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June 21, 2026 at 7:51 am #458793
anitaParticipantDear Robi:
“I might just tell her I feel attracted to her and see what’s what. I feel I have no more space for playing things cool or anything like that. Some simple honesty feels alright these days.”-
I like this very much! Some Simple Honesty (SSH) may huSSH.. the pissed-off Robi. SSH with everyone, particularly with yourself ✨🤍✨
Café del Mar- WOW! If I ever get to Spain, I am going there! I remember that you told me you worked in a cafe in Spain and I think it was on the beach.. was it this place?
🌿Anita
June 21, 2026 at 7:20 am #458792anitaParticipantGood Sunday morning, Confused 🙂
WOW! What a delight to read this update!
She seems very much emotionally- attached to you, and getting even more attached.
You did an excellent job communicating with her and soothing her anxiety. You are indeed the bee’s knees, Confused!
“Yes, yesterday during the videocall (which was again 8 hours almost and we had fun) … still expect my ‘feelings’ to be around all the time and me wanting to spend every moment with her… The thing now is why did I lose the ‘rush’ to videocall tonight with her again? It’s so annoying that it lasts only for a brief period of time..”-
I am confused 🙂, you mean that “8 hours almost” of fun = “a brief period of time”?
Anita
June 20, 2026 at 8:50 pm #458783anitaParticipantUnloved, Invisible, Alone; chronically ashamed, guilty, self- doubting, tormented inside, distressed:
Ohhh.. wow, what a life!
Like living in a pressure cooker of mental- emotional distress.
And what a relief to be healing these days faster than ever, finally breaking through walls.
Totally worth it even though I am no longer young, even though it took so long.
🌿 Anita
June 20, 2026 at 8:43 pm #458782anitaParticipantDear blocked-off and excited, pissed- off 🤬, tired 😔 and confused 🤔 Robi 🌿
I think that what you need more than anything is C&S (Clarity and Simplicity).
If the relationship with the current has not been working- repeatedly & for a long time (“fighting a lot… so tough”)- wouldn’t it make sense to take a real break from each other, for at least month, maybe longer?
And within this break you can explore a possibility with this new girl?
🌿 Anita
June 20, 2026 at 7:55 pm #458781anitaParticipantHey 🙂 Confused:
“I will worry about that if and when it happens” – this is a healthy Confused 👏
“We agreed to be very open because no one wants to hurt the other person”- this is a healthy relationship 🥳
Her not telling you right away when something you said or did (or didn’t) hurt her- that’s very common. But if she’s willing, she can practice a new behavior: telling you within an agreed upon time..?
45 out of 90 minutes in the Gym is exactly 50% less than normal (I was worried I’d have to use a calculator, but you made it easy for me 😁)- which is (🧠 calculating…..) 100% more than no time at all in the Gym ( did I get it right)?
Trying to practice a mindset of Positive Attitude & Gratitude (PAG).
👏🥳🌙🦉 Anita
June 20, 2026 at 11:08 am #458775anitaParticipantGood Saturday night (there), Enticing Robi 🙂
I like the idea of spending time with friends at the Cafe. I wish there was such a place for me here!
As I read about the woman who works there, I had a few thoughts: (1) How lovely (perhaps) it’ll be if you had a girlfriend living so close to you vs long- distance. (2) Maybe her relationship with her mother is different from the current girlfriend’s, such that is not trigerring for you, and maybe overall, she’d be more compatible with you.
(3) Maybe she’d be less compatible.
(4) If you leave your current, I imagine she’d be very hurt 😔 (5) I wonder if it’d be appropriate to sort of “interview” her so to check possible compatibility.
Well, # 5 ocurred to me right after I typed out # 1-4.
Another thought: Why is life so complicated?
I am fine, although it’s getting to be too warm here for me, and biting insects is a problem.
What thinks Robi about 1-5, or 1-6?
🤔 Anita
June 19, 2026 at 8:02 pm #458773anitaParticipantHey Debbie: did you get the photo I took this morning (had help sending it to your email using my phone)?
Anita
June 19, 2026 at 7:24 pm #458772anitaParticipantHow are you, Robin? I hope to read from you again 🙂
June 19, 2026 at 6:44 pm #458771anitaParticipantHey 🙂 Confused:
I’m all for you feeling calmer, so I hope you keep taking the escitalopram 🙏
Oh, you mean what if the escitalopram stops working- a question to ask the psychiatrist. From my experience, the dosage might be increased and/ or a new drug added.
But it’s working right now. Confused tends to imagine the worst possibilities. I relate. I am trying these very days to change my Negative Attitude to===> Positive Attitude and Gratitude.
The negative is that you argued but the positives are that the day started great ✔️✔️✔️ and the argument resolved (she understood that you are not hiding her from people in your life because you’re ashamed of her or have no intentions to make a life with her… right?)
45 minutes in the Gym sounds long enough to me 🤔
Anita
June 19, 2026 at 10:23 am #458764anitaParticipantGood Friday morning (here), evening (there), Robi 🙂
The smell of vodka alone is enough to trigger a coma warning in my 🧠. To taste it (and I did) is torture, so if I end up in a coma, it’ll have to be lots and lots of sweet 🍷🍷🍷🍷🍷🍷🍷🍷
I am glad you survived the event! (I’ll drink to celebrate it later 🍷..)
You asked how I am today- well, silly, aa you can see above 🐔
You named him, yes, makes sense..
Never tried ecstacy, but sounds interesting: better than alcohol and without the calories?
No worries, Robi, you can’t talk this 👵 into hard drugs 🤔
” Now I just want some peace”- I like that!
Congrats for fine-tuning the alcohol intake, finding the middle way (a Buddhist principle). The middle way between total abstinence and drunkness. Coming to think about it, doestraditional Buddhism advocates for the middle- way when it comes to alcohol?
Alcohol definitely facilitates connectedness with other people and within, when not overly consumed, of course. Then it just makes you sick.
Your Cafe Bistro idea sounds enticing! I just had an auditory visual of a Robi-designed attractive place for community building with music and a fancy antique Merceded Benz parked in the front 👍🎶👍🎶👍
Anita
June 19, 2026 at 9:07 am #458762anitaParticipantDear Thomas:
Thank you for taking the time to write such a thoughtful message and for your kind words 🙏🙏🙏.
My experience with my mother was not one of hidden love. It was one of absence, and that’s the truth I’m working with. What I’m exploring is how that lack of love shaped me.
I appreciate your kindness and the care behind your message 🙂
Anita
June 18, 2026 at 8:49 pm #458744anitaParticipantHey 👋 again, Confused:
So glad to read that escitalopram is helpin- just like it’s supposed to (it was developed, tested, and studied a lot before it became available).
I didn’t understand the question at the end of your post. Can you explain it?
Yes, whenever I’m on the phone (like now) or on the computer, I always check tiny buddha- it’s an 11 year habit!
More adjectives you used to describe her: Open, Transparent.
You are making progress, Confused 👏, a delight to witness!
“I am a slave to feelings/ intensity/ highs”- like a drug addict? Maybe advice for real drug addicts can help you 🤔
🐔 Anita
June 18, 2026 at 8:12 pm #458742anitaParticipantOne of the reasons it’s so difficult to look back and see my mother as she was- is the child’s way of seeing things in black- and- white, all- or- nothing (binary thinking) characteristic of young children.
Integrating shades of grey into black and white thinking happens when people mature.
So, looking back tonight, I see that I saw her as an injured child that I needed to take care of OR the abusive adult that she was, the monster. Integrating these 2 images is difficult.
I have a vivid memory of one of the Pet Cemetary movies decades ago. In one of the scenes, a 5-year-old or so boy who murdered someone, when caught, is shown with the corners of his mouth down, like an innocent child about to cry. And it hit me so strongly back then that I remember it so vividly decades after watching that movie.
Because that’s what my mother was to me: abusive, cruel… and yet, an innocent child. I couldn’t integrate those 2 aspects of her: which one was real?
Answer: it wasn’t one OR the other, it was both. Human monsters are not like the monsters depicted in some cartoons (all bad, all of the time). They were once children, and like it’s true for any adult, the child is still there.
And so, part of the typical abusive adult, even the severely abusive, still carries that innocent child.
The child part doesn’t cancel- or excuse- the monster part. It’s just the nature of a Human Monster.
Anita
June 18, 2026 at 7:31 pm #458741anitaParticipantHey Dear Confused 🙂
She’s Amazing, Beautiful, Caring, Considerate, Honest, Loving and Sweet- all the adjectives you used in this message to describe her ( in alphabetical order).
You also called her ” a treasure” and said (the magical words, in my mind): “I trust her.”
The thought that occurred to you: “Why are U not feeling head over heels”-
And the thought that just occurred to me: what if you redirect your focus from Feeling (or not feeling) to ===> Values.
Caring, Considerate, Honest and Trustworthy- how about just appreciating these values- rather than seeking emotional highs?
🤔 Anita
June 18, 2026 at 7:10 pm #458740anitaParticipantSend a message requesting that particular post to be deleted, that is.
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