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Growing up alone is painful

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  • #78714
    Jennifer
    Participant

    Hello

    I’m 17 and I’m too easily flooded with emotions until they cover all my logic. I would say I always have negative thoughts and overthink a lot. Not only do I not have a talent or passion, I also feel like I have no close friends at all. Everyone one else seems to know who they are and what they are doing.

    I try to act outgoing and happy in front of people, but it gets really tiring and sometimes I just can’t pretend anymore. I feel like I don’t fit in. I want to do something good in this world and find my purpose but I am good at nothing at all.

    I have no siblings to talk to, my parents have their own problems to worry about and I have no one to turn to. I feel painfully alone.

    Also, friends around me are getting boyfriends or are really popular, and it just makes me jealous. I wish I can have someone to talk to everyday too.

    Someone, please help me.

    With love.

    #78716
    Rock Banana
    Participant

    Check out Noah Elkrief’s videos
    https://www.youtube.com/user/NoahElkrief/videos

    #78736
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear bigoldd:
    I can very much relate to you feeling alone and feeling jealousy about others who seem to be happy.

    You wrote: “Everyone one else seems to know who they are and what they are doing.” and then you wrote: “I try to act outgoing and happy in front of people.”

    If I was there as the child that I was, the excruciatingly lonely teenager that I was, watching you, I’d probably think that you are one of those “everyone” who seems to know who they are, etc.

    I too thought that everyone had it together and that once I stop being the exceptional freak of nature, the socially defected exception, then I will join the “Everyone”- oh, what a disappointment it has been as I can’t find in my personal life, so far, a single person who has it together. Where is “everyone?”

    If you read posts on this website starting in 2013, you will see everyone in a different light- it seems like most are stumbling in the dark just like you, pretending just like you, some in more pain than others but none, hardly, as happy or “together” as you imagine them to be.

    Once you see yourself as less of an exception, I hope it will make it easier for you to move forward from this very state of mind you are in.

    Your thoughts?
    anita

    #78776
    Abhai Preet
    Participant

    Dear one: I agree with the other folks – the first thing you need to understand is that you are not alone with these feelings. Yes, some people are gifted with confidence and a naturally positive attitude, but there are lots of people who are putting on their best face, as you try to.

    If you learn to close your eyes and find a silent space where the real “you” sits, you can befriend your own soul and learn to love the person that is you. Think about it – you are the same person you were when you came into this world. Remember being little? That’s still YOU in there – only your body has changed, and over the years your mind has drawn all sorts of conclusions as you’ve grown (many of them mistaken or incorrect). So, back to that little kid…you were happy, curious, kind and full of life energy. It’s all still there.

    Sometimes at 17 you are much older and wiser than others, and the steps that most kids take to get to maturity are not necessarily appropriate for you. Try doing something others don’t do — take an early college class, join a yoga group, get into something outside your peer group and gain experiences that will widen your view. When my son was 15 he was so depressed, sad and negative – it was obvious that he was totally wrapped up in a cocoon of bad feelings and fears of being out of place and different. As his parent, I convinced him to go to work part-time in a home for elderly folks – he had to give them water, wheel them around, read to them and give his time and attention to them. What he found out was that being so focused on his own problems was what had been keeping him in that dark place. GIVING to others and practicing feeling grateful is a great big key to feeling better about yourself. A huge key.

    You have friends you don’t know and ones you haven’t met. This is a temporary time of life that most people would not want to go through again if they had the chance. The teen years are HARD, but once they’re over, that’s it. Life gets easier. Once you start doing things for your self and accomplishing little grown-up kinds of things, your self-respect will grow and you’ll see changes in your outlook. Don’t let sadness control your days – allow your mind to notice the cool stuff, like nature. You are growing – even if it’s painful – you really are growing. An entire life of whatever you want is in front of you – if you focus on what it would feel like to have everything you want – love, friends, wealth, independence – they will all be yours. Try not to give much more energy to how rough it is – it will pass.
    Lots and lots of love to you.
    Abhai

    #79467
    A
    Participant

    Dear Bigoldd,
    I only have a small bit of advice to offer but I really hope it helps! It seems to me you are comparing your life to others which is human, it is okay but you have even began to notice that it makes you feel down on yourself. This is just an assumption so forgive me if I’m wrong but do you look at social media often? A few of my friends, and me included, have felt that our lives were boring at times to the point it made us upset since on social medias like Facebook, you get to see all these “friends” doing fun stuff. But let me remind you, most of the time people will only share something on Facebook that makes them look like their life is better than it really is. Would you ever put a picture/status of yourself just sitting around the house? I felt a huge amount of relief once I deleted all my social media accounts however it is just a suggestion/personal preference. Like the other kind people who have commented on your post, many people are just putting on a front. I know it can be tough but you are not alone with what you are feeling. I hope you the best!

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