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June 17, 2026 at 8:19 pm #458700
anitaParticipantAre you still here, Debbie?
June 17, 2026 at 7:19 pm #458699anitaParticipant* if it’s okay with you to reply, that is, if it’s not a problem for you, or a source of pressure ( you definitely don’t need more pressure in your life!).
So, it’s okay with me whether you respond to the new thread I intend to start tonight, or not. Just wish to keep reading from you.
June 17, 2026 at 7:15 pm #458698anitaParticipantComing to think about it, Lisa, “Alone” (the title of your thread), and “Unloved” (I am thinking of starting a new thread titled “Unloved”), is pretty much the same thing, isn’t it?
When Unloved we are Alone.
Please reply to me here or in my new thread…?
Anita
June 17, 2026 at 5:42 pm #458691anitaParticipantDear Robi 🙂
Benz the beagle? Huh, another Beagle whose name starts with a B, named after Mercedes Benz. I know you’ve been into cars. Did you name him?
Bogart’s name is taken from the 50s movie star Humphrey Bogart, most known for the classic Casablanca.
Yes, Bogart is capable of such close connection with humans. I am trying to catch up to his capability. Have a long way to go.
I never had any experience with a pet cat. There were a lot of street cats where I grew up. Lots.
You hope to have your own Cafe and Bistro, as in one business?
My latest minimal socialization has been going to an enclosed dog park where dogs can run around unleashed. Strange thing though, I find myself moving away from the few people there. I think that the social advantage at the taproom and the Winery was, well, the 🍷.
Yes, you will, or better say, you are in the process of figuring it out.
I like your positive attitude and maturity, Robi. You are the bee’s knees, if I may say so, meaning positively unique 👍
🐕🚶♀️Anita
June 17, 2026 at 5:13 pm #458690anitaParticipantHi Nycartist 😊
Thank you for answering and I’m glad you’re here regularly, posting sporadically and lurking.
Also, thank you for your kind words 🙏
I wish I could read from more lurkers.
I am glad that you haven’t had issues to resolve for quite some time 🙏
💛 Anita
June 17, 2026 at 11:12 am #458677anitaParticipantDear Lisa:
Thank you for the first part. I really resonate with feeling beneath others and interpreting people’s behavior as mocking or looking down on me. It’s only recently that I made some progress with that.
Reading your post today, I realized how much we actually have in common. I don’t think I fully saw it before. Maybe I was keeping a bit of distance from my own pain by focusing on other people’s struggles. But what you wrote touched something very familiar in me.
What you described at work makes so much sense — when you’ve been hurt before, even small things can feel like danger, and your body reacts before you have time to think. And afterward, you’re the one who sits with the guilt and the replaying. Nothing in what you wrote sounds like a bad person. It sounds like someone who was open‑hearted when she was young, got hurt too many times, and learned to stay on guard.
That kind of constant awareness is exhausting, and anyone would feel worn down by it. You’re not alone in this, and nothing about what you described makes you unworthy or “beneath” anyone!
✨️🌿✨️ Anita
June 17, 2026 at 10:17 am #458673anitaParticipantDear Christi,
I’m sorry for the delay — I’m not feeling well this morning and my mind is slow. Like you, I woke up early, sometime after 5, and I’m having trouble focusing. So, I’ll keep this simple.
Reading everything you shared, it seems like part of what pulls you back to the land is the world that once lived there — your parents, being their child, the safety and belonging that filled those years. The place holds all of that. It’s almost like an old photograph that brings back a whole moment in time. You can feel the peace and connection in it, and that’s real.
You wrote: “When I visit, something in me settles. My soul feels at peace there… When I’m home on 5 acres of beautiful land, there is a deep sense of peace and connection that I don’t find anywhere else. I feel homesick when away from my childhood home.”
And at the same time: “Sometimes when I’m in my hometown, I feel homesick. Not for another place exactly, but for a version of home that no longer exists… When I’m there, I sometimes feel homesick for the urban life.”
That mix makes sense. A photograph captures a real moment of love, family, and belonging — which mirrors what you said the house represents — but it’s also frozen in time. You can look at it, feel it, ache for it, but you can’t step back into the life it shows. The land brings back what mattered, and it also reminds you of what isn’t alive in the same way anymore.
You’re doing something wise by taking your time. You’re letting both the emotional pull and the practical part of you speak. And maybe, as you keep listening, more clarity will come — not all at once, but gently.
🌿🌿🌿 Anita
June 17, 2026 at 6:44 am #458669anitaParticipantGood morning, Christy! Working on a reply
June 16, 2026 at 10:39 pm #458663anitaParticipantTo be exact, it was completely dark here in Sedro‑Woolley, WA tonight at 9:54 PM, which is when last light ended. Sunset was at 9:14 PM. Still light.
June 16, 2026 at 10:05 pm #458661anitaParticipantI will reply further in the morning, Christy
June 16, 2026 at 10:00 pm #458660anitaParticipantMy goodness, the sun did just set here, W. Wash.
June 16, 2026 at 9:17 pm #458658anitaParticipant“The Feeling of Love- what does it mean?”- whatever comes 2 mind this Tues Eve:
It’s wanting you to love me.
Someone out there, PLEASE love me?!
Why is it so difficult to love me?
Oh, let me count the ways, the reasons why I’m unworthy of love.
* After whatever-comes-2 mind: the above is vulnerability- this very act of telling how it felt for so long, toooo oooooo ooooo ooooo long can draw criticism of me.. one more reason to not love me.
Yes, there are so many people to criticize vulnerability (a person telling the unguarded truth of how it feels inside)
And, on the other hand, there are too many people who’d spot vulnerability (the unexpressed) and take advantage of it, vulture style (the vultures in my life)
I think that it’s courageous to express vulnerability as I do here. It makes me stronger.
Anita
June 16, 2026 at 7:17 pm #458656anitaParticipantBack sooner than later: about other people- those who are fortunate enough to grow up in stable homes with emotionally regulated parents who don’t fight and leave again and again-
I imagine that for them, Love and Peace coexist.
Not Love and Fear.
So no shutdowns, no intrusive doubting thoughts, etc.
🐔 Anita
June 16, 2026 at 7:09 pm #458655anitaParticipantDouble posting: I sent my last message before reading your last message. Back later
June 16, 2026 at 7:07 pm #458654anitaParticipantIt’s like “if I love her, I’ll get terribly hurt” (Fear of emotional pain),
“If I don’t love her, I won’t get hurt”.
So, when Love goes up, so does the Fear, and your 🧠 responds by “killing” the love,
But Confused is a loving person and she is truly lovable, so Love resurfaces, fun and affection..
And next- even if you don’t feel the Fear- 🧠 is in the habit of protecting you from anticipated emotional pain by producing emotional shutdowns and intrusive thoughts.
🐔 Anita (Copilot is not involved in the above, using my phone)
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