Hi Everyone

I was abandoned in many ways.

“My biological mother would leave us home alone at a very young age. Not even allowed to eat. Not allowed to use the TV for more than 1 hour a week. I had to enforce all of her rules, because she would punish us if we broke them when she was away. My brother would hit me when I didn’t let him do what he wanted. We would wonder when she would return, if at all.”

This is clearly illegal and neglect. It isn’t fair for children to experience all of these hardships. How irresponsible and uncaring do you have to be? Come on kids, let’s get out of here. I’ll take care of you, you must be scared and hungry.

“Whilst in the house, she would avoid us until time to punish us. Sleeping through the day. When she awoke, she would avoid being present by drinking.”

Mother of the year. Trying to achieve some kind of world record. Too much effort to be a decent human being. Don’t worry, I won’t let her hurt you anymore and I’m here for anything at all you could possibly need. Playing, talking, fun, food, hugs. The essentials.

“I silently cried myself to sleep every night alone. I had to be quiet, because she would beat me when she heard me cry.”

Oh believe me, I’m intimately familiar with that one and I have some choice words about that. When you torture kids, by hitting them when they cry, any crying becomes massively traumatic. No one should have to suffer like that. How dare you lay a hand on either of them! You should be ashamed of yourself. Picking on kids because you’re a coward! You are safe now. No one is going to hurt you anymore. I promise. ❤️

“She sent us away to stay with people from the church as much as she could. Fortunately, they were kind people. It was nice helping them with their farms. I didn’t mind helping.”

Whoop de doo! Letting other people take care of her children and pawning them off as free labour. You don’t need to do anything to be worth taking care of. You deserve to be happy. Do you need anything? What can I do to help you heal?

“My adoptive mother would go in moods for a couple of weeks at a time and either yell or ignore everyone in the house, then go back to normal and pretend it didn’t happen.”

This is emotional abuse and stonewalling. It’s not okay. No one should pretend that it is. If you weren’t capable of taking in a child you should have said no. Instead of saddling me with all of your issues because you wanted to feel like a saviour and that I owed you for life. I have more than paid back that debt. I’m here for you sweetie. You’re never going to be alone again. I love you and you deserve to have someone there for you. I’m not going to let people treat you badly. I’m going to protect you. You matter way more than you know. Just as much as everyone else. It is okay to have needs. Everyone does and everyone deserves to be treat with kindness and respect. ❤️

Hi Tee

I’m glad that you’re still able to enjoy your holiday despite the limited mobility. I know that struggle of adapting to life with limited mobility and trying to find new ways to enjoy life. ❤️

Thank you for sharing the experiences with your mother! That is good to hear you are less triggered when talking to her. Well done on getting past the learned conditioning from her and focusing on regulating your emotions!

I think that is incredible you don’t get weighted down by the interactions with your mother anymore. That’s a really significant achievement and so healthy.

It sounds like you’ve really got a handle on how to manage conflict with your mother. 😊

You are most definitely not evil, or a bad daughter for expressing your needs. You’re a pretty awesome person. I’m glad that you stand up for yourself. You deserve it! ❤️

Yes, I have definitely experienced losing friends and family because I won’t take sides. I’m just not a tribal kind of person and that rubs some people up the wrong way.

It is a shame when that happens, but it is what it is. I just move on when that happens. It really isn’t possible to have a relationship with someone who doesn’t want it. Believe me, I tried with my adopted mother. 😂

It is a shame because she was not willing to meet my needs or respect my boundaries. Her agoraphobia became much worse over COVID and unfortunately, she showed little interest in my family. I didn’t want my son to feel rejected by her being such an infrequent figure in his life, especially given that we live so close by. All I did was simply stop pursuing and she hasn’t bothered.

I’m an adult, I can cope with difficulties. My son is a sensitive child and I want to protect him from things like that. There are things that I can protect him from as a parent and things that I can’t. The less trauma he has to deal with in his life, the better in my opinion. Better now while he’s still young and doesn’t understand. Hopefully, he won’t even remember.

I wondered if I did the right thing recently.

Part of me wants to be there for my mother too. I understand her difficulties. It is not fair to him though. These things being so one sided.

Take care 🥰