Hi Dear Peter:

Talking about wars, as you know, one is taking place right now and religion is a big part of it. A metaphor that comes to mind (an incentive for committing mass murder): virgins in heaven or paradise as the reward for martridom.

Would be, what’s the word.. helpful to replace that metaphor.

I have some family I care about in a country that’s currently bombarded by missles from Iran and whatever one of their proxies is sending from the north, lesser powerful rockets.

The “messy, active work of relating” (your words)- What would it look like, for you, to messily relate?

For me, following the recent humility brought about by your valuable input ✨️, it’d mean.. maybe back to open fields of green 💚 grass, but it wouldn’t be running. It’d be like you said: falling and getting back up.

I think that this month it’d be 10 years since you first posted on tb (March 2016), less than a year since I first posted here (May 2015).

I know you’re 2 years younger than me. I think you live on the east coast while I live on the west. We both have tinnitus. You used to dance 🕺 (I miss dancing!) Do you still dance?

I’ll stop here. Just messy, human wondering.

🕺💚🌙 Anita

Hey Confused: I’ll reply in a few hours

Hi Peter:

Thank you for saying “don’t be hard on yourself”, that’s kind of you to care to say this.

I’ll take your recommendation, or advice to not be hard on myself.

“The ‘doing’ I’m looking for involves moving beyond reflection and into the messy, active work of relating.”- hmm. The old messy me would analyze this statement to death but the new me will offer you a safe space, here, to just be, to relate further if you wish to relate; how, when, if.

A safe, relaxed space.

I just came back from a 1.5 Mile walk up the hill with my dog Bogart. I offered him the most relaxed walk, giving him the space to stop and explore, take his time, choose when to pause, when to resume the walk, no pressure, and he is now so relaxed with me.

I want to reread and think more about your recent message later. Thank you.

Anita

Good morning, Peter:

I am still reeling from this new awareness. This morning, I went over my 2016 communication with Norit (I brought up her old thread) and am somewhere between Humbled and Horrified to SEE how “hard and fixed” as well as ignorant/ lacking understanding my replies to her have been, however well intentioned.

And that ignorance did not stay in 2016, it’s continued to 2026.

It takes humility to not get overwhelmed by shame, witnessing this ignorance, short sightedness, one- lens- mind expressing itself with certainty, directiveness. Arrogance?

I suppose I did achieve or experience (I am now careful about words, “achieved” vs “experienced”) a measure of mental health to not collapse into shame and guilt, being as aware now (because of you, Peter, because of this thread) of the ignorance (single lensed-ness) shouting from the posts I have submitted.

You wrote, “I’m realizing my own metaphor of the ‘Mirror’ has its limits. While I intend it to be a receptive, open space, it lacks the active ‘doing’ that a relationship sometimes needs to move forward.”-

I am curious about what you mean by “‘doing'”?

You wrote, “I’m curious, as you engaged with the AI to walk through ‘metaphors we live by’, if your own relationship to language has changed? For me, the shift has been toward learning to hold language more lightly.”-

Yes, it is changing. I am- I intend to- I am ready to loosen my need for concreteness, single lensed-ness, black and white thinking; lessen the weight of rigidness. In other words, relax.

I am noticing though a bit of OCD now in regard to the words I use, questioning them, looking for a better word than what I just used? That’s a bit unsettling.

Unsettled yet Hopeful, Learning, Anita

* edit: since you were 13 (not 23, lol)

Hey Dear Confused:

Like you don’t even know her.. I know the feeling!

For me, F was it (and I imagine it’s in addition to A and D).

For me, my early life experience was so powerful no matter how much and how long I avoided addressing it- it was, still is powerful.

You didn’t share, and it’s okay if you don’t.. what did your mother die of, what happened, how was it for you?

🙄 Anita

Dear still Confused 😕:

What I am thinking about something lacking from within you?

Let me put it in a multiple choice test question format (I am having a bit of fun with this)

Q: __?__ is lacking from within me.

Please fill in the blank with one, none, or any combination of the following:

A. Courage to move to a new country.

B. Courage to commit to a real-life, long term relationship.

C. Acceptance of who I am; the good, the bad and the ugly (so to speak, you may have nothing bad or ugly 😉 about you)

D. Courage to risk rejection.

E. A vitamin, a mineral, and/ or fish 🐟 oil.

F. Healing from childhood trauma/ unfinished business from back then.

G. Willingness to replace every part of the fantasy about who she is, with reality.

H. I, J, K, L, M, N.

🐟🙄✨️🤪 Anita