Another difficulty with this forum is the sensitive nature this space and the vulnerability of its users.

Hi James

Thank you for sharing your thoughts! I really appreciate your advise. You hit the nail on the head, it is handling the emotions that come up with the grasping that I’m working on. ❤️

Hi Everyone

I like the idea of the story being contained within us, not being the story ourselves.

Unfortunately, because of severe trauma. I feel like stories run in the background for me. It’s not necessarily a conscious choice. I have done my best to sort out the conscious stuff. Even well intended things can have a story in the background.

Perfection, unlovable, not safe, no trust, in pain, hungry.

Doesn’t sound like a story to define me at all anymore. Just a memory from childhood. I’m trying to be more mindful of when these things creep in. I want to act without a story secretly driving it behind the scenes.

A beautiful story Peter, thanks for sharing! ❤️

I always thought of these things as climbing out of an abyss.

As a child, I could climb out of it myself being blissfully ignorant of reality. But when that ignorance was shattered by the harshness of reality, the weight of my trauma immobilised me. I needed help to fight my way out of it. I didn’t know how, someone had to show me the way. I learned to trust things that I don’t understand yet.

I try to gather teachings. Carry them with me. Looking at them from time to time. Some I don’t understand yet, I will know when the time is right. Some I am drawn to like a magpie. I learned to put those ones on even when I don’t understand them. I don’t mind not understanding consciously yet, the draw is enough. Something in me sees it for what it is.

I can climb out of the abyss faster now. I’ve done it many times. I don’t mind asking for help when I need it. It gets me out that much faster.

Everyone has their own way. ❤️❤️❤️

I don’t know about being wise. 😊 I just have had really good therapists and have been lucky enough to meet some wise and kind people. I try my best to remember everything that people teach me, even if I don’t understand it at the time.

I find that life is like an esoteric book. Sometimes I don’t understand things. In time and with experience, it starts to make sense. Memory is a precious tool to rely on. In time, advise people have given me clicks into place.

Hmm well, I’ve been there myself. It’s not an easy process getting out of these habits. I think the most important thing is getting therapy and of course, to treat yourself kindly. It’s a journey and I feel like I’m always learning new things to work on. No matter where you are on the journey, to me if you’re trying your best that is good enough. Mistakes happen, it is what you do afterwards that matters. Trying to make amends is an important part in the process for me.

I also find having good experiences and maintaining relationships with people who have had similar difficulties and done their best to fight their way through it is important for healing too. ❤️

Hi Everyone

I used to worry about the past memories and feelings unfolding into the present. But I was relieved to learn that according to Buddhism it is normal, just a part of the present and being human. Something to be accepted with compassion and not fought against or judged.

I’ve been learning about Abhidharma, very early stages. It seems like a vast topic. It seems to me from what I’ve learned so far that everyone has these stories.

The way that I think about it is that they are just one small part of me. I have let some stories go, others linger. There is so much more than the stories. Perhaps, the only reason I feel that stories define me is when I believe it believe that to be true.

Interestingly, most of our brain development is done by the age of 5.

Gratitude practice has helped me a lot. I have more positive memories than negative now.

I suppose like anything else, sharing stories can be good or bad. It depends on the purpose and the outcome.

If you’d like to share your story. You are welcome to Peter. If you don’t want to, of course that is fine too. ❤️

There is nothing wrong with being different. Some of my favourite people are different. You are not alone. ❤️

One of my friends practices what I would describe as radical acceptance. It is very interesting. No part of the human experience is “bad” just to be accepted. I’m fascinated with his perspective at the moment.

I’m glad that you found your peace Yana. ❤️

Hi Miss Dutchess

I can understand the difficulty with your recent diagnosis. It is emotional coming to terms with these things and wondering what if. It is perfectly okay to feel this way. I’m sorry to hear about the bullying too. ❤️

I feel like an early diagnosis may have helped more socially than anything else. And of course, emotional coping strategies. Because if you ask me, therapists are important and help with these kinds of things.

It is not so helpful that your family just expected for friends to magically happen to you. I don’t think that is true. It’s important to have common interests if you ask me. I guess that is just how I’ve done it.

I don’t know if having a specialist would have helped much with maths. My maths has always been shocking, but I did learn more effective ways of dealing with it as I got older. I tend to use formula calculators online. It really helps me a lot to understand how things work. They have diagrams and can explain the working. It is something that just wasn’t available when I grew up.

Also, I have experience dealing with learning anxiety now because I went back to university more recently after dropping out because of being assaulted. Being a language tutor helped me to understand learning anxiety as well. Once you get over the anxiety, it takes away some of the stress of doing something that you’re not comfortable with. Being a tutor really teaches you that it’s okay to make mistakes, it is just the process of learning. Also just learning how to study effectively helps. It’s wild that it isn’t really taught in schools. I had to learn from someone who was really good at testing.

It’s good to hear that you have some friends. And well done on putting yourself out there and talking to that person in the book store. ❤️

I guess for me, I moved a lot. So I was bullied a lot and I didn’t make many close friends, one or two per school was enough for me. By the way, most kids get bullied. It isn’t just you. So you are not alone.

I just went to the library, chess club and computer gaming clubs. There were nice kids there. Kids like me who didn’t want hassle or to be bothered by anyone else.

I didn’t really understand other kids because I was being abused at home so kid conversations seemed a bit meaningless at the time. The autism didn’t help either.

It was probably when I became a teenager that I started to make more friends because I went to parties.

Unfortunately, I was sexually assaulted by a friend in college. So I became a shut in for a while.

It took some time for me to learn to be around people again. I find what helped was being around a friend who was extroverted. They were always talking to everyone. They carried on most of the conversations. I didn’t have to say much if I didn’t want to. It was a bit alien to me at first. But I just got used to it and started to chime in more with conversations when I felt like it. Working with the people as a tutor and in a phone store helped talk to people too. Somehow I find it less stressful when you are in a position where people are expected to be kind and listen, because they want help from you. It is generally very polite and I like that style of communication.

Small talk might not seem important initially. It is deceptive, because you learn a lot about people through small talk. What they care about, their interests, their feelings and worries. It’s also really helpful because socially it tends to be that you build trust through small talk and then you have deeper conversations once you know each other.

I tend to find that most of my friends are also neurodivergent. It just seems to be easier for me to connect with them.

I’m guessing that you don’t have a sibling? I feel like pranks are something that you understand more if you have a sibling. It’s kind of a reciprocal thing. You’re supposed to take turns pranking each other. It’s a stupid silly game where you tease each other a bit. Supposed to be funny, like a physical form of joke.

My son just did his first prank today. Put dog kibble in his father’s shoe.

Take care and good luck with everything! ❤️