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July 21, 2026 at 11:03 am #459545
anitaParticipantDear Nichole:
I read through our communication since Aug 2018, almost 8 years ago! I read through my once-in-a-while studies, quoting what you shared over the months and years, and analyzing the quotes. I am not doing it this time. (I will end this post with quoting you but will not analyze or interpret your words. You are perfectly capable of doing that yourself if you so choose 🙂)
What I noticed today, rereading your words over the years, is how honest and genuine you’ve been all along: not pretending to feel what you didn’t, not pretending to be who you weren’t. Not performative. And I admire this about you!
Also, you were continuously kind and gracious to me, never aggressive or passive-aggressive, not even once, and I greatly appreciate this about you, thank you, Nichole 🙏
On July 21, 2020, exactly 6 years ago, you wrote to another member: “I want nothing more to heal and bring nothing but love and light to others.”, and to me, you wrote on the same day: “I have no choice but to make it in this world as an abused adult. I have my good days that I make through more than just surviving and I’m so grateful for those days, and days like today where I struggle hard and feel victimized all over. I truly struggle with a victim mentality, and it does not benefit me, but my anxiety really takes over and I feel trapped. And stuck in life.”
What do you think about the above quotes, 6 years later?
🌿 Anita
July 20, 2026 at 9:38 pm #459532anitaParticipantHi Nichole:
Ha- ha, the lack of sleep, humidity, fire smoke from Canada… and that’s all it took for me to miscalculate: it was a bit after 11 pm your time when I submitted the above. Now it’s after midnight.
I’ll B Back 2 U in the morning.
🌿 Anita
July 20, 2026 at 8:18 pm #459531anitaParticipantHey 👋 Confused:
Seems to me that the two of you have so much in common. I just wish the two of you use this commonality to help each other.
Yes, I came across the term Anticipatory Grief only recently. I think it was in communication with you!
It’s nice you sent her flowers and that she genuinely appreciated it. It just crossed my mind that she too is the bee’s knees 🙂
In 20 days (her visit), it’d be 30 days since you stopped the med. I think no side effects will be evident by that time, especially since you weren’t on it for long.
Does she take meds for her anxiety and panic attacks?
🌴 Anita
July 20, 2026 at 8:05 pm #459530anitaParticipant3 hours ahead of you, 8:05 here
July 20, 2026 at 8:04 pm #459529anitaParticipantOh, my goodness, I am having my first 🍷 of the evening myself. But I’m 3 hours behind you, so it won’t be just the one.
It’s been too warm and humid today (and to be hot tomorrow, in the 90s) difficult for me and for Bogart. He’s sleeping on his dog bed right now.
Also, I was up too early, tired all day and noticed I was feeling something I didn’t feel for a long time. Later I figured what that feeling was: depression. I used to feel like that so much of the time. Now it’s so rare I forgot what the feeling was.
I hope that this will happen to you too 👍
I am guessing you’re asleep right now (just after midnight). Are you?
🍷 Anita
July 19, 2026 at 10:07 pm #459509anitaParticipantGerard: Dec 8, 2025 is the last time you posted. I wonder how you’re doing, 7 months and 11 days later?
I am bringing this thread up because sometime in Dec 2025 was the last time I danced. It was at the Winery (now closed forevermore). It was under the pavilion, under the night sky, after I had enough red wine to lower inhibitions.
It was free- style, moving any which way the spirit called, hands and arms up in the air, moving to the rhythm.
Fast forward, tonight, July 19, 2026, 7 months later, there was a concert downtown by the river. Lots of people were there, and dancing in front of so many, being 1 of only 3 people who dared to dance, was at first intimidating.
That’s why I needed a 2nd glass of wine
I walked down to the dancing area (only 2, and later 1 more people were dancing) and like them, I took off my sandals, and danced on the green grass.
A little girl came up to me, looking up to me, admiring my dancing and wanted to be part of it. I included her best I could.
I moved to the music, a legend in my own mind (and perhaps in the little girl’s mind). DARING to dance in front of so many people.
Usually self-conscious, controlled, I let go and just moved-2-the-music. It was wonderful.
There are a few more of these events scheduled this summer and I want to be a dancing- part-of it. It makes Life Worth Living.
🥳 🎶 💃 🍷 💃 🎵 Anita
July 19, 2026 at 11:57 am #459503anitaParticipantI wanted to add, Tom, that I admire your resilience, how you withstand difficult times at work and at home and courageously, you are moving on toward easoer, better times 👏🌿
Anita
July 18, 2026 at 9:21 pm #459498anitaParticipantHi Tom:
I am sorry to read about the miscarriage.
No worries about the silence here. Anytime you post here is appreciated 🙏
I hope the small Euro trip gives you and your partner some joy.
I wish the 3 weeks leading to the trip were less of a battle.
🌿 Anita
July 16, 2026 at 6:16 pm #459480anitaParticipantHow are you, Sisi?
July 16, 2026 at 11:05 am #459478anitaParticipantDear Eva:
I am sorry you had such a disheartening experience with your co- worker. His behavior was offensive, it would offend anyone 😔
I was wondering: the 2nd ex you shared about was in the same friend group as your first (the reason, he said, why he kept you a secret).
The coworker you shared about most recently is also in a group of coworkers, a group that includes you.
As part of group dynamics, people talk about each other, forming impressions through stories shared (gossip).
Do you think this is part of what’s been going on?
🤔 Anita
July 15, 2026 at 8:31 pm #459462anitaParticipantHey Dear Confused 🙂
It’s healthy to take breaks from the forums and pace yourself👍
I hear how confusing these shifts in feeling are for you, and it makes sense that depression can affect how things show up. Take your breaks as you need them. I’m always glad to read from you whenever you choose to post.
🌿 Anita
July 14, 2026 at 1:12 pm #459436anitaParticipantHi 🌿🐺 SereneWolf:
I’m tired but fine — thank you for asking. And I have to say, it made me smile that exactly an hour & 5 minutes ago (by the time I submit this message), a 🌿🐺 from across the world submitted a post to me.
About my kind words — you’re welcome. They’re sincere. You’ve been consistently gracious and kind through the years, no matter what. That’s definitely a positively special 🐺🤍
What stood out to me most in your message was this:
“I don’t think I need more answers anymore. I think I just need to keep taking the next small step, even with uncertainty.”-
There’s more self‑trust in your tone now, less fear, and more clarity about your patterns. What you wrote shows real growth. Saying you don’t need more answers anymore — and that you’re willing to take small steps even without certainty — is a major shift from reassurance‑seeking.
And of course, it won’t always be smooth or easy — growth never is. But the way you’re facing uncertainty now shows real courage, and I believe these small steps you’re taking will keep opening the path forward. One small step at a time is enough 🙂
🌿 🌿 🌿 Anita
July 13, 2026 at 9:00 pm #459426anitaParticipantHow are you, Christi, what happens next?
July 13, 2026 at 1:33 pm #459418anitaParticipantHello again, Stephanie 🙂
You are very welcome and thank you for the update. I’m really sorry you’re dealing with so much instability around you. Sudden staffing changes, unclear decisions, and messages from leadership that don’t match your actual behavior would make anyone feel unsafe.
From what you describe, you are taking accountability: you acknowledge mistakes, correct them, and outline how you’ll prevent them going forward. It makes sense that being told you’re “not trustworthy” or “need to be told to do your job” would feel confusing and unfair when your actions show the opposite.
I’m glad you have coworkers who understand what’s happening and can share some humor to get through the days. I’m here, and I’m glad you reached out.
🌿✨️🌿 Anita
July 12, 2026 at 8:43 pm #459412anitaParticipantHey 🌙🦉 Confused:
“Lately I was questioning,’what is love really?’
… ‘How do people that love feel like?'”-Something you can rest in, like a warm blanket in a cold day..?
About her, you wrote: “A sweetheart that loves me”-
So you know that she ❤️ you. Are you beginning to rest in that knowing? To trust it?
“I am slowly learning to drop (shame)”- because you are slowly trusting her loving you?
“I think I also expected a relationship to ‘save’ me”-
What if the two of you save each other by trusting and resting in each other’s love?
I know there’re lots of ?-s above, and they’re not meant for you to answer me. I’m just thinking out loud.
We’ve been communicating a lot since Dec: 7+ months, and from all that you shared about yourself and about her, I know (and here, I am not asking 🙂) that the two of you love each other, truly.
It’s about slowly trusting the love you have for each other.
I didn’t respond to every single thing you shared. Please let me know if you’d like me to respond to something I didn’t.
🌿❤️✨️🌿 Anita
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