Good morning, Confused:

These kinds of things, early childhood experiences such as a pattern of aggression by a mother, interrupted by times of affection, then back to aggression and suspicion (her thinking you’re manipulative when you were affectionate), these things cannot be solved by logic alone.

It takes real, competent professional help. There are many therapists out there who invested years and years in education and practice because so many, many people need this kind of help.

I just wish you came across a competent, experienced therapist.

🙏🤍✌️👀🤔 Anita

Good morning, Peter:

* I just noticed that you submitted a post 25 minutes ago, while I was preparing this one. I didn’t read it yet (beyond the first line) and will send this reply first. Afterwards, I’ll read and reply to the recent).

In the message I sent you last night, I focused on just one thing you wrote yesterday (“wanting to ‘do’ something but not knowing what, helpless…”) and took it out of context.

In the context of your whole message (the one addressed to me, and the one addressed to Alessa- which I read for the first time this morning), you were describing the emotional impact of witnessing suffering, the human impulse to help, the frustration of not being able to change global events, and the helplessness that comes from caring deeply.

It’s about the limits of being one small person in a huge world and witnessing suffering you cannot stop.
This is existential helplessness, not political helplessness.

You weren’t saying: “I want to join a movement.”, “I want to take political action.”, “I want to fix the world.” You were saying: “It hurts to see suffering and not be able to stop it.”, “I wish I could ease the pain I see.”, “I don’t know what to do with these feelings.”

It’s not about plans, action steps, solving a problem, changing the world; it’s not about political or practical solutions. It’s emotional, not strategic.

Everything in your message to me and in the message to Alessa points to inner grounding, not outer activism. So, you “wanting to do something” meant wanting to stay emotionally present to suffering without being overwhelmed — not wanting to take political action.

In my last message to you, I again lost sight of you (the person I’m responding to) and saw myself in you. Your line: “wanting to ‘do’ something but not knowing what, helpless…” jumped out of the computer screen, and I interpreted (last night) it through my own emotional lens, not yours.

I was feeling urgency, fear, a desire to act, a wish to make a difference, a sense of responsibility and a need to not be passive. So, when I read “wanting to do something,” in isolation, my mind filled in: “He must mean what I mean — wanting to take action, to help, to change something.” I was seeing myself in your words, projecting my own meaning onto your words, reading my own urgency into your helplessness, and interpreting your longing through my own.

You were speaking about something much more human and internal — the wish to stay present, to not shut down, to hold sadness without being overwhelmed, and I’m with you in that quieter meaning.

I want to grow this capacity in myself too — to stay present, to not shut down, to hold sadness without being overwhelmed. I’d like to hear more about how this feels for you, or how you stay close to that quieter place.

🤍🌿🌾 Anita

Dear Alessa:

Thank you for your empathy and good wishes!

I called my sister a minute after I read this morning that the town where she lives was hit by a missile (from Iran), or a rocket (from Lebanon), and she said she heard nothing, she was in the “safe room” and heard nothing.

I then sent her photos 📸 of Bogart and she loved them.

About my communication with Norit, it was mostly about my 2016 communication with her in her first thread, mostly, not her last 2023 thread where you were a part ⁶

I understand my .. unskillful responses, and want to do better, that’s all. Not to punish myself, but to learn and improve.

🤍🌙🤍🙏 Anita

Dear Tom:

As fit 💪 and as young as possible, I like that! That’s just what I do. Actually, I am more fit now than I was at 40.

At 40, I was overweight and sluggish. Now, I’m slender and agile.

Did you ever attend a tai-chi class? That’s one practice that combines physical fitness and mental fitness.

💪🤍🕺 Anita

Dear Alessa: Thank you 🙂 for your response. I’ll reply further later 🤍

Good morning, Peter:

“Not polished. Not wise. Just human.”- that’s me. Wiser than before, I hope.

I continued my study of my past communication with Norit this morning and recorded it in a private space, to reread and internalize.

In my replies to her I rushed to offer solutions, often being directive or corrective about it, vs being collaborative. Basically, I told her what to do. Also, I saw myself in her more than I saw her. So, I ignored her individual challenges, her individual story, and made it about me. I talked to my younger self.

She needed calm and validation: I gave her tension, pressure, urgency.

I wasn’t grounded in myself.

Which brings me to your message of less than 2 hours ago, “Heaven on earth” within, a space “to expand, to breathe”, “a place you can rest in”-

So to not project the hell- within, the constricted, the suffocated and restless into another (like Norit).

To rest and breathe within, finally.

“Finding it hard to engage without losing my footing a little”-

The old me would turn this honest, vulnerable, human expression into an analysis project, going back to past posts and interpret you and tell you what your statement means and what you should do about it.. ha-ha.

The new me (a bit wiser) says this morning, well, asks: how does it feel like to lose your footing a little, for you?

Maybe you should dance 🕺. I know I should dance 💃

🕺💃🤍 Anita

Hi Dear Peter:

Talking about wars, as you know, one is taking place right now and religion is a big part of it. A metaphor that comes to mind (an incentive for committing mass murder): virgins in heaven or paradise as the reward for martridom.

Would be, what’s the word.. helpful to replace that metaphor.

I have some family I care about in a country that’s currently bombarded by missles from Iran and whatever one of their proxies is sending from the north, lesser powerful rockets.

The “messy, active work of relating” (your words)- What would it look like, for you, to messily relate?

For me, following the recent humility brought about by your valuable input ✨️, it’d mean.. maybe back to open fields of green 💚 grass, but it wouldn’t be running. It’d be like you said: falling and getting back up.

I think that this month it’d be 10 years since you first posted on tb (March 2016), less than a year since I first posted here (May 2015).

I know you’re 2 years younger than me. I think you live on the east coast while I live on the west. We both have tinnitus. You used to dance 🕺 (I miss dancing!) Do you still dance?

I’ll stop here. Just messy, human wondering.

🕺💚🌙 Anita