Good Morning, Confused 🙂

No, Lu didn’t answer your thread before. Lu is a new account established yesterday, and her replies are 100% AI- generated.

In the past, at times, my replies were also 100% AI-ed, meaning, I copied a member’s post or series of posts and asked (Copilot) to analyze and reply for me.

I thought I was being helpful, but as I read Lu’s AI- ed replies, I decided to never do that again because it doesn’t feel right to be on the other side of it. I mean, if I, as a member in the forums, submit a post about my struggles, I expect real people to answer. If, on the other hand, I want AI’s input, I can get it directly.

… Oh, my goodness, Confused! I didn’t read the second part of your message until just now. Hmm.. She’s clearly not over you in the sense of feeling indifferent or being done with having any contact with you.

And she’s sufferring 😔

How are you feeling about this latest communication with her..?

🤔 Anita

Hi Nea:

I apologize. I was wondering today why you didn’t reply to me. I totally forgot that I wrote “Back 2 U in the morning” at 11:48 pm last night. Red wine last night and I forgot. And I wondered today if our communication was too much for you and you withdrew.

The quality and intensity of what we’re talking about is something else. I don’t come across people like you. I’m so glad you posted tonight, to let me know you’re still here.

Back to your last night post:

“And yes, my husband truly did see my dad as a father figure. He really looked up to him. He would try to do things for him, especially emotionally, and I think for a long time he genuinely tried to see the best in him.”-

And he did so as an adult. Imagine how much you- as a little girl- looked up to him, would try to do things for him, genuinely trying to see the best in him (your father).

In a way, your husband, as an adult, experienced what you did as a child, condensed in a short time.

I will make a big note on my screen to get back to you tomorrow.

Feel free to post more, I’ll still be at the computer for a little while.

Anita

Hi again, Shinnen:

I’d like to share with you what your posting brought up for me:

Before I read your explanation, and after my first reply, I remembered how angry and frustrated I used to get when I was told to “get over” my childhood, (which to me, is very similar to being told to “let go”.)

I couldn’t get over the childhood that damaged me so, nor could I let go of the hurt and shame, guilt, anger and confusion that resulted from that childhood.

Not because I was stubborn and refused the ‘simple’ act of letting-go/ getting-over it, but because to heal- even partly- one has to walk through what happened (not over), and to let in real clarity about what happened- rather than release (let go) of what is not yet seen clearly.

Is what I shared here relevant to what You’re talking about?

Anita

B back 2 U later, Confused. Please take a break from thinking about it all, listen to some music, watch a movie.. some distraction for now

Thinking about you, Girija

“I spent some nice quality time with my husband. I’m just focusing on that and being happy for my baby girl!”-

👍 👌 🙏🌼

Hey Dear Confused 🙂

I hear what you’re saying — that in your mind, choosing her and planning a future together felt like real commitment, even before meeting irl. And I understand that for you, that was the highest level of commitment possible at that stage.

At the same time, what I’m trying to help you remember is the difference between emotional commitment in your head and the practical, everyday commitment that only happens when two people actually live together and build a life side by side. You didn’t have that part yet, and neither did she. So, when you get emotionally carried away now, it helps to keep that distinction clear.

Regarding defensiveness, it makes sense. A lot of people react that way when they feel misunderstood or pressured.

Any news social media wise? When should your beautiful gift package get to her?

Anita

Continued:

* My mother carried so so much shame inside, that it was only a-matter-of-time before something about the other person triggered the shame and led to an explosion of one kind or another.

Certain expressions on my face, nothing that I could monitor or control, trigerred her shame and led to punitive explosions. My eyes looking in the ‘wrong’ direction was enough.

I remember only a few years ago, I was sitting on a dental chair, having my teeth cleaned by a physically big female dental hygenist who was humming pleasantly as she worked.

Although she placed sharp metal things in my mouth, I was relaxing into her humming, feeling safe, like I could trust her that she won’t hurt me. I could depend on her. Nothing bad was about to happen.

If only I had a mother like that.. a mom.

Next, moving to the computer.