Hi Everyone

Lovely to see you around again Peter! ❤️

Funnily enough, I’ve been thinking about motivation recently too. I haven’t finished working on it yet. I’m still thinking. I don’t have much time to sit and think about things, so it might take me a while.

What even is a good relationship with emotions? 😂

I really like that quote from W H Auden. The Alan Watts quote had me thinking too.

Quite often when I’m afraid it is not because of the present, but the past. I prefer the present, but shadows of the past keep popping up. It is engraved in me deeply. I would prefer to be free of the past as opposed to the present. Although, I suppose what I have difficulty is when the two converge.

I’m largely motivated by necessity. Most of the decisions in my life have been circumstantial. It makes me wonder what my nature actually is.

Ooh now you’ve got me thinking. Little bit of chicken or the egg going on there with the mind being created by experiences. But I understand what is meant. It is a good point that the mind often creates it’s own problems. Sometimes we just need to get out of our own way.

Sometimes the same words can mean different things to different people.

Not fixing, I would think of as self-acceptance. Quite possibly the pinnacle of self-compassion?

It is interesting that people are similar and yet different.

Hi Omyk

I would imagine because you are so busy, it would be difficult to develop new relationships?

Working two jobs and raising a child on your own is not easy. Where is room for following your own desires?

I learned to identify people who are comfortable with sharing more intense feelings. There are also social conventions in regards to sharing feelings. When forming new relationships it is generally preferred to slowly share more as you get to know someone.

I’m sorry to hear that you’re dealing with a lot of rejection from your child at the moment. Sadly, it is a phase they go through as they establish their independence.

I’m sorry to hear that you lost your parents, as well as your wife. That is a lot of loss in a relatively short period. Have you ever seen a grief counsellor? You are welcome to talk as much as you would like to about your grief here.

It seems like you have lost most of the people you were close to? Now, the relationship with your child is changing. It is not an easy thing you are going through at all.

I don’t think you are unpleasant or narcissistic at all. You are actually a really lovely person who is going through a tough time. ❤️

Please feel free to email if you would like to chat. 😊

tbthrowaway64@gmail.com

As for making friends… because of the time limitations. I would recommend patience when meeting new people. A hobby group might be better if you are looking for new friends. It would cast a wider net being around multiple people at once. Personally, I find it much nicer to meet people organically as opposed to dating apps.

It takes time to develop strong relationships with people and no doubt they will have busy lives too.

Hi Anita

Thank you so much as well! ❤️

Yes, spot on about loneliness. I wonder what helps you to accept and value yourself?

To be honest, I don’t have much in the way of an identity. I’m a creature of circumstance.

In a way, having a child has been a gift. I went through similar difficulties no doubt to what my biological mother experienced and I didn’t lose myself in it like she did. I can see now, how different I am from her in the way that I’m raising my son. I am very lucky in that I have had a lot of help over the years, during the newborn stage and even the toddler stage. Without it, I might not have been so lucky.

Wow, that is a shame. I’m sorry to hear that she hated herself to that level. Does your face bear any resemblance to your mother’s face at all? I’m sorry if this is a painful question. You don’t need to answer it.

I’m so sorry that your mother wasn’t able to give you the love that every child deserves from their parents. Instead, she took out her demons on you… a very painful thing to grow up with, for she had many to do the things that she did.

I feel like the love a parent offers can be offered by others and it can be just as valid. It took me a long time to come to this conclusion. It was healing for me, to be able to acknowledge that and allow myself to feel loved by others.

Would it be okay if I say a prayer for your Mother?

I’m glad that expressing expressed and repressed feelings is helping you.

I was wondering, if there are any things that you enjoy or even don’t enjoy in communication with others?

I like to learn about others preferences and try to accommodate them. I would like to accommodate your needs and respect your wishes. ❤️

I know that some of the things I say can be interpreted differently from my intent and sometimes it can even be painful for people. I would not wish to cause you pain, and if I ever do. I hope that you communicate it, so I can apologise. I am trying to be more mindful of how I communicate, because I know that I can be too straightforward sometimes and it can be painful.

Hi Rosa

Lovely to hear from you! I look forward to reading more from you. If something seems interesting, feel free to jump right in. ❤️

Hi Lais

I just read your article. It’s beautiful that you shared your story and what helped you navigate those difficulties. I think you did a great job of covering most things already.

You raise a lot of interesting questions.

Sure, I feel like when challenges in life occur are when things become a bit unstable for me. Often it is required to come up with entirely new strategies for managing each unique situation. It is not so surprising that things are challenging when unsure of how to deal with them. I find that research and asking for help are useful. In this day and age, someone usually has an answer for most difficulties. I have learned to trust that specialists who dedicate their careers to helping in their respective fields are able to give some excellent advise.

I started off thinking that I hadn’t doubted. Upon reflection, I have. Sometimes difficulties are unexpected, scary and we judge ourselves. It was not my path that I doubted. Over the years I have doubted a lot of different things about myself, others or the world around me. It takes a lot to deal with that kind of doubt or lack of trust. Growing as a person and challenging myself until I felt more confident. Disproving unhealthy beliefs. Trying to understand why things happen. Being kind to myself.

How do I deal with others? It depends on the situation. When someone is having difficulties that I don’t know how to navigate, I believe it is better to let someone else who does feel confident step in or at least wait until I do know what to say. At other times, when people are sharing their emotions and experiences, I prefer not to share my own. At other times, what some people need is to not feel alone with these things and I do share.

Holding space during conflict is the most difficult thing for me. It comes from a fear of vulnerability and rejection. What happens if you put all of yourself out there and you are rejected anyway? I’m going to have to have a think and come back to you on this one.

Hmm what has helped to reclaim wholeness? Getting to know myself. Talking over things can be helpful. As someone who focuses more on others, I was surprisingly unaware of myself and have a tendency to ignore my own needs. There is a saying of talking to yourself as if you were a friend. For me, it works better if I think of myself as a daughter. Finally, I found that recognising that a judgement on wholeness in itself is the problem to be helpful.

Good luck on writing your article! Not that you will need it. 😊

Hi Anita

It is not easy, realising that a parent will die and you are castrated from them.

I don’t know if it is true or not, or even if this is something that you might be interested in. I don’t know if this might bring you a measure of comfort? In the Tibetan Book of Living and Dying there is a practice. Basically, it says that when someone dies, that a) they need people to pray for them. b) for 3 days after death the soul sticks around and they hear everyone’s thoughts about them.

I know it might feel like your love was fruitless. From my perspective, whilst your mother rejected your love, that love you have for her you also share with others. That is a very precious and beautiful thing.

It is lovely to see you reflect on love and trust. 😊

I think that love is an inherent part of all of us. The way I see it is that there are barriers or blocks hiding that love at times. Fear and anger for example.

Hi Anita

Same question to you! I feel like you can achieve anything that you put your mind to. ❤️

I’m glad that you find our conversations interesting. I do too! I find that talking to people helps me to process things. 😊

I’ve been thinking about emotions a lot recently. My son is entering the so called terrible twos phase early. I felt completely out of my depth because I didn’t know how to help him.

He tends to get upset really easily. Especially when he wants something. Or near his nap time. If you stop him from doing what he wants.

I went to a parenting class and found that helpful. It inspired me to do some more research about age appropriate emotional support. At such a young age, children are entirely reliant on their parents for help with regulating their emotions. The methods recommended at the moment are basically describing his emotional state, linking a cause and then distracting him. I was already doing the initial steps. The distraction really is key though. It surprised me how quickly and effectively it worked. It is pretty amazing that there are studies that can tell you the best way to help a child of his age.

It highlighted that a lot of the time adults are expected to take care of their emotions alone.

I have been doing some more research into managing emotions for children. It turns out that there is a lot more information for helping children with emotional regulation than there is for adults. I feel like a lot of it is still applicable.

I realise that I am someone who is in general sensitive. Watching a scary tv show before bed unsettles me. It also inspired me, so not all bad!