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Alice

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    Alice
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    …I am only 16 turning 17 in January. I still have a long life ahead of me for more relationships. I fell in love with a guy I met when I was 14. People criticize me saying “whatever your young that wasn’t love” etc but I really loved him and still do. He was my first so I feel more connected with him than any other guy. He made me smile and feel like I was good enough for once even after dating guys that were emotional abusive etc. I understand young people will go through relationships off and on breaks can be necessary for people to evaluate themselves and understand what they truly desire. I to put to much investment and love in a person…I to try to see the good in people but he was different then the rest of them I didn’t see anything wrong he was honest and he never abused me and I felt a tingling sensation in my stomach like butterflies were dancing when ever I touched him or he touched me. So we dated off an on for about 3 years a few months ago I had a harsh reality. It all started with pot. Pot was another way for us to relax and laugh etc but compared to me he seemed much more interested in pot. One day after he picked me up from school he told me the night before he hung out with this girl. I am not the type of girl who get judgement and angry off the bat in fact I just asked normal questions. I asked How do you know her? His reply “I didn’t I posted a who wants to smoke pot on the whisper app and she commented I didn’t know it was a she until she called me when she was on her way to my house” then I asked well what y’all do? His answer was oh we just smoked weed and watch movies until 6 AM in the morning” The conversation was starting to startle me! Like who just randomly meets someone to hang out for more than 5 hours at night? But I didn’t show my worry. I then asked when did she come over last night he responded with oh around 11 right after you said goodnight to me” Hmmm I asked was she cute he responded with yup cute mixed girl but don’t worry nothing happened then a week later my mom caught him over at my house alone she was not happy especially with the fact that she found pot in my room that was his. After he left my phone was taken away for awhile but I used friends phones to stay in connect with him….little by little he kept showing odd signs of guilt and then finally one day he broke up with me the way he did it made me question. He was high and he whispered looking to the ground I think we need a break. I said ok and of course he included that he wanted to still be friends. Two weeks later I still don’t have my phone and I am still pondering over that day I continue to find him trying to contact me through 1. My friend 2. My instagram He would start of with saying “Hey” I would reply with what do you want and he wouldn’t talk for awhile until saying nothing much just seeing what you were up to” His little texts were giving me more confused emotions then it all came together. My friend came to school asked me how much I cared about him and before I answered my friend told me that my ex was hanging out with him smoking pot and told him that he cheated on me and now has a girlfriend(The girl he cheated on me with). I cried so much I was so unhappy it all made since I felt betrayed. My friend then asked my ex that night why he didn’t tell me and my ex replied with “I want to keep my options open”? What does it mean he wants to keep his options open? Is it good he showed signs of guilt(some guys really don’t)? Do you think he will try and get me back? Why does everyone considered a person that cheats to be horrible for the rest of their life. I don’t believe that. What can I do to not seem like I want him so badly. How can I stop caring or move on?

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