Dear Anita,

Thank you for that quick insight. Yes, I remember him mentioning to me knowing a priest who is an exorcist too. Probably he already helped him before. And also the same priest gave him first holy communion at the very late age. His Italian parents gave him a choice to do it later.

The priest might be right as I also felt that by trying to contacting him, it will also help me to find the peace of mind as I wish for a better ending or no ending at all (rather a temporary brake till he follows with his promises).

Have a good day Anita
Hope to hear more from you whenever you can ❤️

Dear Anita,

Thank you so much! 🤗 I’ll read your message attentively tonight and reply to you tomorrow if that’s ok.

Wish you a very good day and I hope you’re feeling more rested today 🙏

Big hug Anita 🫂

Dear Anita,

Thank you for your quick reply 💖 I’m sorry for writing to you this late. I hope you do not have your notifications on so I won’t wake you up. I hope you can see it tomorrow 🙏

I love that analogy of a spider and a fly. I am that fly now which somehow got away or the spider decided not to eat her anymore. Or that maybe even that was his way to punish her and make her suffer even more.

You won’t believe what happened today! I’m still quite shaken after the way it all turned out. He canceled our Friday’s meeting at the restaurant and blocked me too!

Everything seemed ok this morning. He texted me and wished a good day. Then he mentioned having an online business meeting with man from abroad at 5pm and that it is the fault of politics that things are not moving forward in Europe. I’m copying to you the exchange of our text messages for better understanding:

Me: “Yes, those are 2 different events I believe but it was quite confusing as so many projects are open 😊”

Him: “Yes, there are many projects underway, now we have the projects related to institutions, but we are also moving to classic business to have income, what is related to politics does not depend 100% on us”

Me: “Yes, it seems like it is really hard to do anything there 😉”

Him: “Yes politically, France is complicated, and the companies that wanted to follow us cry because politics is slow, on the Italian side it is much more efficient. African level too, normally I return to China in June ‘parallel to that, we launch business unrelated to politics, that’s what we’re going to do later at 5 p.m.”

Me: “Yes, it can be complicated, but some of my previous coworkers organised events in Europe, and they had no problems. It took only a matter of days and to open a business normally within weeks. How is that possible?” 🙂

“And what about the project in Italy? If Italy is more efficient, what’s stopping them?” 🙃

Him: “but nothing is stopped with Italy on the contrary, I have trouble understanding where you are going with this. I would be surprised if your friends raised 4 million for a joint venture in China like we just did.”

Me: “Just trying to understand the delay.
Maybe it is easier to understand because you know the plan better than I do” 😊

Him: “ok I’ll send you the business you’ll understand that on one side you have the Asiatic government, if it’s long it’s because we need the agreement of a government, the Italians have everything good, they have activated the diplomatic channel, we have the investors, now the Italian government must validate”

This afternoon, I’m talking with Joh Mark who is this film producer, he produced, 200 million dollars budget, I’m sending you the presentation of my associate in France, we can see the topic of the film”

Me: “Ok, thanks…I will read it later. Will you talk with him on the video?

Him: “If your colleagues have set up a pizzeria or a rotisserie, it is normal that they earn money straight away, but these businesses take time, I sometimes have the impression that you don’t believe”

Me: “Not pizzeria 😃 they hold CEO positions, but your business might be different. I’m only asking because we were talking about our project yesterday. I think we need results soon 🙏

Me: Anyways, good luck with your meeting today
I have to finish few things. I hope to read your documents when I get home.”

Him: “Can you tell me what company they created?

Him: I just cancelled the reservation at the restaurant, I’m sorry, I need encouragement and not the other way around,

Him: I’m blocking you too, I don’t want to chat with you anymore, I think your colleagues have nothing to do with what I’m doing.
I’ve made enough effort as it is”.

That was his last message and he blocked me without even reading my reply to him. I did not expect that to happen. I thought it is normal to discuss the project and its future. But blocking me was cruel (especially after such a long time).

Anita, what do you think? Did I push him too much? He always says similar things about this project. Was I write to challenge him a little more than the usual: “I hope it will be fine…”

Do you see any reason for blocking me? I don’t feel that I offended him in any way. I just did not want to go along with the same version. I wanted to see if there was any progress in sight.

I don’t know why but I feel that I cared about him more than I thought.

My reaction is a prove to me that in the end I did not really care about his financial stability, looks or having a house. I just wanted to be with a kind soul who sees me. I liked him for being there and that for the first time in my life I did not have to chase after a man. Do you think it was a tactic to get me attached?

And as you rightly said the proposal threw me off balance. For a brief moment I felt that I do matter to him and that he had real feelings for me. For a brief moment I believed that my struggle is over and I can be happy again.

But you’re right Anita. How could one such message create such a change in me and forget all the confusion and lack of clarity?

I’m feeling hurt right now and actually quite guilty for talking too much 😌

I was hoping to keep things friendly but got really surprised that he blocked me without hesitation and further discussion 😕

I do not really know how to cope emotionally…you were so right when you mentioned the emotional investment before. I was not aware of that and what impact it may have on me in case of rejection. It feels awful. I really regret saying to him anything today…

Maybe it is not meant for me to have that loving home. Maybe it is true that children carry the chains of their parents. The heavy energy and paying for their past (or even other family generations). There was a spiritual podcast about this. Do you believe in that Anita?

I just want to express my gratitude for all you are doing for me. I wish one day I can repay you somehow…

I’m looking forward to your message whenever you can 😊

Wish you a peaceful night Anita 🌙✨️💤

Dear Anita,

Thank you so much for such an amazing support and being so empathetic with me. I feel that I can count on you in this life’s hardship. You are there and you follow up on your word which gives me hope every day.

You’re a real blessing to all of us in this forum 🙏

So many new emotions and memories are coming up to the surface. I would not be able to deal with all of that on my own.

Your understanding of the situation resonates with me and I know that if I don’t change something now, I won’t be able to live. I need to do something before that darkness comes back again and the circle repeats. I don’t think I’ll be able to deal with another break down. My mind and body are so tired.

I’m also afraid to live on my own and my family fuels that believe saying that women who live alone are mostly attacked or killed as there is no one to save them. I try to rationalise this statement but the fear is there and the guilt to move out.

Thank you for crafting the message for me Anita! This is exactly 💯 what I need to say when the moment is right.

Anita, I received another message from that man and he invited me to a restaurant on Valentine’s day as he wants to speak with me and ask more questions. I wanted to change for a different day but he got sad and insisted on that particular date.

I agreed to that. So maybe it will be better to talk to him in person than by text? But will it be a proper manner to say it on Valentines day?

He told me to choose a place and I made a choice but he told me that the one I’ve chosen is with some music and he wants a romantic place. Then he refused all places I wanted to go to because they were not romantic enough. He proposed another one and I accepted then told me that he can’t take me there. I believe he called them and probably it was too expensive. Then texted me that he made a booking to a different restaurant.

Why did he ask me in the first place if he decided already? And why he could not plan it properly?

Most places are booked far in advance. I don’t feel that it is someone who likes planning. This doesn’t give me the credibility and responsibility that I always longed for in people near me.

I also don’t feel like talking to him too much in a restaurant as most likely it won’t go anywhere and my health might get even worse from additional stress.

When I proposed a different day, he did not seem to care if I’m tired. He was not happy and told me that he can’t as he will travel to an event. Then once I accepted his invitation to the restaurant, he also invited me to travel to that event with him (only one week before the event). I refused saying that it is too late to go on a trip far away and he should tell me before.

Is is someone who is just spontaneous? Or actually someone who lives like a teenager and changes from moment to moment?

Anita, did I make a mistake in accepting this invitation to the restaurant on Valentines Day? I did not want to hurt his feelings and especially on that day. It was an impulse to agree and say yes to him. What would you do in my place?

Maybe I can meet him and say those great words you crafted? Or just tell him to remain friends now and meet from time to time until his situation improves? Or do not meet at all until he shows me that he is ready? So many options here…

I hope you’re having a lovely Sunday.

Anita, your support means a world to me and I’m looking forward to hearing from you soon 💝

Hello Psychicramdev,

Thank you for sharing your thoughts. I completely agree with you. But this approach only works with more traditional and serious minded men. Most men in Western world want some kind of romantic expression within a short time.

I believe in a friendship till marriage and I seem to be a rare exception here. I feel that I do not fit into this modern world.

Have you any experience with courtship in Western world? I would really appreciate to know more about your approach and I’d love to learn how to survive in this world.

Thank you 🙏

Dear Anita,

Thank you so much for your amazing understanding and explaining my situation in details ❤️ I can see that repeating pattern clearly. And the fear that stops me from moving on and choosing the right person in my life. I feel that I should not trust people easily and first check their credibility. I am afraid that I will miss the good person because of my fear and building the walls around me.

Thank you for all your kind words and seeing the good in me. Thank you for being the reason for me to stay a little longer on this Earth. Every day is a real struggle of staying or going. You are also a very special woman who’ve been through a lot in your life and dedicated her life to help others. This is beautiful.

The man messaged me again but did not apologise for his behaviour. He says that he wants to continue our project and that he will join his friend and maybe even open a business. Could it be another way to pull me back again and convince me that he will change? It looks like his mood has changed and he seems to be positive again.

But he made it clear that he prefers to meet without my mother. He also proposed to travel with me somewhere abroad. I replied that it has to wait once we have more security and commitment.

My mother was right about him but you’re right saying that it is the same cicle of untrustworthiness and in a way my childhood trauma repeats with her.

She is very bossy at times and knows my soft spots. She reminds me a lot of her brother who used to abuse me emotionally when I was a child. He was looking for fight all the time. He was loud and I was so scared to even breath in his presence. Now I know that it is called domestic violence. But I had to be quite back then…I still feel the pain and see the similarities.

Although my mother protected me physically from him she failed at protecting me emotionally. She told me to be quite and always hide in my room so he can’t hear me. I wasn’t even allowed to open the fridge and had to ask for permission to watch a cartoon. I’m sorry Anita but those thought somehow appeared to me while writing to you right now 😞

You are so right about the promises being broken. I remember that she kept saying for years that we will leave and that she has enough. But somehow never did. She kept coming back to that house.

Then one day her brother demanded that she signs at notary and gives him her part of land and house. It was a house where I grew up and had my most memories. Her siblings refused to give theirs but she convinced them that they all should sign, so they did. The exception was that they all had their independent places to live and I had not. She could easily sell her part and buy something for us. I begged her to not sign but they left me alone locked up in a car so I could not go there and talk. I remember being so heartbroken and crying for days. How can I forget and forgive her Anita?

Now my mother and her siblings regret their decision as my uncle forbid us all from entering his and his wife’s property. They lost contact and he is laughing at them. Lots of drama Anita…can you see the whole picture now? I thought I escaped one abuser but she replaces him now in so many ways…

I told her that I’m looking for a place and a way to brake free as I’m not feeling well. Her reply was to go and she will know how to end her life and that I should think of giving away the dog. She has some work outside the house and she can’t take the dog with her. For her defence she tried that but people at her workplace refused it so I had to stay home and could not travel.

So clearly she won’t let me go without feeling guilty or hurting her feelings or the dog’s that I really love. What can I do? It seems like a situation without an exit. There will be suffering for all of us if I decide to leave…

Back to him, he told me before that he has a very close woman friend who he knows for many years and she always advises him what to do. I expressed my dissatisfaction with that and that he shares my pictures and our conversations with her. I felt abused in some way. Would you feel the same way Anita?

After that he told me that he needs to find out more about my job and that I should keep my own basis and not count completely on him. I had an impression that he is looking for someone willing to contribute financially in order to have a house. He has sent me many appartment and house adverts and asked which one I like. Then once I told him he said that he had no money to buy and that his work wouldn’t allow him to take a mortgage or loan. Why is he even showing it to me? I’m confused…

I think that I will stop seeing him for a while as I’m quite a wreck right now and also because I do not feel good after what has happened.

Shall I tell him that I need some time and that we can stay friends but he needs to make progress? I don’t want it to sound hash or hurt his feelings in any way. What would you reply to him Anita?

Thank you again dear 😘

Im looking forward to your message.

Have a peaceful night 🌙 😴

Dear Anita,

Happy New Year! And welcome back to the blog 🙂
Yes, it’s been a long time since we last spoke, and I’m glad you’re here now.

There is still no news from Tee. I hope she is doing well. She was an amazing support for me last year, and I hope she will come back to the forum in good health. I can’t thank her enough for what she’s done for me.

You’re both great to all of us, and it is nice to have a perspective and opinion from both of you. Especially when it comes to matters of the heart & the connection with our childhood/parents.

Thank you Anita for going back in time and including all the timeline of my struggles. I highly appreciate that. You highlighted all the most important issues and helped me to see things in a different light now.

I’m so sorry to hear that you had to go through the same with your mother and the constant comparing with your sisters must have felt awful. We can relate to each other’s stories & help each other to understand some aspects of those unhealthy dynamics. I used to think that it was normal & that all parents or relationships are like that (hot & cold) and that everybody fights and we just need to go through it. After joining Tiny Buddha & speaking with you & Tee, I don’t think so anymore. I know that it is not right and we should not tolerate it. Although I feel stuck at the moment, I know that I do not deserve that treatment and that we were victims of adults who abused us & did not want to give us a better life (despite pretending & saying otherwise). And now potential partners might continue this toxic circle with us (if we let them).

I can clearly see the connection between my relationship with my parents, the environment I grew up in & my romantic love life (or lack of it). And now between my relationship with my mother & men who I’m letting into my life. Even if I know what’s wrong, living together affects me in a very negative way. There are periods of smiles and good moments but I can feel that it won’t last as she will get moody again, searching for a fight, and the blaming, and complaining will start again. I need to escape somehow…

I haven’t had a good experience with the therapy (mostly because I felt even worse after the session) and I do not have much choice as I live in a very remote area. So I have to deal with it on my own.

I feel that you’re very right in saying that I’m looking for a man to remove me from her control. I’m looking for someone to escape to and it is not the best idea. Isn’t it? I feel that I’m accepting men who are not right for me and trying to force myself to like them. I feel hopeful with every meeting but also desperate to make things happen as soon as possible (but also fearful that the man might be a wolf in a sheep’s skin). Did you feel the same way Anita?

I feel that I do not have a good screening system when I’m meeting new people. I let them steal my time and energy & then feel drained after the interaction. For example, the last man I met online seemed to be nice & respectful (although I do not feel much physical attraction I decided to focus on his character & values) but it felt like he was leading me on regarding his work project. He is in his mid-50s but still doesn’t have any stable work. He is talking about an imaginary project in Asia but there is no progress after 4 years and he is asking me for more patience or if not, to look for a different man.

He showed me an official letter from a cultural center but refused to send it to me as it was confidential. Do you think it could be true? It is not a work contract or any other legal document. Anyone could have written that. Maybe he was afraid that I could verify it? Also when he talks about this project it sounds like a recording. He repeats himself all over again. Is that a sign of any illness like autism or it could indicate that he is making things up? There is actually no plan in case this project fails as he is not keen on working in an office. Is there any way that I could verify his identity?

The story about his parents seems unrealistic to me as older people of religious, Italian descent would never let cremate themselves. And even in the rare case that they would, there would be some kind of sign or name left after them. Unless they were not Italian and he is hiding his real origins and pretending to be religious/spiritual to impress me. How could I find out the truth without offending him?

Does that seem suspicious to you too Anita?

He wants to progress once the project is successful but I do not feel that I can trust him. I’m also afraid to waste more time as it might take a long time. I don’t have that time. What can I say or do to clear things up?

I even suggested that if he is not sure about his project, he could sell his small apartment (his parent’s apartment) and buy somewhere closer to my work (as he doesn’t commute). He told me that he can’t as the apartment is not worth much and the other apartment is on the mortgage (needs to find someone to buy it off of him) and someone is renting it. Probably this is his only income if the story is true.

He thinks that I should move to his place and go to work from there (which is almost 1.5h or more and one way). I felt that suggestion was very inconsiderate of him. What do you think Anita? And what would you agree to any of this?

I appreciate your support & being there in those dark moments of my life.

I hope to hear from you & Tee very soon.

Have a beautiful day Anita & please stay with us 🙂
Kind regards
Dafne

Dear Tee,

That’s fantastic news! I’m glad to hear that you are taking time off for yourself.

Thank you for replying and letting me know about it. Let’s talk more when you’re back 🙏

Have a wonderful holiday and please come back soon with your news! 😊

Have a safe stay 🌊🏖☀️

Big kiss 😘

Dafne