So yeah guys hi! We are doing good again. I asked her to bring my condoms as an excuse to see her again and because she was gonna have a roommate move in with her (her good friend that is a girl). She said she was going to bring my sweaters over as well and that hurt me cuz then it would feel like it was truly over. We did get into a fight. But we made up the next day. thiings have been good with us since and she seems to compliment me a lot. So suddenly i just asked if she wanted to hang out but she is leaving out of town with her roommate and tonight, it looks like she will have a fancy dinner with the guy. I was suprised because she had been talking a lot with me and it seemed like things slowed down for them. But she still is somewhat curious in what that can bring and I have a lot of things to take care of. Working side jobs to get this house. I am not a jealous type but I feel we are reconnecting again and ofc I know her stance but I feel like after her roommate moves in the guy wont have a lot of opportunity to get intimate with her. Is there anything I can say like past memories that can prolong this abstincence lol i just got an idea and i know I sound ridiculous but if there is little chance for intimacy with them, I may be able to get back into the picture. Thank guys I am slowly healing but i think it sucks

Oh dang my message got refreshed and deleted. Helcat, thank you for your kind words it means a lot. Instead of sending her all my sentimental feelings (I retracted them) I got her some flowers and a card explaining what she means to me. The one thing that I do regret is not handing them over to her myself. I just left them on her porch. I did this #1 cuz I thought she needed space. But I hadn’t seen her since Tuesday of this week. And I didn’t let her pick what she wanted to see so we were both watching our stuff and eventually we did watch our thing. Since then she went out to the movies with him and went solo clubbing with him on his birthday yesterday so now I know they’re spending a lot more time. And there’s a chance for them to get intimate. So it’s like an ultimatum sadly. Idk exactly what type of relationship they have but it doesn’t sound like it’s just friends Even tho it could be. It’s not looking good. I think my ultimatum has to be that either she takes me back or I walk away from her life entirely because she was willing to hurt me and trample my heart after the fact. I get the not establishing the mutually exclusive, I messed up on that. I have to take responsibility for that decision but in terms of pride and dignity I can’t let someone just take that even if we had good times. She doesn’t like confrontation and she is immature because she hasn’t had many relationships. She knows what she did and what it’s doing to me. So I’ll just live with the consequences. I really do dig her personality but if it’s worth her being selfish and running over someone she cares about then it just wasn’t meant to be. However long it was gonna last or for eternity. J know I sound like it’s all her fault but I’m just venting. It just sucks cuz I could have asked her to be my girlfriend and these problems would have been addressed at some point. But that’s all hindsight. I made a decision and I have to live with that decision

Yes, I was able to get another opponent but same thing happened; everyone is very touchy with Coronavirus type questions and situation. Im not trying to regret but it’s so hard to. And I keep looking at the free time im going to miss out on, on the potential trips I could take anywhere after covid. Why do I do this when I know it’s already done and over with? And why do I throw opportunities away? I can’t predict how employers act during this time and so it’s tough to absorb since I’m generally cautious. Why can’t I learn my lesson. Is the pay and Coronavirus the reason I couldn’t commit? Or is it something else? Am I prideful or someone. I just don’t know :/ Thank you for replying!

I have always been tough on myself. But now something similar happened. I tried the mountain job but I just cant keep going. I chose the money; because I really wanted the house. But I was offered another job and actually worked there for a couple of days on my days off. So this past week someone at the mountain was possibly exposed so we were low on staff. I was going to quit and take the new job. They told me if I didnt go, that my contract would end. Then I told them that perhaps I was feeling symptoms. I think they took it as I couldnt work, so they ended my contract even though I really this as a good job. ( 3 days 36 hrs 4 hrs free and 4 days off). Due to me trying to help out the mountain job, I lost the new one. I just asked, I was going to quit this one in the mountain (80+ hr weeks , 6 days a week) Now i keep thinking I have to quit cuz my mental health is suffering. Im also dissapointed because I have good opportunities but I keep not being able to hold onto them. And lastly, the dreams of getting a cheap house that will be cheap because the housing prices will most likely go down is fading cuz i cant take it anymore. Too stressful, Isolation, far from home. And even when I try to move on, I imagine having 4 days off, a social life, free time and when the pandemic clears up, time to travel easily to anywhere. I also saw this as a career change that I kind of wanted.. in the chemical field and not in construction. The last job that rescinded contract was also in the chemical field. Why cannot grasp what I want. The chemical one was 18 an hour while the mountain construction one was 26 an hour and 39 for the hours after 40 hrs. I feel sad dissapointed and upset. I want to quit. I feel like ill be in a better state of mind and I dont want to lose my happiness. In the end, i dont want to be a salty grown up who hates their life :/

Im basically saying I don’t like the work im doing and won’t be for the next 4 months. I dread it. I chased the money and here we are, with stress and anxiety

I mean it was still likely if I saved up money! But I was hearing out other ppls thoughts. When I should have been focusing. Yeah im hard on myself but not as bad as I used to be. But ofc the job was good. The only bad things was coronavirus contact (which wasn’t that much) and lower pay . Times are tough now. Many ppl don’t work. I cannot stand being in a confined space at my workplace. I just can’t and just doing dumb stuff

I want to quit but… its tough, it’s causing me anxiety from being away from my city for too long. I was able to get an interview but it’s in my city, 4 hrs away. So most likely I’m going to have to risk it if I go. I really don’t know. I’m so confused. The previous job offer was perfect for me… and I didn’t capitalize on it. So I’m just disappointed I didn’t just take it. Now everything is complicated, my days feel long, minutes feel like hours. I needed to stay working but now o just blew it. My health is and will suffer from this

Thank you