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Abhai Preet

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  • in reply to: Growing up alone is painful #78776
    Abhai Preet
    Participant

    Dear one: I agree with the other folks – the first thing you need to understand is that you are not alone with these feelings. Yes, some people are gifted with confidence and a naturally positive attitude, but there are lots of people who are putting on their best face, as you try to.

    If you learn to close your eyes and find a silent space where the real “you” sits, you can befriend your own soul and learn to love the person that is you. Think about it – you are the same person you were when you came into this world. Remember being little? That’s still YOU in there – only your body has changed, and over the years your mind has drawn all sorts of conclusions as you’ve grown (many of them mistaken or incorrect). So, back to that little kid…you were happy, curious, kind and full of life energy. It’s all still there.

    Sometimes at 17 you are much older and wiser than others, and the steps that most kids take to get to maturity are not necessarily appropriate for you. Try doing something others don’t do — take an early college class, join a yoga group, get into something outside your peer group and gain experiences that will widen your view. When my son was 15 he was so depressed, sad and negative – it was obvious that he was totally wrapped up in a cocoon of bad feelings and fears of being out of place and different. As his parent, I convinced him to go to work part-time in a home for elderly folks – he had to give them water, wheel them around, read to them and give his time and attention to them. What he found out was that being so focused on his own problems was what had been keeping him in that dark place. GIVING to others and practicing feeling grateful is a great big key to feeling better about yourself. A huge key.

    You have friends you don’t know and ones you haven’t met. This is a temporary time of life that most people would not want to go through again if they had the chance. The teen years are HARD, but once they’re over, that’s it. Life gets easier. Once you start doing things for your self and accomplishing little grown-up kinds of things, your self-respect will grow and you’ll see changes in your outlook. Don’t let sadness control your days – allow your mind to notice the cool stuff, like nature. You are growing – even if it’s painful – you really are growing. An entire life of whatever you want is in front of you – if you focus on what it would feel like to have everything you want – love, friends, wealth, independence – they will all be yours. Try not to give much more energy to how rough it is – it will pass.
    Lots and lots of love to you.
    Abhai

    in reply to: Depression is wrecking my marriage #76936
    Abhai Preet
    Participant

    I do have a little advice. I’ve been on Celexa for many years – getting off of it is worse than the reason I started.

    However….
    I suggest you do go on something (I recommend Celexa for several reasons), and set a goal to only be on it for 6 months to a year. During that time, getting some CBT is the best.

    I think once you get chemically balanced, you’ll see how your thinking changes from the way it is now. It’s amazing to be unaware of the chemical ditch you’ve been in, and to find out that there’s a much better level of life when your brain stops working against you. A brain that gives you constant negativity is not chemically balanced. I do think anti-depressants are a gift to our century. But with a goal in mind and some consistent therapy, you can train your brain to behave differently while on the drugs. You will really notice how the negativity lightens up, which will make you more aware of what it’s like for your husband to live with you. It’s a huge challenge to be a partner to someone who is chronically depressed – you may try to fake it, but everyone feels a depressed person’s energy.

    Before you start medication, learn all about what it takes to withdraw from it so you are prepared for that process when the time comes. I wish you the very best and hope my suggestions are helpful. I’ve been working with these things for a very long time.
    Blessings.
    Abhai

    in reply to: How to know when to breakup? #76095
    Abhai Preet
    Participant

    Please try to look ahead. These problems may very well be harbingers of things you will be dealing with in the future. My very strongest and most potent lesson in relationships is this: Even if you think you know that you cannot change a person, we often go into a relationship secretly thinking we can, or that if we just love enough, the problems will dissolve. Ultimately, it’s just not true. We cannot change or fix anyone except ourselves. It sounds like just a set of words, but please know that it’s an absolute truth. If your personalities are not resonating and you don’t really feel very supported, or you are already doubting your feelings, trust that the issues will blossom in the future and it won’t be pleasant. Are you really willing to stick with this person as he goes through his growth process? And do you think he will do the same? It’s hard to see the future, but when there are this many signs only three years down the road, it seems like a great time to step back and let some time pass before you make any big commitments. Just a thought – my heart goes out to you with hopes for a truly compatible relationship in your future.

Viewing 3 posts - 1 through 3 (of 3 total)