The Fact That You’re Struggling Doesn’t Make You a Burden

About Lori Deschene

Lori Deschene is the founder of Tiny Buddha and Recreate Your Life Story, an online course that helps you let go of the past and live a life you love. Her latest bookTiny Buddha’s Gratitude Journal, which includes 15 coloring pages, is now available for purchase. For daily wisdom, follow Tiny Buddha on Twitter, Facebook & Instagram..

  • Pam Lame

    Thank You for posting this little quote. IT As with a lot of things, it came to me when I needed to hear it so desperately. I’ve been dealing with a toxic husband who discarded me after 17 years of marriage and it was so unexpected and painful I thought I would die, and I actually welcomed it. But I didn’t die, instead I’m left with a million questions and doubts and so much fear and incredible loneliness. I also lost my best friend when this all happened and have been unable to work myself out of the muck of it all. Slowly I am starting to heal and I have found one person I can confide in and that’s helped me so much to not feel so alone and afraid. But I have been so concerned that she might get tired of listening during the and she might get overwhelmed and tired of hearing it, that she might walk away too. So, I find myself trying to not be such a burden, and trying not to appear too needy. And many times I hold back and tell her everything is okay, and that I’m feeling great beca
    use I am so afraid of losing her. When really all I want to do is scream because of all the self doubts and wondering what is real and what was just the sickness from all the abuse. And the questions in my mind are not being answered, by me or anyone because I don’t know how to face them alone. And I know this is the hardest thing I have ever had to survive and it’s taking so long to come back from it. But I am also afraid of losing this last person and I find myself almost turning into something I’m not. I’m ignoring my chance to really heal because I have to bury so much of my pain. It’s like I got on this roller coaster and can’t get off no matter how badly I want to because I can’t let down my guard long enough to see what is real and what isn’t. So sorry, see, I’m doing it even here, laying my life out and being so afraid of appearing needy. So, what I am trying to say is thank you for letting me know I’m not the only one that feels this way. Because it’s a lonely, tough way to live.

  • You’re most welcome, Pam. I am so sorry to hear about your marriage. I don’t think you’re needy at all. I think you’re, understandably, in a lot of pain. You’ve been through so much. Anyone in your shoes would need lots of external support!

    I totally get your fear of driving your friend away. I’ve felt that way many times in the past. I imagine this friend is happy to be there for you (that’s what friends are for!) but have you considered seeing a therapist, as well? I credit therapy with saving my life, since it enabled me to not only share my feelings, but also identify and challenge thought patterns that weren’t serving me. Perhaps this would help you access some of that buried pain and heal. Just a thought!


  • Pam Lame

    Thank You Lori, I appreciate your kind thoughts. I have thought about therapy, and I have been working on a lot of things way down deep. I believe the way this all happened in a way, to wake me up a bit so I could heal from a lot of things that I didn’t even realize I needed to heal from, so I know what you mean. I actually have come a long way since this all started and I guess that quote just caught me off guard a little bit. I am sorry I laid it all out like that, I guess it was just stuff I had to say and it came out. And yes, my Dear friend will stick by me, I know that. She is totally loyal and precious and has given so much of her time and love to me, it’s amazing.
    It’s such a hard thing for most people to understand unless they’ve been through it, they think I’m just making stuff up to get even with him, and believe me I couldn’t make this up if I tried. I really think this is the universe telling me to deal with old hurts and this one will be easier to deal with. Anyway, here I go again…lol. Again, thank you for your reply and don’t worry, I am on a healing path now and I’m going to be okay. I know I am. 🙂

  • You’re most welcome. No need to apologize! I know how it can help to share what you’re going through. That’s why the site exists. =)