* outside of the fear

Hey Dear Confused:

Good to read back from you this Wed night 🌙 (here).

I mean your feelings were real, and so were hers. And the connection between the two of you was real, and to me- it’s inspiring, something special there.

BUT or AND- unless the two of you are okay with keeping it LD forevermore- in-person reality is going to present challenges.

No, I didn’t mean you should have met her sooner. What I mean is that- REALLY living with her as man and wife, or man and partner- in an apartment, just you and her, day after day, night after night, month after month-

That’s a different ball game than LD + 3 days in- person that you actually spent with her.

And what I figure is that maybe the two of you are afraid 😨 of making it real, as in living together

🤔 😱 😕 🍃 💡 Anita

How to soften the extremes..?

Well, do you see extremes in your thinking, like expecting to feel in- love every minute forever more, is that extreme thinking in your mind?

Right, I remember now, the poem she sent you, and then the convo of moving.

Well, this means that the May-Nov relatively good time was bound to end.

The doubts you already had May-Nov (and being that your “brain does that a lot with everyone,”), were.. destined to multiply and intensify sooner than later, triggered by the poem and thoughts of moving.

I am stating the obvious (right above), because sometimes you see the past in black and white: all good < Nov and then.. all bad (even though there’s laughter and affection with her).

I wish you could balance your thinking, so it’s not.. well, distorted by black and white/ all or nothing thinking.

Maybe when you think an extreme, remind yourself of something that softens that extreme..?

Before Nov, you felt love for Y all the time, every day, month after month, not a single moment of doubt?

Dear Calm Moon:

Something in what you wrote today stayed with me — the part about allowing yourself to be human.
For those of us who grew up being the ‘strong one,’ the caretaker, the emotional anchor- giving ourselves permission to be human is not small. It’s revolutionary.

I can feel the inner shift you described, a gentleness toward yourself that’s beautiful to witness.

And you’re right — parentification rewires the brain. Undoing that wiring takes time, patience, and compassion for yourself. But you’re doing it. Every time you choose rest over rescuing, humility over perfection, presence over control — you’re rewriting the story.

I’d love to hear more about what ‘looking better and feeling better’ means to you these days — in your own words, at your own pace.

🤍🌿 Anita