Hi Omyk

I remember you! Welcome back. 😊

It sounds like you are feeling the battle between being human and the responsibilities of your ministry.

My perspective is that these days in western countries a lot of relationships fail. It really depends what you are looking for. What needs are not currently being met that you feel a longing for? It must not be easy, being without your wife.

I think that whatever you want and whatever you choose to do is okay. Please be gentle with yourself because your situation is not easy. You are dealing with a lot of responsibilities on your own. ❤️

Hi Tommy

I didn’t think that you were talking about the difficulties that happened in the past here. I thought that you were probably talking about something else. I was playing devils advocate not to scold you. I was trying to help bring a more balanced perspective and defend you. I apologise if it didn’t come across that way.

I don’t judge you for what happened in the past. I’m actually sorry it was brought up. God knows I’m not perfect and make mistakes all of the time. I think you handled it with grace.

I’m sorry to hear that you lost your friend and even more sorry that you are leaving again. I really missed you being around and think that you are a valuable member of this community. ❤️

If you would like to keep in touch please feel free to send me a message. I truly wish you all of the best in life too. ❤️

tbthrowaway64@gmail.com

Hi Anita and Tommy

I’m well thank you Tommy. 😄 How are you?

Oh boy, I missed this one because it was deleted. Drama! 🎭

I’m going to play devil’s advocate. I believe that Tommy’s apology is genuine because straightforward people are very genuine. It is definitely something that can rub people up the wrong way (I know that from experience as a straight forward person myself).

He doesn’t strike me as a simpleton, I believe he’s learned his lesson. Poor choice to try these tactics with very vulnerable people.

I can understand a feeling of incompleteness whilst forgiveness is not received. I’m a chronic completionist. No matter how terrible a television show is, once I have started watching it I will watch all of the seasons. With unresolved conflict, it eats away at me to fix it or “complete” it. I think for me it may stem from a sense of anxiety about it. However, many people simply prefer to have their peace. Different people have different needs and it can beneficial to try to meet others needs. Meeting needs is very rewarding and surprisingly rarely done. It can be a lifeline to those in need.

I feel like people are complicated and can hold more than one feeling at the same time. That doesn’t necessarily mean that it’s inauthentic.

I feel like men can be a bit more brusque due to socialisation. Quite often they are used to teasing each other in playful ways that can seem quite harsh on the surface. I think it is important to have a male voice around. It brings a unique perspective.

I read something recently that said bluntness is a privilege reserved for friends. I can understand why that might be. It is hard to know how someone will respond until you know them better.

There are many different schools of thought of these things. I can understand why there is a belief in certain things. I do think that it is important to find the right balance.

I watched a documentary with the Dalai Lama and a child had fled from Tibet, her family were dead and she had found a new life in India. She talked of her grief for her relatives. I find it touching that whenever someone spoke of painful things he would subtly pray as they spoke. He advised her that if she focused on all of the wonderful things that she will learn in her new life, the pain of losing her family will hurt less. She kind of shrugged a bit unsure.

At this time, the Dalai Lama was accompanied by Archbishop Tutu. Who said sorry for her loss (it should be noted that the Archbishop spoke first).

I feel like the two approaches complemented each other well. Softening the message. It was described that Archbishop Tutu gave the gift of sympathy and that the Dalai Lama gave the gift of courage.

Hi Drew

Thank you for your kindness and understanding! ❤️

That is unfortunate to hear that advocacy wasn’t able to help either.

I’m sorry to hear that your health condition has that intense level of stigma to it. That makes sense. It’s unfortunate when you bump into someone who is being rude. I find that people often do these things when they are struggling in life. I feel like in British culture there are some situations where it is an expectation to politely accept a bit of bad behaviour, or at least ignore it. It is hard to undo all of that cultural training. Whilst in other situations there is an expectation of responding in kind. Finally, there is the situation where these things are more serious and taking formal action is required. I feel like assertiveness is more useful in personal relationships where the person is expected to listen to you, but I admire your personal goal!

Thank you for sharing your technique that you used to help you during exams! It is really helpful to me because I’m a student. I had never heard of that before and I will definitely give it a try.

Congratulations and well done on getting your degree! 👏

Good luck with the job hunting, as well as getting the doctors to reconsider. Take care

Hi n20

Wow! You have been through so much. I’m glad that you managed to get everything figured out.

It is not easy, especially being young there is the assumption that you are healthy. A surprising number of my friends have all either been ill since childhood, or gotten ill as young adults. It is more common than most people realise. I’m talking about cancer, chronic brain diseases. All pretty serious things.

Thank you for sharing your story! It was very inspiring. And well done on passing your classes while going through all of that. ❤️

Hi Drew

Sorry for the delay! It has been really busy.

I’m glad to hear you don’t beat yourself up over your condition. It is a shame that other people are not understanding or forgiving though. It’s unfortunate that people treat you so badly because of your condition.

Oh I wasn’t trying to imply anything about you. I was just trying to be fair and supportive of both you and Jana. She is a good person and I don’t think she means you any harm. Infact, I guarantee that! ❤️

I get it. Meditation is not always for everyone. It took me a long time to be able to do it because of trauma (I had trouble with all of the breathing focused stuff) and I also had difficulty with racing thoughts. It was like trying to meditate in a hurricane while having an anxiety attack. I had to get advice from a meditation teacher to navigate these issues.

It is a shame that the doctors haven’t been able to help you with these issues so far. Hmm I wonder if it might be helpful to get a local free advocacy service involved with the doctors. I agree that it is important to keep trying. This is quite a significant issue. That such personal things are coming out and that it is so frequent is very troubling.

Apologies, I wasn’t there so I can’t really interpret the situation properly. I’m sorry to hear that the optician was being so disrespectful.

It’s good that your sleep has started to improve. 😊

I do think that your idea about assertiveness training was a good one. If you google “skills you need assertiveness” the top link is the one I used to learn about assertive communication skills myself. I found it really helpful.

I can understand the difficulties with scenarios which are planned for. I have made mistakes too when something unexpected comes up. I think that is why I only do this with very structured situations. For example, job interviews, repetitive situations at work and telephone calls. I work quite hard to practice beforehand. Studying, writing, memorising, practicing the scenarios with others before the real situation.

Technically, all beta blockers do is calm down physical sensations of anxiety. Without actually altering the mind. It makes sense that they didn’t work based on what you’ve said. This isn’t an anxiety issue.

I wish you good luck with everything! ❤️

Hi Peter

Thinking of you as well!

I found an old journal entry and I thought I’d share it.

If I could, I would climb mountains

If I could I would be a dog walker

If I could I would be a ranger

If I could I would fix this house

If I could, I would laugh and smile.

I still feel trapped by what I can’t do

I want to be free

I’m grateful that I can walk. I’m grateful for my job. I’m grateful for my husband.

I just want to heal and I have to be patient. I have to focus on the good currently in my life.

I look forward to dinner and walking the dogs.

It’ll be nice to make some new friends and learn about Buddhism.

I’m glad that I helped my sister feel more comfortable today.

Sorry, I didn’t see your reply until after I posted. I’m going to have to respond to it a bit later. Take care