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Mike

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Viewing 15 posts - 31 through 45 (of 73 total)
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  • in reply to: Made an horrible mistake. So many dilemmas #70127
    Mike
    Participant

    If there truly is a spiritual force at work in the universe and what the religions and Jesus said was true I can see it I this situation. Why did you commit this action that you now feel guilt over. We aren’t punished for sin, but we are punished by sin. Jesus told those who he healed that they would be forgiven for there sins if they believed they could be forgiven. He drove out the demons of those who had so much guilt some were paralyzed or blinded because of it. Right now you being haunted by a demon let it go. We are all tempted and later punished by our own guilt. But that is a good reazon to follow a philosophy of life. Overall, never put yourself in a situation like that again, be honest about it with yourself, a d concentrate on yourself being present to things besides just physical sensations and i know you said you were fighting yourself in your head, the ego(devil on our shoulder) can be very convincing which is why it is best to learn methods of hearing it but not listening. Then if you want you can give your all to someone and not worry and feel guilty of past mistakes.

    in reply to: Extreme anxiety is ruining my life :( #64631
    Mike
    Participant

    Also forgot to mention that an over active imagination is often a cause of debilitating anxiety. Mental Health through Will Training by Dr. Abraham Lowe is a good book for anxiety issues.

    in reply to: Extreme anxiety is ruining my life :( #64585
    Mike
    Participant

    I have been in the same boat as you with the anxiety my whole life and it affects every part of life. Medication has helped me with my symptoms but I don’t want it to become long term. It is worth building coping skills. Therapy can help, but so can just putting yourself in uncomfortable situations. It is something that will require you to be aware of. Meditation is good because it helps you control the symptoms on your own, but it takes practice. Having a good friend that helps you break out of your she’ll is also good, someone who is kind of like a life coach whether they have gone through what you have or not, it is good to hear “you can do it.” You really can do it, but anxiety can cause a person to Feel like they are dying and who wants that, it is easier to just pull back into your shell. You can’t get a job though if you don’t try.

    in reply to: Meditative/spiritual music recommendations? #63806
    Mike
    Participant

    I don’t know any, but when I am looking for music from similar artists I make a station on pandora, spotify, or anyother online music station and i can listen to it all. Or youtube also works.

    in reply to: Experience with Zoloft and other SSRI's #63728
    Mike
    Participant

    Oops double post, I will touch on some other things here as well. Medication only fixes the symptoms, but once it is gone the symptoms will return that is why it is important to work on yourself while taking medication. Medication can improve quality of life, but no one wants to be on it for their whole life and who knows what the effects of that would be. I think it is important to have a healthy life style getting plenty of omega fatty acids and foods that agree with your chemistry, meaning if grains don’t agree with you or milk stay away from it. Exercise is really important, they still don’t know all the different chemicals and neurotransmitters that are released, but they know exercise improves mood. Have a support group, if you are an introvert get a therapist or life coach.

    • This reply was modified 7 years, 10 months ago by Mike.
    in reply to: Experience with Zoloft and other SSRI's #63724
    Mike
    Participant

    I’ve taken zoloft as well as other ssri’s and an snri which I am on now (Effexor.) You have to decide whether or not the relief you gain is worth the side effects, they say that many of the side effects subside. Zoloft worked for me, it was the side effects I didn’t like Effexor has less side effects, but is supposedly more difficult to get off of. You only took zoloft for a week and then stopped so I am not sure you went through the full range of withdrawal symptoms, I would say the worst is what people call brain zaps. They feel just like that a zap and then seem to travel through the nerves of the body, it is difficult to describe though. They seem to coincide with quick eye movements. Research has shown that exercising can help relieve anxiety and depression. Meditation is also a good tool. Taking a medication is a pretty big decision, I think, because once you have been on it for a little while you can’t or shouldn’t just quit, and the withdrawal symptoms along with the brain zaps aren’t fun; Irritability, mood swings, fatigue, headaches, change in appetites, nausea, and I’m sure a lot more depending on the person.

    in reply to: learning to love myself #63535
    Mike
    Participant

    Is it better to stay together in an unhappy union for a kid(s) or to let go and find happiness elsewhere? This is the toughest question ever to answer and it seems that the “experts” all say different things. Strength and self-reliance are good traits to have and to pass on. A relationship is not much different from anything else in this world of impermanence. When something is broken and can’t be fixed it is madness to keep attempting to get it to work, when the very thing that kept it operational has crumbled into oblivion. Maybe people say it teaches children perseverance and not giving up, but it really teaches that we are better off being unhappy than to take chances and face difficulties alone.

    in reply to: Identity crisis; I'm still lost #63532
    Mike
    Participant

    What are your interests that are “impractical” and according to who or what? University is tough no matter what and it is a huge commitment of time and money, especially if you are just doing it to do it. Often times we hear from our parents, teachers, etc… to do the logical thing and go for the sure bet, where the jobs and money are, but then what happens after the degree? Burn out. University is not a necessity despite what you hear it is not something you have to suffer through, so if there is no enthusiasm or passion for that field of study what makes you think it will be there when you get out? Then what happens? Do you go in to the business field and find happiness? It is possible, but to think that just getting a degree equates to success and happiness is to go against all of the teachings I have ever learned about in every sense of the word. Certain things in life may come easier, like the house and the car, but do these things equal sustained happiness?

    Was business the default choice for you? It doesn’t sound like you have any interest in that field and there are so many fields of study to go in especially one that has more of a connection to your interests. Have you made a plan as to what you will do with a business degree? If not make a plan, not that you have to stick with it, but it can make you see just how off base that is with who you are. Take a personality test like the Briggs-Meyers typology there is a free one on humanmetrics.com. Use what you get to find out what careers match your personality.

    Don’t be afraid to change your major, it is a lot easier to change it now than to have to go back to school later for something else. Good luck hope I gave you something to work with.

    in reply to: where did i go? #60996
    Mike
    Participant

    I am somewhat the same way and it comes down to this; Are you ever satsfied or content with what you currently have? You seem restless, which Seems like it confuses you. You can blame your ego for this, but don’t. Think about if you were you to lose what you have, did you take it for granted? Do you appreciate the same things about your wife that made you marry her? When we always have to be chasing the next thing it affects every thing in our life. It is a skill that must be cultivated, most of us are not endowed with it. why do monks and other holy People give up all strivings and belongings. You don’t have to become a monk though just don’t take anything for granted, be thankful for what you have as well as accomplished.

    • This reply was modified 7 years, 11 months ago by Mike.
    in reply to: Looking for that light… #60873
    Mike
    Participant

    Sometimes life seems so uncertain, especially when it has been the same thing for a while and we have been eagerly awaiting a change to happen.
    We are trapped in our situations sometimes so much so it is out of control to change it ourselves, at least that is how it feels.
    We feel like we are working so hard, but have nothing to show for it and no one mentions a thing about it.
    We are divided one half wants to pack the bags and leave everything behind for a new life the one we want, the other half is our “common sense” asking us if we are crazy?

    Sometimes you have to go out on a limb on your own to get anything done. It is sad that your friends haven’t come through for you, but the only person that you can always count on in life is yourself. It is a dangerous place out there so you should always have some type of plan, I am sure there are institutions that can help and I know for sure there are places to stay at cheap prices, but safety is always a concern.

    Don’t over look the small moments that make up life they add up and some day you will miss them and regret not soaking them in more.
    What you describe as the 20’s experience is as Inky said the cultural concepts. You would get 100x’s the experience if you saved the money you would spend on school and traveled the world, but not only traveled the world. Colleges just want to take your money and give you a piece of paper saying that you “know” something and unfortunately they didn’t accept you. Guess why they didn’t accept you! Not because you are not good enough, but because they HAVE to reject people in order that their pieces of paper have some sort of importance. Not only that, but what you describe as fun is vastly over rated, it is empty in all regards.

    I have been living in the same city my whole life, I am 29, I have been in the same house for 8 years. I talk to all of the same people all of the time. I have had the same jobs cutting grass, removing snow, remodeling for the past 14 years. I have a Bachelor’s in Criminal Justice, it is a completely useless degree most degrees are other than just telling people that you can devote yourself to school for years. I don’t have my degree hanging anywhere and I hate when people ask about it, but also hate when people assume I haven’t gone to school just from what I do. I dream of doing something great with my life, and so far they have been just that dreams. I am thinking maybe going back for something more interesting to me, but then maybe I’ll just have a more expensive piece of paper. My real interests our adventures and writing.

    How do you define success? Answer that in your head. Is it that picturesque life depicted in culture? Is it having no regrets? Is it making a lot of money? It could be anything! How I define success can never affect how successful you feel about your life and vice versa. I have learned more since being out of school than I have while in school, running a business and meeting different people. Something new always comes up. I would recommend that in your free time you try something like starting a business whether it just be selling stuff online, it is a good experience.

    Hope it was somewhat helpful…Goodluck.

    in reply to: Lost who I am #60869
    Mike
    Participant

    That is quite an experience you must have had, I am interested in where you came back to? I live in a small suburb of Detroit, lived here my whole life. I have a friend that went into the Marines and saw the world at 20 and when he came back not only did he have differences in him from being around War, but he would complain about “home” how people and things don’t change and how it is like coming back to a fish bowl it is trapping. The fish living in a bowl have no idea what is beyond that fish bowl, they are ignorant so it is pretty difficult for others who have seen the world and especially the struggles of others the world over and empathized with them to connect with those who live superficial lives complaining about how their internet doesn’t go fast enough or their new car. He was literally all over the world Europe and the Middle East in the midst of real people not just the places that are built up for tourism. Sometimes he would have to stay in houses with Iraqi families, and some welcomed them and some didn’t. He lived on a ship for a while chasing somalian pirates. When he first got out for good, he was depressed, anxious and felt alone and unable to connect. Now he has been out of the Marines for a few years, he went back to school for Arabic made it into Columbia, went and studied in Jordan has been to a few other places and has tons of friends all over.

    While you weren’t a Marine and didn’t have to go to war, I see somewhat that you come across as a restless spirit much like my friend. You were like a fish in the ocean and now you are back in the fish bowl and it is too small for you, because you have outgrown it and learned how to take care of yourself in the ocean you can handle it. I have noticed people aren’t much different than fish they grow (psychologically) according to their “world.” Put a small fish in a big lake and that small fish will grow big. Put that same fish in a tank and it will only grow as much as there is room for it. Something is holding you back though, whether it is a plan for what you are going to do to again be free or not I hope that some of this was somewhat helpful and gave you a different view of your situation.

    • This reply was modified 7 years, 11 months ago by Mike.
    in reply to: I don't know what I want to do with my life! #60833
    Mike
    Participant

    Buying a one way ticket is a bit daunting and could back fire when you get to your destination. Some people can do it, but some can’t and they end up going back to the place where they feel safe. Life isn’t easy unfortunately, we have to work just to survive and in order to thrive we must work a job that makes us feel fulfilled. For artists, whether a writer or painter or whatever this world can feel empty and unfullfiling it isn’t easy to work and find time to write a great work. Don’t fret though some of the best works of art, science, thought have come when people have worked in dead end jobs. Einstein worked in a patent office, J.k. Rowling had an office job, those are just two of many.

    Writing is your passion, so now you need to figure out what kind of writing you want to do and what you need to do to become a paid writer in that field. If you want to write romance or mystery novels you need to write, write, and write and then send, send, send your writing to publishers and you can self publish on the amazon kindle store. The amazon kindle store might be the best and worst thing ever for writers, because now anyone can publish a book and because anyone can publish a book the market is so saturated with self published books it is difficult to make yours stand out.

    It sounds like you have a love for nature. There have been many, many writers that have lost themselves in nature and wrote about it. Nature can never be worn out, because some people can do it and some can’t and for the people that can’t then they can read about it. Many great writers really focused on the wilderness, its beauty and destruction. Nature can be described in infinite ways which is why it doesn’t grow stale. Dick Proenneke started a recent revolution with “Alone in the Wilderness” and if you have heard of “Into The Wild” that is a book about a young man that tried to emulate Dick Proenneke.

    Only you can pave your road to success and do as Ralph Waldo Emerson’s famous quote, “Do not go where the path may lead,go instead where there is no path and leave a trail”

    in reply to: The common question "Who am I?" #60285
    Mike
    Participant

    It seems you are at a transition in your life and that can be tough. As you described it, everything is in a flux of change new school, new place, new friends, and your old friendships are changing. Not only that, but you are in this more than friends, less than lovers relationship. Which is what? Is that best friends with benefits and you don’t know what the future of the relationship is? That really complicates things in life more than they already are. Its like a time buying device or just a matter of indecisiveness on his part, why is he ready for the physical, but not for the relationship? It’s like the old saying why buy the cow if you can have the milk for free?

    As far as mental health and physical health are concerned these are things you must work on, neither are given to us with out work and dedication. Of course everything happening will affect how you take care of yourself, but if it is something you need to do then you have to find some way to make it into something you WANT to do. As your friends are concerned, friends grow apart and it sounds like you no longer find your friends interesting and they don’t understand how everything that is happening in your life is affecting you. Friendships are complicated, especially highschool and childhood friendships, people change and grow up. I don’t know how you were before, but maybe you were a push over who was always the one that listened to their problems and now you have your own problems to worry about that they have no one to complain to? It is fairly easy making friends in college as everyone is in the same boat. Stay positive, you are young and still have plenty of time to make friends and enjoy life!

    in reply to: Relationship+Life=Confusion #59538
    Mike
    Participant

    The shortened version I am a perfectionist and some ways idealist, but have never been able to accept my true self. I have struggled with my homosexual self, burying it away. Me and a woman have been on and off for the past 8 years. I let her in on that side of me 2 years ago, from then it has been an up and down relationship of acceptance and resentment. I have dated guys then ran back to her once scared as she was comfortable for me and she has somehow either believed what I said when I was in denial or very naive. She told me she was pregnant sending me a picture of a positive test, I proposed to her thinking she was pregnant and thinking that was the right thing to do and that I could forget my flaws if I had the right motivation. But she wasn’t really pregnant and things fell apart, but in the time that I thought she was I really pregnant I got her pregnant. Neither of us wanted to get an abortion. Now as the baby nears we have been arguing about my sexuality and whether it will work if I am fantasizing about what could be and she isn’t getting the love from me that she wants. I feel resentment for her fooling me and she feels the same thing toward me for lying about who I really was for years thus wasting her time and her having my baby, but not a promise of “forever” from me. Is there any way that this can have some positive outcome for the baby and we both have the opportunity towards happiness because obviously our happiness will influence the baby’s future happiness and mental well being.

    I do love her, but I am not sure that I love her in the way to have a relationship with her like one needed for marriage. I know it is a bit late in realizing that. I don’t feel like I have ever felt real love or that feeling of being with my other half with her or anyone and I do want to feel it and want her to be in a relationship where she gets the attention and love she deserves.

    • This reply was modified 8 years ago by Mike.
    • This reply was modified 8 years ago by Mike.
    in reply to: Renouncing all dreams #59525
    Mike
    Participant

    Its your own responsibility to take the steps towards achieving the dreams you have for yourself. If you are 58 and you say you have not achieved any of your dreams then what has been holding you back, obviously our dreams have to be rational to our potential and the way the world works. I can wish and wish to write anything as great as the really great authors, to put out an overnight sensation, but that probably is not in my future and it can’t be in my future if I never write anything let alone a book. If getting a job to fund your dream is difficult or you are just burnt out on your job then get into a new field of work in two years you are going to be 60 anyway, you can be 60 still in your same predicament or you can go get training in a new field and be 60 with a new more interesting career.

Viewing 15 posts - 31 through 45 (of 73 total)