Dear Alessa:

“I am a proud mama. 🤍” thumbs up for mama Alessa 🤍🤍🤍!

“I think it’s understandable to be angry about not getting an apology after all of that abuse.”- that ship (the apology ship) has shipped long, long ago.

“In my experience, people who don’t want to acknowledge the severity of the pain they’ve caused have a difficult time apologising. True remorse means feeling the pain. For people who are so triggered by pain, they try and avoid it preferring to live in the comfort of denial. And yet, it cannot be denied entirely. I believe these things eat away at them and further their self-hatred. 🤍”-

I understand the difficulty in self-reflecting and holding oneself accountable. I understand that bad people have their own struggles. By bad, I mean people who repeatedly harm FOR DECADES, blaming their victims.

“I don’t view intrusive thoughts as a genuine threat. Please don’t worry, talking about these things isn’t upsetting me”- Thank you 🙏

“I’m sorry that your mother threatened you like that. Mine did too. It is a terrifying experience to feel like your life is in danger with your own mother. Things should never be this way. 🤍”- Yes, things shouldn’t be this way.

🙏🤍🙏 Anita

Dear Alessa:

Thank you for your two messages, this one and the one you submitted in my thread. I want to respond to both later tonight. I am looking forward to doing so!

🤍 🤍 🤍 Anita

Hi again, Confused:

About the How (continuing my last post to you): When the brain senses danger — emotional or physical — it first tries to protect you with Fight‑or‑Flight. But if the situation feels impossible to escape and there’s no way to fight the source of danger, the brain flips into a Freeze or numb state. (Fight, Flight and Freeze are the 3 responses to danger in the animal world)

Chemically, stress hormones like cortisol surge and then drop, the brain releases natural pain‑numbing chemicals, and the thinking part of the brain goes quiet. At the same time, the nervous system slows the heart rate and breathing to conserve energy. This combination makes you feel far away, disconnected, or unreal.

It’s not a choice — it’s the body’s built‑in way of protecting you from overwhelming feelings by temporarily turning down your awareness. When the body senses safety again, the nervous system slowly “turns back on,” and you begin to feel present and connected once more.

– Now, what’s the danger that caused the recent dissociation? Could be a memory of danger that was triggered. You mentioned “violence and arguing constantly” in regard to growing up with your mother. Not something you were able to run away from because you were a minor stuck living with her (the Flight response was not available to you),and I assume you didn’t Fight her, at least not successfully, so gone was your Fight option. What remained was Freeze response (dissociation) .

I would like to read your thoughts about this..?

🤍 Anita

Dear James:

I want to process and study your short but strong answer thoroughly, including what you shared previously:

At death- my ego, personal identity, psychological self; my mind, beliefs, experiences, memories, fears, desires.. the sense of “I”- all these disappear. There’s no continuation of me.

That absence of self — the total emptiness — the “Nothing left”- is not a loss but a liberation. In mystical traditions (Sufi, Zen, Advaita), “nothingness” is not negative. It is pure freedom, pure peace, pure being- the end of illusion, the end of suffering.

* In Advaita, it is the return to Brahman (pure consciousness). In Buddhism, it is nirvana — the extinguishing of the individual flame.

* In Sufism (Islamic Mysticism, a mystical tradition within Islam) — Fanā’ means the annihilation of the ego. It is followed by baqā’ — abiding in God. Famous Sufi expressions: “Die before you die.” (Meaning: let the ego die so the True Self can awaken.)

“When I vanished from myself, I appeared in God.”= When the ego disappears, what remains is the divine reality. Not a personal God in the sky. Not a deity with a personality. Not a separate being. In Sufi mysticism, “God” (Allah) is: the One reality, the infinite, the source of all existence, the ocean into which the wave returns

So “appearing in God” means: The individual self dissolves into the infinite. It’s the moment when: the boundary between “me” and “the world” dissolves, the sense of separation disappears, only unity remains

A metaphor: Imagine a wave on the ocean. The wave thinks it is separate. It has a name, a shape, a story. But when it collapses, it returns to the ocean. The wave “vanishes from itself” and “appears in the ocean.”

The wave (individual self) rises (lives) and falls (dies). When it falls, the wave disappears. But the ocean (impersonal being) remains. The wave was never separate from the ocean in the first place. Death is the wave returning to the ocean.

In simple terms, the personal self ends, the impersonal reality (you called it “pure consciousness”) remains, and that impersonal reality is freedom.

Here is a collection of.. The Best of James’s, I’ll call it: “Stillness is the absence of mental chatter—the ever-present silence, untouched and eternal. Therefore, Stillness is the end of grasping. Grasping means reaching, clinging, holding to thought, desire, fear, or hope. When the grasp relaxes, mind becomes quiet, like an open hand.” (Aug 27, 2025)

“Radical acceptance is not passive. It is the deepest strength. When fear comes, you don’t resist it; you let it be seen. When anger arises, you don’t judge it; you allow it to pass like a cloud. Even danger, even uncertainty, welcomed without resistance, they lose their sting. The paradox is: by accepting everything, the heart opens completely, and care flows naturally. You don’t ‘try’ to care love, compassion, and right action simply arise.” (Aug 28).

“For me, love is the complete acceptance of everything and anything exactly as it is.” (Sept 1)

“I see bad people like babies. They came into this world completely pure, like clean water, innocent and untouched. Everything they became—their personality, their habits, their ways of thinking—was shaped by their environment, family, society, and life circumstances… The person I see now is just the result of everything around them, not something they consciously chose in the beginning. Understanding this doesn’t mean I approve of harmful behavior, but it allows me to look at them without hatred or judgment.” (Sept 1)

“Love is the highest and purest service we can offer to humanity. It’s not about recognition, reward, or doing things for show—it’s about giving, understanding, and being fully present for others. When we act from love, every small gesture, every word, every act of kindness becomes meaningful. Helping others with love is not just about changing their lives, it transforms us as well. Love sees beyond faults, beyond appearances, beyond judgment. It connects us to the essence of people, to their struggles, their joys, their humanity. When we serve from love, we serve without expectation, without ego, without thinking ‘I am doing something great.’ The act itself becomes the gift, and the impact spreads silently, like a ripple in water. In this way, love is not just an emotion—it is the truest service we can offer to the world.” (Sept 1)

“When the so-called self dissolves, something different happens. The body and the universe are no longer two. In that, there is no cold detachment — the body inevitably becomes an instrument of Love. Compassion, care, listening, and presence are no longer choices of the ego, but the natural action of Life itself… So yes, the memories, the scars, the stories remain in the body, but without identification they don’t rule the being. They are seen, felt, and even shared with tenderness, yet not carried as a burden of ‘me’.” (Sept 3).

“Every breath is heaven. Every fear is hell. Heaven and hell are words, stories, warnings, not geography. Life itself is the teacher, and every moment is the lesson.” (Oct 6)

There’s more to quote, but I’ll stop here. I want to reread the above and continue to process later. Thank you, James. I am feeling more of an appreciation to your wisdom today than I ever felt before and I want to apply it more, much more, in my daily living in the forums and in real-life.

🙏🙏🙏 🤍 Anita

Dear Confused:

I mean, a legitimate loss of feelings may be about you being tired of the LONG-DISTANCE aspect of the relationship, understandingly wanting something that’s physically close..? (there are quite a few ingredients to the puzzle, if you care to explore)

Anita

Well, what is a “legitimate” loss of feelings vs illegitimate>?

Dear James: The real devil= the ego/ the separate self. Your message: I am not my ego. My true self is beyond mind and ego.. But (if I understood correctly what you shared earlier) true self disappears in death.. nothing left of separate or true self when a person dies?

🤍 Anita