“To be present is to see the other person as they are: their habits, their evasions, their peculiarities, the parts we don’t fully understand. And to meet that without the immediate reflex to fix, improve, or measure them against who they should become.”-

It just occurred to me that it’d be a good idea to have the above said as part of wedding ceremonies.

And if implemented in marriages, how much love-missed misery could prevent.

* Notice: “love-missed misery”- that’s my word-dance 🙂

“But perhaps the practice shifts here. Not toward perfect, unconditional love, but toward a willingness to notice when we’ve left presence and to return.”-

To return to the promised land.

“Presence is not passive. It is attentive, responsive, quietly engaged”-

You’ve been practicing this kind of presence for a long time here in the forums. I remember you were accused of being passive months ago, in one of the threads. You responded with a uniquely engaged-kind of grace- not defensiveness, not offensiveness.

If only world politics was run in this spirit of grace.

“Is this a reality we can stand within?”- to stand within (to not shake it, fight it, turmoil-it).

To stand within it. To B and let B.

To not exert power-over, or to submit to power-over. To void the human power quest- in relationships, personal and global- bombs, nuclear, violence.

But I digress or not. Not.

Ani-natta-nita

Hmm. ChatGPT mentioned ” insecure attachment”- does this resonate for you, that you suffer from insecure attachment?

How R U, Nina?

(as I went over our conversation, I noticed for the first time that I addressed you twice as Mina instead of Nina (having glasses now when using the 📱 helps)

I hope that my last reply was not too heavy?

🤔 Anita

Hey 🙂 Confused:

So, you’re saying maybe you fell into depression the 10th and 11th of November and as a result you lost feelings for her, and next, you started obsessing (ROCD)

Or

the 10th and 11th were the end of the honeymoon phase and that ending led to your depression and obsessing.

Are these the 2 options 🤔 or is there a 3rd option?

( using 📱)

Dear Sapnap3:

I went over your 44 threads, from your July 7, 2013 first post (about 2 years before I first participated in these tiny buddha forums), to your last post on Nov 9, 2020, which you addressed to me.

I ran some things through Copilot (AI) earlier this morning, a resource I didn’t know about until late 2024. But then, I had to get off the computer, and back to my phone, and am too low tech to access Copilot from here. But I continued to read many of your posts using my phone.

This is my understanding this morning, 5 years, 6 months & 3 days since you last posted:

You grew up a very lonely child, emotionally unattended to, severely emotionally neglected.

So much so, that at 6 or 7, you kept seeking the only attention you got back then: that of a 60- year-old man, a neighbor, who sexually molested you, touching you at 6, 7 year-old sexually and having you touch him back in that way.

You never told your parents about it back then or later because (at least from one point onward) you believed that your mother (or both of your parents) would blame you for it.

But at one point, as an adult, when you visited your parents in India, you were groped by an accountant who provided accounting services to your parents, and this time, you DID tell your mother about it and hoped or expected that she no longer use his services.

Her response: she said that he was probably just trying to be friendly, and regardless- she’ll continue to use his services because he charged less money than other accountants.

Talking about money, at one point, your mother referred to you as her “retirement fund”-

You were the only one among your (much older) siblings who had American education and was making serious money.

You felt an obligation to take care of your parents financially and felt a mix of love, anger and guilt about it.

In your adult relationships with men your attachment wounds were understandably activated and you clung too strongly to them, fearing the abandonment you experienced as a child.

You started posting here about one such relationship that ended in a breakup that devastated you.

On April 12, 2016, when you started this thread, you wrote that you lost your father and looking back, you could see that he loved you a lot and made you feel wanted.

Clearly, he didn’t make you feel wanted as a child or during all of your formative years. But we have a way of softening memories (nostalgia) so to comfort ourselves.

Two days later (above), you wrote that your mother is “very loving” but loves your older sister (who was her youngest daughter for 9 years before you were born) unconditionally, regardless of her poor choices (in your mother’s evaluation), but expected you, Sapnap3, to be perfect, thinking of you as her “trophy child”, using you to show off to others.

In your last thread on the forums, you shared that you were moving to Chicago where your mother was living at a time so to be with her.

In my post to you back then, I reminded you of what she did that harmed you (I realized only today that I made a mistake in that post- I thought that your mother excused the 60-year- old man who abused you at 6, when she was really referring to the accountant who groped you as an adult).

You posted for the last time on Nov 9, 2020, a reply to me. In your last reply you defended your mother, the woman who you truly loved unconditionally ( I am referring to the title of this 10 year-old thread(.

I would like to continue this later.

If you are reading this, Sapnap3- and it would be very unlikely, given the time that has passed- I hope that you’re doing well.

🙏 🌿 ✨️ Anita

Bringing up this 10 year old thread up to look at later.

Hi again, Starlight ✨️

You told Peter that you did a picture (art) of a hand 👈 pointing to yourself with the word ‘forgiveness’ written on it.

I do hope that you forgive yourself. I know how difficult it is to feel guilty 😔

Talking about art, I did a painting myself when I was in my early 20s. It meant a lot to me and it also involved a hand: it was a hand coming out of my brain/ head, fingers spread, as in trying to escape the conflict and misery within my brain- trying to escape and be free from relentless guilt.

If you want to talk with me about guilt, I am here.

I remember at about the same time, I said to myself, feeling strongly about it: “If I get to experience one day of not feeling guilty, my life will be worth living”.

Fast forward.. my life is worth living ✨️

Not all happily-ever- after fairytale style.. Just Not- Guilty. What a relief!

🌿 Anita