Thank you Tee for another great insightful message 💖

I’m not sure if you red my last message to Anita but I have to step back for a little while as some additional issues emerged and need to find strenght now to deal with all of that. I feel like drowning and can’t express it here as it could compromise my safety.

My internet is spotty but it looks like I manage to send the messages. I hope to be able to reply to your message very soon 🙏

Take care Tee and lots of love 🤗

Dear Anita,

I’m glad you’re better 🤗 I know that feeling too well and it’s not fun.

I alsi feel like I’m just enduring each day, trying to get by.

Thank you for exploring for me different options and places to find that special soul.

You still believe it is possible to find what I’m looking for despite all those setbacks and failed connections with men.

I will explore those podcasts and concepts much closer in the coming days. I’ll get back to you with my thoughts.

Meanwhile please try to relax a bit more 🙏 I know it takes a lot of mental efforts to craft a message and I appreciate you being here with me Anita 💖

Lots of warmth ✨️ and love ❤️

Dear Tee,

I’m sorry for my late reply as well. My connection was lost again, and I had no other choice but to wait and hope.

That is a thoughtful and delicate situation, and I thank you for raising some valid concerns.

I understand what you’re saying, and I know many men at this stage may not be interested in marriage again. But I prefer to stay hopeful and focus on those who truly value commitment and marriage — because such men do exist, and I would be even more unhappy to just accept someone with different goals and values.

I also feel that if I focus on men who are only looking for free-spirited or easy relationships, I would feel empty. It would feel like skipping an important stage in life — being a wife — especially since they have already experienced that with someone else.

Just to add Tee, the previous man I mentioned was dating and, as far as I know, didn’t have any financial obligations toward his ex wife’s son, but he did want to keep in touch with him, so there were more emotional obligations.

I’m curious though, how do you see a good way forward in this situation? What do you think would be the best approach?

Do you think I should soften my approach a little, or just focus on a specific kind of person — someone who truly wants marriage, not just companionship or a flexible life partner?

I’d love to hear what you think would be the best way forward.

Looking forward to your thoughts.

Take care Tee ❤️

Dear Tee,

Great to hear back from you!

‘ As for maintaining premarital purity, I guess you really need to look for someone who is on the same page with you, i.e. who will not try to lure you into living together too soon. They have to be on board with no sex before marriage, but also in being patient and willing to wait, because they value premarital purity, the same as you do. ‘
So look for someone who values premarital purity, not only agrees to do it for you, reluctantly.

Yes, being on the same page is crucial. I also understand that at this stage in life, when a man is older, he may not have prioritized this in the past. He may value it, but may not have practiced it before. If he truly respects and is willing to wait for me, I believe this kind of candidate is acceptable.

Regardless of whether he is religious or not, he should at least have those spiritual values and a genuine appreciation for them.

I wonder if our hearts can truly tell the difference between someone who is just playing along and someone who is genuinely serious?

Additionally, many men don’t see the point in marrying if there is no solid intention of having children.

‘ Well, it can be a tricky thing, because if you want the person to be different, to become “someone else” – because the way he currently is isn’t good enough for you – that might be a problem. Because we have to accept people as they are – I mean, their major character features – and not want to change them. ‘
I’m not talking about some small details and annoying habits they may have – which are not key features of their character. But let’s say you want to turn a shy guy into an extrovert, that’s going to cause trouble and tension. Because we’ll have unrealistic expectations on them, and they’ll feel under pressure to accomplish things, to fulfill our expectations, to become something they’re not. If you know what I mean? What kind of person did you want him to be, which he wasn’t being when you two met? ‘

I know exactly what you mean Tee, and I agree that we shouldn’t try to change someone, because in the end it won’t lead to a happy relationship. I believe that we really can’t change anyone unless the genuinely want to change (religion, bad habits, lifestyle etc).
In my case, what I realized is that he discovered what I like and value, and he tried to mirror that. For example, he noticed that spiritual life is important to me, so he started wearing spiritual accessories, going to places of worship, praying, sending me pictures from those places – so that was one thing. And I did not ask him to do any of that. He wanted to either make me happy or used it as a control tool.

The other thing was that I wanted him to be more successful, and that was the area of change that I encouraged. If he really wanted to create the life he had told me about, then that was essentially the only option – unless I was willing to accept him at almost the bare minimum.

‘ What kind of change was he promising? Was it related to his character (that he would become a different kind of person), or rather to his career and the success of his projects and suchlike? ‘

For example, he said he would work toward the goal of us being together, getting a bigger place, or possibly renovating the old one. But on the other hand, he always said that there wasn’t enough, that he couldn’t do more at the moment, and that we needed to wait for his project. He could not or would not take on any other tangible work projects. He was promising to improve his professional situation and living conditions, but in reality, nothing changed.

Regarding his character, I never demanded any changes. However, I didn’t like that when I asked questions, I rarely received a direct answer. Most of the time, it felt like avoiding difficult topics and being straightforward. I brushed it off as maybe being afraid that I would change my mind about him? Or just not wanting to be negative? I honestly don’t know.

‘ The question is whether he did it because he was hiding his true intentions and possibly wanted to take advantage of you, or he felt under pressure to “perform”, so to speak, to please you, to meet your expectations, and so he was lying/hiding the facts because he didn’t want to seem like a loser, for example?

Maybe a combination of both? Or maybe just wanted to find a woman to sleep with him and have a mate. It was difficult to see through. But as you said rightly, the last incident was a true reveal. In that moment, regardless of what he felt or what had been said or done before, he should have acted like a human being.

‘ Regarding the question about the wrong fear, I’m still thinking about it. I think the most important is to know what a healthy love and a healthy relationship looks like. To recognize abusive and manipulative behaviors. To know that we deserve certain things (love, respect) and not settle for people who don’t give us that. We need to know what the red flags are in a relationship, and if there are no red flags, we can proceed with more trust.
But I guess we also need to heal those things (emotional wounds) that made us lose faith in people who were supposed to love us. In people closest to us. We need to regain healthy trust in people. But for that, healing needs to happen. It takes time ‘

Yes, sometimes it feels like a circle that never ends. Especially nowadays, even when you can trust someone, you still need to be careful. You can’t trust fully, but you can’t not trust at all. Or maybe just wait till you have reasons to trust and not trust blindly. But then there is always someone who will break that trust, and you need to start the process of healing all over again.

Thank you again Tee, for listening, your kind guidance & getting to the core.

Talk to you soon I hope. Take care too, and lots of love dear 🤗 💓

Dear Anita,

It means a lot that you felt that shift and were able to connect with your younger self in that way. I completely understand what you mean – sometimes the awareness and empathy come in moments we don’t expect, and it can feel really powerful when it happens.

I’m so glad you felt seen and supported, and I want you to know that I feel the connection with you too. These things do take time, and it’s beautiful to witness you giving yourself that care and attention.

You’re doing such meaningful work with yourself, and it’s inspiring to hear 🤗
Anita, thank you for trusting me enough to share this 🌱

It is wonderful that this forum is becoming a place of little miracles…
Anita, I hug you tenderly and please don’t stop the amazing work with yourself and for others 💓

Dear Anita,

What a tender coincidence that this moment with your younger self happened just as we reconnected.

It makes me wonder if something shifted in you too, if our meeting again opened a space for both of us to feel and see things differently.

Sometimes connection has a way of quietly changing us, even before we realize it.

Reading your message moved me deeply. The way you put words to your experience carries such honesty and tenderness.

What you shared about seeing your younger self and for the first time, feeling empathy for her touched me profoundly. That moment of recognition, after such a long time of holding her at a distance, is powerful & so full of courage.

Anita your presence here, your willingness to speak openly and from the heart, is something precious. It means more than I can say to share this connection with you.

I can feel the depth of what you’ve carried, and the strength it took to begin meeting those hidden parts of yourself with compassion.

I feel like it is important to get in touch with that inner child and then let her go and find the peace she deserves. I’m still struggling with that too…

Thank you for trusting me with such a tender part of your story, and for reminding me how meaningful true human connection can be.

You are seen, you are heard, and you are valued my dear Anita.

A big emotional hug for you 🤗 and lots of love💓

No worries, thanks Anita, and take care for now!😊💖