an hour each way to 75 to 90 minutes in very crowded and uncomfortable situations on public transit. I feel unhappy about it. I’ve been angry a lot recently and try to ignore it and smooth it over, but it’s hard to let go of. Even though it was a beautiful morning today and I realized it, I couldn’t shake being grumpy, angry and resentful all morning when I should’ve been happy at beautiful weather and a nice day.

    I’ve been thinking on and off about the buddhist idea that pain comes from having expectations of reality and not being able to accept reality as it is without judging what *should* be. At least that is my understanding of it. Certainly, in my case I get angry since I feel like I deserve better than what life is offering me and I also feel hindered and trapped by frequent fear. I guess I need to let it go, but don’t really know how.

    Perhaps I’m also a bit depressed lately. I’ve always resisted the idea of getting professional help, but maybe I should consider it since I often find myself very angry over small things, so I think the overreactions mean maybe something deeper is wrong.

    Thanks for the interesting post. Good luck to everyone to feels this way and it’s awful to feel this way inside.

  • kittendelight

    That’s where I’m at right now, I hate everyone over the most mundane things! I’m sick of guys asking me out then not following up, but maybe I’m mostly mad that I agreed in the first place even though I’m not even that interested… I guess it’s the fact I agreed then they fuck me over that makes me so mad. I feel like everyone is out to get me and that people are constantly disrespecting me and making demands of me and it’s worst when it’s someone I barely know and they do that passive-aggressive “you take ages to reply” thing and I’m just overwhelmed and infuriated that they have the audacity to throw their expectations at me like that, as if I don’t have enough going on. I’m sick of being angry at myself but being angry at EVERYONE doesn’t make me feel any better :/

  • Dr. Otto von Aspirine

    That moment when you realize all of this is complete and utter bullshit. Have fun tricking people into buying books they don`t need.

  • Me

    Feel like a new person reading this … I got butterflies cuz I felt these words

  • fredypicker

    Bought the story…until the promo for the book. Sorry but I want real answers to a Buddhist attempting to live in this asehole greedy world

  • nyldy

    Amen. I have to say, while reading this blog post, the only thing I could think was “this is complete bullshit.”

    They say there’s no cure for being a cynical asshole. I think I’m just stuck this way.

  • No

    So how do I magically change my thoughts if I can’t afford to buy the print kool-aid?

  • Naomi Madelin

    Phew! Thank you for this wonderful post. I too have ups and downs and know that there is light – but am in a long funk struggling with anger, weariness and hatefulness. Your wods and your book recommendations are fab – keeping some uplifting, directional reading to hand is so helpful in keeping on the right path. Already downloaded one book to Kindle and Wish Listed the rest! Thanks for your honesty and openness – and the reminder and comfort that there is a way out. Wishing you a healthful, whole and heartful now 🙂

  • kathy dowell

    this was so good and like what im going through, until it got the book part. then it felt like an ad.

  • Alee

    Totally relatable. I hate everyone and everything.

  • Angela

    You probably don’t want to hear this but I was kind of in your situation a couple of years ago so I’ll say it anyway – feel free to disagree and yell at me if you want =) I actually truly think that men (and people in general) will pick up on that vibe you give out of anger and indignation and that will drive them away more than anything intrinsic about you… If men ask you out in the first place they probably really like things about you – the way you look, your personality, etc. But when they pick up on this subtle ‘I hate the world/men/life/people’ vibe then it might make them a bit afraid to take things any further with you. They might feel like they can’t handle the anger, or that you aren’t ready to let it go and be happy. And it scares them. Also you have to remember a lot of men out there have been through the relationship ringer themselves and are giving off the same vibes and could very well be stuck in the same cycle, which just pushes women away and thus reinforces their indignation and anger. It’s a self-fulfilling cycle that one day has to be broken if we are ever going to get peace.

  • kittendelight

    I really appreciate you taking the time to send me this message, especially because you obviously did so out of kindness rather than out of judgment 🙂 As you can see by the date I posted that originally it was 6 months ago, so things have changed but since then I had an attempted date-rape so I wouldn’t say things are better.
    I actually totally agree with you, and I think the things that are hardest to hear are probably the things we most need to hear! I bet you won’t be expecting my response to be so grateful 😛
    I can’t tell you how much reading this has helped me, especially because I know I definitely have given out angry vibes towards men and what is even worse is that it didn’t even put them off! I think I’m at a point where I feel like I need to put myself out there but I also think that I need to be around people who bring out the best in me and not people I feel annoyed by, even though they had the best intentions toward me. I really struggle with rejecting people who are kind to me because I feel like I should be interested, and that’s something I’m trying to work on!
    I know that men have had struggles, been cheated on, and hurt… I have had some bad experiences where I’ve been lied to and deceived, and I feel valued predominantly sexually by men. I think I am likely clouded by my own feelings towards myself since I have numerous examples of men wanting to date me and it’s been clear it’s because I’m interesting, not just “hot”.
    Thankyou again for taking the time to reply, I’m saving your message as a reminder that there are caring people out there and to remind myself that not everyone is out to get me 🙂

  • Angela

    That is a surprise, haha, but I am glad and yes I totally understand where you’re coming from. The date rape and being rejected and not being attracted to those who are nicest to us, I’ve been there myself. But I’m glad that things are looking up for you and I can say that they are for me too, but you just have to take it one step at a time and not give up hope. I can tell by your writing that you have a lot of depth and life experience and I think you’ll be able to attract better quality people in your life with that attitude. Great to hear back from you =)

  • Jazz

    Im literally laying in bed bawling my eyes Out saying i’ve become so angry, so hateful and im tired of EVERYTHING! The traffic lights, the drivers, anything u name i’m tired of! And im just lost! I dont know what to do

  • Esmerelda

    Hey kittendelight
    I don’t usually respond on the internet, but I was reading your message and this response and I was thinking I actually think something different is going on here! It sounds like you’ve got both the good and bad fortune of being good looking! And it also sounds like you are getting confused between being kind to people and giving them a chance and being true to your own gut feelings and protecting yourself!
    Men do objectify women! Especially attractive women! You don’t have to give everyone a chance, only the ones you’re interested in. And to be honest, I don’t blame you for being angry at that aspect of men. As much as women feel “invisible” once they lose their youth and attractiveness, it can feel just as invisible to be noticed only for the way you look. It’s confusing and lonely too.
    You don’t need to say yes to everyone who asks you out – that is a short path to rage and fury, because they won’t all be nice guys.
    As you have just experienced!!!
    It’s okay to be angry about being objectified!! And it’s okay to choose who you want to spend you time with and not be chosen all the time.
    Follow your instincts!
    I’m older now, but I remember this. Take care x

  • kittendelight

    Hi Esmerelda,

    Thankyou for making the effort to reply 🙂 Everything you said is spot on. I feel like both you and Angela have given invaluable replies because I can relate to everything you have both spoken about. I have been exhibiting hostility, like Angela pointed out, but a lot of the time it’s completely warranted!
    You are so spot on, I am feeling justified anger! This year, in particular, I have become much more picky about who I want to spend time with because I don’t owe anyone a relationship or mutual feelings. I don’t know why I have felt so obliged but I tend to feel really awful if I don’t like someone the way they like me (usually they are decent guys and relatively attractive) if they are kind to me. I end up thinking there’s something wrong with ME and count all the issues I have with men like going for the “assholes”, and having trust issues… That may all be true but I can’t exactly force myself to like someone, nor should I. Just because I think people deserve chances doesn’t mean I HAVE to give a first or second chance, and I think that’s something I’m really trying to follow. I think a lot of the anger I’m burdened with is caused by social expectations on women and being angry that I expect so much of myself and recognising that it’s a result of conditioning that I have to work hard to challenge.

    I’m trying hard to follow my instincts and stay true to myself, thankyou for your empathy and wisdom! 🙂


  • Windy Lynn Harris

    This is beautiful, Nanette!!!

  • Nathaniel Williams

    I too can relate to this article. I am livid with the world around me. I work at a bar restaurant on weekends and study during the week as a full time student. Making the transition to work at times gives me an emence amount of anxiety at times. The only day I have to decompress is Sunday and usually that is not enough. I like the time I am studying and working on something enjoyable the time I spend at work is starting to feel like purgatory.

  • I’ve read the book, ‘the power of now’. At this moment in time though i feel beyond help. Things piss me off so much i feel like i’m gonna have a stroke or my brains just gonna pop. Two people pissed me off on facebook before, deleted em. Been single for years. Still live at me mums an her an her husband are always arguin, that always makes me feel more shit. Duno, i definitely believe in that book and every word Eckhart Tolle says, i just find it impossible to apply to my life every day. I’ve got health anxiety which means i constantly think i’m dying. I use drugs regularly to sort my head out. My fuse is so short i just made a typo an smacked my keyboard. I seriously hope my life or my mind makes a dramatic turn very soon or am gonna end up losin the plot.

  • Ni

    I’ve tried to “just choose not be angry” repeatedly for the last 15 years, when can I expect it to start working?

  • Humaid

    i feel like i hate everyone too because no one is take care of me all my friends are ignore me. i feel empty and lonely. i lost a lot of people i love in my life i always lose people they leave me. i don’t know what to do…

  • chinagreenelvis

    Great. Another “It turns out I actually hated myself and not other people” story.

    Fuck you. I mean, fuck me too: I hate myself, for a lot of good reasons. But I also think I’m awesome for entirely different ones. Neither one gives me any reason at all to hate other people; If I’m frustrated with other people, it’s because they’re underneath my expectations.

    Sure, maybe I have high expectations. Then again, anticipating poor human behavior doesn’t make it any more tolerable.

    People are fucking obnoxious, selfish assholes. No amount of dealing with your own shit will ever change that. Yeah, you can still love humanity, and even (from time to time) embrace individuals who would otherwise be scorned as dickbags. But that’s not modus operandi for anyone.

    If you came to this article seeking peace with yourself and you think you found it, I hope it lasts. But if you wound up here after an aimless search and still didn’t find answers… well, then you’re in questionable company. With me.

  • Argument Clinic

    Question for you… I have been down this road and I’ve arrived at what you arrived at. That has enabled me to change the things that have little or no consequences where the choice is obvious: go from A to B and the net positive benefit is undeniable. My problem is with the things in life that you seem to be blocked into and it probably sounds like a broken record but many people feel trapped in a job they can’t wait to retire from and the reason they stay in it is because they have family responsibilities. To make matters worse, they feel like a failure because they thought they were making the right choices and then realized their judgment skills and expectations were quite immature. Furthermore, now that we’ve accumulated more experience to (hopefully) make better choices, we feel like we’re locked in to our previous choices. There is a fear that quitting that job will let down the other people in your family who you chose to either be with (your spouse) or your children and surely a child didn’t ask to be here so you can’t just let them down because of your own selfishness right?

    What’s the magic solution for that one? Many days I feel like Al Bundy in Married with Children questioning my naive optimism about having a good experience with marriage, family or children because I thought I was smarter than the average bear supposedly and could succeed where others have failed. If you have insight into this I would greatly appreciate it. I’ve tried everything I can do to look at it from different angles so that maybe I could re-frame it and look at it differently as though maybe I’m not focused on the one thing that will make it all seem worthwhile. I mean I tell myself that’s what i ought to think because otherwise I’m a bad parent, spouse, whatever if you don’t but all I feel is tired, with a lack of enthusiasm for any of it.

    And it’s not depression, the biggest scapegoat of the 21st century, because I know that if I’m allowed to spend enough time without all the drudgery of passionless responsibilities and free to just do as I please for a bit, I bounce back and feel rejuvenated by I just don’t have the same experience with my spouse, family, etc. and I feel like I’m obligated to do things for them before myself. I find it all exhausting but I push myself through it because it’s my duty. I’m supposed to assume responsibility for my choices even if I didn’t realize the choices I was making.

  • Abigail Odiet Wojahn

    Thank you for this. As i sit here alone on Christmas b/c I am too angry to be around friends and family, this really put things into perspective. . I don’t know if I am still grieving the loss of my sister or what is exactly is causing me to feel so upset on this holiday when I should be celebrating. I just don’t want to suck the fun out of a situation b/c I can’t get in the spirit. Taking time out for me to just sit with my feelings and process whatever is going on inside of me. Maybe in other’s eyes this is not right and I should suck it up and paste a smile on my face. I can’t do it right now and I hope maybe that they will realize that but if not I can only do what makes me feel good at the time so I dont blow up by forcing myself to be a certain way. Not sure if this makes sense but I am going with it. Thank you again for your insight.

  • sujatha pullareddy

    My life is full of deep pain, I am 50 years female, I had a very abusive marriage, for many years, and then debt, financial woes and a very controlling, dominating husband. A lot of struggle and hubby is ok now, but I suffered for more than 15 years with him and feel sooo cheated, used and feel I had no dignity, I never left him, his mistakes and I suffer, I have depression too, and I am so irritated with my husband, and after any out bursts I again feel guilty…. it is such a vicious cycle, I am Indian women, leaving or divorcing husband in my society is not easy. A divorcee is like a public property to other men. Life outside marriage is not any greener………….. I just wish death will come calling, I will so happily embrace it, for me death is akin to peace.

  • rikkirat

    Wonderful article – I swear you were talking about me – an exact parallel

  • Rainbow Phoenix

    Although I know Im not alone, and that there are some lovely people out there, I just can’t stand most people anymore. Ive developed a loathing of cats, dogs, and noisy tweeting birds that stop me sleeping. Im angry all the time. So depressed. I am only content if I stay home and turn off the phone. Ahh what happened to that old altruistic hippie I once was?

  • SoloNation

    I am full of hate and cant hold a job because of it, I always feel like Im holding back from harming others and I cant afford to eat what I want which is my main concern, I am completely resentful of our entire world and society. even reading your post here I was like okay so day time tv saved your life good for you. And I think “I’m black and middle eastern in a world where nothing matters to anyone and I have to tolerate everything”. I think “Well people who aren’t black or don’t go through prejudices will scoff and brush me off cause it couldn’t possibly be about that.” I fake being polite and positive for the world but I truly have such resentment for all of mankind every aspect the good and bad its all pointless and needless. When I have a job I fear losing it all day long due to my inability to cope with this rage and set it out on someone, and Ill go for months (i’ve only held a job for 8 months long at a time) and then either they will have something to say about something I did and Ill take it wrong and give an attitude then they dont like that and say something else and then i explode after fair warning. Or when I feel I have conquered the rage in that moment it still goes against me somehow I was wrong. I am tired of people and life as a whole, my pup eats more than I can. This dog i have as well has shown me how far gone I am in this rage.

  • Abdul Ibrahim

    I repeat what Toni has written below regarding relating with every word you wrote. My issue is that I was raised to be so forgiving, loving and caring out of faith. From this faith I explored other religions and exercised Yoga and everything was fine. At age 40, I discovered that the most hurtful deeds came from those religious people who were around me. I was really really let down, cheated, stabbed in the back, robbed and judged by the most religious people. At that age, I thought that I need to uncover this ugly truth about religious people in general, and I developed a powerful anger against all religious people and of course I stopped practicing religion.
    My perfectionism, punctuality, honesty, success (in the past..hahahaha), education, law-abiding trait, and living as a foreigner in a developing country whose citizens are very disrespecting to all laws—of course after me losing my country due to the war…..all these made me inspect every deed in front of me and judge people and come with a perfect scenario of all their actions, works, speeches, conversations and movements which are labelled by me as very stupid.
    I loved your story here. It’s well-written

  • Genome

    Emotions… I hate. It is normal to feel, have emotions like anger or to hate. To blow your minds try using fear as power, to succeed. People achoo and I achieve. It’s more about survival, knowing your own strengths and weaknesses. Being alone is fine with me. I hate when my body tells me I’m hungry. Being judgemental over hate to me means another emotion… Jealously from love or attention… they say it leads to hate… You are comparing emotions to other ones when you don’t know what you are really feeling… Take a break because it is not worth it. You are angry/hate someone or something… Why? You are no better so why ruin someone’s or something’s else life? Karma is God. If there is one… People saying ‘God I hate…’ I hate everything forever and always. You have one life right? Why waste it over emotions? Pathetically being judgemental. So say what you like. Goes in one ear and out the other. Pain you think will break my tolerance to pain or my will-power. I doubt it with an one track mind with too many trains…

  • Adam

    You need an editor to correct your typos

  • Collin

    Everything you’re describing is me right now.

    I’m currently almost 25 years old and I have so much hate and disgust for everyone. Even people who don’t know me can read it off me when I look at them and it makes them uncomfortable.

    I hate the way people are judgemental, racist, condescending, rude, selfish, egotistical, materialistic, obnoxious, drive like morons, etc. Honestly screw off with your dumb opinions and judgements.

    I’ve been bullied and threatened more times then I can count for many, many years (someone even tried to kidnap me when I was 14, believe it or not, and I’ve had a few people try to rob me while threatening me), so maybe it has something to do with it. I also can’t stand all the dumb things people do, honestly people are retarded. I refuse to see the other side because there’s no excuse for someone taking out their frustrations with their miserable life on other people, like me, when we didn’t do anything to deserve it.

    It’s weird because as much as I know I want to forgive and forget and pretend that everyone’s got good intentions, I just can’t do it because I know it’s not true. Something’s stopping me from forgiving, liking and caring about the human race no matter how hard I try.. I guess I’m just not ready? I’ve honestly tried and I just can’t.

    Maybe I will be one day, or maybe I’ll never be ready. Either way it’s ok because I’m at peace with myself.

    By the way, just because I feel this way doesn’t mean I show it or take it out on people who don’t deserve it, so you guys could learn something from someone like me.

    I’m happy with myself, I actually love myself. I show my true emotions and I’m not afraid of it. I’m my own best friends along with a couple of other people in my life and you know what? I wouldn’t want it any other way. I don’t want everyone to like me because it’d mean I’m fake. I’d rather have a few really close friends and be disliked by everyone else for being me, then to be liked for something I’m not.

  • Collin

    I’m the type of person who will insult you to your face if you’re a jerk and expose you for what you are, even risking my career which I’ve done before many times.

    My parents taught me to just ignore it but you know what? That’s stupid and that advice isn’t inline with who I am. Although you have to be smart and pick your battles wisely, there’s a time and a place for everything and some people just aren’t worth a second of your time.

    I’d rather make someone feel like crap and think twice about being a jerk necessarily again, then let someone walk all over me.

    I walk away feeling happy too don’t you worry.

  • Collin


  • Lisa

    I find when I’m angry/feeling rage, which is very often (many times a day) over the most stupid things, which i still don’t understand why they get me angry? It helps to direct that anger at my anger and say ‘Fuck this anger, I’m not going to let it ruin my day or take control of me and the way I feel anymore, it can fuck off. I’m letting it go, you will NOT control me’ ‘Breathe and let this shit go, it’s not fucking worth it. Let it go let it go let it go’ and i’ve noticed by focusing on something/anything else around me, a tree or something in the distance in my home and really look at it an examine it. My anger starts to fade. I’ve been doing this for the past week and i’ve noticed, the feeling of anger ends much quicker, as i guess i’m not feeding it. I’m starving it and killing it slowly. I know it gives me a feeling of power to feed it and give into it but it just keeps me in a place I really don’t want to be. I think i’ve just got fed up of being in such a shitty negative place. I’m not taking it anymore!!! Instead of finding power in the anger i find it in physical exertion such as running, weight lifting and dancing like a crazy bitch in my living room and then when the anger isn’t with me i try and meditate, do yoga and listen to my negative self talk to try and change it which sometimes leads into anger again but I’m training myself to weaken it’s power.

  • Wil Jon

    you are like me then, and i feel, shit. I think its a perspective thing, we live in another logic and we get angry because nobody else sees it, it makes me feel alone, but i always have a friend somewhere to remind me i am not, but they rr to far to rescue me from feeling shit. For me its always the struggle do i shut up and have friends who cant think or do i speak and loose everybody . I also have the concept better to speak then to ignore, but it seems not everybody is good in discussions.

  • Wil Jon

    so funny, i really laughed, when i read yours i though, im not alone, many people r angry, maybe its not toally abnormal

  • Snarky McGurk

    Classic glass is half full or half empty. Not much to it if that is the depth of one’s exploration. Without a Creator, man is God. Since man is not God, this causes confusion and torment. Why write off what you call “religion” – only Christ has brought me peace.

  • Sara

    UGH, Its so hard when youre going through this and looking for help, and then articles say things like “just change your mindset” …. “you have the power to change” … Maybe some people do, but a lot of people are dealing with very serious mental health issues, and this kinda crap makes us feel like shit for not just changing our ways, if i could do those things I would.

  • Dissapointed Reader

    Blah, blah, blah….a bunch of feel good bolognae that doesnt hold any merit or value, stop thinking your helping by giving such butterflies and rainbows type advice, say something real that actually helps and has some imperical evidence behind it or just keep yourself quiet, i for one could seriously use it, i am tired of ending up at these nonsense articles that do nothing but make me feel more frustration and anger, real advice would be appreciated…

  • henry hong

    I am in a fairly hateful point of my life. After reading your article Nanette, I am reminded of similar thoughts and ideas people have brought to my attention. I want to be at this mental state. However, I find a flaw in this logic that I always keep coming back to.

    People say to forgive and accept that no one is perfect. That’s fine, for some matters in life. But what if your doctor mistakenly drank a little bit too much? What if that inspector forgot to attend a mechanical failure in a plane? Sure there are safety checks that can catch these two eventualities, but what about other things that slip through the cracks. The list goes on and on. At some point, people must be held accountable for their actions. At some point ignorance is not an excuse and it is not okay that these outcomes play out repeatedly.

    I wish I could be as indifferent as others or even let go. But right now, I cannot. It’s so frustrating to be in this mental state and hold on to this hate and anger all the time.

  • mindyourbeeswax

    I really thought this post was going to do something for me as no other has. It’s eerie how much of that I could relate to.

    But in all the god knows how many hours I’ve spent reading about depression and mood disorders – long enough to have become a formal therapist, probably – they all have one thing in common, which is the moment where things spin on a dimes and they start saying the same shit Ive read in every other such post. I dont mean “shit” as in “it’s shit”. I mean that I have tried it all and none of it is effective. It was disheartening to see similarly misanthropic thinking patterns conquered by methods exactly as NOT unique as my ability to relate to the precise symptoms was uncanny.

    There are delineations of note. I wasn’t always misanthropic and nihilistic – in fact there was no epiphany about discovering my self loathing. I have always felt the disdain for myself first and foremost, and in fact for a long time I turned none of that toward others at all. I had a lot of bad experiences, and yes many of them external and cruel via others, that slowly allowed me to add one person after another to my hate pool.

    Ive learned all about the CBT stuff you’re discussing. It does nothing for the negative emotions or selfperception; it does allow me to not irrationally hate others, but it doesn’t mean I like them or people in general either. I merely acknowledge that getting venomously angry at someone that cuts me off on my way to work isn’t normal. He doesn’t know Ill be late because of his reckless driving behavior. I’ll leave earlier tomorrow. That’s fine.

    It has made no difference otherwise. The whole positive self think concept is alien and sounds like hug circle bullshit to me. I understand it has helped others and for that I respect it and the science behind it. That’s as far as I can go. Antidepressants have varied between no change and making it much much worse. I can’t afford therapy and I am NOT a talker, either. The few times ive been to see one, they would give me printouts about cbt or … Generally tell me things I already knew. It is true that therapy doesn’t help some people. I am one of them. Journaling. Dream diaries. Quit smoking. Quit drinking. Eat healthy. Exercise. Ive tried every one of them. The one thing I haven’t tried is ECT which is off the table because I cant afford to take time off work – EVER, even a few days – and need complete mental clarity. I dont have a support circle. I have a very small handful of friends that have bee. Good to me through all this and the vast majority have abandoned me or done truly disgusting things that revealed unsavory character. I am not close to my family.

    You describe a lot of advantages in your own dark time that I hope you properly appreciate now that you’re healing. I am in a horrid financial situation. As far as I can tell there are either no jobs in my field or none interested in hiring my demographic. The job I do have (after years of seasonal slumming and layoffs and being denied EI afterward for no good reason) is menial and treats me like absolute garbage, giving me tablescrap hours despite the completely objective incompetence of many of those around me. I dont express these feelings. I remain positive and always say yes. It makes no difference. I am the doormat, and my life has been a series of situations of being a doormat. And now my youth is over and I spent all of it being stressed and unhappy – which I would probably be okay with if I wasn’t on the constant edge of financial ruin, unable to support myself, drowning in debt, unloved and not respected. Some of what I just said is “my thoughts” I freely admit, but quite a bit of it is entirely objective. Sometimes a person really isn’t just wallowing in it without selfreflection. Sometimes a situation really is that bad, really is outside your control, really does grip you with the greed of quicksand.

  • ethan bandits

    my wife was looking for NM MAD 379 several days ago and was informed of a great service with a searchable forms database . If you are wanting NM MAD 379 as well , here’s a

  • sten swarty

    Wow and years later I google “why do I hate everything and everyone?” I was an EMT in the field 6 years running both emergency and non emergency. I’ve taken patients to radiology and watched them vomit all over and helped clean it so I know how it is. I felt the same then about work and life. Now I’m a histotech and I love my job but almost every single person I talk to outside of work I just want to see an anvil fall on their head. I don’t want anyone hurt in reality but I just want everyone to disappear. I may just take a look at some of those books. I have a wife and kids and love every second with them. But people outside I wish would just vanish.

  • Primal

    The only way to live in peace is to let go. People are so filled with hatred, envy, intolerance and outright rage — the fact is this world is a nightmare — but if we can try to let go what happens is we not only see the true nature of things [i.e. reality] but we find enjoyment and purpose as well. With that being said it is my opinion that life is not worth it; at least where i live in New York State. And it is Leftism (via Statism) that is promoting all of the hatred, envy, and so on.

  • Carol F

    Holy cow… reading some of the very angry people a ways down in this comments section has brought me out of my funk! I am not nearly as down as these folks, God Bless them! Some of the very angry one’s who hate everyone, I thought, they need to get some help and some medication to correct chemical imbalances.
    This has made me realize that I need to get myself back on track and start remembering where peace lies… within myself and with God and in Gratitude.
    Thank you for the interesting and mindful article and thank you to the angry people for waking me up to my own power… I wish them the fortune to wake up to theirs.

  • Victoria Swan

    Who gives a f*ck? Life sucks!

  • The Truth Is

    Especially the women these days.

  • John Duong

    its great

  • a French Chef

    I’ve given up on the extras like happiness and companionship.
    I’m down to praying that employees actually show up.
    I’m down to praying that customers stop lying about (pick one – ‘allergies’ ….temperaments to get what they want a prepaid status of an order) They can’t
    ….even hit a parking space 50% of the time.
    I’ve begun transferring my assets out of my name so when I go the evil
    government doesn’t steal my life’s work and piss it away.
    I have never worked so hard for so little in my life and I’m almost done.

  • Olivia

    I wish I had someone like you to talk to. My anger is ruining my life and I have no clue how to go about it.

  • Commentiquette

    I thought this was pretty relatable and insightful until I got halfway through and realized that this is a sleazy advertisement for a book that clearly isn’t going to solve anyone’s problems, except maybe you and the author who are clearly trying to profit off of other people’s misery and hopelessness. I don’t even have to continue reading to figure out that the book you’re trying to sell me is some sort of self-help “just cheer up and take a deep breath” paperweight that I wouldn’t even put in a book donation bin. I think the most terrifying part of this article is knowing that people actually buy this shit and enable others to profit off of their own self-loathing.

  • Daniel Amspaugh

    A bunch of crap.

  • Nil

    Yet another useless short essay on somehow just magically choosing your feelings. Does any “article” on this site have actual advice? Let alone concrete and actionable advice?

  • Kirstyn Rogers

    I was honestly just googling about how my job makes me angry, I’ve followed Tiny Buddha before on social media so I knew this would be a good read, then I saw your job title: X-ray tech! That’s what I do as well, so even though I know everyone can go through hating their job, reading that you’re in the same field as me has made me feel so much less guilty about being angry at work. I feel like I’m surrounded by so many that can just go with the flow of all those points you made and I can’t figure out why I cant. I will read the books you suggested. Thank you for helping me not feel alone!


    Kittendelight I read what you typed out and I wanted to say as a man that I’m so sorry that you had to go through this these “men” you assumed are nothing more then incompetent little boys and they don’t know how to treat a real woman with high value I really hope you’re smiling while reading this and please love don’t hate yourself or anyone who is a waste of time, you are beautiful my gut tells me