First, thank you for the responses. I’ve had some technical difficulties which I now think I’ve overcome, which had delayed my responding, but that wasn’t for lack of interest or appreciation.

I realize that I may look at this through a lens of ego, or a lens of distorted beliefs to cite a different discipline, but I have to start with what I see. And what I see is a pattern of feeling the need to be noticed or appreciated (validated), followed by a lack of being noticed or appreciated often enough so that the need persists. I can’t seem to believe that I don’t need what I appear to need, or to believe that I can provide it for myself. So I’m stuck.

And Ketzer, I’ll admit that the little I’ve studied Buddhism typically stalled at this idea of no self. I think we’d all agree that we have physical bodies that need to be fed and sheltered and kept healthy. I think we have a spirit or mind or soul or simply an emotional system that needs to be tended to also. That system, in me anyway, hungers for secure sense of belonging and connectedness. I struggle with that. I struggle to form connection and to feel secure when I am connected to others. The validation I’m always looking for is really evidence that my connection to people is secure or that I have the traits needed to form connections. And maybe that’s desire or attachment, but it seems like it’s similar to the desire or attachment for food, or air. Not something that can be “thought” away. I don’t know.

This is the OP. Thank you to those who responded and I apologize for taking so long to respond. I had an awful time logging back in and so I created a second account. So…

Anita, although the circumstances are different, I can relate to your story. I had two very over protective parents and one hypercritical one. This left me doubting both my value as a person (thanks critic) and my ability to do anything about it (thanks overprotectiveness).

Pegasus63, thank you for the ideas. I have a few of my own I’m working with, but I’ll add those.