I have always been tough on myself. But now something similar happened. I tried the mountain job but I just cant keep going. I chose the money; because I really wanted the house. But I was offered another job and actually worked there for a couple of days on my days off. So this past week someone at the mountain was possibly exposed so we were low on staff. I was going to quit and take the new job. They told me if I didnt go, that my contract would end. Then I told them that perhaps I was feeling symptoms. I think they took it as I couldnt work, so they ended my contract even though I really this as a good job. ( 3 days 36 hrs 4 hrs free and 4 days off). Due to me trying to help out the mountain job, I lost the new one. I just asked, I was going to quit this one in the mountain (80+ hr weeks , 6 days a week) Now i keep thinking I have to quit cuz my mental health is suffering. Im also dissapointed because I have good opportunities but I keep not being able to hold onto them. And lastly, the dreams of getting a cheap house that will be cheap because the housing prices will most likely go down is fading cuz i cant take it anymore. Too stressful, Isolation, far from home. And even when I try to move on, I imagine having 4 days off, a social life, free time and when the pandemic clears up, time to travel easily to anywhere. I also saw this as a career change that I kind of wanted.. in the chemical field and not in construction. The last job that rescinded contract was also in the chemical field. Why cannot grasp what I want. The chemical one was 18 an hour while the mountain construction one was 26 an hour and 39 for the hours after 40 hrs. I feel sad dissapointed and upset. I want to quit. I feel like ill be in a better state of mind and I dont want to lose my happineess

1. I mean it was still likely if I saved up money! But I was hearing out other ppls thoughts. When I should have been focusing. Yeah im hard on myself but not as bad as I used to be. But ofc the job was good. The only bad things was coronavirus contact (which wasn’t that much) and lower pay . Times are tough now. Many ppl don’t work. I cannot stand being in a confined space at my workplace. I just can’t and just doing dumb stuff

I already have to travel back and forth between two cities at the moment. And I’m extremely unhappy. Especially since I didn’t grab the job that was in front of me and was perfect for me

Anita,

No I was chosen, got a job letter offer, and tasked for two 1 dollar increases. The manager told me it was within my range. But then told me I was rejected because they couldn’t do 1 more dollar

The situation will be worse if I get another job but we have to try!

Thank you Anita. Well now it seems because of greediness we lost the job closer to home. They informed me an hour after your posting. I did ask them about how they were dealing with the coronavirus situation at the workplace and asked for the maximum range in payment the manager gave me. They rescinded the offer and gave it to someone else. Well now I may just quit and be left with none of them. I am pushing myself but it’s to the point where it’s too tough on my mind. Just a struggle every day. And I’m usually a positive person. So there’s an issue there. It’s definitely a life lesson of not to be greedy during hard times and I will be in a spiral of regret so I am trying to apply to anything and everything Available.  So that I may still have a chance to buy a house . Thank you for your words. The past topics are erased out of my mind Haha. I appreciate you taking the time to analyze them! Thank you so much. Im very sad and in a difficult spot but things happen. Shouldn’t get too greedy

In the first half of 2018, I was an angry individual because of my job. In 2019 i tried to please my ex and mold myself into her needs because I wanted to show her that I was someone with whom she could have spend with her life with. Things didnt work out but my ex of 4 yrs word’s stuck with me. “You never gave me attention or were that affectionate”. So I carried that to the next relationship without realizing it… and this gf needed space. She was an introvert and needed to recharge. After 2/3 months of not being official, once we became official things started to change in my mind, I wanted to give her more love and attention, while before I wasnt but to my introverted ex, not really prioritizing her was the perfect balance for her socially and work and self care wise. She mentioned that growing up, her parents didnt really raise her, they were too busy doing other stuff. They gave her some toys and practically just fed her. So i guess attention and affection is something she wasnt used to. She seeemed fine with it until the late stage. So it makes sense. But she took everything fine, it was that final month of being in a relationship and me not working that much that led to this path.

I am not angry, we had one normal argument as a couple and mentally she couldnt handle it along with everything she held inside herself. Shes emotionally fragile (which is not a bad thing) im not going to beat myself up for something that was going to happen, we were both under a lot of stress.

She is probably afraid of getting someone upset because her dad mentally abused her when he drank so tries her best to avoid confrotation and avoid any sort of response. My ex gf stuck with me during one of the lowest points in my life. I was angry at the world during the 1st 6 monts of 2018. After that i learned to be more calm and patient and I did a lot of medidation. So i dont think I was angry. I had a simple discussion with her, a simple argument and she was unable to cope with that. Thats normal in a relationship . In 2018, i was mad that i was being bothered. Now, I just addressed an issue. So no parties can be blamed

I appreciate everyones help and input. Ive learned a lot but sometimes when you care you tend to perhaps go a little above and beyond and I was too intense

It just sucks because we promised each other we would do all these wild sexual things ive never experienced (unprotected sex, a threesome, and halloween roleplay) and it sucks not being to carry those out. Thats probably why I am sad and why i am regretting and why i cannot let go cuz it was so sudden and my brain couldnt process. We both have ghosts of the pasts that didnt mesh with this relationship. It’s just kind of curious that the relationship work best when my 100% wasn’t in it. That is what worked for her since she wasn’t so used to the attention and affection. But also my ex’s wishes should have stayed with my ex not with the relationship I establish with the introverted gf. The sexual part is maybe 40% of it but I grew to care about this person a lot in a matter of 4 months. She pick me up from a tough spot in my life and I was more vulnerable at that time because I had given it my all with my ex of 4 years. So I was susceptible and maybe more selfish and didn’t appreciate what I had, but it was when I did want to be more affectionate and give more attention when everything went downhill. It was circumstantial I also wasn’t working much of the time and I was just focusing I’m hanging out with her so I can understand. Whatever happens, I know the reason why things happened. I hope we can be friends with her or something more in these coming months. She has helped me a lot. And that’s why I want to help her. Whatever way I can. Thank you guys, I really appreciate it