Wrong by an hour, 9 pm here, W USA here.

Now. 😴

5 months of LD 😊 +

6 months of LD 😊 😃 😀 +

1 month of LD ☹️ +

1st and only real life visit ☹️ +

2 months 😢 +

And here we are today 😔

Trying to get the dates and emojis right with a bit of humor.

🤔 😕 😳 😑 😊 Anita

Hey 👋 Confused:

I understand that for long stretches, the LD part of the relationship was very good, but it was pretty bad sometime before you visited her as well as during the visit.. as well as after the visit. Do I understand correctly?

🤔 Anita

Hey Confused:

Well, to me, in my mind, it’s very meaningful that you and her never had any time in real-life that you were sure about each other, or close to being sure.

In my mind it means that there is no solid basis for a long-term love relationship. The base was not established yet.

Yes, you did describe in a post what you like about her, yet still, the description (her being affectionate, shy) doesn’t sound.. what’s the word, intimate enough, close enough.

About your mother, emotional incest (unlike physical incest) is when the mother tells the child things she should tell another adult, things like her marital/ relationship problems,making her boy (or girl) her confidante.

A boy is not supposed to hear about and advise his mother about her relationship with a man (his father or someone else).

When you say she fought you, and as you grew up, you were able to overpower her (you said it in a previous post), do you mean she hit you wrestled you?

😒 Anita

Dear Alessa:

Good to read your response.

I was wondering 🤔, when you say:

“Everyone is different… Who is to say what is right or wrong?”-

Do you mean that there is no objective right and wrong? That right and wrong is all subjective?

🤔 🤍 Anita

Hey Confused:

Before I read your recent post I came across something online that made me think of you, it said: “Fantasy is safe; real love is risky… Real love requires honesty, courage, being seen and letting go of control… In Fantasy Love, the other person becomes a symbol, not a human being.”

You wrote somewhere in this thread in regard to the relationship with her: “the only stress was taking the trip to meet this girl.”

Peace and Fantasy coexisted in the 8-month long distance between you and her BEFORE you met her for the first (and only) time.

Then within the short 3-day visit, Reality interrupted Fantasy (first stress) and you’ve been distressed ever since.

Within the short 3-day visit, she wasn’t comfortable being physically intimate with you and you shared with her, during those 3 days, that you had doubts about her and the relationship.

I can’t find the post where you shared the above, must have been a very short description of those 3 days. I did find this quote: “I visited her once in the country she is studying”, and my Jan 3 post to you:

“THREE DAYS in real-life connection is just.. not much more than fantasy and make-believe. I mean, REALLY, you were in her real-life’s presence, and she, in yours- for parts of a THREE days segment of time. What would that be.. 15 HOURS?”

There was never a real-life honeymoon phase where the two of you felt comfortable and sure about the relationship.

In your most recent post less than 4 hours ago, you wrote: “I feel like I will blow my chances of building something with a great person”-

You often referred to her as “great”, a vague, non-specific, non-personal term fitting a fantasy figure.

Something else I noticed upon re-reading is in regard to what you wrote here (and please feel comfortable to not answer if it’d distress you too much): “I was the one she (your mother) was leaning on while confessing her issues with my father, relationship things and dislikes, to which I would only respond ‘just break up’ because that was the only thing making sense to me at the age of 11.”- sounds like emotional incest. Did you ever feel that way?

Continued quote: “… Since I am a male, I would fight back and things would escalate pretty badly, especially after my body started developing and I was able to overpower her.”-

There were physical fights between you and her… how did those fights look like? Feel like? (Again, please feel free to not answer if it’d distress you too much)

🤔 🤍 Anita