To be exact, it was completely dark here in Sedro‑Woolley, WA tonight at 9:54 PM, which is when last light ended. Sunset was at 9:14 PM. Still light.

My goodness, the sun did just set here, W. Wash.

Back sooner than later: about other people- those who are fortunate enough to grow up in stable homes with emotionally regulated parents who don’t fight and leave again and again-

I imagine that for them, Love and Peace coexist.

Not Love and Fear.

So no shutdowns, no intrusive doubting thoughts, etc.

🐔 Anita

It’s like “if I love her, I’ll get terribly hurt” (Fear of emotional pain),

“If I don’t love her, I won’t get hurt”.

So, when Love goes up, so does the Fear, and your 🧠 responds by “killing” the love,

But Confused is a loving person and she is truly lovable, so Love resurfaces, fun and affection..

And next- even if you don’t feel the Fear- 🧠 is in the habit of protecting you from anticipated emotional pain by producing emotional shutdowns and intrusive thoughts.

🐔 Anita (Copilot is not involved in the above, using my phone)

Hey Lisa 😊

So good to read back from you 🙏

Yes, C-PTSD makes perfect sense. You experienced ongoing trauma from a very early age. Actually, you experienced trauma before you were even born (your teenage mother taking drugs while pregnant with you), and then you were given away as a baby to an orphanage of some kind to be relieved later by your grandmother.

And that was only the beginning 😔

The fact that you survived such an exceptionally difficult childhood of deprivation and violence (your unless fighting outside your room, I remember you sharing, and you blocking the door to protect yourself), and managed to work and support yourself all these years, is a testimony of your strength and resilience 👍👍👍

I remember, long ago, you shared about maladaptive daydreaming. It was the first time I heard the term and I related to it. It was a way to fill my mind and heart with images of the love that I was deprived of in real- life.

It was only a few days ago that I posted in one of my threads that the title “Unloved” would fit an autobiographical book about my life.

Does it resonate, Lisa?

✨️🌿✨️ Anita

Dear Christi:

The coincidence (!) you wrote: “sitting on five beautiful acres in what I believe is one of the most beautiful places in Washington state.”-

I am sitting on exactly 5 beautiful acres in the evergreen state right now.

Late here and just turned dark only half an hour ago. I’ll write more in the morning.

Anita

Hey Dear Thinkin’2Much🌙🦉 Confused 🙂

What you’re experiencing is normal for a 🧠 that experiences fear and love at the same time, and maybe in equal amount.

🐔 Anita