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December 3, 2025 at 1:21 pm #452526
anitaParticipantOh, I just saw your recent message with all the white hearts, THANK YOU!!!
December 3, 2025 at 1:11 pm #452524
anitaParticipantI will reply to you later, Alessa
December 3, 2025 at 1:10 pm #452523
anitaParticipantDear Tee:
I pray that you are okay and not in pain.
“As for the situation with the taproom owner, have you ever invited him to come visit the winery? Was he promising but never got to actually do it?”-
No to both questions. It bothered me in the past that we were good customers in his business (the taproom, for years) and he never came by to the winery, never a customer.. not even coming by to look at it. But somehow, I suppressed that disappointment and it erupted (the disappointment) yesterday for the first time.. because it’s really closed, no more days with customers and friends. The finality of it hit me yesterday.
About praying, as a child, I prayed to the stars: “Please keep my mother alive”. I had no experience with the Jewish religion other than eating religious holiday foods and- on Saturday mornings- hearing prayers from a synagogue, at a distance.
In my 20s, I came across a born-again Christian in Israel, and the “Jews for Jesus” group in Israel (the 1980s) and later, got together with a born again Christian community in LA- and there, I learned to pray.. “In Jesus Name”. I am not necessarily a Christian, but that’s my only context of praying (other than to the stars).
At this very moment, I am hearing a troubling conversation.. the new owners are greedy and causing problems.. this is a NIGHTMARE! I need a heavy duty tranquilizer.. alcohol is not doing it for me.
Sorry for this negative message. It’s like.. Well, I have to go down there and help move things around..
Please pray for me, Tee.. please do. My anxiety is very elevated, my tics intense.. I am trying to calm myself down…
Please do pray for me.
Anita
December 3, 2025 at 12:49 pm #452520
anitaParticipantHi Peter:
“I wonder if all these labels are simply the mind insisting on complexity, a restless attempt to weave patterns where simplicity already breathes..”- can you breathe some simplicity into your post right above, so that I can understand it?
I mean, without metaphors and stories.. just say it as simply as possible, like you were telling it to a child? (I asked you something like this before, and you did a good job explaining back then).
🤍 Anita
December 3, 2025 at 12:37 pm #452519
anitaParticipantDear Q:
“And to be honest with you the biggest fight that we had was back in Jan and that’s the only thing i can recall that would trigger her to walk on eggshells? And to be clear I was never physically abusive or verbally abusive.”-
I am curious, what happened in that biggest fight..? Did you break things, destroy property.. were you very loud, yelling at her..???
🤍 Anita
December 3, 2025 at 12:28 pm #452518
anitaParticipantDear Gerard:
A reply I submitted to you a few hours ago didn’t go trough. I’ll rewrite it:
Thank you for sharing your heart felt reflections with me!
“I am in my mid 60s… I have not reflected deeply on our relationship in well over 30 years…. You were my first true love… You were 17 and I was 19… I remember making out on your couch, I remember your yellow cardigan & the smell of your hair, I remember your wet hair… You played a massive role in my life, the first taste of the possibility of love and a relationship. You are always in my heart, and I hope you had a wonderful, healthy & fulfilled live.”-
Seems to me, Gerard, that you are missing your youth and longing to go back there, if there was a way; longing for how you used to feel, at least at times: raw, intense, hopeful.. New things were new and exciting, and promising.. a “Life Worth living” (the title of my thread where you chose to post your reflections).
I am close to your age and in the last few years (before a current crisis I am going through in the last few days), I felt younger than I felt when I was a teenager, and on an ongoing basis, and I experienced more love for people than ever before.
What would make you feel young again, Gerard, what would make it a Life Worth living- for you?
🤍 Anita
December 3, 2025 at 9:49 am #452510
anitaParticipant“She brought up a lot of things from the past, which is a bad habit of hers… In hindsight, one of the things I didn’t really like about the relationship was how she wasn’t able to easily move past things and forgive me. And it’s not as if I did serious things like cheating or physical abuse. It was things like miscommunication or saying something that was tactless or rubbed her the wrong way… I’ve just concluded that we’re very likely not compatible for one another”-
Dear Q:
The habitual behavior you described on her part wouldn’t be compatible with anyone because it’s abusive. It seems like you are only now becoming aware of the harm that this kind of behavior caused you (and would cause anyone)?
Actually, referring to the title of your thread, it’d cause anyone to be stressed and anxious, maybe walking on eggshells, afraid of the next time you would say something imperfectly, something that would rub her the wrong way.
My mother behaved the way you described her behaving and I was therefore a “Stressed and anxious” child and.. still, the anxiety is in my body.
What do you think- feel, Q?
🤍 Anita
December 3, 2025 at 9:26 am #452509
anitaParticipantHello Everyone:
From Free Will in Necessity and Contingency (planksip. org):
“The human experience is a constant navigation between what must be and what might be. At the heart of this navigation lies one of philosophy’s most enduring and profound debates: the struggle between Fate and Free Will, framed by the powerful concepts of Necessity and Contingency…
The concept of Fate posits a predetermined sequence of events, an inescapable destiny that unfolds regardless of individual desires or efforts. It often implies a cosmic blueprint, a grand design, or an inexorable chain of cause and effect that dictates every outcome…
Deterministic Worldview: Philosophical fatalism is closely allied with determinism, the view that all events, including human actions, are ultimately determined by causes external to the will. If every event is the inevitable consequence of prior events, then where does choice fit in?
In stark contrast stands Free Will, the cherished belief that humans possess the capacity to make genuine choices, to initiate actions, and to steer their own course. It is the feeling of agency, the conviction that ‘I chose this,’ that underpins our sense of moral responsibility and personal achievement.
Many philosophers argue that Free Will is a prerequisite for morality. If we are not free to choose between right and wrong, how can we be held accountable for our actions?
Self-Determination: The idea of self-determination, of shaping one’s character and future through conscious decisions, is a powerful motivator and a cornerstone of human dignity.
To fully appreciate the debate between Fate and Free Will, we must understand the fundamental distinction between Necessity and Contingency. These concepts provide the philosophical framework for discussing the nature of existence itself.
Necessity refers to anything that must be the case, that cannot be otherwise. An event is necessary if its non-occurrence is impossible, either logically, physically, or metaphysically…
Contingency, on the other hand, describes events or states of affairs that may or may not be. A contingent event is one whose non-occurrence is possible; it depends on other factors, and its opposite is conceivable. While not purely random, contingent events often involve elements that are not strictly predetermined, leaving room for possibility, chance, or genuine choice.
The existence of contingency is crucial for arguments supporting Free Will. If our choices are genuinely contingent, then they are not necessitated by prior causes, allowing for genuine agency.
Ancient Perspectives on Fate and Will-… Stoics like Epictetus and Seneca emphasized the freedom of our internal will – our ability to choose our attitude and response to events, even if the events themselves are fated. Amor fati (love of one’s fate) was their path to tranquility.
Aristotle: In his Nicomachean Ethics, Aristotle explored voluntary and involuntary actions, laying groundwork for understanding choice. He acknowledged that while some things are necessary, many human actions are contingent, dependent on deliberation and choice, thus affirming a degree of will…
Baruch Spinoza: A radical determinist, Spinoza in his Ethics argued that everything in the universe, including human actions, follows from the eternal and necessary nature of God (or Nature). Free Will is an illusion, born of our ignorance of the true causes of our desires. True freedom lies in understanding this necessity…
* Fatalism: Events are predetermined, All events are ultimately necessary. (Ancient Greeks, some religious views)
* Determinism: All events are caused by prior events. All events are necessary consequences. (Spinoza, Laplace)
* Libertarianism: Humans have genuine free will. Human choices are genuinely contingent.(Kant, many contemporary philosophers)…The debate over Fate vs. Free Will, and the underlying framework of Necessity and Contingency, carries profound implications for how we live our lives and understand our place in the cosmos.
Moral Responsibility: If all our actions are fated or necessitated, can we truly be held responsible for our choices? The concept of justice, praise, and blame hinges on the belief in genuine will.
Personal Growth and Effort: Why strive for self-improvement or pursue difficult goals if the outcome is already written? The belief in contingency fuels our ambition and effort… Conversely, Free Will allows us to actively create our own meaning and purpose…
Conclusion: An Enduring Inquiry- The tension between Fate and Free Will, illuminated by the concepts of Necessity and Contingency, remains one of philosophy’s most fertile grounds for inquiry. There are no easy answers, and perhaps, no single definitive resolution. Instead, the journey through these ideas forces us to confront fundamental questions about causality, human agency, moral responsibility, and the very nature of reality. Whether we lean towards the comforting order of necessity or the empowering potential of contingency, this enduring debate continues to shape our understanding of what it means to be human, to make choices, and to live a life imbued with purpose.”
I definitely want to think about this debate further. But for now, I am definitely a big fan of Free Will but I realize that awareness of what’s behind our feelings, preferences, actions.. even our thinking (that which we haven’t chosen) is necessary for the exercise of Free Will.
For example: a child abused by a parent may grow up to be a people pleasing adult. The people pleasing is not free will, it’s a consequence of the unchosen circumstances & other people’s behaviors.
To change this behavior, the person needs to be aware of where it came from and imagine a different way. The people pleasing is a Necessity (cannot be otherwise) until awareness kicks in and the people pleasing becomes “Contingency” (can be otherwise).
Anita
December 2, 2025 at 8:18 pm #452494
anitaParticipant.. WhatsApp IS free, as far as I know.. No charge at all since I’ve used it internationally.
Before What’s App, buying minutes.. it was multiple hours for 20 dollars… inexpensive, but not zero charge like WhatsApp.
December 2, 2025 at 8:03 pm #452493
anitaParticipant… that gets reactivated?
December 2, 2025 at 7:59 pm #452492
anitaParticipantIt’s the pre-existing Guilt in you that keeps showing up.. guilt before you met her that get’s reactivated”
December 2, 2025 at 7:53 pm #452491
anitaParticipantDear Tee:
“I’m really sorry about you having spent 4 years working on the winery’s premises for free, pruning the orchards and doing all kind of physical work, as well as participating in social activities. You seemed to have a pretty rich social life there, and I understand you’re feeling sad that all of this is happening”-
I worked thousands of hours for free, 365 days a year, 2-10 net hours a day (socializing not included) and didn’t mind it. I don’t like it that the end result is DEBT.
“totally believe what you said that you’re a very hard-working person, because you are very hard-working on these forums as well, tirelessly replying to hundreds, even thousands of people over the years.”- Thank you, Tee!
“And I can imagine how hurtful it was to be hearing from your mother that you’re lazy and selfish, when you’re anything but!”- THANK YOU!!!
There was SO MUCH hurtful in what she said to me over the decades.. I can’t distinguish one hurt from the other. Being under her feet, she squashes whole heartedly.. nothing left unsquashed.
“Unfortunately, that’s how narcissistic people operate: put down the other person, so to weaken them and elevate yourself. But it’s especially heart-breaking to receive those false accusation from one’s own mother 😕”- Narcissistic she has been all along. She relished putting me down, she loved it.
“Dear Anita, my today’s post is full of sad and perplexed face emojis… because these don’t seem to be the best of times for either of us. “- Today, tonight, is the most difficult time I’ve had for the LONGEST time. I’m doing my best to control myself. I’m very confused and would very much like your input:
Following leaving the winery this afternoon (after submitting the post to you from there), I found myself at the taproom 4 miles away, and I was so ANGRY because only two people from there (out of dozens, including the taproom’s owner, for whom we’ve been excellent customers) bothered to come by to the winery to say Goodbye. And now, it’s not even possible for the taproom owner- WHO HAS NEVER bothered to visit the winery- to come by anymore! The Winery is closed since Sunay… I don’t feel like going there (to the taproom) again!
The finality of it all, have been at the Winery every Fri, Sat., Sun… And now nothing… And all for a loss. Like, what will I be doing this very Friday? And why would I go to the taproom when the owner didn’t even bother to come by one single time, not even to pay respect, to say a goodbye..?
I am besides myself, really.. more disturbed than I felt for YEARS!
But I’m in control on the outside… Just need to figure things out, from here onward.
December 2, 2025 at 6:12 pm #452488
anitaParticipantHello James and Thomas:
Here’s what AI (Copilot) says about your latest exchange: “The Core Disagreement- Thomas: Fatalistic, mystical, deterministic. Believes destiny is fixed, enlightenment is emptiness, and God’s call cannot be resisted.
“James: More open, relational, and gentle. Believes God invites freely, people have choice, and living in harmony with the universe is beautiful.
“By the end, they’re not really debating ideas anymore — they’re accusing each other of lying, which shows the conversation broke down.
“In plain terms: Thomas says ‘God’s call is irresistible, fate is fixed, and true freedom is dropping the mind into emptiness.’ James replies ‘No, God invites freely, you have choice, and living naturally with body and mind is beautiful.’
“Then they start calling each other liars because they can’t reconcile their views.”
Personally, I (Anita) 👍 James’s views over Thomas’s 👎, but I won’t call either one “a liar”..
So, “Real Spirituality” requires 2 boys NOT fighting on the playground.. ?
Anita
December 2, 2025 at 3:18 pm #452481
anitaParticipantDear Q:
I said that you are a good person; I didn’t say you are a saint, Q.
Hey, I am definitely not a saint. I am working on becoming a better and better human, it’s a process.
I understand your skepticism, Q, the logistics of it, yes.
“Anyway, looking back I don’t think what I said was unkind,”- I agree: you said nothing unkind.
“Maybe my accusation of them sleeping together was unkind.”- you have feelings, Q, you are human, you are allowed to get angry when you feel that you’re being lied to.
🤍 Anita
December 2, 2025 at 2:56 pm #452480
anitaParticipantDear Tee:
I said quite a few prayers today. I started praying again only recently in regard to the sale of the winery. I didn’t pray in regard to money, I prayed for a fast sale because of owner’s mental/ physical health affected by the place not being sold for so long although on the market (it’s a buyer market at this time).
I then prayed for my continued healing and for the health of a few people across the world.
And then I found something positive to thank God for: that no one got injured or died as a result of drinking alcohol here (I’d know about it through a lawsuit). To acknowledge this very positive thing made me feel lighter for the first time today. It would be a terrible guilt if that happened.. (relief!)
And then after walking on the premises and around for almost 3 hours, I came back inside, using not my own computer and I read about your new problems with your spine.. and I prayed for your symptoms to ease and for you to experience the most healing that’s possible for you (“and beyond”, I added, beyond the possible, that is).
As I read that you were sitting, answering me while in pain.. I what’s the word, I don’t have the right word.. beyond appreciation. But of course, I wouldn’t want you to experience any pain at all, and none on account of typing a message for me. So, I will not expect long messages like before. A few sentences would be enough, if you’re not in pain for sitting for a few sentences.
Tee: “I hope and pray it’s not wishful thinking, but a real possibility 🤞 🙏”- Anita: I am praying right now: “God, I pray that healing for Tee is a real possibility. and beyond a possibility. I pray for a miracle. In Jesus name, Amen. 🤞 🙏
I am hearing the second owner gathering his stuff (tractors and such, having them towed to his home). I can’t believe that this Friday, I will not be here. Oh, as to your question, there will be no more winery here, it’ll be a horse’s place, horses are an industry.
I have mentioned “the taproom” in posts before- that’s not the winery; it’s a different location 4 miles from here.
Thank you so much Tee for your kind words, your empathy, your passion for the truth (a rare passion).
I may have not responded to everything you wrote, I will later.
Please take care of one of a kind Tee.
🙏 🤍 🫶 ❤️ 🙏 Anita
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