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July 1, 2026 at 11:41 pm #459084
anitaParticipantNichole.. I miss you
July 1, 2026 at 11:27 pm #459083anitaParticipantDear James 🎶
I understand your view, and I do find comfort in the sky metaphor.
I also honor the personal, human side of experience — the part that feels, hopes, and lives through the clouds. That is important to me.
Good night, James. My best wishes for you ✨✨✨
Anita
July 1, 2026 at 11:12 pm #459082anitaParticipantC o N f U s E d..???
July 1, 2026 at 10:50 pm #459080anitaParticipantDear James ✨✨✨
Yes, I am the sky. You are the sky.
I am not the clouds ☁️☁️☁️
When I let go of the clouds, as I do tonight, what is left is nothing but the sky.
The hopes, the emotions, the tears- all are temporary, clouds that clear and all that there is- is the vast blue sky. Nothing personal.
But oh, boy.. how intense those clouds can be. So much life in those clouds, or so it feels.
🌈🌈🌈 Anita
July 1, 2026 at 9:40 pm #459078anitaParticipantDear James 🎶
I like it that you refer to me as “pure consciousness” 🙂 That’s nice, really.
About “daily worries, struggles and sufferring”- yes, like you said, those are temporary.
You’re not denying those, you’re saying that we need to see our essence, pure consciousness, to not forget it.
In a few words, how would you define ” pure consciousness”? Or is it impossible to define, rather it’s something to feel- to know- without words?
🌙 Anita
July 1, 2026 at 10:20 am #459058anitaParticipantHey Dear James:
You used the lol emoji before, but I wasn’t able to imagine you laughing irl because, like you said, you do sound so serious.
So the irl-James really laughs out loud? I wonder what things make you laugh 🤔.
Coming to think about it, I don’t even remember the last time I lol-ed. I smile but I 🙂 but I don’t laugh.
🙂 Anita
July 1, 2026 at 9:50 am #459057anitaParticipantGood Wed morning (here) 💛
Sounds like your ex is suffering from what’s called Survivor Guilt?
It is only recently that I learned (and still learning) the difference between having empathy for another person AND absorbing or carrying their emotions.
The first is when you feel sad about the other person being in pain, but you remain centered/ grounded in yourself. You don’t lose yourself in their pain.
The second is when you lose your center and take in the other person’s emotions as if they are your own.
As a child and onward I absorbed and carried my mother’s expressed emotional pain as if it was my own, and I was drowning in it.
As an adult I tried hard not to care about anyone because caring (feeling empathy) was too painful for me.
And again, it is only recently that I understood the distinction above.
Do you relate, in regard to your ex?
Actually, a while ago, you mentioned a book titled: How to Love without Losing yourself (something like that). That’s what absorbing or carrying someone else’s feeling does.
Talking about carrying, you wrote in the beginning of your post that you’ll be carrying the liberation and independence from the solo trip with you.
If you carry other people’s emotional pain and troubles as if they are your own, and do that on a regular basis, you may not have the energy or capacity to carry that liberation and independence.
Changing topic: last night (it was still light out at about 9:20 pm), I took Bogart out again and to my horror, I hear what sounded like the squeaking of his toy goose when he bites on it. Only it was a tiny baby rabbit 😢. I got it out of his mouth or he dropped it, I am not sure.
Anyway, it’s not his fault of course, it’s in his genes (and the reason they make toys that squeak like baby rabbits). Plus, who am I to judge, I am not a vegan 🤔.
🌿🌿🌿 Anita
July 1, 2026 at 12:03 am #459044anitaParticipantI hear you, James — and yes, thoughts come and go. I was just enjoying the moment of laughter between actual people on the thread. Sometimes the simple human exchange matters too 🙂
June 30, 2026 at 10:44 pm #459042anitaParticipantIt’s good 2 C U laughing, James, laughing is a good thing ✔️ wait, who is LOL (15 min ago)? James or no- James? 🤔
June 30, 2026 at 9:45 pm #459036anitaParticipant* There’s no “like” option here, but I have to interject a ✔️ (like) for Thoams’s reply. It’s just perfect 😁
June 30, 2026 at 8:36 pm #459030anitaParticipantHey, hey, hey Mollie, happy to read from you 😁
First, congrats 🥳👍✨️ for having had a wonderful, liberating solo trip to Italy where you did what you wanted, when you wanted, without guilt!
Second, congrats 🥳👍✨️ for passing the bar course with a distinction!
* Notice, I placed the solo trip achievement in front of the second because to me, it’s more important.
I hope that your sense of independence and freedom from guilt continues 🙏🙏🙏
As for me, Bogart 🐕 has been behaving so well, touch wood. He’s wonderful.
The taproom is still (and forever) closed and I’ve seen only a few of the regulars since. My regular socialization is currently taking place at my neighbor’s huge yard where her 2 beagles and mine have a playdate every day.. and if that’s not exciting enough, I socialize every day at Bark Park, a local dog park.
Again, happy to read from you. Anytime you feel like writing to me, please do 🙂
🌿🌿🌿 Anita
June 30, 2026 at 8:01 pm #459029anitaParticipantWelcome back, Peter 🙂
The luggage I have been dropping on floors in my own “grand, quiet homecoming”:
1. The hope that my mother will love me one bright, magical day.
2. Chronic shame.
3. Chronic guilt.
4. Chronic self- doubt/ distrust in my own perceptions, evaluations and emotions.
5. Chronic distrust in people who are okay.
6. Chronic emotional suppression and (chronic) over- reliance on intellect (having analyzed tiny buddha members like they were case studies 😔)
7. Everything else that’s chronic 🙂
Dropping this luggage is making it possible for me to “engage fully in simple everyday things” (Wagamese).
What’re you dropping, Peter?
🌿🌿🌿 Anita
June 30, 2026 at 10:22 am #459018anitaParticipantHi Roberta 🙂
And what an amazing, 100% supportive reply 🙏
When I first noticed earlier this morning that I received a reply to my late last night post, I felt tension in the body, preparing to be criticized/ shamed. It was an automatic reaction. I then took a moment and thought to myself something like:
‘There is no reason for me to expect criticism from Roberta. She didn’t criticize me before, and I don’t see a reason for her to criticize me now.’
Next, I read your reply and felt some relief.
This is how deeply her criticisms and elaborate shaming crusades reached me, so deeply that I automatically expect the same from everyone.
Thank you, Roberta, for not being “everyone” and for being part of my healing this morning 🙏
🌿🌿🌿 Anita
June 29, 2026 at 11:09 pm #459014anitaParticipantI had the strangest thing happen this early Mon morning (it’s Mon night now): I felt LOVE for my mother AND I realized that it meant that I loved her, not that she loved me.
And that was the confusion all along:
Whenever I felt that I loved her, I also (without being aware of it) felt that she loved me. And then, I felt guilty for my love not reaching her, and for not being in contact with her (since 2013).
But this morning, I made the distinction between loving her and being loved by her. I loved her. She didn’t love me back. Because she was not capable. She still doesn’t love me and never will. Not capable.
Anita
June 29, 2026 at 7:44 pm #459004anitaParticipantHello Stephanie:
For a year and a half she was friendly, helpful, etc., and then 6 months ago, she changed overnight, becoming critical and threatening (warnings, a disciplinary leave).
Maybe, in her personal life, she lost control or safety 6 months ago, felt powerless and angry and projected all of that into the work place, seeking to have power-over and punish.
It’s no wonder you needed to vent about it. I would be quite distressed if I was in your situation.
5.5 years of doing your very best, being wholeheartedly edicated to helping people in crises, loving your work and then.. this. It’s unfair and uncalled for. I am sorry 😔
Is there anyone to talk to, someone in the agency that hired her?
🌿 Anita
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