Dear Anita

Yup, I would do this even when the pulling isn’t painful. It is good to get him into the habit. He will start to get the message that pulling stops his fun. It doesn’t hurt to give a firm but gentle tug and a no too. And of course, a calm praise when he walks nicely. 🤍

Hmm well have a think for a bit and see if a tattoo is something you want to do. My adopted mum got a tattoo on her forearm when she was in her 60s. The tattooist was very gentle. They are aware that they need to be very delicate with fine skin. It’s a lovely idea ALULA, such a beautiful memory. You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to. I’m sure she will understand if you change your mind. 🤍

You have always been worthy of love. There is so much more to you than your trauma. I’m so sorry that your mother taught you to believe otherwise. 🤍

I hope that things change for you and your sister when your mom dies. It would be nice to be able to talk to her without the presence of your mother looming. 🤍

Hmm well my bio mum and I both put in effort to avoid each other a lot, so the complaining wasn’t constant. And I was too independent, taking care of her and my brother from a young age.

She told me that her father raped her and that she used to exchange sex for stuff because she was very poor. She told me that people promised her things and she had sex and they wouldn’t keep their promise after.

I know she moved away from her family because she didn’t want to deal with them. But she would visit them once a year because they would give her money.

I got burned out from caring. The suicide attempts and cutting were getting worse as I got older.

I feel like for abusive parents it is very inconvenient for them when children are their own people, which they are from an early age. It was very common to abuse children to shut them up for a long time.

My son tries to let his desires be known and he’s 2. He doesn’t want a nappy change. He doesn’t want to wear his clothes sometimes. He doesn’t want that food. He doesn’t want me putting his toys away to clean or go to bed. He wants what he’s not allowed and is disappointed when he is stopped. It is much easier for a child to express what they don’t want than what they do want. I think it’s just a bit complicated of a thought process imagining something that isn’t directly in front of them.

Even now, it is common for people to describe behaviour as tantrums. I don’t really believe that. Difficulties happen when children desperately need something.

Yes, but I mean that my internal resources are a bit weak. I’m trying to practice comforting myself every day at the moment. I write down the times I feel anxious in a day and I try to comfort myself at the end of the day.

Hi Tommy

I recently realized that a lot of behaviour comes down to neurotransmitters and hormones. The difference in thought and emotions from these things alone is a lot without adding in factors like hunger and fatigue.

Studying animals is helpful. Sometimes we forget that we are them. Physiology is fascinating. 🩵

A female dog will drastically change their behaviour based on hormones, all to facilitate reproduction at the opportune moment.

Sometimes, we are not even control when we think we are. 🩵

Hi Debbie

Thanks for sharing the link, it’s an interesting article. I guess I’ve always felt this way because I grew up extremely poor. I never understood why people don’t share more with others. You’re definitely not insane, the world is broken. Just do the best you can to not let it break you. 🩵

Dear Anita

It sounds like you’re having a wonderful day. A tattoo appointment, wine, a dog, childhood music, company and a warm fireplace. 🤍

Do you know what kind of tattoo you want to get?

The antibiotics seem to be helping. I can’t complain too much. 😊 The dog seems to be feeling a little better today. Ups and downs, but it generally takes a couple of weeks to heal. 1 down, half way through the next.

I’m sorry to hear that it’s difficult for you to talk to your sister. Is it partially because she stayed in your mother’s life? 🤍

I thought about getting in touch with my brother, but ultimately decided against it because it could open a can of worms with my mother and I just don’t want any drama.

You have suffered a lot, but you have always been a person. 🤍

I know it can feel-less than. The pain of trauma. As my therapist said, “It is natural for people to react in these ways when experiencing these kinds of difficulties.” It is human.

I hear you about the freedom from the pain. Day by day, I hope you feel a bit lighter. 🤍

I’m sorry to hear you’re having shoulder pain with the pulling on the lead. Is it getting bad? I think it’s a hard thing to heal because you walk them every day, so you keep re-injuring yourself. Anti-shock leads are really good and there are harnesses designed to prevent pulling. For training to walk without pulling, the key for me has been to stop and start. If they are relaxed on the lead, walk. If they aren’t stop. I hope that it helps. I know different dogs respond to different techniques though. 🤍

Hmm I didn’t know what to share about being alone. After having a think, it seems like I have difficulty being alone. I rely on others being a source of love. I’m trying to work on being a bit more self-reliant. 🤍

Hi Tommy

A cruise sounds like just what the doctor ordered! Is there anywhere you would like to go? 🚢 🌊 ☀️

I have faith that you will manage with the heater just fine. 🩵

Perhaps it’s not so much that she’s afraid of you messing up, just that she is afraid of being without a heater when it’s cold. Even a tiny, remote chance can put the fear in people.

Are you doing anything nice to celebrate? 🩵

Dear Tommy

It’s okay, your way of enjoying stories is valid. No need to pick anything apart. 🩵

Oh, not yet. The cat isn’t due for another month. You’re busy as ever! I like fixing things too. I’m not even as close to as good at it as you though. That’s pretty cool you are able to help others with your skills. 😊

I like the problem solving and it is nice to have something concrete out of it if all goes well. It almost feels creative especially when you start winging it.

Oh yes, got to keep the boy nice and toasty. Just paying the price for it. 😂 😭

I hope you and your family are well? Stay warm and have a Happy Lunar New Year! 🌙 🩵

Hi Everyone

I really loved this thread. It was a shame I didn’t have enough time to reply. It brought me a lot of peace. It was lovely watching the guys chat. 😁 🩵

The moon cannot be stolen is beautiful. It reminds me of a song by Nina Simone.

We are lucky. I was watching a medical show and they did a stint abroad in a place without access to doctors. So many people were dying of things that doctors help with every day. The doctors on a mission could only help so many people and had to decide who gets the chance to live. Sometimes we forget how lucky we are. 🩵

The silence story is a funny story. Taking it seriously, I wonder why the head monk gets so many words. Did he ever try to help the monk who was struggling? 🩵

The Christian story, I read online that the eye of the needle was the name of a gate to a city. Laden camels needed to be unburdened to enter. I think it adds nuance.

The Zen story about the diamonds. I wonder if the rich man was travelling around asking others people the secret to happiness? Did he even expect a satisfactory answer? Did at least a small part of him hope? I guess, when the master took the diamonds and ran away he might have believed he’d lost his only chance to be happy.

Maybe it is wishful thinking that the story is not really about diamonds. 💎 Just a desperately unhappy person who has everything, who would pay a lot of money for the answer.

A lot of people are reactive with their emotions and perception.

There was a story in a kids show called Bluey.

THE FARMER AND HIS HORSE
(OR THE OLD MAN OF THE FRONTIER LOST HIS HORSE)

Once upon a time, an old farmer living on the frontier lost his horse.

His neighbors in the village said, “What bad luck!”

The old man replied, “Maybe. We’ll see.”

The next day, the horse returned with five more wild horses.

The neighbors came and said,” Wow! What good luck!”

The old man said, “Maybe. We’ll see.”

The next morning the old man’s son tried to ride one of the wild horses, but the horse threw him off, and the boy broke his leg.

The neighbors said again, “What bad luck!”

The old man replied, “Maybe. We’ll see.”

The next day, soldiers arrived to take young men off to war, but the old man’s son didn’t have to go because of his broken leg.

The neighbors said, “What good luck!”

And do you know what the old man said?

REFLECTION QUESTIONS

Were each of these events good luck or bad luck?
What are some of the bad events in your life that led to something good?
Based on the story, how should you react to good or bad events?