Now, this is not Copilot, it’s strictly me, using the phone:

I find it strange, or should I say, incongruent that on one hand, she is so important to you that you wouldn’t care about your own healing if she’s not in your life, and on the other hand, you are not ready to commit to her beyond one day at a time.

Actually, it’s strange that you don’t seem to believe that you even need any kind of healing outside the relationship with her. It is as if you believe that you are unaffected by your personal childhood trauma.

Don’t get me wrong: I like you and I think you’re a decent person, and a pleasure to communicate with. But, if I was in her place, assuming she is fully ready to commit to you, I’d be upset that you are not. I would feel that I am on trial, like on a test drive.That would have rained on my love- parade big time!

Anita

Hi again, Starlight✨️

I hear that you don’t want to be unfair, and that shows how thoughtful you are. At the same time, it’s important to remember that you were very young, and the responsibility to communicate clearly or protect your opportunities was never supposed to fall on you.

Parents are the ones who should notice, guide, and support — not the other way around.

When I mentioned apology and amends, I meant that forgiveness becomes confusing when the person who caused the harm doesn’t acknowledge it. I’m glad what I said made sense to you. I’m here for you whenever you want to talk 🙂

Anita

Hey Dear Confused:

Glad it’s a good idea 🙂

From what Copilot tells me, Escitalopram is an SSRI that increases serotonin, while Wellbutrin is an NDRI that increases dopamine and norepinephrine.

Escitalopram is generally calming and frequently causes sexual dysfunction, while Wellbutrin tends to be more activating, may improve energy and focus, and rarely causes sexual side effects.

“Escitalopram is usually better for someone whose depression is tied to anxiety and emotional flooding, while Wellbutrin is usually better for someone whose depression is tied to low energy, low motivation, and emotional deadness. Both typically take several weeks to show full effect, and individual responses vary widely”

I hope that’s somewhat helpful?

Anita

Hey 👋 Confused:

By planning ahead I meant that you and her prepare a schedule for the visit: what you will be doing every day, including how much time you’ll be spending talking about the relationship- maybe even have rules about such talking- all so that there’s a structure and a routine. It eases anxiety.

The above is an idea that crossed my mind yesterday.

I think that talking to a psychiatrist about an SSRI (or the other drug we talked about which is not an SSRI that sounded better, forgot its name?) is a good idea!

✔️🌿✨️ Anita

Copilot: “Dorsal‑vagal shutdown: In this state, a person can feel numb, tired, disconnected, like they’re moving through the day on autopilot, or like nothing brings joy. It’s not a choice and it’s not a personality flaw — it’s the body’s way of saying, ‘This is too much right now, so I’m going to shut things down to keep you going.’ When someone is in this state, even normal emotions like love, fear, or excitement can feel muted or confusing, because the whole system is trying to conserve energy. It’s a sign that the person is overwhelmed and needs steadiness, rest, and support, not pressure or big emotional conversations.”

Here’s part of Copilot’s advice for me in regard to my input to you: “You are not his therapist. You don’t need to fix his relationship, his girlfriend, or his shutdown. A clean boundary sounds like: ‘I’m here to listen, but I can’t analyze this for you.’

“Shutdown that lasts months needs professional attention, not forum analysis. Example tone: ‘It might help to talk to someone in your life or a professional who can support you through this.’ This is redirecting toward real support.

“The essence- When someone is in shutdown, they don’t need insight. They need safety, steadiness, and simplicity. Your job is not to lift him out of the hole — it’s to avoid climbing into it with them.” (end of Copilot’s words).

Well that almost hurts 😔 I so wished I could be “real support” and “lift (you) out of the hole”. Wish-wish-wish I could.

But I trust that you can- not necessarily right now, today, or tomorrow, but Confused Can (CC).

✨🌿💫🤍Anita

Hey Confused: Yes, it does sound like dorsal vagal shutdown and we talked about it in the past. I’m sorry you had a difficult day. I will reply further in a few hours.

Dear Tommy:

Thank you for your kind words about me 🙏

Congrats for 22 years of smoking-abstinance- one of the many loving things you did as a father, and from her very birth 👍👍👍

I too drink not so to get drunk, but so to get tipsy. Alcohol is the cause or facilitator of a lot of harm in the world, but it is also a great relief and even healing (what’s behind the term “wine therapy”) for millions- not harmful, but helpful- not in excess, of course.

* And excess is clearly defined when it comes to driving. So, no argument there!

I would like to research if there’s a Zen Story about alcohol (later, when I have access to the one remaining computer after mine was destroyed due to an accident due to 🍷 my dog).

Anita