How are you, Thomas, 9 days since you posted last?

🤍 Anita

* not “less than 3 hours ago”, but exactly 2 houre before I submitted my last message, to the minute, which the magical part of my 🧠 says is a sign that what I wrote was accurate.

But thing is, often when I write X oy Y to you (and feeling confident about it), you say it’s not so (“But… I didn’t mean it that way, etc.)

🤔 Anita

Good morning, Confused:

You asked yesterday: “If it was just me falling out of love, why would it affect all the areas of my life?”- you’re asking why you fell out of love with life, not just with her, right?

My question: which one happened first?

If falling out of love with life came first, that may be good old depression, that and nothing else.

🤔Anita

Hey Confused:

Hmm.. I suppose, yes, it can be very different for you. I tend to project my experience unto others, assuming others’ experiences are like mine just because we have things in common. Maybe your therapist is projecting her stuff unto you as well (it’s common to do that, something to be aware of and work on when communicating with people).

Maybe your shutdown was indeed “just emotional burnout”, like you said, and maybe just like it says in this 2015 thread, maybe you just “randomly and suddenly fell out of love”.

I mean, non- random, gradual falling out of love is not the only way.. to fall out of love 🙂

Maybe you just fell out of love and got scared, as if falling out of love is a sin or a crime.. while it’s quite natural and quite common..?

🌼Anita

Talking about my childhood, my programming: I grew up with an explosive mother who showed affection in-between acts of aggression (beating me, shaming me, using words to hurt me)

Fast forward, if someone showed me consistent affection, I would have been, uncomfortable, like where’s the next aggression.. what’s wrong?

Because what we grow up becomes “normal”, and something very different- however positive- feels abnormal, like there’s something wrong.

Children normalize what they grow up with.

Hey Dear Confused:

As a non professional, I agree with your 26-year-old therapist who told you that’s what you’re going through is (likely) related to your childhood experience with your mother/ parents.

You say though that “she insists” that it is so. Well, that insistence is a form of forcefulness. I mean, you need a safe space within therapy to explore things with no pressure.

There is a chance that things other than your childhood are involved.

You felt that your “feelings were locked 🔒 away in a box 📦 “, and she asked what you’re protecting your feelings from?

I don’t understand her question. I am confused 😕 . Do you understand her question? Did you answer it?

😕🤔🔒📦👀🧠 Anita

Dear Caroline:

I’m really glad to hear from you, and I’m so sorry you’re carrying so much right now. Losing your cat, finding out your partner mocked you, feeling disrespected by her family, being told you’re “the problem” at work, and dealing with health issues on top of all that… anyone would feel shaken by so many hurts at once.

It sounds exhausting and painful, and none of this is small.

You mentioned not being able to move your hands at night — did any doctor give you a sense of what might be causing that? It’s important that you’re looked after medically, especially when symptoms affect your ability to move.

And if you were to take a leave from work, even briefly, how do you imagine that might feel for you?

I’m here, and I’m really glad you reached out.

🌿🤍 Anita