Sorry, I didn’t see your reply until after I posted. I’m going to have to respond to it a bit later. Take care

Hi Little Buddha

I’m sorry to hear about the difficulties with your mental health and that your partner isn’t able to support you at the moment. It is not an easy thing to go through.

It sounds like both you and your partner are going through a lot right now. It certainly isn’t easy when you’re busy with work and kids. It can feel overwhelming and like there’s no time to process. This is especially difficult when it comes to mental health or feelings of stress because it is difficult to add more stress in that situation, especially when you believe he will respond negatively. You cannot get blood from a stone and trying to can make things worse.

Do you know what is causing your partner difficulties?

I would suggest keeping things low stress. You could probably get some of your needs met this way. You could probably get a hug. Or Spend a bit of chill time together.

It is possible to communicate your feelings a little bit at a time in a positive way. For example. Saying I miss you. Doing something nice for him. Then spending time together.

I’m feel sad about stuff from my past, can I get a hug?

Short and sweet is what gets the best results when everyone is struggling.

It is bonding with your partner that is the most important thing. Treating yourself and him kindly is very important when things are difficult.

It’s good to hear that you have a therapist. It might be worth trying medication, if you’re having difficulties coping even with a therapist.

In my experience, resentment is something that requires understanding your partner’s side of things. Life is hard sometimes, people have different needs and people do make mistakes.

It is okay to want and need things from your partner but at the same time it is okay for him to not be able to give it when he is struggling too.

It might be hard, but you will come through it stronger when you are able to manage your feelings without relying on your husband when things are too difficult for him to be able to be there for you. I hope that things get easier for you both soon.

Remember it is hard for him too right now. You are in the same boat together.

I find that relying on people who are in a place to be supportive is helpful as well. You are welcome to talk about anything that you would like, if that would be helpful to you?

Hi Anita and Jana

How were your weekends? I’m still doing okay. Thank you both for your kindness and support! ❤️

The article is really interesting, thank you for sharing it! I liked the model about the unconscious mind and the seeds. Bringing the seed of mindfulness to the other seed is a really helpful way of explaining these things.

This is all very true Jana, well said! Good luck with the inner child work. Not that you need luck. I’m sure you’ll find your way through the pain and come through it stronger than ever. ❤️

It is amazing to hear about your strength, development with self esteem and self compassion! You are certainly succeeding in making this world a better place for yourself and others. I’m glad you experienced a sense of calm and relief from your tics as a result of your inner child work. This is very promising! ❤️

I’ve gone down the road of avoidance, I’ve gone down the road of confronting my feelings. I find it challenging because I used to get lost in the pain. I try not to get lost in it anymore. Perhaps confronting and accepting are two different things. It is time to see my feelings in a more positive light.

Hi Drew

I’m sorry to hear that a medication caused you to speak your thoughts out loud. That is upsetting when it didn’t used to happen before. Does it happen often?

If you don’t mind me asking what was the name of the medication that caused the issue?

I’ve quite often experienced doctors not learning about the side effects of medications. It is entirely possible that it could be a rare side effect depending on the kind of medication.

They may also not be concerned because thinking out loud is a rather common behaviour. Certainly, it isn’t something that means anyone is crazy. I’m a thinker out loud too. I don’t really mind it though. When it came to a job that involved confidential information and working openly in the public I just practiced muttering to myself without the noise to avoid any issues. Humming a tune is also something I did instead. The internet recommends chewing gum.

It sounds like you handled the situation with the optician well, you were just a bit surprised. It is common for people to not respond in a usual way when they are surprised. I don’t think it’s necessarily a problem that they tried to help you, but they could have asked if it was okay first.

I can understand why you would want to manage your emotional responses when it comes to hitting things though. The easiest way would probably to pay attention to your mood and disengage from whatever situation is upsetting or making you angry before it gets to the point where you start to hit things.

Do you have any difficulties with sleep at all?

One of the most helpful things for impulse control is to sleep well. It might sound silly but research shows that being tired is just like being drunk, which also negatively affects impulse control.

The times when I struggle most with impulse control are when I haven’t been sleeping well.

Of course, managing stress is important too. People often act out of character when they’re stressed, as opposed to when they are feeling calm and relaxed.

I found the supplement L-theanine helpful for impulse control. It is an extract of green tea and promotes a calm focus (I was also having trouble concentrating at the time). Anti-depressants can also be helpful too. I understand if you are feeling unsure about taking medication after that experience you had though.

Beta blockers have also helped me to manage my emotions when things are really tough. It’s not a mental health drug. Just a blood pressure medicine.

When it comes to situations that you are aware of in advance, considering how you would like to act before you are in that situation could be helpful. Or if you are placed in an awkward situation and need some time to consider how to respond, excusing yourself and going to the bathroom so you can collect yourself can be helpful.

Splashing cold water on my face, massaging my neck and back of the head, yawning repeatedly are all things that science shows calm down the nervous system.

I wish you good luck with figuring these things out!

Hi Gabriel

Your love for your girlfriend, self-awareness and desire to seek solutions are commendable!

You mentioned that you are an extreme extrovert. Do you have anxiety and difficulties spending time with other people as well as your girlfriend?

Are there specific moments over text that increase anxiety for you? In person, can you identify anything specific that increases your anxiety?

Do you feel that there is pressure to move in together because you live 4 hours away?

If you don’t mind me asking, what has living with others been like for you?

It is clear that you care about your partner. Because of the combination of the extreme extroversion, the distance between you both and your care for your partner, do you find that during visits you have a tendency to push yourself to your limit or beyond it? Or do you feel like there might be another reason?

I would imagine that taking breaks and spending some time alone to decompress is essential for you. If you take better care of yourself and pay attention to when you are getting overwhelmed and take breaks when you need them before you are beyond your limit that might be helpful in curbing any unwanted behaviour.

I think what I have trouble with is letting go. Big changes are hard for me. It takes time for me to process and adapt. I do understand this about myself though.

Another thing I thought of in regards to strength was vulnerability. It is hard to be vulnerable. It does feel dangerous and takes courage. The way that I see it, doing the most difficult things takes strength.

I noticed that my definition of weakness was related to how I viewed myself in the past.

I was doing my best to just hang in there and stay alive, despite wishing otherwise. I didn’t want to hurt my sister by dying. I didn’t know how to get through the pain alone. I needed professional help. I did the best I could. And when I got the help I put my all into it. I can’t blame myself for that. I feel like these things are impossible to deal with alone.

I think that truly giving up would have been to kill myself. It might have been a horrible time, but I fought hard, managed to get through it and create a good life for myself. I have myself to thank for that. As well as the people who helped me. Life is a journey and values are an important part of life.

I agree that self-compassion needs to be felt. Love for others helps me to extend it to myself.

Hi Substantial

You don’t necessarily sound insecure to me. It sounds like you have some genuine concerns about incompatibility. You clearly care about her. But caring about a person doesn’t mean that you are compatible.

People don’t have to be bad to not be our person. And you aren’t a bad person because your needs are different to hers. That is a part of life. It is human to want a partner that can meet our needs. You deserve for your needs to be met and not live unhappily in a relationship that doesn’t meet your needs.

It is only through dating that you can get to know if someone is the right person for you or not.

From how you describe her she is able to take care of herself. I think that a break up would initially suck, as break ups do. She would be okay after that initial hump though.

It’s nice that she is trying to take extra care of you when she feels that you are upset. The question is realistically, practically what actions would you need her to take in order for the relationship to continue?

For example, you mentioned that she doesn’t visit enough. How often would you like that to happen?

Hi Anita and Jana

I really appreciate the little community that is building up here. 🙏

Yes, at some point in their life, I believe so.

It is very damaging when external validation isn’t received growing up, especially when criticism is involved.

It is important to go with the flow and stay flexible for sure. What about plans and rules makes you feel nervous Jana?

Strength

Emotional resilience

Overcoming difficulties

Being honest with yourself and others

Physical strength

Looking for help

Admitting when you have made a mistake

Weakness

Lack of physical strength

Something that someone is not good at

Doing the easy thing not the right thing

Success

Developing new skills

Working hard

Having everything you need

Living a good life

Being happy

Love

Failure

Not passing a test

A part of the learning process

Giving up

Living a bad life