Forum Replies Created
-
AuthorPosts
-
AlessaParticipantHi Peter
Thank you, for your kind words. ❤️
I’m sorry to hear that you have difficulty forgiving and being kind to yourself.
You are such a kind person, with a beautiful soul, you have the ability for sure. Why do you struggle with turning that kindness towards yourself? ❤️
I feel like, I struggle with it too sometimes. I’m doing my best to improve it. I noticed that when I’m most vulnerable is often when I’m least kind to myself. I’ve noticed that negative thoughts in general, are a way to bully myself.
I’m sorry that your friend is struggling and doesn’t want to play at the moment. It isn’t your fault. I know that you are patient and will wait for her. I hope she feels better soon. ❤️
Beautiful stories, once again! ❤️
AlessaParticipantThanks so much, both of you! ❤️
AlessaParticipantOh I forgot to add patience. Classic!
The advice so far seems to be to consider why developing patience is important. Developing and using emotional regulation skills. And focusing on purpose.
AlessaParticipantHi Everyone
Loving the collaborative discussion! ❤️
These are all of the things I’m working on at the moment when it comes to conflict, but it is also helpful at other times.
Patience
Unrealistic expectations
Assumptions
Anger
Resentment
TriggersFor me, conflict is really complicated. I guess because I was never taught and because of my neurodivergence, I have spent most of my life completely unaware of things that people don’t communicate verbally. It wasn’t until having a child that I really understood how much of an issue it is. I’m trying my best to change that and learn a lot about other people’s experiences.
I’m pretty naive and not very observant. I often go into things expecting them to turn out well because I genuinely want them to and am surprised when they don’t. Unrealistic expectations. I’m trying to learn to be more realistic and understand the inherent difficulties of the natures of things.
You have pretty much said it all with assumptions Yana. 😊 Something that helps me with it is to pay attention to the outcomes of things. Noticing when there are worries and giving people chances to prove the fears wrong.
Another thing that my therapist suggested because I can find myself disproportionately upset sometimes, is to think of the worst case scenario. In the grand scheme of things. A lot of issues are not that serious. It helps not to make an issue out to be bigger than it is.
Anger and resentment. For me, the two go hand in hand. Buddhist and also my therapist taught me that the way through this is to have empathy for others experiences. It is hard to carry resentment when you care about deeply care about someone.
Triggers are a difficult one to navigate for me. I’ll have to get back to you all on that one. ❤️
AlessaParticipantHi Tee
I’m glad that you’re still able to enjoy your holiday despite the limited mobility. I know that struggle of adapting to life with limited mobility and trying to find new ways to enjoy life. ❤️
Thank you for sharing the experiences with your mother! That is good to hear you are less triggered when talking to her. Well done on getting past the learned conditioning from her and focusing on regulating your emotions!
I think that is incredible you don’t get weighted down by the interactions with your mother anymore. That’s a really significant achievement and so healthy.
It sounds like you’ve really got a handle on how to manage conflict with your mother. 😊
You are most definitely not evil, or a bad daughter for expressing your needs. You’re a pretty awesome person. I’m glad that you stand up for yourself. You deserve it! ❤️
Yes, I have definitely experienced losing friends and family because I won’t take sides. I’m just not a tribal kind of person and that rubs some people up the wrong way.
It is a shame when that happens, but it is what it is. I just move on when that happens. It really isn’t possible to have a relationship with someone who doesn’t want it. Believe me, I tried with my adopted mother. 😂
It is a shame because she was not willing to meet my needs or respect my boundaries. Her agoraphobia became much worse over COVID and unfortunately, she showed little interest in my family. I didn’t want my son to feel rejected by her being such an infrequent figure in his life, especially given that we live so close by. All I did was simply stop pursuing and she hasn’t bothered.
I’m an adult, I can cope with difficulties. My son is a sensitive child and I want to protect him from things like that. There are things that I can protect him from as a parent and things that I can’t. The less trauma he has to deal with in his life, the better in my opinion. Better now while he’s still young and doesn’t understand. Hopefully, he won’t even remember.
I wondered if I did the right thing recently.
Part of me wants to be there for my mother too. I understand her difficulties. It is not fair to him though. These things being so one sided.
Take care 🥰
AlessaParticipantHi Anita
I’m curious about what you mean about your honesty and vulnerability being used against you too. That definitely contributed to the misunderstanding. ❤️
Personally, I have only let moderators know when conflicts occur, so that they are aware of them. I have never tried to use anything against you. ❤️
AlessaParticipantHi Debbie
I’m sorry that you feel this way. I’ve definitely been there. ❤️
Would you like to share a bit more about it?
It is possible to heal from these things. I learned to like myself. It has been shaken. I’m trying to heal again.
AlessaParticipantHi Everyone
I’m also trying my best to deal with unrealistic expectations and assumptions when it comes to conflict. It is a work in progress…
It is hard when you are afraid of conflict sometimes.
Sorry again Anita! ❤️
AlessaParticipantHi Anita
Thank you for clarifying! I’m sorry for the misunderstanding. I’m sure you can see where the confusion occurred given the recent difficulties. I appreciate that you are committed to following Lori’s rules. ❤️
AlessaParticipantHi Lucidity
That is beautiful to hear that you’re teaching your children communication skills that will help them throughout their lives. ❤️
Thank you for sharing your experiences and perspective as a parent. 😊 It makes sense. It is easy to worry, but it is important to enjoy the present with them.
It seems like teaching my son to walk without a pram may sort itself out when he gets a scooter. His favourite thing right now is pushing his own pram. It helps him to stay focused and gives him something to do instead of wandering.
Today is a rough day. I forgot to take my medicine yesterday and I had a PTSD episode last night and didn’t sleep well. Then the stress today, plus toddler and puppy chaos. I could feel my temper rising. I managed to keep it down though. I’m feeling overwhelmed at the moment.
It is hard being a parent sometimes. Have you ever experienced anything like this?
I am trying to stay calm and reduce stress in my life. I just… don’t know if I can stay here with all of this going on. I’m just trying to hold things together for my son. I wish that I had stronger emotional regulation skills so I could cope with everything. I understand that these are just normal problems. It helped to see my son have fun playing in the mess he had made and of course try to pretend to tidy it up.
I appreciate your potty training advice. The difficulty is he doesn’t like sitting on the potty. He stays on it for a second then complains. The closest he has gotten is peeing on top of the lid of a closed potty whilst standing.
It is lovely learning from a mum who has been through it all before. ❤️
AlessaParticipantOf course, if you think I have misunderstood something and you would like to explain why empathy and words feel fake. I am quite happy to listen.
AlessaParticipantIt is okay to be hurt and angry. I am right now. It will pass. ❤️
AlessaParticipantHow I view you hasn’t changed Anita. I still see your inherent goodness. ❤️
AlessaParticipantOnce you see blame as difficulty interpreting and navigating a naturally complex situation and an immediate focus on what is right in front of you to explain this phenomenon. It doesn’t have quite the same impact. ❤️
AlessaParticipantWhy do I care deeply about these things?
Well, I have learned a lot about communication. Once you see hurtful communication as a misunderstanding or coming from a place where their needs are not being met and craving for their needs to be met it makes you want to treat them with kindness.
Of course, it is still important to have boundaries and take care of yourself. ❤️
-
AuthorPosts
Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine. 