Hey Dear Confused:

It looks like you didn’t read my most recent post an hour and a half ago, about the conversation this evening with the Greek guy.

Yes, I understand: 99.44% long- distance can feel very meaningful.

Whatever it is, you gave her too much power over your mind and life. It’s like you sacrificed your own motivations.. for what?

🤔 Anita

Hi Girija:

Early evening here, still light outside, rain and thunder a bit earlier, Fall is in.

Was looking forward to a social outing this afternoon, but it was a much smaller crowd because of the weather (unexpected- weather forecast said, “nice and sunny”..) 😔

But I am intent on looking at the positives rather than disappearing into the negatives. I got to see a few familiar faces that I missed, saw dogs presented for adoption (at least one found a new home).

This evening, I am dry, warm and comfortable 🙂

“My motto is, if it makes me anxious, it’s not worth it… I’m sure for myself, this is the best path”- 👍✔️👏.

“I’m anxious I won’t be able to prevent catastrophe”-

My goodness, I just remembered you sharing that.. what was it, you asked your mother, long ago, what would happen if (I don’t remember exactly, it was in regard to your father’s finances, and she said ‘we’ll just have to kill ourselves’

Was that where and when the fear of catastrophe was instilled in you?

I wish she never said that.

It reminds me of my mother instilling the fear of catastrophe in me, saying, repeatedly, that she will kill herself.. scared the hell out of me.

But she didn’t. She said she will, for the first time, when she was 25.. She’s now 85, and never did the deed.. and I spent my life afraid that she will, or that some unidentified catastrophe is imminent.

Wow, this message is heavier than I expected to write.

What do you think, does this connect/ resonate?

Anita

Good Saturday morning, Girija 🙂

When I read this part: “My mother’s PET CT is done. Got the report today. All good. My chest loosened up if that makes sense.”- I noticed a smile on my face (my first smile of the day).

About your grandmother: “Always enthusiastic to cook and participate in rituals”- I imagine her son, daughters and grandchildren dedicating a yearly ritual or two to her, including trying to match her cooking for the ritual (and failing, of course 🙂)

Congratulations, for joining the new team 🌿✨A new page and lack of noise in your head- precious!

“But something strange happened. I thought to myself I prefer the bad outcome over the torture of fighting my own mind over the fear of the bad outcome. I don’t care anymore. Maybe I am incompetent. Let them fire me… I don’t want to. It’s just software.”-

Reading this just now truly makes a good start for my day, it’s inspiring 🥂💫

This new attitude is a process, of course- not something that anyone can execute smoothly and perfectly every day and forevermore- but promising and inspiring nonetheless 🥂💫

Anita

Good Friday evening (here), Confused 🙂

I just looked at your very first post in this thread, Dec 19, 2025- a bit more than 8.5 months ago.

3 days vs 18 months. What is the % of irl vs LD?

(Will have Gemini calculate it for me- on the phone I have Gemini, Copilot on the computer)..

Good Wed Evening, Nea 🙂

Sincerely, talking with you this evening is making me smile. I find our conversation meaningful and I’m not feeling alone right now.

My social life was wonderful, thrilling, really- since 2017 and then even more so, since Oct 2021. For 4 evenings per week, or more, I socialized, some the same people I saw frequently, and some néw people. It was lovely!

Things have changed since 2 places of business that I frequented and one where I worked every day (without pay, long story) closed.

My current social life is at the dog park 🐕🐕🐕 and there were a few outdoors music events where I 💃 (although not in a red dress, ha-ha). The last 2 events were truly lovely. Next event, and maybe last till next spring or summer, is in 10 days or so.

Back to what we are talking about, I was afraid that having mentioned personality disorders may have been too much. I’m glad you’re still open to some analysis.

I analyze, therefore, I am 😁

“They’re still discussing my husband”- the term triangulation comes to mind: your father is not confronting your husband directly at this time. He’s confronting him indirectly by trying to turn people against him.

“There’s a whole world outside of everything happening inside this house”-

And I think that that’s where you belong, in that Whole Outside World (WOW 🙂)

🌿✨️🌿 Anita

Good Tues night, Annie 🙂

Eight days ago, you wrote to me that you’d be happy to speak to me. You also wrote that day that you have little energy.

I’m still here if you want to speak to me.

🌿 Anita

One more thing Nea 🙂- everything I shared right above is just my understanding based on what you described in 9 pages. Please take only what feels true to you and leave anything that doesn’t fit. You’re seeing these dynamics with a lot of clarity, and I trust your ability to make your own conclusions about your family and what feels right for you. 🌿