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anita

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  • #459270
    anita
    Participant

    Hello again, Sponge 🌿

    “I said to her at that time like I don’t know if something is wrong with my emotions”-

    I don’t think that there’s anything wrong with your emotions (or my emotions, or anyone’s). There can be something wrong with what we choose to do (our words and action(, but not with what we feel.

    Every emotion has a valid message even when we don’t know yet what the message is.

    For example, in your case, the message may be:

    ‘Intimacy is dangerous!’, ‘ You’re going to get hurt!’

    Even though this is your first girlfriend (you haven’t been hurt by a previous girlfriend), it’s possible (and it’s very common) that you were hurt by a family member, a parent perhaps, and that fear carries on to adult relationships.

    What do you think- feel, Sponge?

    🤔 Anita

    #459266
    anita
    Participant

    Hello devesh tiwaro 🙂

    We talked last year in March in your first thread. At the time, you felt stuck in a relationship with your girlfriend of 9 years (while having multiple casual relationships with other women), and you wanted to break free from her while feeling guilty and conflicted.

    You wanted to leave your country and explore different women and different places.

    Fast forward a year and a few months, and you’re feeling stuck in your life: stuck in your city, stuck with your people.

    You said: ” I have some financial burden, some family responsibilities.”

    And you asked: “If I go to another location without any plan, another country, city, will it be a good idea or not?”-

    I am wondering if you have been told from an early age (as a boy) that you have to financially support your parents in their older age, that you have to put your young life on hold (to sacrifice your needs, particularly your need to be free), so to fulfill.. family responsibilities?

    🤔 Anita

    #459264
    anita
    Participant

    Hello Sponge 🙂

    No, you didn’t share “too much” and I would like to reply to you more at length a little later. Maybe Confused (or another member) will reply to you as well.

    🌿 Anita

    #459245
    anita
    Participant

    Hey Eva:

    The things you’re describing — the urge to text him, the spiraling thoughts when you see him, the self‑blame, the fantasies about his future, even missing the affection that wasn’t consistent — these are signs of how overwhelmed your nervous system still is after a relationship that kept you in a constant state of uncertainty.

    When someone has been in a bond where they were never really chosen, the body doesn’t just let go because the relationship ended. It keeps reaching for what was familiar, even if that familiar thing hurt.

    When affection is rare, inconsistent, and unpredictable, the brain clings harder, searching for the next “reward,” which intensifies longing, self‑blame, and obsessive thoughts after the breakup (the addiction) You’re reacting to a long period of emotional deprivation and confusion.

    What helps now is not forcing yourself to “stop” these reactions but offering yourself small moments of grounding when they appear — reminding yourself that your body is reacting to the history you had with him — the uncertainty, the emotional deprivation, the intermittent affection.

    None of this means he was the right person or that you lost something irreplaceable. It means your heart is still unwinding from a relationship where you carried all the emotional weight alone. With time, these waves soften, and your system learns safety again.

    Anita (with the help of AI)

    #459244
    anita
    Participant

    May The Force Be with You, ScottyDye 🌟🚀💫

    #459243
    anita
    Participant

    Hey Dear Confused 🙂

    Seems like you’re giving up on psych meds for now, and by the time she visits you, the med will be out of your system.

    All I can say, at this time, is that maybe if you make peace with everything that you feel and everything that you don’t feel; if you stop hoping or expecting to feel this or that.. that change of mindset can help. A lot. Says I.

    🌿🌿🌿 Anita

    #459241
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Just a Dudette Living life 🙂

    As I was reading your individual replies to each one of the people who responded to you, I was, well, still am impressed by how relational and attuned you are, how you pay attention to what people say and connect with each person, and all that while you suffer from chronic stress.

    That tells me how very good you must be at your job!

    Also, I enjoyed your humor: “I now choose to stand back and see if their subtle art of a- holeness will be their demise”- 😁 👍 👏

    Seems like the new director doesn’t care about mental health any more than the two county commissioners above her.

    About the “human resources interview to be conducted about this director” that you’re hoping to be a part of: what are you hoping could be accomplished there?

    🤔 Anita

    #459238
    anita
    Participant

    Hello Numero Uno ScottyDye 🙂

    I feel your rebellious spirit, and it inspires me!

    I also want to rebel this Mon night, the day after Independence Day: rebel against people who are quick to judge others just because it makes them feel superior, or righteous. I declare my independence from their judgements!

    But enough about me. This thread is about you. 👏👏👏 for carving your own independent way in life, step by step. Every step counts, and this thread is a step forward.

    ✨️✨️✨️ Anita

    #459236
    anita
    Participant

    Hey 👋 Confused:

    Well, you did place a “!” at the end of the sentence saying she booked the tickets today, a 10% excitement- yet excitement nonetheless! (the latter “!” is my excitement 🙂)

    Five days of half the dose leaves you SSRI- free July 11, almost a month before she arrives.

    Maybe you can talk to the psych about the visit, your concerns. Maybe he’ll recommend another med, or none at all, before her visit.

    The psych told you that you’re “frozen, not exactly depressed”. “Frozen” is not a clinical diagnosis. He didn’t give you a diagnosis then?

    🤔 Anita

    #459219
    anita
    Participant

    Peace begins right here ✨️✨️✨️

    #459216
    anita
    Participant

    Good morning/ afternoon, Peter 🙂

    My pattern has been to not stay with a feeling (a natural movement of coming home), but to jump to analysis and fixing (some monumental, difficult mental exercise). That turned a simple emotional truth into a mental project.

    Instead of staying with a hurt, let’s say, my mind started asking why, how, what it means, what it says about me, what it says about the other person, etc., and the original feeling got buried under thinking.

    A feeling that get buried alive, doesn’t disappear. The hurt stays in the body because the mind doesn’t let it be fully felt/ complete its natural cycle. The hurt becomes tension, irritability, or depression, and the original hurt gets mixed with old memories, fears, interpretations, and judgments

    When thinking takes over, the feeling doesn’t move — it gets stuck.

    Anita

    #459194
    anita
    Participant

    Hey Hey Hey Confused 🙂

    I can hear how much you don’t like feeling disconnected. That kind of numbness can happen with stress or medication changes, and I really hope your psych can help you with it — he’s the right person to support you with these symptoms.

    Your girlfriend’s need for reassurance is normal, and your numbness doesn’t mean you don’t care. It just means you’re overwhelmed right now.

    Your caring 🤍 hasn’t disappeared — it’s just muted by what you’re going through.

    🌿🤍🌿🤍 Anita”

    #459193
    anita
    Participant

    Hey ScottyDye 🙂

    It sounds like you’re shifting into a place where you’re choosing your own direction instead of staying stuck in what’s been hurting you. That’s a strong and important move.

    What you’re living through is genuinely very difficult, and anyone in your situation would feel worn down and overwhelmed.

    The fact that you can see even a small bit of light and want to move toward it says a lot about your strength.

    You’re not imagining the difficulty — you’re responding to real conditions that would break most people. And choosing to move forward, step by step, isn’t being a victim; it’s you taking your life back.

    Keep following that direction you are finding. It’s valid, and it’s yours.

    🌿✨️🌿 Anita

    #459185
    anita
    Participant

    Hey ScottyDye:

    I am sorry to read about your situation (and your brother’s) 😔

    I noticed that the only person who sometimes leaves the house is your mother (“going out with friends/ boyfriend”) while your grandmother is bed ridden, your brother “never leaves his room” and you “NEVER leave.. NEVER go out and do anything”.

    Everything you described points to a depressing household indeed. And seems like you’ve been your grandmother’s caretaker, in practice.

    I hope you do leave very soon, just plan ahead a bit, find community resources to help you beyond a homeless shelter. Maybe a shelter that supervisrs communal living and provides emotional support..?

    Anita

    #459184
    anita
    Participant

    Thank you, ScottyDye. I’ll reply to you further in your new thread.

Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 6,704 total)