Dear one: I agree with the other folks – the first thing you need to understand is that you are not alone with these feelings. Yes, some people are gifted with confidence and a naturally positive attitude, but there are lots of people who are putting on their best face, as you try to.

If you learn to close your eyes and find a silent space where the real “you” sits, you can befriend your own soul and learn to love the person that is you. Think about it – you are the same person you were when you came into this world. Remember being little? That’s still YOU in there – only your body has changed, and over the years your mind has drawn all sorts of conclusions as you’ve grown (many of them mistaken or incorrect). So, back to that little kid…you were happy, curious, kind and full of life energy. It’s all still there.

Sometimes at 17 you are much older and wiser than others, and the steps that most kids take to get to maturity are not necessarily appropriate for you. Try doing something others don’t do — take an early college class, join a yoga group, get into something outside your peer group and gain experiences that will widen your view. When my son was 15 he was so depressed, sad and negative – it was obvious that he was totally wrapped up in a cocoon of bad feelings and fears of being out of place and different. As his parent, I convinced him to go to work part-time in a home for elderly folks – he had to give them water, wheel them around, read to them and give his time and attention to them. What he found out was that being so focused on his own problems was what had been keeping him in that dark place. GIVING to others and practicing feeling grateful is a great big key to feeling better about yourself. A huge key.

You have friends you don’t know and ones you haven’t met. This is a temporary time of life that most people would not want to go through again if they had the chance. The teen years are HARD, but once they’re over, that’s it. Life gets easier. Once you start doing things for your self and accomplishing little grown-up kinds of things, your self-respect will grow and you’ll see changes in your outlook. Don’t let sadness control your days – allow your mind to notice the cool stuff, like nature. You are growing – even if it’s painful – you really are growing. An entire life of whatever you want is in front of you – if you focus on what it would feel like to have everything you want – love, friends, wealth, independence – they will all be yours. Try not to give much more energy to how rough it is – it will pass.
Lots and lots of love to you.
Abhai

Please try to look ahead. These problems may very well be harbingers of things you will be dealing with in the future. My very strongest and most potent lesson in relationships is this: Even if you think you know that you cannot change a person, we often go into a relationship secretly thinking we can, or that if we just love enough, the problems will dissolve. Ultimately, it’s just not true. We cannot change or fix anyone except ourselves. It sounds like just a set of words, but please know that it’s an absolute truth. If your personalities are not resonating and you don’t really feel very supported, or you are already doubting your feelings, trust that the issues will blossom in the future and it won’t be pleasant. Are you really willing to stick with this person as he goes through his growth process? And do you think he will do the same? It’s hard to see the future, but when there are this many signs only three years down the road, it seems like a great time to step back and let some time pass before you make any big commitments. Just a thought – my heart goes out to you with hopes for a truly compatible relationship in your future.