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May 17, 2026 at 8:03 pm #457954
anitaParticipantJust thinking this Sun Eve:
I need to find an irl socialization opportunity in my life. My irl socialization took place in a downtown taproom 2017- April 2026, and in a local Winery, 2021- Dec 2025.
I had never enjoyed myself as often as I did in thpse 2 places (🍷 was often involved) which made magic happen: many hundreds if not thousands of meaningful (to me) conversations, and most magically, dancing to live music at the Winery (Dec last year was the last time)
And sadly, the socialization did not proceed to meeting the same people in our private homes.
I am grateful for 2017-2026, The End of an Era.
Yesterday I met 2 of the regulars I socialized with (both at the Winery and at the taproom) in another taproom, farther away, another town. It was not the same. It was nice but also boring. The setting was different.
The good piece of news is that Bogart the Beagle 🐕 entered my life in Dec last year (right after the Winery closed) and he’s sleeping on my lap right now.
And 😔 tonight will be the 3rd I’ll be sleeping on a mattress in the sunroom because this lovely beagle peed on my bed twice on Friday.
Somehow, it helps me share this on this public forum. Maybe someone will read and answer- that’s a kind of socialization that I enjoy as well.
I enjoyed the tiny buddha forums since May 2015- before the taproom, before the Winery. Here is a place I’ve been visiting all these years, every single day. It has become a special place for me.
But even this place is becoming painfully slow. I wish more people were here with me.
✨️ 🌿 ✨️Anita
May 17, 2026 at 10:36 am #457952anitaParticipantGood Sunday morning, Mollie 🙂
Thank you. Last night was the 2nd night on a thin mattress on the floor and I am indeed tired. The good news- Bogart seems healthy (I was worried about a UTI). He’s energetic and affectionate. I forgave him for what he did- without malice, of course (no anger left), just hope to learn from what happened so that it’d be very unlikely to happen again.
“She just feels safe and calm”- that’s wonderful 👏
It’s understandable that she got over- involved with her children following her mother being under- involved in her life, as a child. It makes sense.
Makes me think of the Buddhist concept of “the middle way” as the healthy alternative- somewhere in the middle of 2 extremes.
Sounds like both your parents are good people who are doing their best. And it’s wonderful that your brother is self- sufficient..
I wonder if “extremely” self- sufficient requires Middle Way adjustment 🤔
He craves freedom because of past over- involved parenting? I am guessing he needs lots of space, and supporting him means giving him all the space that he needs ✨️✨️✨️
I have 2 much younger half-siblings on my father’s side, with whom I did not grow up, and have no contact, and a younger sister with whom I did grow up but haven’t seen in 14 years (living in another continent far, far away). We talk on the phone and she is very nice and kind to me. I am grateful for that!
I hope to have a positive update for you in regard to my sleeping arrangement and Bogart tomorrow 😊
Lovely to read from you, Mollie. Actually I feel better just because we talked this morning 🙏💛
Anita
May 16, 2026 at 10:25 pm #457943anitaParticipantMy goodness, Jonathan- you addressed a post to me on Oct 18, 2016 and I failed to reply- very unusual for me to NOT reply. I apologize!
Ofcourse, you’re not likely to read this 9 years and 7 months later (in 2 days), but still, I owe you a reply (tomorrow or in the next few days)
Anita
May 16, 2026 at 10:06 pm #457942anitaParticipantHey Alecsee:
I just looked at your very first post on the forums, March 4, 2019, and it was about your ex saying something about your “emotional outbursts”, which connects to the topic of this thread,May 5, 2026-
7 years, 2 months and 1 day ago.
I want to look at this further tomorrow or in the next few days.
If you’re reading this, I’d love to read your thoughts about the connection between your first thread and the current.
🌿✨️🌿 Anita
May 16, 2026 at 9:38 pm #457941anitaParticipantHey 🌴 Confused:
Indeed, I have a limited number of emojis saved and none show up spontaneously as I type anymore.
Actually, for the fun of it, I’ll use emojis from what is available to me- emojis that DON’T fit with what I’m typing (an act of rebelion!):
Yes, I do think that you are not at all dull 🥳. Every time I see you posted, it makes me happy 😢.
You feeling better in the last few days is good news, calmer 🤬 and more accepting Confused!
Yes, I do remember now that you shared earlier that she is more bound 🐔 with the current Confused.
I say, it’s because the Current Confused is the Bee’s Knees 🌭
Medication or not- that’s Confused’s personal choice. If you continue to feel better.. no need for meds 🎶
Again, as I read your words, the words of the song Feelings come to mind:
“Feelings, oh, oh, oh feelings”
Hmm.. these are the only words I remember of this song?
Thank you for offering me to use whatever emojis I have 🎶🥳🤬🌭🐔👵😢🌴✔️✨️🐶🙏😔❤️🙂👋🌿🐕🚶♀️🤔💛🦉🌙👏👧🎵💃📱🪞🍷🔥🌲🌳🧠🖥😊😁🎂😇👍
That’s it, these are ALL I have ( sad face emoji).
Anita
May 16, 2026 at 7:30 pm #457939anitaParticipantHello again, Thomas:
Like I said before, you are a very dedicated father and husband, and they’re both lucky to have you ✔️✔️✔️
I bet your daughter is excited and maybe nervous about the transition, but she has you for support, and that’s huge!
Alessa’s most recent post was on March 14- a month & 2 days ago. She said in that post (and in posts earlier), that she was very busy (studies, parenting, pets, and more), so I understand her need to conserve her energy.
Really good to read from you, Thomas. I wish you and yours the best!
✨️✨️✨️ Anita
May 16, 2026 at 7:14 pm #457938anitaParticipantHey Thomas:
Thank you for visiting this thread, a pleasure to read from you!
To clarify: I slept on a kind of a sleeping bag (don’t know how to call it) on top of the carpeted floor, so I didn’t lose heat.. only sleep 😔
Sadly, I will be sleeping tonight on that (whatever it’s called) as well because part of the mattress in the bedroom is wet because of a special detergent from the pet store (plus a lot of perfume I sprayed on it).
I am sufferring from what I’d call micro-PTSD as a result of the first time he peed on the bed yesterday morning (I didn’t witness the 2nd time, only the results), and on top of it, the results of the 2nd time.
I keep hearing the sound of it.
Yes, I decided that next time he pees ( on the carpet), I will hold his nose close to the pee and sternly say “No! No!”.
Thank you, Thomas, for the advice and concern 🙏
Next, I’ll reply to your other post.
🐶 (No!No!) Anita
May 16, 2026 at 6:54 pm #457937anitaParticipantOh, so it’s an antidepressant that is not an SSRI (Prozac the original, and Zoloft which I used for many years).
It’s saught after by people who don’t want the sexual side-effects of SSRIs.
Wellbutrin works on the Dopamine mechanism while SSRIs work on the Serotonin mechanism (wthe latter produces the SSRIs famous sexual side effects).
Also, Wellbutrin increases energy.
Wellbutrin became widely prescribed 9 years after SSRIs were out and about.
Overall, Confused, being that you previously stopped an SSRI because of the sexual side effect, Wellbutrin sounds promising to me.
🐔 🐔 🐔 (I am running out of saved emojis, so 🐔 it is).
Anita
May 16, 2026 at 6:32 pm #457936anitaParticipantHey 👋 Confused:
Even though you feel dull, you don’t come across dull in the 80 pages of our communication. I wouldn’t be looking forward to your messages, if you were dull.
Actually, you are fun to talk with.
It’s interesting how you feel “so dull” while not coming across as dull. I am guessing you don’t come across as dull to the woman who plans to visit you in June 🙂
Not saying that how you wish to feel doesn’t matter, ofcourse it matters.
Wellburtin, sounds very familiar but I am drawing a blank. Will ask Copilot and get back to you.
May 16, 2026 at 11:28 am #457925anitaParticipantThank you, Mollie 🩷
I’m doing alright considering my dog peed on my bed yesterday, something I never imagined could happen, and he did it twice 😱 I’m very tired from the stress and having to sleep on a sleeping bag of sorts on the floor in the sunroom.
What you shared about your mum yesterday really stayed with me. It sounds like something in you softened when she stepped back a little — almost like you could breathe in a new way.
Sometimes when a parent begins to give more space, it opens up a different kind of space inside us too.
How did it feel in your body after that conversation with her — lighter, heavier, mixed?
I was also thinking about the recent exchange with your brother, almost like you took on the parent role and he was like a rebellious teenager. Does it feel like that to you?
✨️ 🌿 Anita
May 15, 2026 at 10:40 pm #457923anitaParticipantNot just thinking this Fri night, but being bamboozled, really ( It’s Fri night here)
Late this morning, I saw something I never saw before (since Bogart the Beagle entered my life):
I saw it, couldn’t unsee it: Bogart peed on the bed we share every night for the last 5 months!
It took some time for it to register in my mind. Then I grabbed some piece of clothing and placed it under his peeing. Next, I wiped the sheet and blanket with rubbing alcohol and let it dry.
I put this disturbing incident out of my mind for as long as I could, until this evening- to my horror- he peed AGAIN on the bed, and now, literally I can’t sleep on the bed and have to camp out in the “sun room” in this very, very rainy night.
My bed is a pee fest.
Could be Bogart’s anxiety (he has separation anxiety and feels anxious whenever I am not there with him, like when working in the yard). It could be a UTI- have to take him to a vet to rule this out)
In whichever case, I have no bed to sleep on tonight, it’s raining, it’s cold and.. well, this is my update tonight. Will sleep on the floor/ mattress/ blankets near Bogart tonight, hopefully sleep.
I love Bogart, but am not getting a second dog ever. I now understand how difficult it can be to be a parent/ a mother/ a beagle mom.
For crying out loud, I have no bed to sleep on. I feel guilty: should I never leave Bogart’s presence because of his separation anxiety?
Forever babysit him 25/7?
Getting ready to hard floor sleeping, if I can.
Would like to update you ( whomever may be reading) tomorrow (Sat morning)
🚶♀️ 🐕 🐶 🙏 🌿 Anita
May 15, 2026 at 9:41 pm #457922anitaParticipantSorry, a typo: Boris
May 15, 2026 at 8:55 pm #457921anitaParticipantIt’s be a miracle to read from you again, Doris.
In my last post to you, March 4, 2021, I wrote to you: “It is easy to run with thoughts, but difficult to stay with an emotion”–
True, only thing is that I was referring to you while that’s what I was doing my whole life: running away with thoughts so to bypass emotion.
Seems like I didn’t realize back then that it has been what I was doing.
I want to look at your thread further tomorrow.
Anita
May 15, 2026 at 8:17 pm #457920anitaParticipantHmm, Confused the Day Dreamer (CDD) Turned PC Gamer 🙂
The plan to get to know each other over time ( you shared before that this was your plan) was reasonable all along.
I understand it being difficult for you. Where are things between the two of you at this point, in practical terms ( anyone suggesting an irl get together?
What is her input on your shifts of emotion (anhedonia)?
🌿 Anita
May 15, 2026 at 6:23 pm #457918anitaParticipantHey 👋 Confused:
There were no PC or PC games back in my day. I escaped through daydreaming- while listening to music or when walking to and from school, and at other times- having love stories or other adventures running through my mind like in the movies.
Yes, from what you shared, she is a special person, and together- the two of you are special people.
Still, 3 days irl is just not long enough to be the basis for life- changing decisions (such as moving countries)
And it’s not that the 3 days were happy and calm- it was a mix of things, anxiety and lack of certainty included.
.. Who wouldn’t be Confused in this circumstance?
🤔 Anita
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