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AlessaParticipantHi Andy
I would agree that being on a partner’s Facebook page is totally fine.
Well done on respecting her wishes, even though it is difficult! It is a challenging time of year with Valentine’s Day coming soon.
It good that you recognize the difference between Calm Andy and Overthinking Andy. It can be hard to pull back from overthinking.
I read somewhere that uncertainty is what can be most difficult when overthinking. What do you think of this?
I cannot say what will happen next. But perhaps you are two individuals who have been through a lot of trauma and that is challenging for anyone to navigate. It is important to treat yourself (and her) with compassion and understanding.
No matter what happens, you are deserving of love! ❤️
AlessaParticipantHi Peter
I hope you feel better soon.
Love is an interesting one. I feel like a lot of people treat love as conditional these days. As you say, it is a cultural thing.
However, I do feel like unconditional love is really important and very healing.
Yes, I would suggest that being kind to people no matter how they treat you is important. Even if someone treats you poorly. I feel like it is a matter of principle – a desire not to compromise my values. Not to mention, very few problems are truly serious.
What do you think holding someone accountable means?
“To err is human.”
Everyone has flaws, but I think it is important to accept people as uniquely flawed individuals. It is impossible to get through life unscathed and we all bear the scars that come with that.
The trick is balancing these things whilst protecting ourselves and our loved ones whilst acknowledging that there is only so much that can be done as individuals.
AlessaParticipantHi Substantial
Hmm the difficulty with anxiety is it’s not rational. You describe your style of love as “over-giving”. Not everyone has the same standards or expectations. You say that she rarely complains about you. That is a positive thing and rare to find.
That being said, she might not be the person for you. You might just prefer to be with someone who is different from how she is and there is nothing wrong with that, if that is the case.
The difficulty being that everyone has flaws and no one is perfect.
The question is what do you really want? It is okay to be honest with yourself. When you are calm and not feeling anxious, how do you feel?
AlessaParticipantHi Andy
Well I can understand the concern about the tinder profile. Perhaps she isn’t lying to you and it is an old one? People can forget about these things.
But becoming suspicious and cyber stalking her because she has a facebook page is a bit of a leap.
I can understand why she needs some space because that is a betrayal of her trust in you.
It is difficult because both of you have experienced a lot of trauma in the past. Clearly this is bringing up a lot for you both.
I would recommend having a calm and honest conversation about all of this when things calm down.
It is really hard to trust people after everything both of you have been through. But not everyone treats people terribly. There are good people out there. You thought she was a good person? Try giving her the benefit of the doubt.
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