I am Sorry for writing long posts.
I don’t want her to admit guilt or something. May be I couldn’t express it properly. I will be concise now.

The thing is I believe you guys think that I sent her messages as long as I am writing right now. Nope, it was about the size of a short paragraph having 5-6 lines. It’s just that I had never written messages like these on Facebook to anyone. That is why I am saying ‘long messages’ . Also I sent about 4-5 messages like these in a span of 4-5 months. The reason for sending 4-5 messages was that initially I asked her the reason for suddenly ignoring me which I could sense(and like I said it was true that she wanted to not talk for a while to give me some time to move on). She could have then told me the reason. I would have appreciated her honesty. But instead of that she replied ‘I don’t want to think about it’. Then I stopped messaging but once in a while she would message me saying hello and all. If she wanted to give me time to move on, I couldn’t understand why she stopped talking for about a month, then when I asked her the reason she just avoided it and then started messaging as if nothing happened.

I wasn’t waiting for her to love me. No, it’s just that I wasn’t sure of continuing the friendship, as I liked her so it was difficult to stay in touch and also sensed some unwillingness to speak the truth on her part. But did not know if breaking all contacts without listening to her reasons was good or not.

That is what I hold on for so long.

I never thought that she was manipulating me just felt that her behavior is awkward.

Dear Anita Ma’am.

Each and every message of yours just gives me a new angle to look at the situation from,

Thank You.

You raised a couple of good points. I would like to clarify my stand on those.

The reason I write ‘ I feel that she is behaving like this might be because…’ is because whenever I have asked her reasons for her behavior and trust me I have many times, she has responded with things like ‘ I am not comfortable talking about feelings. Don’t complicate stuff’ or ‘ I requested you not to bring that topic up’ or changes the topic to small talk, etc. And this is why I used to send her messages as I felt uncomfortable and this irritated her. In her last message she told me that she used to ignore my messages because ‘ there is no point. We will get back to where we started’ . So if I am not getting any reply, what do I do?

When I was very sad during Feb and March, I read hon Tiny buddha and other such blogs,etc. that the reason for others’ behavior could be something compeltely different from what it seems- like her behavior appeared weird and rude to me but there might be valid reasons which I don’t know.

So I read about single child issues, about people feeling difficulty in opening up and found out possible reasons as, parental neglect or hurt, previous relationships etc. She also told me that she doesn’t feel like justifying her actions and doesn’t get attached which in her words is due to her upbringing, so I thought that okay, these are her reasons. THAT is why I write things like ‘ I feel’ etc. I had no choice as I didn’t want to believe that she is a bad friend for me.

Also, she is one of the popular girls and talks to a LOT of people- seniors, juniors, batchmates, etc. and is friends with most of them, and a common opinion regarding her is that she is one of the most fun-loving person to be around.She goes with the wind and lives life to the fullest.Everyone seems to adore her.
She is also an active part of an NGO which I volunteered for in my 2nd year in college and told me that she would love to open an NGO herself.

These things made me believe that how can someone who is fun loving in common opinion and cares about others(the NGO point) would be untrustworthy or dishonest. I might be childish but I believed that such a person would have a child-like wondeful soul. And so I might be the one who is too rigid and too serious and since Friendships involve forgiveness, I should forgive her and stay in touch.

Now, for your point about me ignoring myself and FOCUSING on her, you are right- that was the case for more than an year. I regret it now. I wanted to become a better coder and writer and have reached nowhere because I just couldn’t focus. Now, I want to focus on myself only and that is why I want to remove all distractions and this is probably the biggest of them.

I am 99.99% sure that I should ignore her now. The advice I receievd here has strengthened my resolve to focus on myself first but like I said it is only now that I am beginning to believe that she is not right for me and that fun-loving thing and NGO etc. might not carry much weight as I haven’t really asked in detail to people about her. She might not really be that good of a person. One friend told me that her attitue is neutral.

So, I am beginning to focus on myself.

What do you think? Is it possible that people who seem like fun to be around and everyone’s favourites and have so many friends could also have such deal breaking qualities like dishonesty or inability to just introspect?

Hello Anita ma’am.

Thanx for your reply.

The thing is, like I said I did like her before becoming her friend. And that attraction was not limited to her looks. I fell for some of her qualities- she is cheerful, bubbly and talks to a lot of people.(This is what I heard and saw). At that time, I was feeling sad and had low confidence for being an introvert and so her being a cheerful person who talks to a lot of people etc. attracted me to her. Plus I also found her very pretty. I am hundred percent sure as to the fact that she was honest with me as long as I didn’t tell her that I liked her and was really into her. She didn’t manipulate me then. But now it feels as if she has emotional issues as she runs away from anything serious. One friend warned me that I should stay away from her as her attitude is neutral. I just took a long time to understand that this whole thing isn’t good for me and it was my bruised ego which wanted compassion basically and reassurance from her that yes she is a good friend. You can understand that if you like someone and that person doesn’t like you, then at least you want some compassion from her or at least a certain tenderness to reassure you. I mean if I had to reject a female friend of mine and she messages me saying that things would change between us, I would at least call and try to lessen her hurt and then whatever she decides I would go with that. I never got that.
But even if I ignore it, never once has she felt apologetic for her ignoring to me and lying to me about it. The only reason she called me was because she felt guilty( She asked me to give her a time when she could call me or else if she called me at any time, I would put the blame on her for disturbing my studies like I put the blame for my depression on her).These words just left me crying and for days I was just like a madman, thinking what I could have done better, what do I do now. My studies suffered because of it.

And whatever you said is correct but what should I do now? She is pissed off right now, but she would definitely send a message after college opens. What should I do then? Ignore her messages for sometime(to give her a taste of her own medicine) and later tell her properly or should I tell her directly?