Dear Jana:

You are welcome, and please take all the time you need! ❤️ 🤗 back to you!!!

anita

Dear Peter:

I want to reply further when I am more focused Wed morning.

anita

Dear Peter:

I understand about the news these days being overwhelming and concerning. During these challenging times, it’s important to take care of yourself and find moments of peace amidst the chaos. Your well-being is important, and taking care of yourself will help you stay resilient.

anita

Dear Aj:

Thank you for your thoughtful response. I’m glad to read that you’ve started recognizing the patterns of reassurance-seeking and how it affects you. This awareness is an important step towards managing your OCD.

It’s great that you’ve taken your sister’s advice to give into the uncertainty and stop your compulsions, even if it’s challenging, and that you deleted the internet for now and feel better for it. The “Maybe, maybe not” technique can be difficult at first, but it’s encouraging to read that you’re starting to feel clearer-minded.

Remember, you’re not alone in this journey. Seeking professional support from a therapist who specializes in OCD can provide you with the tools and strategies to manage these thoughts effectively.

Wishing you strength and clarity as you navigate these challenges.

anita

Dear Aj:

“I’ve been diagnosed with health ocd.. why is my brain now suddenly saying that everything I want is a woman now- when never in my life have I thought that?”- I understand that you’re feeling confused and distressed by these sudden thoughts. Given your diagnosis of OCD, it’s important to recognize that OCD causes intrusive thoughts that may be completely unrelated to your true desires and feelings.

In your case, the sudden intrusive thoughts about your sexual orientation is an example of how OCD manifests. These thoughts are likely a result of your brain’s tendency to latch onto uncertainties and create doubt, even when there’s no real basis for it. The fact that you’ve never had romantic or sexual interest in women and have always been attracted to men suggests that these thoughts are not reflective of your true desires but are rather a symptom of your OCD.

It’s important to seek support from a therapist who specializes in OCD. They can help you develop strategies to manage these intrusive thoughts and reduce the impact they have on your life.

“I watch male on male porn now… I also watch sensual straight porn now”- it might be helpful to take a break from watching any kind of porn because it may be reinforcing the intrusive thoughts and making it more difficult to find clarity.

If you’re seeking reassurance about your sexual orientation by watching porn to see if you feel attraction to men or women, it’s important to recognize that this approach is not helping you: despite watching porn, you are still feeling obsessed and unsure about your orientation.

Seeking reassurance in this way actually reinforces the cycle of intrusive thoughts and anxiety. Instead of trying to find answers through porn, I encourage you to consider seeking support from a therapist who specializes in OCD.

“I’m a harsh critic and want to be perfect.”- Being a harsh critic of oneself and striving for perfection are common traits associated with OCD. People with OCD often have high standards for themselves and feel an intense need to perform tasks perfectly. This can lead to excessive checking, repeating, or correcting behaviors to ensure that everything is done “just right.”

Individuals with OCD are often highly self-critical, constantly evaluating their actions and thoughts, feeling that they are never good enough and must always strive for improvement. To cope with the anxiety caused by intrusive thoughts and self-criticism, individuals with OCD engage in compulsive behaviors.

It’s important to recognize that these traits are part of the OCD cycle and can be addressed through therapy and self-compassion.

“I know from my other ocd obsession – my compulsion was searching online for anything relating to the topic. It would consume hours of my day on forums. I ask my sister for reassurance constantly because she has ocd and has gone through similar. I can’t get away from this mental loop.”-

– the mental loop and constant reassurance-seeking are really taking a toll on you. Recognizing these patterns is an important first step. It shows your awareness of the compulsions and how they are affecting your life. Again, seeking professional support from a therapist who specializes in OCD can help you break free from the mental loop.

It’s also important to be kind to yourself during this process. Recovery and managing OCD take time and effort, and it’s okay to reach out for help and support.

* It’s important to distinguish between seeking reassurance and seeking help. For someone with OCD, reassurance (such as “you are not gay”) might provide temporary relief but ultimately reinforces the cycle of intrusive thoughts and anxiety. On the other hand, seeking help from a professional, like a therapist who specializes in OCD, can provide you with real help.

Remember, you’re not alone in this journey. Actually, I suffered from OCD for many years but not anymore. Well, there is a tiny bit of a leftover but only a tiny bit.

I recommend that you read my reply to another member on Oct 10, 2024 right above on this page (page 17).

Wishing you strength and clarity as you navigate these challenges. If you ever need someone to talk to, I’m here for you.

anita

Dear Aj: I will read and reply in about 12 hours from now.

anita

Dear Jana:

You are welcome. It’s completely understandable to feel overwhelmed or freeze in the presence of dominant individuals, especially when their behavior is aggressive and confrontational.

“you say ‘A’ and they have to say ‘b'”- do you ever find yourself as the one who has to say b? Do you ever find yourself as the aggressive, confrontational person.. ever?

There were times- far in between- that I was that person, the dominant, aggressive and confrontational one. I wonder if anyone’s behavior is strictly, consistently one (passive, submissive) OR the other (aggressive, confrontational)?

anita

Dear Alessa:

Thank you so much for your thoughtful and kind words. Your support means a lot to me, and I’m truly grateful for your encouragement. ❤️

My weekend was quite relaxing, thank you for asking. I’m glad to read that you were doing okay this past weekend, and hope that you are doing okay this Monday as well.

Your reflections on avoidance and confronting feelings are very insightful. It’s true that finding a balance between not getting lost in pain and accepting our feelings can be challenging. Viewing our feelings in a more positive light is a valuable approach.

Dear Jana:

It’s a profound decision to choose to work with your nature rather than against it. Your thoughts on vulnerability and tenderness resonate deeply. It does take immense courage to be vulnerable, and it’s understandable to feel exposed and at risk. Learning to protect oneself skillfully while maintaining compassion is a delicate balance, and it’s wonderful that you’re working on this.

I’m grateful for your kind words about my self-esteem and self-compassion. I’d be happy to share more about my experience: I used to feel devasted, overwhelmed by criticism, it felt like Danger. And so, I responded with two of the three responses to perceived danger: Flight (running away) or Freeze (feeling paralyzed, stuck, trapped). Most often, I froze and didn’t know how to respond, later to run away: end contact with the criticizing person, or run away before I get to be criticized.

My feelings of shame and guilt were so intense and persistent that any criticism was too much to bear. Fast forward, my feelings of shame and guilt have significantly lessened and my empathy for others has increased, so.. on one hand, criticism- the non-abusive kind- doesn’t feel dangerous anymore, and on the other had, I am not locked within myself, frozen. I engage with others and that makes all the difference.

anita