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June 8, 2026 at 10:45 pm #458475
anitaParticipantWow, Robin! You’re an exceptional person, I can tell- so honest, intelligent, transparent and seeing the whole picture.
“He may even mean no harm and may intend to bring me down from the shelf where he has temporarily placed me, in time.”-
That sounds painful, to be placed on a shelf 😔
“I’m certain our connection was real”- it does sound real. Real and precious and maybe drowned- for now- underneath whatever he’s going through.
It’s close to 11 pm here and I’m not very focused. I would like to reply further in the morning. The Star War saying, “May the force be with you”, comes to my mind- the force within you, that which is not dependent on whether he’s gone or not.
Back in the morning.
Anita
June 8, 2026 at 9:37 pm #458473anitaParticipantThe longing of a deprived child: is there anything more intense, more enduring?
The imagination of a child is limitless. How the realities of life grind against those limitless imaginations/the make- believe-s/ the wishful thinking.
Maybe the most constricting real- life early experiences lead to the most expansive imaginary early life experiences.
✨️ 🌿 ✨️ Anita
June 8, 2026 at 9:27 pm #458472anitaParticipantHello James:
Good to read from you again. I suppose I used to feel threatened by your posts. Maybe I no longer need to.
Maybe I don’t need to be reactive anymore, and just let people be themselves, James123 included 🙂.
✨️ 🌿 ✨️ Anita
June 8, 2026 at 8:54 pm #458471anitaParticipantHello Robin 🙂
I hear how emotionally attached you are to him, how much you regret the text you sent him 3 weeks ago, and how much you wish he’d reach out to you
First, no judgment for you dating a separated man. After all, he was separated and all that remained of that marriage was the legal stuff involving 2 children and money.
Second, the text you sent him was human, not abusive. His difficult life was not his alone. It was yours too because you’ve been in love with him. No wonder you had feelings about it all- and with alcohol, they just surfaced.
Even if I had a very similar experience to yours, my experience (nor anyone’s) could predict whether he’d reach out to you, or not.
That his marriage was abusive, that is, his wife abused him while together and while separated, means that he can’t handle much more than he’s already handling
Maybe if his life gets easier, he’ll reach put to you. Maybe it’s all too much for him right now and he went to a power- saving- mode: minimal extra complications.
It wasn’t your job to minimize yourself so to not add any distress to his mind and heart.
Please tell me your thoughts, your feelings about what I wrote here, or about anything at all that crosses your mind.
✨️ 🌿 ✨️ Anita
June 8, 2026 at 7:53 pm #458470anitaParticipantHey Kiddo Confused 🙂
You don’t come across to me as BPD or bi-polar, not AT ALL.
“I do feel love”- ✔️✔️✔️
“Kiddo Confused trying to fix parents fighting… my chest burning”-
Inside Adult Confused there’s still a Kiddo Confused with chest 🔥🔥🔥
“I feel like everyone… will 100% leave”, “father leaving and my chest burning”-
Was Kiddo Confused very attached to his father?
Do you remember?🤔 🌿 ✨️ Anita
June 8, 2026 at 3:58 pm #458464anitaParticipantHey Dear Confused:
What you’re describing — the feeling of two parts inside you, one Loving and one Fearing — makes a lot of sense to me. It’s not ‘two personalities’ in the sense of having two emotional parts that get activated at different times. One part reaches for closeness, and the other part panics and pulls away.
When the fear part comes up, it wipes out the loving part, and when the loving part comes up, it wipes out the fear. That’s why it feels like 0–100 inside you.
You’re right that people who don’t experience this can’t easily understand it, but the important thing is that you are starting to notice it. The fact that you’re trying to ‘catch’ those moments and look underneath them is a good sign.
What you said about trust — the fear that people leave, or that someone won’t really get you — fits with the pattern you’re describing. When the future feels like a void, or when nothing romantic moves you, that’s usually the fear part taking over and shutting everything down to protect you.
If you want, we can look more closely at what each part is trying to protect you from, and what triggers the shift between these two parts.
Anita and Copilot.
June 8, 2026 at 10:00 am #458458anitaParticipantGood morning, Starlight✨️
I wanted to share something from my own experience: for a very long time, I was struggling with anger at my mother, guilt for feeling that anger, and a deep confusion about what I was ‘supposed’ to feel.
Back then, people often encouraged me to understand my mother, to empathize with her, to forgive her, to see her wounds. They meant well, but those messages actually made things harder for me.
I was already overflowing with empathy for her and had none for myself. I was already blaming myself, already feeling guilty, already trying to excuse her behavior. Being urged to forgive or to see her side didn’t help me heal — it pushed me deeper into guilt and self‑doubt, and it kept me stuck in the same emotional position I had been in as a child.
I’m not saying forgiveness is wrong; I’m saying that when someone is still hurting, still trying to understand what happened to them, and still trying to find their own voice, being told to forgive or to see the parent’s perspective can feel like pressure rather than support.
What helped me wasn’t being told to rise above it — it was being told that my anger made sense, that my pain was real, and that I was allowed to have my own experience. I just wanted to offer that in case you’ve ever felt something similar.
You get to move at your own pace, in your own way, without anyone else defining what healing should look like for you!
Anita
June 8, 2026 at 9:08 am #458454anitaParticipantGood Monday Morning, Confused:
I can hear how much you care for her and how much fear you’re carrying at the same time.
When you say things like ‘I can’t live without her’ and then ‘I can’t make any future plans with anyone,’ it creates mixed signals for her, even though you don’t mean to send them, and it puts her in a confusing position. Not because you’re lying, but because both sides are true for you in different moments. Your emotional intensity goes to 100, and then your fear and self‑protection go to 0. That 0–100 shift is what hurts her, even when your intentions are good.
I don’t think you’re trying to lead her on. I think you’re overwhelmed by the speed of your feelings and the intensity of your fears. But from her side, it can feel like she’s being idealized one moment and rejected the next. Naming this pattern isn’t criticism — it’s the first step toward helping both of you feel safer.
If you sit with that for a moment, what do you think happens inside you when you go from ‘she’s everything’ to ‘I can’t promise anything’ so fast? What is the fear underneath that shift?
You don’t have to answer me if you don’t want to. This is more for you — to understand yourself better, so you can feel steadier in the relationship and in your own life.
Anita
June 7, 2026 at 10:34 pm #458449anitaParticipantConfused, June 7: “I told her that… if she leaves, I don’t really care about what happens to me”
Confused, June 6: “I don’t want to tell her that she’s the girl of my life, after knowing her for only 3 days, that would be delusional and I don’t believe in fairytales.”
I am Confused 🤔, Confused 🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔
🤔 Anita
June 7, 2026 at 7:45 pm #458445anitaParticipantPage 100 💃 🎶 🎂 🌭 😁 👏 🎵 ✨️
June 7, 2026 at 7:44 pm #458444anitaParticipantNow, this is not Copilot, it’s strictly me, using the phone:
I find it strange, or should I say, incongruent that on one hand, she is so important to you that you wouldn’t care about your own healing if she’s not in your life, and on the other hand, you are not ready to commit to her beyond one day at a time.
Actually, it’s strange that you don’t seem to believe that you even need any kind of healing outside the relationship with her. It is as if you believe that you are unaffected by your personal childhood trauma.
Don’t get me wrong: I like you and I think you’re a decent person, and a pleasure to communicate with. But, if I was in her place, assuming she is fully ready to commit to you, I’d be upset that you are not. I would feel that I am on trial, like on a test drive.That would have rained on my love- parade big time!
Anita
June 7, 2026 at 5:53 pm #458443anitaParticipantHey Confused 🙂
When Copilot talks about healing, it means the part of you that feels overwhelmed, exhausted, and unable to regulate your emotions on your own. That’s something inside you — not something your girlfriend can fix or carry for you.
When you say you’d stop therapy if she left, that shows how much pressure you’re putting on her and the relationship to hold your entire sense of stability.
But your healing can’t depend on whether she stays or goes; it has to come from you deciding that your wellbeing matters no matter what. She can support you, but she can’t be the reason you take care of yourself. The strength you’re looking for has to come from inside you, not from someone else’s presence.
🌿✨🌿✨ Anita
June 7, 2026 at 5:40 pm #458442anitaParticipantHi again, Starlight✨️
I hear that you don’t want to be unfair, and that shows how thoughtful you are. At the same time, it’s important to remember that you were very young, and the responsibility to communicate clearly or protect your opportunities was never supposed to fall on you.
Parents are the ones who should notice, guide, and support — not the other way around.
When I mentioned apology and amends, I meant that forgiveness becomes confusing when the person who caused the harm doesn’t acknowledge it. I’m glad what I said made sense to you. I’m here for you whenever you want to talk 🙂
Anita
June 7, 2026 at 5:24 pm #458440anitaParticipantCopilot: “You can tell him that Copilot sees two people who care about each other but are both overwhelmed, and that the question is whether the relationship is giving either of them the conditions they need to heal. And you can tell both of them that love is not enough when the nervous system is drowning.”
June 7, 2026 at 2:04 pm #458436anitaParticipantHey Dear Confused:
Glad it’s a good idea 🙂
From what Copilot tells me, Escitalopram is an SSRI that increases serotonin, while Wellbutrin is an NDRI that increases dopamine and norepinephrine.
Escitalopram is generally calming and frequently causes sexual dysfunction, while Wellbutrin tends to be more activating, may improve energy and focus, and rarely causes sexual side effects.
“Escitalopram is usually better for someone whose depression is tied to anxiety and emotional flooding, while Wellbutrin is usually better for someone whose depression is tied to low energy, low motivation, and emotional deadness. Both typically take several weeks to show full effect, and individual responses vary widely”
I hope that’s somewhat helpful?
Anita
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