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May 14, 2026 at 6:52 pm #457896
anitaParticipantHow R U, Bea, 3 months and 16 days 🙂 since you posted last?
Anita
May 14, 2026 at 6:36 pm #457895
anitaParticipantHow R U, Mollie, a month & 2 days since ce you posted last?
* I just realized I didn’t check the app you recommended 😔
Anita
May 14, 2026 at 5:32 pm #457891
anitaParticipantHi Roberta:
Thank you for caring to post in my lonely thread once again 🙏✨️
Plans for the weekend? Nothing outside the usual:🚶♀️ with my 🐕, working in the yard (cutting blackberries, trimming 🌳 🌲, preparing the next burn 🔥 pile) and submitting posts here
No replacement found for the Winery or taproom. Thing is, the taproom allowed dogs (because it doesn’t serve food), but most other places serve food along beer and wine, so no 🐕 🐶 🌭 are allowed, and I can’t leave Bogart alone in the house.
(Emojis keep showing up when I use the 📱 and I can’t or won’t resist them).
I am glad about having had regular socialization in both places for years (ever since 2017 at the taproom, and since 2021 at the Winery). There were many, many magical afternoons- evenings in both.
One of the magical things I miss the most was dancing to live music at the Winery (🍷 helped with self-consciousness).. and I had fun with Karaeoke in both places.
I didn’t mind singing badly and loudly in front of people because they sang badly too, and because of the magical affect of🍷
The kind of music I danced to: rock n roll and Country.
We’re about the same age. I feel younger though than I felt when.. I was young. The mirror 🪞 though rains of my (youth) parade, that’s why I avoid 🪞 🪞 🪞 like the plague. 🙂
Nice chatting with you, makes me smile.
🎶 💃 🎵 👵 👧 Anita
May 14, 2026 at 12:34 pm #457890
anitaParticipantHi Roberta:
I’ll reply further later today but just wanted to say (only 5 minutes after you submitted your message above) that I enjoy your sense of humor, it’s unique and delightful, thank you! Have a good night.
Anita
May 14, 2026 at 7:47 am #457884
anitaParticipantYou are very welcome, Dave and thank you for being here for as long as you have 🙏
Indeed, your life circumstances, your thoughts, your concerns are far from the original forum post. If you would like to share future updates elsewhere, you can start a new thread with a new title and a new original forum post.
I would love to hear from you again and again, but only if it works for you!
Take care, Anita
May 13, 2026 at 10:27 pm #457877
anitaParticipantAs a child, my emotions HAD TO BE suppressed, severely hushed. Shh. hush the severe anxiety (‘is life ending, right here, right now?)
Hush… it’s okay, cut off everything that makes it feel like it’s the end of the world.
Numb, numb… This is not happening to me. This is a dream, a movie, not really happening.
What followed was..50, 60 years of dissociated, emotional deadness and an emphasis on academic-like analysis.
Until I danced, really danced (see the photo above my name)- I danced, ha- ha, facilitated by red wine. That’s me dancing.
Anita
May 13, 2026 at 9:04 pm #457876
anitaParticipant👋 Confused:
“What’s done is done”- true.
“I can only move on”- yes, but first move through.
Every traumatized child suppresses emotions. It’s automatic.
Wait, you didn’t really answer my question: were you affected, at the time (as a child) by your mother’s violence, unpredictability, instability?
Do you remember how you FELT back then?
🧠 🌙 ❤️ 🦉 Anita
May 13, 2026 at 8:06 pm #457874
anitaParticipantUsing computer. Copilot: “Emotional decay can look like this: You remember what happened, but you can’t remember how it felt — because the feelings slowly faded, got buried, or were never safe enough to feel in the first place. Over time, the emotional part of the memory “thins out.”
The facts stay, but the feelings go dim. That’s decay: a slow loss of emotional color, warmth, or connection to your own inner experience.
Why it happens in childhood trauma: A child who grows up in chaos or fear learns to shut down feelings to survive. When that happens day after day, year after year, the emotional layer of experience gets worn down. You still know the story, but the emotional truth of it is missing, muted, or unreachable.
So yes — remembering events but not remembering how they felt is one of the clearest signs of emotional decay.
This is how the mind protects a child who has no escape: by numbing, shrinking, or disconnecting from emotions that would have been too overwhelming to feel at the time. As an adult, this shows up as blankness, confusion, or the sense that memories have ‘no color.'”-
The above (including the word “confusion”, Confused) was not about you, or about me specifically- just general info.
Back to 3 posts ago: “Remember you shared only a few posts ago that someone told you… that when you talked about the violence etc., of growing up with your mother, you sounded like you were reading an article in a newspaper?… Do you 🤔 that indeed you weren’t affected?”
Anita
May 13, 2026 at 7:33 pm #457873
anitaParticipantJust thinking this Wed Eve:
Like I mentioned on Sun night, I’ve been looking at my past replies to members, and am.. well, bamboozled by what I see now that I did not see before:
I submitted academic-like essays to members, quoting them and analyzing their words over time, interpreting their motivations, their childhoods, coming up with solutions.. as if I was the forums analyzer in chief
As if people were case studies and I was well, I was studying people.
Not relating to people, not engaging with people emotionally, as a peer- but placing myself (without being invited to do so and without having any educational credentials to show) as The Teacher, treating members ad students who need my superior analysis and proposed solutions.
I’ll write more about it later.
Anita
May 13, 2026 at 6:48 pm #457872
anitaParticipantEdit: since we talked a few months ago ( 🖥 broke either Dec or Jan.. .maybe Feb)
May 13, 2026 at 6:45 pm #457871
anitaParticipantDear Going Through Life:
Thank you, GTL. You’re so kind 😇
If you wonder about the emojis, what happened since we talked earlier was that Bogart the Beagle broke my 🖥 (partly my fault, long story) and since them I have a limited use of the one surviving 🖥 and I often use my 📱
When I use my 📱, like right now, emojis keep showing up and I can’t resist them, so that’s why there’s so many of them.
Yes, I remember your age. I remember sending you a happy- 🎂 🥳 post.
I am.. I am ___ years old. I couldn’t put the number above the line. I’ll say I’m older than your age backward.
Funny 😁 or not,it’s stra ge for me to read “You are amazing”- it’s just so different from how I thought of myself for so long.
But now, I’ll take the compliment 🙏.
Closing this post with this genuine smile 😊 on my face.
Anita and Bogart
May 13, 2026 at 6:28 pm #457870
anitaParticipant* Using my 📱, I was talking with Copilot about Covid and came across a term called “emotional decay” which applies to what happened with Covid as well as to personal trauma:
We remember what happened ( events) but not the fear, stress etc., that we felt back then.
I want to look more into it later, but it does fit how I “forgot” how terrified I felt during events I do remember.
It may apply to you too: remembering events, but not remembering how you felt during those events.
🧠 Anita
May 13, 2026 at 5:46 pm #457866
anitaParticipantHey 🌙 🦉 Confused:
Remember you shared only a few posts ago that someone told you (I think it was a therapist) that when you talked about the violence etc., of growing up with your mother, you sounded like you were reading an article in a newspaper?
I suppose this means you sounded unaffected, like it wasn’t anything that left an emotional mark on you.
Do you 🤔 that indeed you weren’t affected?
🧠 🐔 Anita
May 13, 2026 at 9:34 am #457850
anitaParticipantGood morning, Dave 🙂
What a delightful update- 3 months and 10 days since your last, and THREE years, three months and 11 days since your first post here in the forums (Jan 24, 2023).
The separation from your wife sounds so perfectly mature on both sides, and your mutual care for your children- admirable.
The thought that you could coach people who are going through separation and divorce, particularly people who co- parent, and in a new relationship just crossed my mind.
Your insight, wisdom and maturity level, your ability to navigate a complex situation with such pace and grace is amazing to me.
I think it’s rare and that the people in your life, particularly your children, are fortunate to have you in there with them and for them 🙏
👏 🌿 ✨️ Anita
May 13, 2026 at 8:09 am #457848
anitaParticipantGood Wednesday morning, Nichole!
I asked Copilot (AI) to analyze your post from yesterday.
Copilot: Nichole’s message shows someone who is actively healing, not just intellectually but somatically — and she’s beginning to trust her own internal stability.
Nichole is describing a stage of healing where she has enough distance from the people who harmed her that she can stay regulated even when they appear in her life, yet she still feels the unpredictable waves of grief that come with integrating trauma.
She’s learning to hold two truths at once: compassion for the pain her family carries, and clarity that compassion does not mean re‑entering harmful dynamics.
Her self‑talk — reminding herself what she is and isn’t responsible for — shows a nervous system that is slowly shifting from survival mode to self‑trust.
Even on days when she feels drained, she recognizes her progress, which is a sign of emotional maturity rather than collapse.
Her desire to build new connections reflects a natural movement toward expansion after long contraction, and her plan to return to work not for social fulfillment but for momentum and exposure is grounded and realistic. She’s not rushing intimacy; she’s rebuilding capacity.
Overall, she’s in the acceptance phase of healing: grieving what was, protecting what is, and cautiously opening to what could be.
You wrote, Nichole: “Implementing new connections is my new goal and has been lol.”
Copilot: Nichole can build new connections by starting very small, with tiny interactions that don’t feel scary — a quick hello, a short chat at work, or a simple comment about the day. Work can help her get used to being around people again without expecting herself to make close friends right away.
As she meets new people, she can move toward those who leave her feeling lighter rather than drained.
She doesn’t need to share anything personal until she feels ready; starting with light, everyday topics is enough.
Over time, these small moments add up and slowly create a sense of connection. And she can go at her own pace — taking breaks when she feels tired, resting when she needs to, and celebrating even the smallest steps forward. This way, she builds a social life gently, without pushing herself too hard.
Nichole doesn’t need to force trust or “open up” quickly. She just needs many small experiences of safety, repeated over time, with people who show consistency and respect her pace. That’s how trust becomes possible again.”
It really is exciting, Nichole, to witness your active healing!
Oh, and I’m sorry you suffer from sciatica as well. How is your cat? (Bogart is curled up by my lap on the armchair. Didn’t take him out yet because it’s raining here.
Anita
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