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Alecsee

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Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 33 total)
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  • #407031
    Alecsee
    Participant

    <p style=”text-align: left;”>I am definitely a one person type of guy so I can understand where things went wrong. The problem I have is that everyone is telling me to stop talking to her and I agree with them, I want to move on. I didn’t even say happy birthday to her. She didn’t mention it but she picked up a gift. As long as we keep communicating I’ll always think I have a chance. The problem is I try to ignore and she doesn’t text unless she’s spoken to. I already told her I cannot be work text buddy, I cannot give her any attention. I already asked her 3 times out and she made excuses and the other guy is doing stuff with her. So then I can’t keep talking to her like she can just do that. I’m trying to do no contact but when I feel sad I always try to talk to her again like 3days of no talking as of late. At this point unless he messes up, I don’t think she will meet up with me which is why I wanted to move on but my busy work schedule has impeded me from this and the new women I am talking to have deleted apps or straight up told me they don’t feel a connection because I’m not really putting the best effort and it’s taking time to be myself. Even finding a rebound would be ideal because it would be a much needed distraction and could turn into something special. The thing is that one wasn’t interested and I was okay with that but the other was pretty cute but the conversation fell apart because I was too busy with work and she deleted the app. So this is why I feel sad I gave the wrong one my contact info. I should be making an effort to move on. But I’m also buying a house so everything is super raw and I can’t put in my all now. I like a certain type of women and the more I think about it, the least type of women I can find out Here sadly especially with two potential women deleted and not interested it makes me doubt my choice to stay here cuz I Also am searching for that life partner! Any input is appreciated. I wish things just ended nicely and was honest with her feelings so I wouldn’t feel hatred and wanting to cut her off. She disssed me that much is true</p>

    #406676
    Alecsee
    Participant

    Just why do women go in so hard emotionally, physically and mentally to a person and then Just change their mind and take it all their way. I appreciate women thar give it their all. But makes me not want to enter another relationship or just talk to a Girl because Just putting all time and pour my heart just to get hurt. I know they’re putting in tremendous effort and I put in good efforts too but this makes Me not want a relationship or love. The pain sucks sp much

    #406674
    Alecsee
    Participant

    Hi Helcat,

    To an extent yes. We had a good thing going but because I didnt establish anything even tho it felt like gf and bf, she felt like crap, she wasnt feeling it anymore for about a month and I argued at times and that kind of behavior triggered her past abusive relationship. The fact that I did two solo trips asking her to come but our interest werent aligning and her just taking no for an answer when she didnt ask more than once to go to the movies (very vague) led her to just go out with someone else and feel the infatuation she feeels whenever she probably meets a new person. we kept talking it out and maybe that pushed her away, i gave her space but even tho we had great chemistry, she keeps seeing the new guy and ive asked another time to go to a cafe and she said she has work. She pretends to act interested and then says she has to do something else. At this point it just seems like ive put myself out there again, even vibing and trying to fight for her attention when I never was introduced to any of her friends and i worked hard to build a relationship, whether romantic or platonic that she doesnt value. She is just drifting further away and it just seems like even our great chemistry and joking ways that she was attracted to arent even gonna last to be  a frienship. like i barely ask to hang out and she is making excuses or already has plans with him. I can only try so much. I am also just slowly talking to other ppl. A person with her background that can change her world around that quickly is dangerous, just cuz she was in abusive relationship she isnt entitled to just push her bitch ways to other ppl. It isnt revenge.  and people arent pawns. If she had just told me her feelings were over and saw another person it would have been fine.

    Seems like she had planned this out because this type of thing doesnt happen overnight. She just did it the minute i left town. At this point i dont know what to say but just that she can make time for everyone else but me. Whichis sending a clear message, that she was ready to lose me as a friend and or/partner the moment she went out with someone else. I have to tell her how it is regardless if she thinks its agressive, At this point, it isnt some fling, she just is disrescpecting me as a preson. And she can do whatever she likes but literally its sad how easily she was able to throw it away.  I know I am hugely at fault, I called her pain by not making her #1 in her eyes and her confidence wavered and she might have felt triggered at times. But if cant communicate these things, the cycle will repeat itself; people arent psychics. I am someone who can read ppl pretty well but women are different breed and can mask their emotions very well at times. Thanks for listening, cheers

    #406662
    Alecsee
    Participant

    Helcat,

    i agree with your absense stance. I think she is that type of woman, like if you don’t stay in her life, she will think you don’t want to be in her life and she will accept it. Now as for having múltiple partners. I don’t think she’s like that. She hasn’t asked me to hang out or said yes to a hangout since last Friday when she said no. I also haven’t asked her in the two weeks. Just to get the condoms back. Cuz I was hurting for the sudden cut off and her hanging with him múltiple times. Friday was spontaneous and I know she can be busy. She was going out with the other guy. I think she Just wants to get in a relationship. So if I haven’t hung out with in 2 weeks, how can I ask her to hang if she has been saying yes to all his Invitations and I’ve just been healin

     

     

    Anita, I waited long enough. That’s not the point. I just was waiting for the right moment in the 3rd hangout

    #406596
    Alecsee
    Participant

    I dont think I can. I read this article yesterday and i think it has to be right.

    https://magnetofsuccess.com/<wbr />ex-dating-someone-else-<wbr />already-it-hurts/#google_<wbr />vignette

     

    It basically says they dont care anyone but themselves. And that she has decided to see whats out there. and that she either has to fail in that relationship or have it be successful. And that by no contact, I can maybe help her miss me or just move on. I mean, it has only been two weeks, but they have gone out 4 times while I just see her here and there cuz she is returning something. She kept my sweaters but I had to tell her to keep em. Like it sounds like she wants to try with a new person, Me being there trying to impress will make her happy but wont make her miss me since Im there. I dont think im dating her anymore. If in 2 weeks (16 days) she has gone out with a guy and I know she moves fast, then what can I do? I cant keep assuming all these dates are pure, they are either having sex or very close to. So i dont know . 16 days ago I was just laying next to her and being intimate and now its like its not the same person. It definitely started before the 2 weeks on her end.So idk if this is the  best approach. Because although we really have fun conversations, I get mad and feel she is toying with me. Basically she knows my feelings, Ive asked to get back and through her actions she is saying otherwise. When we talk she starts to reminisce about us and me as person. So i dunno. I really enjoy talking to her is the thing. But  I also dont want to be idly by and just be the guy who waits. She loves attention so I fear when I stop talking to her, is when she thinks I will have given up. Her way of things is a bit skewed imo. Its hard to stop talking to someone who has been in your life for 4.75 weeks and just stop talking to them. I think if ppl walk out her life, she just lets it happen. Because she is cold and helpless in that matter. She will try only in the beggining

     

    So i guess things arent going so good. I feel good at times cuz I am doing me and focusing on myself but it just is frustrating when she goes out with him after we vibe.

    We send voice messages and she even is open to phone calls. The problem is that she is with another person she is interested in, she does not look at her phone at all. Not a single time. Maybe in a 4 hour span, who knows. That isnt good news

    She might also be scared of losing me as she does share pics but literally I am not the one that is having sex, she wanted to have sex after the 2nd meet up. I waited to the 3rd or 4th i think cuz I wanted to know her as  person.  Its so frustrating cuz I enjoy talking to her but I get bothered by this. I can tlet somoone walk all over me. Even if we have pleasant and fun convos

    #406562
    Alecsee
    Participant

    So yeah guys hi! We are doing good again. I asked her to bring my condoms as an excuse to see her again and because she was gonna have a roommate move in with her (her good friend that is a girl). She said she was going to bring my sweaters over as well and that hurt me cuz then it would feel like it was truly over. We did get into a fight. But we made up the next day. thiings have been good with us since and she seems to compliment me a lot. So suddenly i just asked if she wanted to hang out but she is leaving out of town with her roommate and tonight, it looks like she will have a fancy dinner with the guy. I was suprised because she had been talking a lot with me and it seemed like things slowed down for them. But she still is somewhat curious in what that can bring and I have a lot of things to take care of. Working side jobs to get this house. I am not a jealous type but I feel we are reconnecting again and ofc I know her stance but I feel like after her roommate moves in the guy wont have a lot of opportunity to get intimate with her. Is there anything I can say like past memories that can prolong this abstincence lol i just got an idea and i know I sound ridiculous but if there is little chance for intimacy with them, I may be able to get back into the picture. Thank guys I am slowly healing but i think it sucks

    #406293
    Alecsee
    Participant

    Well I wasn’t able to log in and I blew up her message inbox with a lot of them. Apparently she said she had errands to run.  I’m pretty sure she spent the night at his house. She looked at the flowers but my ultimatum was ignored cuz the writing was so illegible so I kind of blew up on her. If I fight it would have to be with no hiding anything and no lying so maybe the trust went down the toilet. Really sucks cuz we really vibe and have great chemistry. Her needing time to process is seeing what’s out there. I’ve chased and waited before and i just Break down like I am right now. I guess it was my fault for not making it official, but not really. Don’t know why I didn’t, just haven’t committed in a long time I guess cuz I don’t want to get hurt but it happens anyway. So would have been a Good call. Sigh I need to focus on the house 🏠

    #406285
    Alecsee
    Participant

    <p style=”text-align: left;”>Oh dang my message got refreshed and deleted. Helcat, thank you for your kind words it means a lot. Instead of sending her all my sentimental feelings (I retracted them) I got her some flowers and a card explaining what she means to me. The one thing that I do regret is not handing them over to her myself. I just left them on her porch. I did this #1 cuz I thought she needed space. But I hadn’t seen her since Tuesday of this week. And I didn’t let her pick what she wanted to see so we were both watching our stuff and eventually we did watch our thing. Since then she went out to the movies with him and went solo clubbing with him on his birthday yesterday so now I know they’re spending a lot more time. And there’s a chance for them to get intimate. So it’s like an ultimatum sadly. Idk exactly what type of relationship they have but it doesn’t sound like it’s just friends Even tho it could be. It’s not looking good. I think my ultimatum has to be that either she takes me back or I walk away from her life entirely because she was willing to hurt me and trample my heart after the fact. I get the not establishing the mutually exclusive, I messed up on that. I have to take responsibility for that decision but in terms of pride and dignity I can’t let someone just take that even if we had good times. She doesn’t like confrontation and she is immature because she hasn’t had many relationships. She knows what she did and what it’s doing to me. So I’ll just live with the consequences. I really do dig her personality but if it’s worth her being selfish and running over someone she cares about then it just wasn’t meant to be. However long it was gonna last or for eternity. J know I sound like it’s all her fault but I’m just venting. It just sucks cuz I could have asked her to be my girlfriend and these problems would have been addressed at some point. But that’s all hindsight. I made a decision and I have to live with that decision</p>

    #406283
    Alecsee
    Participant

    I definitely agree with a lot with what you said. You dissected it perfectly. The problem was not asking her out because then perhaps we could have worked through the problems instead of her running away. Thanks for insight. Gonna give it one last try and then just give up and stop talking to her and move on. Thanks Anita. Whatever follow up definitely helps you are always helping me!

    #370713
    Alecsee
    Participant

    Yes, I was able to get another opponent but same thing happened; everyone is very touchy with Coronavirus type questions and situation. Im not trying to regret but it’s so hard to. And I keep looking at the free time im going to miss out on, on the potential trips I could take anywhere after covid. Why do I do this when I know it’s already done and over with? And why do I throw opportunities away? I can’t predict how employers act during this time and so it’s tough to absorb since I’m generally cautious. Why can’t I learn my lesson. Is the pay and Coronavirus the reason I couldn’t commit? Or is it something else? Am I prideful or someone. I just don’t know :/ Thank you for replying!

    #370709
    Alecsee
    Participant

    I am Covid Negative. Thank you for youur concern.

    The new job (who terminated the contract) has around/over 7000 employees going in and out of the 24 hr facility. At the beginning I was reluctant to work there cuz of covid. But i convinced myself since I liked the work and it payed little but lots of days off and it could give me a job in the chemical field.

    I had previously taken a covid test 2 weeks prior and came out negative. This was a new case and so thats why I needed to buy some extra time. It is a crazy world out there. New chemical job terminated contract. Old mountain, mentally stressful construction job I still have and am working there. Really cant handle and want to quit at the end of the week.

    Thanks for listening Anita, I really appreciate it

    #370707
    Alecsee
    Participant

    I have always been tough on myself. But now something similar happened. I tried the mountain job but I just cant keep going. I chose the money; because I really wanted the house. But I was offered another job and actually worked there for a couple of days on my days off. So this past week someone at the mountain was possibly exposed so we were low on staff. I was going to quit and take the new job. They told me if I didnt go, that my contract would end. Then I told them that perhaps I was feeling symptoms. I think they took it as I couldnt work, so they ended my contract even though I really this as a good job. ( 3 days 36 hrs 4 hrs free and 4 days off). Due to me trying to help out the mountain job, I lost the new one. I just asked, I was going to quit this one in the mountain (80+ hr weeks , 6 days a week) Now i keep thinking I have to quit cuz my mental health is suffering. Im also dissapointed because I have good opportunities but I keep not being able to hold onto them. And lastly, the dreams of getting a cheap house that will be cheap because the housing prices will most likely go down is fading cuz i cant take it anymore. Too stressful, Isolation, far from home. And even when I try to move on, I imagine having 4 days off, a social life, free time and when the pandemic clears up, time to travel easily to anywhere. I also saw this as a career change that I kind of wanted.. in the chemical field and not in construction. The last job that rescinded contract was also in the chemical field. Why cannot grasp what I want. The chemical one was 18 an hour while the mountain construction one was 26 an hour and 39 for the hours after 40 hrs. I feel sad dissapointed and upset. I want to quit. I feel like ill be in a better state of mind and I dont want to lose my happiness. In the end, i dont want to be a salty grown up who hates their life :/

    #370706
    Alecsee
    Participant

    I have always been tough on myself. But now something similar happened. I tried the mountain job but I just cant keep going. I chose the money; because I really wanted the house. But I was offered another job and actually worked there for a couple of days on my days off. So this past week someone at the mountain was possibly exposed so we were low on staff. I was going to quit and take the new job. They told me if I didnt go, that my contract would end. Then I told them that perhaps I was feeling symptoms. I think they took it as I couldnt work, so they ended my contract even though I really this as a good job. ( 3 days 36 hrs 4 hrs free and 4 days off). Due to me trying to help out the mountain job, I lost the new one. I just asked, I was going to quit this one in the mountain (80+ hr weeks , 6 days a week) Now i keep thinking I have to quit cuz my mental health is suffering. Im also dissapointed because I have good opportunities but I keep not being able to hold onto them. And lastly, the dreams of getting a cheap house that will be cheap because the housing prices will most likely go down is fading cuz i cant take it anymore. Too stressful, Isolation, far from home. And even when I try to move on, I imagine having 4 days off, a social life, free time and when the pandemic clears up, time to travel easily to anywhere. I also saw this as a career change that I kind of wanted.. in the chemical field and not in construction. The last job that rescinded contract was also in the chemical field. Why cannot grasp what I want. The chemical one was 18 an hour while the mountain construction one was 26 an hour and 39 for the hours after 40 hrs. I feel sad dissapointed and upset. I want to quit. I feel like ill be in a better state of mind and I dont want to lose my happineess

    #368359
    Alecsee
    Participant

    Im basically saying I don’t like the work im doing and won’t be for the next 4 months. I dread it. I chased the money and here we are, with stress and anxiety

    #368356
    Alecsee
    Participant
    1. I mean it was still likely if I saved up money! But I was hearing out other ppls thoughts. When I should have been focusing. Yeah im hard on myself but not as bad as I used to be. But ofc the job was good. The only bad things was coronavirus contact (which wasn’t that much) and lower pay . Times are tough now. Many ppl don’t work. I cannot stand being in a confined space at my workplace. I just can’t and just doing dumb stuff
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