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anita

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  • #457899
    anita
    Participant

    Just thinking this Thursday πŸŒ™: finally dark outside and a beagle is curled into a ball on my lap, feeling safe with me.

    Been raining cats and dogs for a while, thunders too.

    Bored on one hand, not wanting to reach out to people just because I’m bored-

    Instead, to just feel the boredom ( the desire to connect right now) and do nothing about it.

    Nor do I want to analyze the what-s and why-s nor to judge myself for feeling what I feel.

    To just feel, to just be

    To take a slow Breath and Be.

    Anita

    #457896
    anita
    Participant

    How R U, Bea, 3 months and 16 days πŸ™‚ since you posted last?

    Anita

    #457895
    anita
    Participant

    How R U, Mollie, a month & 2 days since ce you posted last?

    * I just realized I didn’t check the app you recommended πŸ˜”

    Anita

    #457891
    anita
    Participant

    Hi Roberta:

    Thank you for caring to post in my lonely thread once again πŸ™βœ¨οΈ

    Plans for the weekend? Nothing outside the usual:πŸšΆβ€β™€οΈ with my πŸ•, working in the yard (cutting blackberries, trimming 🌳 🌲, preparing the next burn πŸ”₯ pile) and submitting posts here

    No replacement found for the Winery or taproom. Thing is, the taproom allowed dogs (because it doesn’t serve food), but most other places serve food along beer and wine, so no πŸ• 🐢 🌭 are allowed, and I can’t leave Bogart alone in the house.

    (Emojis keep showing up when I use the πŸ“± and I can’t or won’t resist them).

    I am glad about having had regular socialization in both places for years (ever since 2017 at the taproom, and since 2021 at the Winery). There were many, many magical afternoons- evenings in both.

    One of the magical things I miss the most was dancing to live music at the Winery (🍷 helped with self-consciousness).. and I had fun with Karaeoke in both places.

    I didn’t mind singing badly and loudly in front of people because they sang badly too, and because of the magical affect of🍷

    The kind of music I danced to: rock n roll and Country.

    We’re about the same age. I feel younger though than I felt when.. I was young. The mirror πŸͺž though rains of my (youth) parade, that’s why I avoid πŸͺž πŸͺž πŸͺž like the plague. πŸ™‚

    Nice chatting with you, makes me smile.

    🎢 πŸ’ƒ 🎡 πŸ‘΅ πŸ‘§ Anita

    #457890
    anita
    Participant

    Hi Roberta:

    I’ll reply further later today but just wanted to say (only 5 minutes after you submitted your message above) that I enjoy your sense of humor, it’s unique and delightful, thank you! Have a good night.

    Anita

    #457884
    anita
    Participant

    You are very welcome, Dave and thank you for being here for as long as you have πŸ™

    Indeed, your life circumstances, your thoughts, your concerns are far from the original forum post. If you would like to share future updates elsewhere, you can start a new thread with a new title and a new original forum post.

    I would love to hear from you again and again, but only if it works for you!

    Take care, Anita

    #457877
    anita
    Participant

    As a child, my emotions HAD TO BE suppressed, severely hushed. Shh. hush the severe anxiety (‘is life ending, right here, right now?)

    Hush… it’s okay, cut off everything that makes it feel like it’s the end of the world.

    Numb, numb… This is not happening to me. This is a dream, a movie, not really happening.

    What followed was..50, 60 years of dissociated, emotional deadness and an emphasis on academic-like analysis.

    Until I danced, really danced (see the photo above my name)- I danced, ha- ha, facilitated by red wine. That’s me dancing.

    Anita

    #457876
    anita
    Participant

    πŸ‘‹ Confused:

    “What’s done is done”- true.

    “I can only move on”- yes, but first move through.

    Every traumatized child suppresses emotions. It’s automatic.

    Wait, you didn’t really answer my question: were you affected, at the time (as a child) by your mother’s violence, unpredictability, instability?

    Do you remember how you FELT back then?

    🧠 πŸŒ™ ❀️ πŸ¦‰ Anita

    #457874
    anita
    Participant

    Using computer. Copilot: “Emotional decay can look like this: You remember what happened, but you can’t remember how it felt β€” because the feelings slowly faded, got buried, or were never safe enough to feel in the first place. Over time, the emotional part of the memory β€œthins out.”

    The facts stay, but the feelings go dim. That’s decay: a slow loss of emotional color, warmth, or connection to your own inner experience.

    Why it happens in childhood trauma: A child who grows up in chaos or fear learns to shut down feelings to survive. When that happens day after day, year after year, the emotional layer of experience gets worn down. You still know the story, but the emotional truth of it is missing, muted, or unreachable.

    So yes β€” remembering events but not remembering how they felt is one of the clearest signs of emotional decay.

    This is how the mind protects a child who has no escape: by numbing, shrinking, or disconnecting from emotions that would have been too overwhelming to feel at the time. As an adult, this shows up as blankness, confusion, or the sense that memories have ‘no color.'”-

    The above (including the word “confusion”, Confused) was not about you, or about me specifically- just general info.

    Back to 3 posts ago: “Remember you shared only a few posts ago that someone told you… that when you talked about the violence etc., of growing up with your mother, you sounded like you were reading an article in a newspaper?… Do you πŸ€” that indeed you weren’t affected?”

    Anita

    #457873
    anita
    Participant

    Just thinking this Wed Eve:

    Like I mentioned on Sun night, I’ve been looking at my past replies to members, and am.. well, bamboozled by what I see now that I did not see before:

    I submitted academic-like essays to members, quoting them and analyzing their words over time, interpreting their motivations, their childhoods, coming up with solutions.. as if I was the forums analyzer in chief

    As if people were case studies and I was well, I was studying people.

    Not relating to people, not engaging with people emotionally, as a peer- but placing myself (without being invited to do so and without having any educational credentials to show) as The Teacher, treating members ad students who need my superior analysis and proposed solutions.

    I’ll write more about it later.

    Anita

    #457872
    anita
    Participant

    Edit: since we talked a few months ago ( πŸ–₯ broke either Dec or Jan.. .maybe Feb)

    #457871
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Going Through Life:

    Thank you, GTL. You’re so kind πŸ˜‡

    If you wonder about the emojis, what happened since we talked earlier was that Bogart the Beagle broke my πŸ–₯ (partly my fault, long story) and since them I have a limited use of the one surviving πŸ–₯ and I often use my πŸ“±

    When I use my πŸ“±, like right now, emojis keep showing up and I can’t resist them, so that’s why there’s so many of them.

    Yes, I remember your age. I remember sending you a happy- πŸŽ‚ πŸ₯³ post.

    I am.. I am ___ years old. I couldn’t put the number above the line. I’ll say I’m older than your age backward.

    Funny 😁 or not,it’s stra ge for me to read “You are amazing”- it’s just so different from how I thought of myself for so long.

    But now, I’ll take the compliment πŸ™.

    Closing this post with this genuine smile 😊 on my face.

    Anita and Bogart

    #457870
    anita
    Participant

    * Using my πŸ“±, I was talking with Copilot about Covid and came across a term called “emotional decay” which applies to what happened with Covid as well as to personal trauma:

    We remember what happened ( events) but not the fear, stress etc., that we felt back then.

    I want to look more into it later, but it does fit how I “forgot” how terrified I felt during events I do remember.

    It may apply to you too: remembering events, but not remembering how you felt during those events.

    🧠 Anita

    #457866
    anita
    Participant

    Hey πŸŒ™ πŸ¦‰ Confused:

    Remember you shared only a few posts ago that someone told you (I think it was a therapist) that when you talked about the violence etc., of growing up with your mother, you sounded like you were reading an article in a newspaper?

    I suppose this means you sounded unaffected, like it wasn’t anything that left an emotional mark on you.

    Do you πŸ€” that indeed you weren’t affected?

    🧠 πŸ” Anita

    #457850
    anita
    Participant

    Good morning, Dave πŸ™‚

    What a delightful update- 3 months and 10 days since your last, and THREE years, three months and 11 days since your first post here in the forums (Jan 24, 2023).

    The separation from your wife sounds so perfectly mature on both sides, and your mutual care for your children- admirable.

    The thought that you could coach people who are going through separation and divorce, particularly people who co- parent, and in a new relationship just crossed my mind.

    Your insight, wisdom and maturity level, your ability to navigate a complex situation with such pace and grace is amazing to me.

    I think it’s rare and that the people in your life, particularly your children, are fortunate to have you in there with them and for them πŸ™

    πŸ‘ 🌿 ✨️ Anita

Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 6,380 total)