Hi James

Thank you for sharing again. ❤️

Please forgive my musings. As I explained to Peter recently, when things are written and explained well. I have nothing to add, so I tend to tangent to expand the conversation and share a different perspective. ❤️

Your explanation on your other thread was helpful. The key being relax and trusting my body’s instincts for me. Very different from my mind’s instincts for me. ❤️

Muscle memory is a beautiful thing. It serves a function to free up mental space. But it is a time consuming process learning to master the body. For children it takes years.

Life is complicated and a marvel. Layers upon layers. All have a unique function.

Even thoughts. I see as energy. During meditation I have experienced them still to the point of subtle movement of the mind, gently stirring no longer marred by language. I noticed that the energy is present in the spine.

It would take so much to process everything as a fresh and new experience. The brain is not built for it. It is built to notice changes, form patterns and have a negative bias. Built to save energy, to protect, not catch a glimpse of things as they are.

❤️

Hi Yana

I worry that bringing up the past could be hurtful.

I know you don’t mean badly by it. ❤️

I think the difficulty with trauma is that it occurs so frequently. I don’t think it is overused, just under reported. As a community people are learning to finally speak out about it.

One of the difficulties with crime is the extremely high correlation with substance use. Alcohol and / or drugs. Most people are under the influence at the time of arrest. These things mess with boundaries and can easily lead to impulsive and harmful behaviour.

❤️

Hi Peter

Thank you for sharing. Beautiful writing as always! ❤️

Hmm honestly I think it varies.

For me, at the moment. Neither. A story might exist as a memory even when it is no longer true. Nothing wrong with memories. Maybe it will pass in time. But it is not such a bad thing.

Does it matter if we are free of stories? For me, it is not necessarily even choosing. Sure, some which meant actively redesigning my life I chose to change. Some just over time no longer apply. Some are as true as much as I believe in them. Not quite true. But it is hard to explain. Things can be untrue whilst believing in them. Then when you think about it, you go well actually… I guess that was just an assumption. Another story. Fickle things. 😂

I am the wrong person to ask this question of. 😂 I very much believe in fate. Buddhism would suggest that volition is the answer. We all have a degree of control in our lives. Otherwise, being calm helps me to see things more clearly.

Hmm I guess I don’t have the same attachment to words and thoughts.

I feel like they are very flexible. Maybe because I have being working hard on cultivating that?

Is something a story if you can consider different perspectives?

I will have to learn some more about continual prayer. I don’t really know much about it. Is that similar to mantra? I fear I may have gotten lost in the weeds again. ❤️

I guess, to explain my perspective. Memories and even perspective are not set in stone. You can live something and reflect. Reprocess the memory and consider it from different perspectives, heal the feelings attached to it. Everything changes.

Do you have any thoughts? ❤️

Another difficulty with this forum is the sensitive nature this space and the vulnerability of its users.

Hi James

Thank you for sharing your thoughts! I really appreciate your advise. You hit the nail on the head, it is handling the emotions that come up with the grasping that I’m working on. ❤️

Hi Everyone

I like the idea of the story being contained within us, not being the story ourselves.

Unfortunately, because of severe trauma. I feel like stories run in the background for me. It’s not necessarily a conscious choice. I have done my best to sort out the conscious stuff. Even well intended things can have a story in the background.

Perfection, unlovable, not safe, no trust, in pain, hungry.

Doesn’t sound like a story to define me at all anymore. Just a memory from childhood. I’m trying to be more mindful of when these things creep in. I want to act without a story secretly driving it behind the scenes.

A beautiful story Peter, thanks for sharing! ❤️

I always thought of these things as climbing out of an abyss.

As a child, I could climb out of it myself being blissfully ignorant of reality. But when that ignorance was shattered by the harshness of reality, the weight of my trauma immobilised me. I needed help to fight my way out of it. I didn’t know how, someone had to show me the way. I learned to trust things that I don’t understand yet.

I try to gather teachings. Carry them with me. Looking at them from time to time. Some I don’t understand yet, I will know when the time is right. Some I am drawn to like a magpie. I learned to put those ones on even when I don’t understand them. I don’t mind not understanding consciously yet, the draw is enough. Something in me sees it for what it is.

I can climb out of the abyss faster now. I’ve done it many times. I don’t mind asking for help when I need it. It gets me out that much faster.

Everyone has their own way. ❤️❤️❤️

I don’t know about being wise. 😊 I just have had really good therapists and have been lucky enough to meet some wise and kind people. I try my best to remember everything that people teach me, even if I don’t understand it at the time.

I find that life is like an esoteric book. Sometimes I don’t understand things. In time and with experience, it starts to make sense. Memory is a precious tool to rely on. In time, advise people have given me clicks into place.

Hmm well, I’ve been there myself. It’s not an easy process getting out of these habits. I think the most important thing is getting therapy and of course, to treat yourself kindly. It’s a journey and I feel like I’m always learning new things to work on. No matter where you are on the journey, to me if you’re trying your best that is good enough. Mistakes happen, it is what you do afterwards that matters. Trying to make amends is an important part in the process for me.

I also find having good experiences and maintaining relationships with people who have had similar difficulties and done their best to fight their way through it is important for healing too. ❤️