Hey dear Sisi:

I’m not sure if you saw my last reply to you.

I just want to say something simple. You’re being very hard on yourself right now, and I understand why — you’re scared of disappointing people. But not everyone who responds to you is actually seeing the situation clearly. Some people speak from their own hurt or their own worldview, and it can feel like they’re pointing a finger at you even when the situation is more complicated than that.

You don’t have to carry every bit of blame that others place on you.

You don’t have to please everyone or pacify every voice. There will always be responses that misunderstand you or oversimplify what happened — sometimes directly, sometimes indirectly. Your job is not to absorb all of that or shape yourself around it.

You’re allowed to look at what happened with honesty without punishing yourself or agreeing with anyone who wants to punish you.

🌿✨️🌿 Anita

You are very welcome, ScottyDye!

Back on the computer: Kris, from what you’ve shared, your sister’s reactions have the effect of limiting your connections — discouraging friendships, questioning your readiness for relationships, and responding critically when you’re vulnerable.

These patterns often come from insecurity and discomfort with someone growing into their own identity. So even if she isn’t trying to isolate you on purpose, the impact can still feel isolating. You’re not imagining it, and you’re right to pay attention to how her behavior affects you.

Anita

Hello again, Kris Simmons:

The sentence that touched me most in what you shared above is this:

“I want to feel safe enough to be myself.”

And the sentence that makes me want to 👏 is:

“I feel like most myself than I ever have.”

Clearly, your older sister is unsafe for you, isn’t she.

I read your original post on your other new thread. I am using my phone, so I can’t open a new window and re-read it, or what you shared about her previously, but seems to me that it’s convenient for her to direct her hostility at you simply because she is so much older than you, and always had been.

Based on the little I know about your situation, seems to me, that her ongoing hostility toward you has nothing to do with you abandoning your old role (the goofy one), and nothing to do with you being your authentic self. But everything to do with her.. misery- within.

Picking on you may give her a break from that misery- within. It’s a very common dynamic when it comes to the scapegoating type of abuse.

Your thoughts?

“How do I get rid of this need to perform and just be my authentic self?”-

Maybe by knowing (if you agree) that performing will not earn you approval, and neither will being your authentic self. Your sister’s disapproval has nothing to do with who you are, or were, and everything to do with who they are? 🤔

✨️ 🌿 ✨️ Anita

Hey Peter 🙂

The meditation you shared has a refreshing clarity to it. The way it speaks about choosing love, widening the circle, and resting in what we already are — it feels spacious and grounding.

Your reflection about not needing to earn love fits right into that. I’m sitting with all of it. Thank you for sharing it 🙏

Anita

Good evening, Peter 🙂

“I ‘saw’ them. I saw how much love they held, how deeply they wanted to express it, and just how beautiful they were, if they could only ‘know’ it”-

As I re-read the above a few minutes ago, I saw you, Peter. I saw how much love you’ve held, how deeply you have wanted to express it, and just… how beautiful you are, and I hope you can know it.

And I see me, how much love I held for so long, how deeply I wanted to express it, but had to suppress it until conditions allowed it.

“How do I wish to Be? I wonder if we anchor ourselves in that state of *Being* first, in that dropped-luggage presence”-

To re- anchor myself in that state of Being (loved and loving) that was robbed from me early on, having led to my “What will I do” (without love)? and “How will I do it” (gain, earn, pay for love)?

The luggage for me has been the separation from Being.

Dropping the luggage is returning to Being, a return to the Beginning (not the Genesis kind though).

So, I don’t have to do anything to earn love. I already am. I want to rest in it tonight, tomorrow and every day of my life.

Thank you Peter for bringing this to my awareness 🙂

🌙 Anita

W.O.W, Peter:

“I would Be. Love. Presence”= “allowing grace to shine through”.

Rigid boundaries dissolving => grace, freed, flows through.

Maybe my invitation to answer or not (grace) freed something in you, and you answered.

You saw a person (over the weekend) beneath the noise of their defense and baggage/ beneath your own self-protective reaction to their noise?

What if I could see more of that in people. My need to analyze and categorize people is a defense.

Dissolving that? Wow (this “wow” is my simple expression of something that “can’t be defined by words”.

Fewer words, better.

🌿🌿🌿 Anita