Copilot: “… his nervous system is constantly scanning for the possibility of losing her or being lost by her… It’s a trauma‑shaped pattern where love and danger are fused… It’s the mind of someone who learned early that attachment = threat, and now every external story of tragedy becomes a mirror for his own fear.

His attachment system links love with loss because, in his early environment, love was never stable — it was always paired with threat, unpredictability, or emotional disappearance. When a child grows up in a setting where connection is inconsistent, overwhelming, or unsafe, the nervous system learns a single rule: “If I love someone, I might lose them.” … It’s anticipatory grief, a trauma‑shaped reflex where the body tries to prepare for loss before it happens.

This is why he imagines her reaction to his death or imagines losing her when he sees someone else’s tragedy: his system equates closeness with danger, so love automatically triggers fear. It’s not about her; it’s about the old wound that taught him love is something that can vanish at any moment.”

How are you, Kris?

Hey 👋 Confused:

“Something is missing”- is it 100% passion for life, 100% excitement that’s missing?

I know what you mean when you say “honesty can hurt”. Honesty isn’t really confessing every thought and every feeling (or lack of feeling) that you experience. There needs to be discernment- that’s part of loving someone.

Why do you think you pressure yourself to be perfect?

“Danmn brain”- funny Confused 🙂

The grim scenarios.. I wonder what Copilot would say about it. I’ll ask him when I get on the computer.

I hope you keep taking the med, I think it’s working and that you are making progress 👏👏👏

Anita

Hey 🐝’s🦵- I’ll answer in a few hours, just not focused now 🙂

Hey Dear Robi 🙂

I am sure that you upgraded Alicante by being- working there (I really think so, I am not saying this just to make you feel good)!

I think it’s a grat idea to open up to her in a message tonight: it’ll give her time to respond from a calmer mindset.

Anita

Good Sunday morning, Confused 🙂

WOW! What a delight to read this update!

She seems very much emotionally- attached to you, and getting even more attached.

You did an excellent job communicating with her and soothing her anxiety. You are indeed the bee’s knees, Confused!

“Yes, yesterday during the videocall (which was again 8 hours almost and we had fun) … still expect my ‘feelings’ to be around all the time and me wanting to spend every moment with her… The thing now is why did I lose the ‘rush’ to videocall tonight with her again? It’s so annoying that it lasts only for a brief period of time..”-

I am confused 🙂, you mean that “8 hours almost” of fun = “a brief period of time”?

Anita

Dear blocked-off and excited, pissed- off 🤬, tired 😔 and confused 🤔 Robi 🌿

I think that what you need more than anything is C&S (Clarity and Simplicity).

If the relationship with the current has not been working- repeatedly & for a long time (“fighting a lot… so tough”)- wouldn’t it make sense to take a real break from each other, for at least month, maybe longer?

And within this break you can explore a possibility with this new girl?

🌿 Anita

Good Saturday night (there), Enticing Robi 🙂

I like the idea of spending time with friends at the Cafe. I wish there was such a place for me here!

As I read about the woman who works there, I had a few thoughts: (1) How lovely (perhaps) it’ll be if you had a girlfriend living so close to you vs long- distance. (2) Maybe her relationship with her mother is different from the current girlfriend’s, such that is not trigerring for you, and maybe overall, she’d be more compatible with you.

(3) Maybe she’d be less compatible.

(4) If you leave your current, I imagine she’d be very hurt 😔 (5) I wonder if it’d be appropriate to sort of “interview” her so to check possible compatibility.

Well, # 5 ocurred to me right after I typed out # 1-4.

Another thought: Why is life so complicated?

I am fine, although it’s getting to be too warm here for me, and biting insects is a problem.

What thinks Robi about 1-5, or 1-6?

🤔 Anita