Hi Inky and Anita

Thanks for messaging back I was worried no one would.

The feelings and emotions are having a direct effect on my bipolar and thyroid which has taken me to a very dark place and no longer wanting to be here.  I lived with suicidal thoughts daily but this time I have taken actions and failed.

I just have never experienced emotions like this and its scary.  I suppose at a base level the woman I love just doesn’t feel the same and its hurts like hell.  She encouraged me to reveal my true feelings and when I did I said I have never exposed my heart and soul to anyone like this.   I asked her so many times to take it slowly but her bipolar was in mania and i cant see, call or text her as she is very poorly.

I feel pulled because I want to honour her request for no contact but I also wanna send her flowers and just say you know what I want you to know that I love you with all my heart.

Someone said to me recently that if I take one thing away from this situation it is that I can love and have experienced love – even if its painful today, next week or even next year.

I know with my bipolar I feel and experience emotions quite intensely and i am scared at the moment of breaking down, going manic again but these are just fears

I have been looking at meditation and yoga today but dont really know when to start.

I know I need to start loving Allen again as I have gone of the rails a bit.

46 years to find that special lady and to then only have 3 amazing days just doesnt seem fair

Allen