Good morning 🙂 Confused:

Feeling anger doesn’t feel good to me. I wonder if it feels good to other people. Curious, I asked you know who.

Copilot: “Yes — anger can feel good to some people, and this is not unusual.

Why anger can feel good- Research shows that anger can activate the brain’s reward system, especially the nucleus accumbens, which is involved in motivation and pleasure. When someone gets angry, the brain can release dopamine, the same chemical involved in reward and anticipation. This can create a brief sense of power, energy, or relief.

Some people experience anger as “good” because:

* It replaces feelings like helplessness or shame with a sense of control.

* It provides a rush or surge of energy that feels rewarding.

* It can feel empowering, especially when calling out injustice or protecting oneself.

This doesn’t mean anger is always healthy — just that the body sometimes interprets it as useful or energizing.

But the relief is temporary- Even though anger can feel good in the moment, research shows that venting anger actually increases anger, not decreases it. So, the short-term “rush” can lead to long-term emotional strain.”

The above explains why my mother was often angry at me: it made her feel (temporarily) good, as in powerful, in control.

Because I am at the computer, I asked Copilot another question.

Copilot: 🎶 Modern Greek songs people in their 30s usually know:

Μη Με Ξυπνάς — Melisses, Έλα — Κωνσταντίνος Αργυρός, Θυμάμαι — Melisses, Μισή Καρδιά — Κωνσταντίνος Αργυρός
, Αν Μ’ Αγαπάς — Νίκος Οικονομόπουλος, Κόκκινα Γυαλιά — Πυξ Λαξ, Όλα Μοιάζουν Καλοκαίρι — Melisses, Σ’ Έχω Ξεπεράσει — Πάνος Κιάμος, Το Παλιό Μου Παλτό — Γιάννης Χαρούλης, Μικρή Μου Αγάπη — Μιχάλης Χατζηγιάννης

Do you know all of these songs?

🎶 Anita

Hi again, Starlight 🌟

Thank you for explaining more. It makes sense that you’d want to slow down and rest, especially when you’re feeling run down. Taking care of yourself comes first, always.

I hear what you’re saying about stories and how much the tone, context, and the storyteller’s sensitivity matter. You’re right — a good storyteller pays attention to boundaries, and a good listener also protects their own wellbeing. It sounds like you’re seeing more clearly now how those biblical stories felt overwhelming without enough context, and how easy it is to forget self‑care in the middle of it.

I appreciate you sharing your thoughts with me. There’s no pressure to look at resources or to continue the conversation unless it feels right for you. Resting and giving yourself some gentleness sounds like a wise choice.

Warmly, Anita 🌿

Going to bed at 9:30 pm, Sat, here (W.USA); Sun 7:30 am in Greece & in Israel. Good night/ morning, Confused.

What I was trying to say above, Confused, is that I really admire the strength of the boy- Confused who in the midst of ongoing abuse and the great emotional pain and turmoil that it caused you, you wisely (instinctively, not a matter of a self-aware choosing), shut down his feelings.

It makes perfect sense that you did. It was self- protective.

Fast forward, she has been deceased for quite some time, but the emotional shutdown has become an internal habit, just the way it’s been for so long.

Again, I see why you needed INTENSE feelings to cut through the thick crust of emotional shutdown/ anhedonia.

Yet, intense feelings cannot be sustained.

So, is there another way to cut through the anhedonia?

Not in the fast, dramatic, intense way of the past, but slowly- as in one little step at a time: see Copilot’s # 1 in two posts ago, less than 11 hours ago.

🌿 🌟 Anita

Hi again, Starlight1 🌟:

I would like to develop my thoughts about forgiveness and conflated issues in the context of my life experience.

I am not at all telling you how it is for you, or how it should be.

This is my personal reflection that maybe will help you somewhat (it will probably help me because developing my thoughts this way often helps me):

First, forgiveness is a personal choice. It’s up to me 2-forgive or not-2-forgive.

It’s part of my agency, my right, my perogative- nothing that anyone else has the right to pressure or force me to do.

It’s not up to the perpetrator to pressure me to forgive her (or him), and it’s not up to any religious doctrine to pressure me either. It’s no one’s business but my own.

* To forgive, for me, means to let go of the anger at the person who harmed me- Not to approve of or excuse the harm perpetrated against me, but to let go of the anger.

I will let go of the anger only if and when I no longer feel threatened by the perpetrator.

As long as I feel threatened, I need the anger to protect me.

As far as me harming others- I regret every time I did, and my strong resolve is to Do-No-Harm.

Harming others in the past does not excuse someone else harming me (except if the person I just harmed is defending herself or reacting angrily to my abuse).

Secondly, forgiving someone does not mean interacting with them. I can forgive (let go of anger) and never interact with the person again.

* Even though my mother is a very old woman, I can’t and won’t interact with her (haven’t for 12-13 years) because I’m still afraid of her. Not that she can hit me, I suppose, not physically- but because she can still shame and guilt-trip me. The pain of those things is still vivid in me.

Strange perhaps, I still love her and I’m still afraid of her, such is the Nature of Trauma Bonding.

So, I am choosing to forgive my mother and to never see her or hear her in real- life. Not so to punish her but so to protect the little girl within myself (aka inner child) because.. she’s afraid, understandably, rightfully.

And I will never blame the girl within me for being afraid. She has her valid reasons.

My protection from my mother is continued zero interaction. Secure in this protection ( no longer feeling guilty for protecting myself this way), I can let go of the anger. Amen.

That’s it, Starlight1 🌟

Again, these are my personal conflating-undoing
thoughts 🙂. I hope to read yours.

🌿 ✨️ Anita

Hi Starlight1: Good to read back from you and looking forward to you replying when you’re ready 🤍🙏

Hey Dear Confused:

Oh, I think I see why you needed INTENSE feelings- because it takes Intensity to break through the Anhedonia!

What caused the anhedonia?

Severe Emotional Suppression (SES- I just made up this acronym) is my figuring.

I think that you did such a good job suppressing, that it’s difficult to undo it.

Wait ✋️.. okay 👍, emojis 😳 are showing up, I was concerned 😟

🌿 Anita