i neglected to say, i told her i thought she was the love of my life, still do and that i thought she and i would be together be able to be together when we got our lives together… i didn’t get any response to that.

i know it’s time to let it go and that’s what anyone who responds will say. much easier said than done though.

well, my story is very different but i understand your heartache. after not seeing her 6 months, i began dating a friend, we had known each other for the previous 11 or 12 years and after spending the night together, decided we liked each other and wanted to be together. we were both in positions where we had to move from the places we were living and had both just lost our jobs… we moved from michigan to florida on a whim after dating for a week. clearly not the most responsible decision, and as i recall telling my best (and mutual) friends, we’ve known each other forever, i can’t imagine anything coming between us now. how incredibly naive that sounds now.

she and i lived in florida with her best friend (a guy) for about 2 weeks before our fighting got me kicked out. we were on and off for months, both abusing alcohol to incredible extents, regularly having fights where she would scream at me, in front of neighbors and friends, at the top of her lungs, refusing to calm down and talk to me in a rational manner. she hit me, broke my phone, she had all my belongings in her car and threw nearly everything i owned away. it was a horribly dysfunctional, toxic relationship.

that all being said i was a selfish jerk, i wasn’t taking care of myself, wasn’t working,i was broke, i cheated on her (though it was, at least in part because she took home one of my best friends to stay at her house where i wasn’t allowed). she’s diagnosed at bipolar, but my friend who has know us both for years and is just shy of having his psychology phd thinks she has borderline personality disorder. whether or not that’s true, she and i both have issues, we’re both alcoholics, both have serious personal issues. it’s both our faults, we agreed we’re terrible for each other.

i left her alone for a week, moved home to michigan, decided not to tell her and that she would know when she cared enough to actually ask. on new years eve i decided to message her, apologize, told her i know i was selfish and that i hoped that us being apart gave her a chance to be happier. i truly wished the best for her… she said she was with someone else already, she hoped i suffered and she haunted my dreams. all i said in return was i still loved her and i didn’t care what she had to say to me or how spiteful it was, i just wanted her to be happy.

a week before we broke up she said she wanted to have a baby and to move to key west (florida). that’s how crazy she was, and i hate the term crazy, but i don’t know what else to say. nothing happened between her saying that and us breaking up that was upsetting except me being mad at her for driving drunk (we got pulled over, i was sober, the cop let us go and let me drive her home, despite there being an open beer in the car, which i didn’t know, it was dark, and i didn’t know she was drunk). and all of that doesn’t even begin to truly break the ice or exemplify how insane out relationship was…

yet i still love her and can’t her go. my friends who know her and about the situation hate her, my parents think she’s awful, and i still defend her because i’m in love with her, her and all her issues. even her mom, before we moved said “you know my daughter is crazy and she will ruin your life, you should stay away in your own best interest”. this girl almost got me killed, i was homeless, broke, everything you can imagine i suffered it all to try to make things work just to have her leave, the same night she said “i don’t want to bail on you, i love you”.