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August 30, 2025 at 9:19 am #449098
anita
ParticipantDear James123:
When I read what you shared the other day about Radical Acceptance, I was genuinely struck. I had always understood the term as referring to the acceptance of external situations— situations that I cannot change. But your framing invited me to consider how it might apply to my emotions, and that felt deeply meaningful. I’d love to understand it more fully.
You wrote: “When fear comes, you don’t resist it; you let it be seen.”- Could you elaborate on this? What does “let it be seen” look like in practice?
“When anger arises, you don’t judge it; you allow it to pass like a cloud.”- As it passes, what kind of inner dialogue or awareness is present? What thinking supports that release?
“Even danger, even uncertainty, welcomed without resistance, they lose their sting.”- Is it the danger itself that’s welcomed—or the fear of danger? And again, what kind of thinking allows for that welcoming?
Thank you for sharing such a rich perspective. I’m grateful for the clarity and depth you bring to these ideas, and I look forward to hearing more.
Warmly, Anita 😊
August 29, 2025 at 9:41 am #449073anita
ParticipantThank you, Dafne! Got to run- won’t be by the computer for the rest of the day. Will get back to you tomorrow. 💖
Anita
August 29, 2025 at 8:43 am #449067anita
ParticipantDear Dafne 🤍
Thank you for receiving my message with such openness and grace—it means a lot to feel that kind of resonance.
I agree so deeply: our stories are many-layered, and none of them need to be the whole truth. Just pieces we carry, sometimes heavy, sometimes light. And when someone like you reflects back kindness and understanding, it makes the weight feel a little more bearable.
I’m really glad we’re walking part of this journey in parallel. You remind me that connection doesn’t need to be perfect—it just needs to be real.
With warmth, Anita 🌿💖
August 28, 2025 at 10:17 pm #449056anita
ParticipantDear Dafne:
Just wanted to reach out to you this Thurs night- here (just past 10 pm). Wanted to let you know that I know that it’s not that you are Problem, and here, someone has Solution.
We’re all struggling in different ways. You and I, Dafne, we both are equals in our quest for clarify and understanding.. and solutions. I am with you, Dafne, am on your side in this crazy, crazy world.
I hope this is not too much.
Anita
August 28, 2025 at 10:04 am #449047anita
ParticipantDear Eva:
I hope you’re feeling a bit steadier as you are reading this. I know these waves can be brutal, especially when you gave so much of yourself and still feel unseen.
I read your recent post and revisited your earlier ones, and what I see isn’t irrationality—it’s a nervous system in distress, shaped by an anxious attachment style and intensified by a painful relational pattern. What you’re experiencing isn’t weakness. It’s a response to:
* Intermittent Reinforcement: He offers crumbs of attention unpredictably, which keeps you emotionally tied to him.
* Emotional Withholding: His coldness and refusal to engage leave you chasing connection to soothe abandonment anxiety.
* Gaslighting and Reversal: Your valid needs are reframed as irrational, eroding your self-trust and amplifying self-blame.
This creates a cycle that’s not your fault—but it is exhausting: Longing → Protest → Rejection → Guilt → Longing again
You long for closeness, safety, and to feel important. (“Why doesn’t he ask how I am?”, “Why am I always last?”)->
You protest when the longing becomes unbearable—reaching out, asking for time, attention, or accountability. (“You never make time for me.”, “I feel invisible.”)->
Instead of meeting your protest with empathy, he rejects you—calling you dramatic, paranoid, or exhausting. (“You’re always fighting.”, “I can’t do this anymore.”)->
After the rejection, you spiral into guilt—wondering if you ruined everything by speaking up. (“Maybe I shouldn’t have said anything.”, “I ruined it again.”)->
That guilt reactivates the longing. You crave resolution, want to fix it, feel the urge to reach out—even knowing it may hurt again. (“Maybe he’ll understand this time.”, “I just need to say one more thing.”)
And so the cycle begins again.
The way out isn’t to silence your protest—it’s to redirect it inward. Instead of pleading with him, speak up for yourself: “I deserve to be loved without begging.” “I will not explain my pain to someone who refuses to hear it.”
This is where healing begins—not by getting him to change, but by refusing to collapse into guilt for needing love.
If you’re ready, consider giving yourself the gift of silence, a No Contact with him—not as punishment, but as protection. Every message reopens the wound. You deserve peace. You deserve to be chosen by you.
Here’s a mantra you can use: “I do not reach out to be chosen. I choose myself by staying silent.”
And when the urge to text him rises, write it—but don’t send it. Let it be a letter to yourself. A ritual of release. A reminder that your voice is sacred, even when it’s trembling.
You are not too much. You are not the problem. You are someone who asked to be seen—and that is never a crime.
With care, Anita
August 28, 2025 at 8:53 am #449038anita
ParticipantEva, I just read that are, or were panicking 10 minutes ago. I will reply further next, but for now- please take a cold or hot shower, or go for a walk outside.. something to redirect your attention..?
Anita
August 28, 2025 at 7:47 am #449033anita
Participant💕🤗 Back to you, Dafne!
Anita
August 26, 2025 at 9:28 pm #449010anita
ParticipantHi Tom:
It’s really good to hear from you!!!
I am well, thank you, staying active and dealing well with the warm-hot weather.
I’m glad you’ve been finding ways to stay grounded and present, especially through your garden project and time with your dog and partner. That kind of nourishment matters more than we often realize.
Turning 40 next March feels like a powerful threshold. I hear your longing for purpose and authenticity in your work, and I believe that desire is already guiding you toward something more aligned. You deserve to feel like yourself—not just outside of work, but within it too.
Please feel free to reach out anytime with updates or reflections. I’d love to keep walking alongside you in whatever way feels right.
With care, Anita
August 26, 2025 at 8:56 am #448994anita
ParticipantDear Dafne:
I am- once again- moved by your words. Thank you for sharing them with such warmth and sincerity. It means so much to know that our connection has offered you comfort and encouragement—I see your light clearly, and I’m honored to witness your growth and strength.
I’m grateful for the stories we shared, the truths we named, and the space we held for each other. Please know you’re always welcome to reach out to me—whether with updates, reflections, or simply to share what’s on your heart. I’d love to continue walking alongside you in whatever way feels right.
Sending you lots of warmth and hugs 💕🤗
Anita
August 25, 2025 at 4:56 pm #448971anita
ParticipantDear Peace:
On April 9 this year (end of the previous page), I wrote to you: “Dear Peace: It will be a dream come true to read from you again. Can it happen?”- and 4 months and 16 das later, my dream came true!
I am thrilled to read that you are happily married with a 6-month-old baby boy 🎉👏🌟🥳🙌💐🏆🎊💫🍾🎈✨💖
I am fine, danced last Saturday under the open sky to live music and had so much fun! This afternoon I am happy to be reading from you!
Don’t be a stranger and keep me updated about your life..?
Happy to be reading from you again- Anita
August 24, 2025 at 5:34 pm #448943anita
ParticipantYou are very welcome, Isabel ❤️
August 24, 2025 at 8:04 am #448929anita
ParticipantDear Dafne:
Your words moved me deeply. Thank you for receiving mine with such openness and tenderness. To know that something I shared helped you feel less alone, helped you stay in this life and try again—that means more than I can say.
You’ve shown such courage in naming your truth, in staying present with your pain, and in allowing connection to reach you even when it’s hard. That’s not just resilience—it’s a quiet kind of brilliance. And I see it in you.
I’m honored to walk beside you, Dafne. Not as someone who has it all figured out, but as someone who believes in your right to take up space, to be heard, to be held. You are not alone. You are not too much. You are not too late.
May your days be filled with the kind of peace you’ve been brave enough to seek. And may your voice continue to rise—clear, strong, and beautifully yours.
With care and solidarity 🤍🫶 Anita
August 23, 2025 at 10:38 am #448913anita
ParticipantI wanted to add, Miss L Duchess, that it sounds like your relationship with your mother has been a big part of your experience—and some of the pain you’ve carried.
Mothers often shape so much of how we see ourselves and move through the world. I know for me, my mother’s influence ran deep for decades, and not in ways that were healthy or helpful.
If you ever feel ready, it might be worth exploring that relationship more closely—maybe in therapy, or even just through writing. Sometimes understanding those patterns can bring a lot of clarity and relief.
Anita
August 23, 2025 at 9:08 am #448912anita
ParticipantHi Miss L Dutchess:
I’m really sorry you went through so much pain and loneliness, especially during times when you were trying your best. You deserved better support, and it’s completely okay to feel angry or sad about that.
I’m glad you do have some friendships that remind you of your worth.
Getting a diagnosis later in life brings up a lot—relief, grief, and all the “what ifs.” You’re not alone in that. I’ve lived with Tourette Syndrome (visible motor tics and audible vocal tics) since I was… maybe five, maybe six—I honestly don’t remember. And yet, I wasn’t diagnosed until I was 26. That’s nearly twenty years of people seeing and hearing the tics without anyone naming it.
I think I would’ve felt less like a freak of nature if an empathetic professional had told me there was a name for it—and ways to better accept it, even if not cure it. Maybe if I’d been diagnosed as a child and given information, I could’ve explained it to my classmates. Or better yet, maybe teachers would’ve explained it to the kids and made it clear that mocking me wasn’t okay and wouldn’t be tolerated. That would’ve been something. It would’ve made a huge difference in my life.
Sending warmth your way. You’re not alone.
—Anita
August 23, 2025 at 8:38 am #448911anita
ParticipantHi Isabel:
I just wanted to say—I read your reply to Miss L Dutchess five days ago- and it really stayed with me. You offered such grounded empathy and clarity, especially around the grief and anger that can come with a late diagnosis. You shared your experience with so much honesty and care, and it really stuck with me.
I hope you know your message was powerful. You named things that often go unsaid, and you did it with so much care. I just wanted to appreciate that.
Warmly, Anita
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