Forum Replies Created
May 31, 2022 at 12:50 pm #401542
talking with you is a pleasure for me too.
i knew there was nothing going to happen between me and that guy and i knew if my bf reached out i would go back to him yet i let the guy give me attention and this probably gave him false hope so that’s why i think i’m in the wrong. also i still loved my ex bf so it made me feel like i wasn’t doing something right.
for the other thing; he actually had a tendency to believe he was right most of the time but it got better. taking the blame, apologizing and changing the behavior is something i believe we both learned in this relationship and we still have a way to go. we met when we were 17 so we’re experiencing it all with each other. he is a really proud person and him learning to put his pride aside when it’s about me, makes me realize he progressed but sometimes he still goes to his old ways and this was one of those times. him sleeping with another woman is absolutely relates to this problem. but he’s taking the blame on this. so yes, he takes responsibility for his behavior but he’s inexperienced with it.
yes, i don’t think another break up is in the books for us.
thank you for your insights. just in two days the change in my mentality is significant thanks to you.May 31, 2022 at 10:08 am #401538
first of all omg!! i’m so happy you made an account for this. i hope it brings you joy like it did me.
you understood how i’m feeling so well and reading your reply put a smile on my face.
“you will see that he didn’t sleep with the other girl because he liked her, or he wanted to disrespect you – but because he couldn’t bear the pain of losing you and decided to suppress that pain in an unhealthy way.” that’s what i’m thinking too and this actually makes it better and worse at the same time. did he really have to do the thing he believed i did? did he have to get out of his line just because i did? i just wish he stayed true to his self but he’s so easy to ruin himself and like you said, act foolish when he’s in pain.
i think we’re gonna have a big talk and i’m gonna let him know i’m still hurt and it will take time for me to heal. though i’m not gonna bring this subject up again later cause i don’t want to hurt him anymore and i think it’s not the way for me to heal.
and at the moment with your and anita’s advice’s i’m just feeling what it makes me feel. i’m not running away. accepting the pain makes me feel better once it passes. i already feel stronger. and it makes me happy that when i think of him i’m not only focusing on what he did but seeing him as he is.
there’s one more thing; i think i’m gonna stay away from sexual stuff for a while. it doesn’t feel right yet. doing anything other than sex was okay cause i knew he didn’t do those things with her. so i’ll just wait till i feel like it’s only the two of us again in those moments.
thank you so much your reply, you made me feel instantly better and i’m so glad you made your account!May 31, 2022 at 9:40 am #401537
1) the night i posted that story was the second time i saw that boy who flirted with me and we didn’t have a one on one conversation and i was home by 8 pm. afterwards as we saw each other more, i kinda felt like he had interest in me but i acted like i didn’t know anything cause i selfishly liked the attention and didn’t wanna lose that group of friends. i didn’t hide the fact that i was still not over my bf and wasn’t keen on starting anything new but i still let him give me attention bc it eased my heartbreak and i know i’m wrong for that. so no, i didn’t let him approach me romantically and there was nothing sexual throughout our “friendship”. this is actually something else that bothers me; after we started talking again with my bf, he asked lots of questions about this boy and i told him the elements of the relationship and how there was nothing going on and explained everything that was happening behind the scenes of what i posted. and i stopped seeing that boy cause it made my bf uncomfortable and i think him not wanting me to spend time with someone who likes me is understandable. what bothers me is the fact that he didn’t like that relationship at all and made sure i knew i did something wrong by spending time with him and doing domestic stuff at their (that boy and my friend’s bf’s) house even there were the four of us. all the while he hid the fact he slept with someone else even after finding out my ig stories were not reflecting the reality.
2) yes, i agree with you. now that i’m a little better i can see the fact that him getting it off his chest and me finding out should be better for us.
3) i did it bc every time those thoughts consumed me i wanted him to make them all go away, but i didn’t know how he could and he didn’t either so it made it worse. now i think it was a mistake and will no longer be bringing it up. you pointing it out too made me feel the need to apologize to him for the way i acted and i think i will.
4) you have no idea how much this advice helps me. i will absolutely do this and i just know for a fact it will help.
i’m sorry for the long reply and thank you for taking the time to read my post thoroughly and commenting further!May 30, 2022 at 7:58 am #401507
thank you for your words.
even though sometimes i feel like ignorance is bliss and agree with you, the thought of something like this being kept away from me is unbeareable.
i already started doing what you suggested and i’m really hopeful this is going to work. i’ll see how it goes in long term and check back with you! thank you again for giving me hope.