Dear Tee,

I hope you’re having a peaceful day and that your health continues to improve. I’m so happy to know that you’re here with us. Thank you again for your presence and for sharing this journey with me.

Did you try any holistic methods to support your health while you were away? I’ve learned that there are retreats made for different health needs, and they can help with anxiety and other health challenges. Also for couples.

When we last talked, I was torn and had no idea what to do with myself and all those negative emotions. The pressure was enormous, and my health started to suffer even more. That was the time when the new man appeared in my life, and I became even more confused by his identity and what he does in life.

Things started to pile up, and I just felt like escaping somewhere immediately, despite the fear.

So, the retreat I’m referring to is rather more of an ascetic center. It reflects a different atmosphere – one of simplicity, discipline, and focus. It was rough and basic, but authentic at the same time. I want to move on to the next stage for a much longer time, but I’m not sure if I could do it without missing the connection, and also without feeling a sense of guilt.

To answer your question regarding the patterns, they appeared to be triggered by a few different factors. The anxiety hit me stronger when I came back. It might be a mixture of being in an emotionally unstable environment, living in the past, meeting that con artist again, and a dangerous next-door neighbor.

I believe that I didn’t mention that in my past post that for a long time we’ve had troubles with a mean, and as it recently turns out, a dangerous neighbor. It is a very bitter and hateful person towards animals and all people in general. Due to some law regulations in state laws, she can’t be evicted, despite being reported to the police before. This neighbour’s actions recently went beyond my belief – I still can’t wrap my head around it.

Recently, she threw a bucket of dangerous chemicals on us and our little dog as he did a little pipi on our balcony (not hers). Luckily, I was able to wash the poor thing off before it was too late. I was shaken for days and still am. She could easily harm me or others as she told us to go to the balcony on purpose. Unfortunately, many of my clothes, flowers, and other property were irreversibly damaged. It took us days to clean, wash, and get rid of the bad odor. She, of course, denied it all and blamed another neighbor. Can you believe that?

That neighbor lives alone and seems to exist only to stalk people, disturb them, criticize them, knock on their doors, and make them feel anxious. Other neighbors told me that they also feel like she takes pleasure in other people’s suffering, laughing when causing harm, and they are unable to defend themselves as they are afraid for their kids and family. Many have left already, and new neighbors come and go.

That incident triggered severe anxiety, we still can’t sleep normally, and constantly feeling unsafe. So yes, Tee, it added an unbearable tension at home too. The fear that she might harm us is always present, and the police can’t do much.

On top of that, I feel caught in my mother’s swings between occasional moments of kindness, good advice, and care, and then harsh judgment and criticism. It might come from the fear of getting older and her inability to change the place she lives in right now. Life was hard for her, too, and she did not really enjoy it.

My father, on the other hand, lived to the fullest and did not care about anyone but himself. He has not contacted me since last year. The last time we spoke was when I called him and he told me about his health problems and that it is ok for children not to have it easy in life. Even if legally he told me I am entitled to some of his place (shared with his ex-wife?? or still now wife? and her adult child) I am not interested and I can’t trust him either.

Regarding my mother, I am not entirely without blame, either, because whenever I hear her criticism, I find myself trying to protect myself by reminding her own bad choices. But most of the time, I’m trying to stay silent, just like during my retreat.

Then I reminded her that it was she who made the wrong choice for her life partner and also gave the piece of land to my abusive uncle, her brother. I can’t understand that till now. Maybe she wanted to forget that place, and her brother was manipulating her into signing the documents for his own gain? Maybe she was weak just like me right now? Anyways, those past hurts come up in our conversations, and it spoils the mood completely.

What I’ve noticed is that if I tell her that I need space and quiet, she keeps talking and telling me about her old age and that I’m going to be alone…and it is really scaring me. And when I shut down, she needs that connection, and I don’t, as I get very overwhelmed and my health issues worsen. How to break that pattern?

Also, seeing that man at the event gave me hope that something has changed, and it is a sign from Heaven that we met that day. I asked him why he had not contacted me sooner, and he said that it was because he felt that he could not give me what I deserved. His friends said that he is a good man and cares about me. But can’t give me what I want. This added to my confusion about him and made me feel sorry for him. Is it possible that all three friends are wrong about him? Or were they just in it together? I thought that he felt unsuccessful and less worthy, and just gave up on us. Maybe his pride did not let him be entirely honest? This was not a good excuse either. But all of this covered my judgment and made me give him another chance.

And yes, Tee, she has accompanied me before to make sure I’m safe. Those men were not known to us or our family, so I did not mind it. Also, in our culture, parents can assist till things get serious. Once there is trust, we do not need that anymore. But all those men seemed to be bad news.

I completely agree with you regarding that man, and I could not find the right word for him, but you did. Scammer is spot on! He was buying more of my time, pretending to be someone else.

I really appreciate that you were able to see both sides of the coin – the way you described the situation, noticing some positive aspects of my mom’s behavior, as well as some things that might be unusual, perhaps due to cultural differences and closer influence of a parent, and maybe controlling tendencies with a bit of selfish intentions. It could be both. I truly value how openly and thoughtfully you approached it.

Thank you for your compassion, Tee, and for seeing my experiences with that man from all different angles. I can now see clearly what kind of man he is. That inner voice told me to say the right thing at the right time. It was indeed the voice of my True Self. You’re right that finding my true self and cultivating it is the next healthy step I could take before finding romantic love. I feel like most men are not interested or afraid to start with friendship. I will select those who are. I will not open up too much to them and just say that I’m focusing right now on my professional projects and only have time for friendships at the moment. What do you think, Tee? Would you say something else?

Your final, gentle words made me feel so warm inside and gave me a little bit more courage to try again.
Thank you for your guidance and help in navigating difficult situations. I am deeply grateful for your wisdom, patience, and care.

I hope to hear from you soon, Tee. Your thoughts are always welcome, and I truly value your perspective.

Have a beautiful afternoon,

With kindness, gratitude, and affection
Dafne

Thank you dear Anita!
Talk to you very soon 🤗

Big hug
Dafne

Thank you dear Anita. Please take your time.
Have a lovely weekend & talk to you later 🤗💝

Dear Anita & Tee,

How are you both doing? I decided to write this message to both of you together as we went through all of this as a team 🤗

First of all, I’m really happy that you are back to forum Tee. I was worried about you a lot. I know that you went through fragile moments health wise. How are you keeping now?

I don’t know if you’ve red my last trail with Anita about escaping, but I managed to disappear for a while to the silent retreat. I can’t write too many details about it as it could breach their policy, but I’ll try to share my experience with you. That’s one of the reasons I did not reply to you sooner. I was still away…

How are you Anita? Anita came to my rescue, and I can’t express my gratitude for the empathy and care she offered me back then. You both are wonderful women, and I feel a big gap when one of you is not there. But I understand your own struggle and how hard it is to be present fully for yourself and for others.

Anita, I promised you that I will be back with some news, and here I am.

I successfully completed the trial period before the final long-term stay, which I’m hoping to do once I fix the issues at home. The schedule was strict and mainly involved prayers, meditation, and hours of being silent. No technology, no Wifi at all. I’m telling you it wasn’t easy at first, and I felt like sharing it with you.

It was really hard regarding basic amenities, and the creepy crawlies gave me another anxiety and fear to sleep.

At the same time, it was amazing how people talk only with eyes, smiles, and kind gestures in a very modest and remote environment.

There was no comparison, no criticism, no gossip, no chaos, only simple human beings and Universe.

Have any of you ever gone on a similar retreat?

Then a strange thing happened…

Anita, do you remember when we decided to finish things off with that last man who did not have stable work?

After my retreat, I went to an event and guess who was there? Yes, I met him again by chance. He was cold as stone and had an attitude of being offended. Somehow, we started to talk, and he was sorry. He did not feel like contacting me as I was looking for someone more successful. Basically, he felt that he was not this man.

He introduced me to his friends (men he was collaborating professionally with). All 3 of them without stable work *freelancing with many projects in mind but with no sponsors and no money to invest. Anita you were right about the foreign project and the engagement ring too!

I don’t think Tee knew about this man, and this new experience. The big project did not work due to political and financial reasons. Now 3 new projects in sight but no contracts are signed. All in one, nothing has changed.

He still kept grudges towards us, asking him to find any job that gives him the possibility to take on morgage or at least to afford renovating his old flat. Also grudged against the boyfriend of his old woman friend as he did not believe in his project either. He was mocking his job and saying that her boyfriend had basic work without meaning. I said that it is not nice to say that behind their backs, and at least he is working hard.

He invited me to the restaurant but I hesitated to order any extras as it seemed to me that it was too much. He doesn’t give straight answers to many of my questions, so I did not ask. Was it because he did not want to spend on me more or couldn’t afford extra veggies or chips? In the end, I took chips, which we shared. Before the order, he said that he didn’t want any 😅

I’m not sure if it was an important detail, but it felt off, and the same thing happened before.

He says that he has enough of everything for himself and doesn’t need to work more. Only with me in his life, he feel like he needs to work more to afford things. I feel like a vilan who tries to make him work more to take on mortgage or to renovate his old flat. Were my expectations reasonable? It is normal to share everything after marriage, but now is actually time for him to prepare and have at least savings for the future. How will he ever receive the retirement or payslips? How he wants to be a responsible husband with projects that are not even there. He will struggle without a little plan now…

Regarding the engagement ring, he thought that I wanted traditional engagement with a ring and date, but he rather wanted to move in together and maybe have a baby! 😆 I said, “That’s not gonna happen “.

Anyways, I was trying to be empathetic and gave him another chance. He invited me to see gardens in the city near my place, and I accepted. Unfortunately, everything felt apart that day.

I texted him that I would come a few minutes later as I needed to collect some documents from my work. So, I told him not to rush and meet me a bit later. He agreed and said not to worry.

My mother started complaining as usually and it made me really stressed. Then my GPS guided me to the wrong road that I never used, but my mother assured me that it was ok and to keep going. I started to feel very fearful as we suddenly went on the motorway, and it was my first drive on it. Luckily, my mother was calm, but we got lost, and I stopped on the sideroad, in the middle of nowhere. She felt sorry that she kept pushing me to drive on the motorway and was quite supportive when I panicked.

I called him and explained the situation. He was waiting for me in a city near by. Maybe 10 minutes away but it was quite hilly and many crossroads with fast moving traffic. I got lost on the motorway and could not find my way to him. I asked for his help. He told me that I live nearby so I should know where to go. I was in a remote place so he could not pick me up. I understand that as there were no signs, no names to help him find me.

But I don’t understand why he did not wait for me? I asked him to, but he did not want to and left. I told him that we will not meet again. It was my first reaction to his lack of understanding, empathy and coldness. What would you do or say in my place? Was it the right decision? Why was he so unhelpful? What can I do now?

He did not contact me since that bad incident. Was it because he poorly manages stress and his reaction is to escape it? Or was it because I told him we will not meet again? I felt so embarassed, very disappointing by his behaviour, sad etc…lots of different emotions. Why he did not want to at least wait for me? When I asked he replied that he has 3 projects to work on (on Saturday afternoon?).

Thankfully a couple drove by and stopped to assist us. The man without too many questions and hesitation, took charge and found the way back and told me to follow him. He guided me to the main road, and then I could easily come back home. It was a miracle! I told his companion that their both very lucky to have each other. Things could have ended badly as there were no people around and who knew who could stop…and he knew that some strangers will help us but still did not wait for me or ask if we got back safely.

Those were my personal reactions and feelings. How do you see that situation?

The retreat was quite helpful, but I feel the old, fearful patterns are coming back and stealing the peace I felt over there…

I’m sorry to write so much, but I thought I could at least share some updates with you.

I hope you’re both doing well. How is your summer going so far? I imagine that being on this forum could feel like a full-time job at times. Did you both manage to take some holidays or at least relax a bit?

I am looking forward to hear from you both soon. I miseed you! 🥰

Dear Anita,

I hope you had a lovely Easter brake 🐣🌿

The sun is back and birds singing around make everything better. I’m glad that you also think that it is a good idea. And thank you for your encouraging words despite the fear in my heart.

I will also cherish our conversations, your beautiful kindness and loving support ❤️ you are an amazing woman Anita and I can’t even imagine this forum without you. I’m hoping to really apply your advice and be able to move on one day towards a new, happier chapter. Let’s see where this journey takes me…

Please also take care of yourself and I’m very happy to know that some of my reflections could help you on your journey as well.

I will never forget you dear and hope we’ll talk again once the time is right 🤗💖

Thank you for being there for me! 💯🌻

Big, big hug Anita 🫂 and lots of love. I will miss you…

Dear Anita,

Thank you very much for your sweet message 💖 I’m also very grateful for our beautiful and compassionate exchange 🙏 I’m glad that it helps you too in some ways and the mutual guidance and care makes us feel better 😊

I really like how you explained the old quotation and that the feeling of gratitude in the moment shall be stronger than the fear of tomorrow. This is really powerful Anita.

The way you look at the differences between people in carrying different burdens in life is also remarkable. And sometimes it has nothing to do with us directly (like your example with industrial pollution). So there is no fixed formula in life and the rest will remain a mystery until we die.

You also mentioned the danger of unprocessed emotions which is very true. I’ve been doing that for years now. I was afraid of my own feelings and thoughts for so long. It was easier to keep them away back then but somehow they kept alive and came to the surface in the most unexpected moments of our lives.

And yes, Anita I believe that it could be a matter of perspective because all of us go through some kind of struggles in life (smaller or bigger). But maybe it was easier for some to deal with them as they had loving support all along their lives.

Today I had another surprising discovery. The therapy lady that I told you about refered me to someone who knows places for people that need a refuge. It could be a sign for me to escape and change the environment.

I’m starting to think that the best option for me now is to move out to a monastery or a temple and participate in a silent stay. I would spend time in prayers without any words and direct contact with people for a very long time. It could help me to forget and forgive.

Some people stay there till the end of their lives, helping around but leading a peaceful life. Have you ever been to such a place Anita? Would you agree with me that it is the only good option for me right now?

Anita, you are an amazing woman with a beautiful heart. Sharing your warmth and kindness is a real blessing and enrichment to my life and people on this forum. Thank you seems not to be enough ❤️

Have a good day dear,
Warm hugs back and lots of love 🤗🫂

Dear Anita,

Thank you for always being there for me, no matter what. I’m incredibly grateful for your unwavering support. It has helped me through so much. It means the world to me!

Thank you for your constant encouragement and beautiful words of praise. I couldn’t have done it without you.

You believe in me, even when I doubted myself. Your support is invaluable.

Yes, there are up and downs at home and I agree with you that if it was all bad I would escape one way or the other. I feel that I need some safe shelter with less contact. This could assure more respect between us and limited control over my life decisions.

I love how you interpreted those universal laws. It makes more sense to me now. The change will happen gradually. Your example of the seed and a plant is amazing Anita.

And it is true that I’m on this forum since a very long time and unfortunately I feel sorry that I could not bring more happy news with me. I know that I’ve made a huge progress with your help but I want to do more. Sometimes I feel that some invisible chains hold me back and I can’t move on with concrete action plan.

I’m trying to apply as much change as I can Anita…

Easter Egg Hunt is a lovely tradition. I’m glad that you had some fun! And at the same time I’m sorry for the wet ending. There was a saying people used a lot when I was a child: ‘Do not praise the day before the sunset’. I really do not like it as it always makes you watchful for something to go wrong. Do you agree Anita?

Your example reminds us that life goes in circles and you made a lovely connection with the Law of Attraction. And it also made me questioning if it applies to all people or only some? Do some people are destined to be humbled and others not? Or is it that some are more empathetic and experience it more profoundly than others? It could also be that we pay for our past life mistakes if we believe in such a concept…

To my surprise, today I’ve met a lady who is giving classes in natural therapies. She told me that she never asked for anything in life and she got everything. Happily married with kids, loving husband, home, great work, family, both parents and even all grand parents still alive. And always healthy life. She has everything and knows people that are blessed just like her. She doesn’t believe in any Laws and thinks that she got lucky to be born in a loving family, having good DNA and that she never felt humbled by life either. How do you see that Anita?

Interesting coincidence, isn’t it?

It is really great talking with you Anita and exchanging ideas that hopefully will lead us to more understanding and inner peace.

Thank you again dear!

Have a lovely evening and talk to you soon 🤗💖💫