Hey thanks for the help, just wanted to say that last night I did end up booking the flight to NZ, and am looking to defer my enrollment to college. I spoke to a co-worker who is well traveled about my dilemma and he told me that I can’t let someone else stop me from doing what I want to do in my life. Really I was, no still kind of am, scared that I will come back to a financial mess. My SO is terrible with money and I really am the one who keeps are lives in check. He works and pays the mortgage but I pay the bills, buy the groceries, cook, clean, walk the dog, drive everywhere since he lost his license etc. I was just letting his shortcomings hinder me, or the fear of him failing stop me dead in my tracks and derail me from pursuing what I want. I read a quote that really struck a cord with me that said something to the effect of ” Do your choices reflect your fears, or your hopes?” and I think its incredibly sad that I had let the former dictate my life. Thanks for you advice anita and jess!