Dear Anita & Tee,

How are you both doing? I decided to write this message to both of you together as we went through all of this as a team 🤗

First of all, I’m really happy that you are back to forum Tee. I was worried about you a lot. I know that you went through fragile moments health wise. How are you keeping now?

I don’t know if you’ve red my last trail with Anita about escaping, but I managed to disappear for a while to the silent retreat. I can’t write too many details about it as it could breach their policy, but I’ll try to share my experience with you. That’s one of the reasons I did not reply to you sooner. I was still away…

How are you Anita? Anita came to my rescue, and I can’t express my gratitude for the empathy and care she offered me back then. You both are wonderful women, and I feel a big gap when one of you is not there. But I understand your own struggle and how hard it is to be present fully for yourself and for others.

Anita, I promised you that I will be back with some news, and here I am.

I successfully completed the trial period before the final long-term stay, which I’m hoping to do once I fix the issues at home. The schedule was strict and mainly involved prayers, meditation, and hours of being silent. No technology, no Wifi at all. I’m telling you it wasn’t easy at first, and I felt like sharing it with you.

It was really hard regarding basic amenities, and the creepy crawlies gave me another anxiety and fear to sleep.

At the same time, it was amazing how people talk only with eyes, smiles, and kind gestures in a very modest and remote environment.

There was no comparison, no criticism, no gossip, no chaos, only simple human beings and Universe.

Have any of you ever gone on a similar retreat?

Then a strange thing happened…

Anita, do you remember when we decided to finish things off with that last man who did not have stable work?

After my retreat, I went to an event and guess who was there? Yes, I met him again by chance. He was cold as stone and had an attitude of being offended. Somehow, we started to talk, and he was sorry. He did not feel like contacting me as I was looking for someone more successful. Basically, he felt that he was not this man.

He introduced me to his friends (men he was collaborating professionally with). All 3 of them without stable work *freelancing with many projects in mind but with no sponsors and no money to invest. Anita you were right about the foreign project and the engagement ring too!

I don’t think Tee knew about this man, and this new experience. The big project did not work due to political and financial reasons. Now 3 new projects in sight but no contracts are signed. All in one, nothing has changed.

He still kept grudges towards us, asking him to find any job that gives him the possibility to take on morgage or at least to afford renovating his old flat. Also grudged against the boyfriend of his old woman friend as he did not believe in his project either. He was mocking his job and saying that her boyfriend had basic work without meaning. I said that it is not nice to say that behind their backs, and at least he is working hard.

He invited me to the restaurant but I hesitated to order any extras as it seemed to me that it was too much. He doesn’t give straight answers to many of my questions, so I did not ask. Was it because he did not want to spend on me more or couldn’t afford extra veggies or chips? In the end, I took chips, which we shared. Before the order, he said that he didn’t want any 😅

I’m not sure if it was an important detail, but it felt off, and the same thing happened before.

He says that he has enough of everything for himself and doesn’t need to work more. Only with me in his life, he feel like he needs to work more to afford things. I feel like a vilan who tries to make him work more to take on mortgage or to renovate his old flat. Were my expectations reasonable? It is normal to share everything after marriage, but now is actually time for him to prepare and have at least savings for the future. How will he ever receive the retirement or payslips? How he wants to be a responsible husband with projects that are not even there. He will struggle without a little plan now…

Regarding the engagement ring, he thought that I wanted traditional engagement with a ring and date, but he rather wanted to move in together and maybe have a baby! 😆 I said, “That’s not gonna happen “.

Anyways, I was trying to be empathetic and gave him another chance. He invited me to see gardens in the city near my place, and I accepted. Unfortunately, everything felt apart that day.

I texted him that I would come a few minutes later as I needed to collect some documents from my work. So, I told him not to rush and meet me a bit later. He agreed and said not to worry.

My mother started complaining as usually and it made me really stressed. Then my GPS guided me to the wrong road that I never used, but my mother assured me that it was ok and to keep going. I started to feel very fearful as we suddenly went on the motorway, and it was my first drive on it. Luckily, my mother was calm, but we got lost, and I stopped on the sideroad, in the middle of nowhere. She felt sorry that she kept pushing me to drive on the motorway and was quite supportive when I panicked.

I called him and explained the situation. He was waiting for me in a city near by. Maybe 10 minutes away but it was quite hilly and many crossroads with fast moving traffic. I got lost on the motorway and could not find my way to him. I asked for his help. He told me that I live nearby so I should know where to go. I was in a remote place so he could not pick me up. I understand that as there were no signs, no names to help him find me.

But I don’t understand why he did not wait for me? I asked him to, but he did not want to and left. I told him that we will not meet again. It was my first reaction to his lack of understanding, empathy and coldness. What would you do or say in my place? Was it the right decision? Why was he so unhelpful? What can I do now?

He did not contact me since that bad incident. Was it because he poorly manages stress and his reaction is to escape it? Or was it because I told him we will not meet again? I felt so embarassed, very disappointing by his behaviour, sad etc…lots of different emotions. Why he did not want to at least wait for me? When I asked he replied that he has 3 projects to work on (on Saturday afternoon?).

Thankfully a couple drove by and stopped to assist us. The man without too many questions and hesitation, took charge and found the way back and told me to follow him. He guided me to the main road, and then I could easily come back home. It was a miracle! I told his companion that their both very lucky to have each other. Things could have ended badly as there were no people around and who knew who could stop…and he knew that some strangers will help us but still did not wait for me or ask if we got back safely.

Those were my personal reactions and feelings. How do you see that situation?

The retreat was quite helpful, but I feel the old, fearful patterns are coming back and stealing the peace I felt over there…

I’m sorry to write so much, but I thought I could at least share some updates with you.

I hope you’re both doing well. How is your summer going so far? I imagine that being on this forum could feel like a full-time job at times. Did you both manage to take some holidays or at least relax a bit?

I am looking forward to hear from you both soon. I miseed you! 🥰

Dear Anita,

I hope you had a lovely Easter brake 🐣🌿

The sun is back and birds singing around make everything better. I’m glad that you also think that it is a good idea. And thank you for your encouraging words despite the fear in my heart.

I will also cherish our conversations, your beautiful kindness and loving support ❤️ you are an amazing woman Anita and I can’t even imagine this forum without you. I’m hoping to really apply your advice and be able to move on one day towards a new, happier chapter. Let’s see where this journey takes me…

Please also take care of yourself and I’m very happy to know that some of my reflections could help you on your journey as well.

I will never forget you dear and hope we’ll talk again once the time is right 🤗💖

Thank you for being there for me! 💯🌻

Big, big hug Anita 🫂 and lots of love. I will miss you…

Dear Anita,

Thank you very much for your sweet message 💖 I’m also very grateful for our beautiful and compassionate exchange 🙏 I’m glad that it helps you too in some ways and the mutual guidance and care makes us feel better 😊

I really like how you explained the old quotation and that the feeling of gratitude in the moment shall be stronger than the fear of tomorrow. This is really powerful Anita.

The way you look at the differences between people in carrying different burdens in life is also remarkable. And sometimes it has nothing to do with us directly (like your example with industrial pollution). So there is no fixed formula in life and the rest will remain a mystery until we die.

You also mentioned the danger of unprocessed emotions which is very true. I’ve been doing that for years now. I was afraid of my own feelings and thoughts for so long. It was easier to keep them away back then but somehow they kept alive and came to the surface in the most unexpected moments of our lives.

And yes, Anita I believe that it could be a matter of perspective because all of us go through some kind of struggles in life (smaller or bigger). But maybe it was easier for some to deal with them as they had loving support all along their lives.

Today I had another surprising discovery. The therapy lady that I told you about refered me to someone who knows places for people that need a refuge. It could be a sign for me to escape and change the environment.

I’m starting to think that the best option for me now is to move out to a monastery or a temple and participate in a silent stay. I would spend time in prayers without any words and direct contact with people for a very long time. It could help me to forget and forgive.

Some people stay there till the end of their lives, helping around but leading a peaceful life. Have you ever been to such a place Anita? Would you agree with me that it is the only good option for me right now?

Anita, you are an amazing woman with a beautiful heart. Sharing your warmth and kindness is a real blessing and enrichment to my life and people on this forum. Thank you seems not to be enough ❤️

Have a good day dear,
Warm hugs back and lots of love 🤗🫂

Dear Anita,

Thank you for always being there for me, no matter what. I’m incredibly grateful for your unwavering support. It has helped me through so much. It means the world to me!

Thank you for your constant encouragement and beautiful words of praise. I couldn’t have done it without you.

You believe in me, even when I doubted myself. Your support is invaluable.

Yes, there are up and downs at home and I agree with you that if it was all bad I would escape one way or the other. I feel that I need some safe shelter with less contact. This could assure more respect between us and limited control over my life decisions.

I love how you interpreted those universal laws. It makes more sense to me now. The change will happen gradually. Your example of the seed and a plant is amazing Anita.

And it is true that I’m on this forum since a very long time and unfortunately I feel sorry that I could not bring more happy news with me. I know that I’ve made a huge progress with your help but I want to do more. Sometimes I feel that some invisible chains hold me back and I can’t move on with concrete action plan.

I’m trying to apply as much change as I can Anita…

Easter Egg Hunt is a lovely tradition. I’m glad that you had some fun! And at the same time I’m sorry for the wet ending. There was a saying people used a lot when I was a child: ‘Do not praise the day before the sunset’. I really do not like it as it always makes you watchful for something to go wrong. Do you agree Anita?

Your example reminds us that life goes in circles and you made a lovely connection with the Law of Attraction. And it also made me questioning if it applies to all people or only some? Do some people are destined to be humbled and others not? Or is it that some are more empathetic and experience it more profoundly than others? It could also be that we pay for our past life mistakes if we believe in such a concept…

To my surprise, today I’ve met a lady who is giving classes in natural therapies. She told me that she never asked for anything in life and she got everything. Happily married with kids, loving husband, home, great work, family, both parents and even all grand parents still alive. And always healthy life. She has everything and knows people that are blessed just like her. She doesn’t believe in any Laws and thinks that she got lucky to be born in a loving family, having good DNA and that she never felt humbled by life either. How do you see that Anita?

Interesting coincidence, isn’t it?

It is really great talking with you Anita and exchanging ideas that hopefully will lead us to more understanding and inner peace.

Thank you again dear!

Have a lovely evening and talk to you soon 🤗💖💫

Dear Anita,

It is lovely reading you again and thank you for your kindness, compassion and beautiful acknowledgement of my efforts. It makes me feel really appreciated and that is something I rarely experienced before.

I would also like to express my admiration on how you handled Tella’s questions. I was in a similar situation a few years ago (except I have no kids). It was awful and the way my ex fiancée treated his 2 kids and neglected my own needs felt like a torture. I would never ever go back to that situation again (even if the man is nice and all). It is a recipe for disaster.

Back to the situation at home… I completely agree with you, Anita. I had to do something. And I did. Yesterday, I had a another confrontation with my mother. She was moody again, complaining how hard her life was and that I should do more for her. As usual she starts talking negatively (rather a monolog than a discussion). She did not even let me finish my dinner…

I lost my cool and told her that I won’t tolerate it anymore and that moving out is the best option for us. And that from now on I won’t talk to her unless she is polite. I felt awafel seeing her shouting and bringing up the past. I was afraid of her health as she is an older lady. My heart was racing and I went to sleep to avoid further escalation and pain.

This morning she apologised but this pattern repeats itself for so long. I feel bad for her and for talking back to her as I still love her and she has good qualities in her. Unfortunately it is really hard to live with her and it affects my life.

How would you react in my place Anita? I do not want to be silent but I do not want to fight with her either.

To answer your questions, I would love a place where I can feel safe and peaceful. I do not want to walk on the eggshells and be afraid of saying or doing the wrong thing.

Does a place like that even exist? It seems like everyone is arguing and fighting and it is quite normal nowadays.

I’m glad you agree with me regarding the old spiders and the friendships between man and woman.

It seems like nowadays men are spoiled and women are desperate to get them. It is the opposite of what it was in the old times.

Who has even heard before about the friends with benefits or situationships? No lady would agree to that. Nowadays men do not even have to invite you for a drink in order to sleep with a woman. And God forbid if she expects to be invited to a dinner. You will be called a gold digger and the next woman is just around a corner.

Not easy to be single nowadays…

Recently I had another spider reconnection. We stopped talking back then as I told him that I’m only interested in a traditional marriage (no prenups, not being a concubine). Now he is saying that he wants that too and that I should move out from my mother’s and live with him at his own place. But I should sign a prenup as all women can change after marriage and get half of his place. I told him that I do not live with men who are not my husband anyway. And he wants to ‘test’ it before. I told him no but he is pushing.

Anita, how would you react to that in my place? And also what is your own perspective on that?

It has been a very interesting discussion and you’ve mentioned some really important aspects in my message and in the one to Tella.

Thank you again Anita! 🤗

Looking forward to hearing from you soon.

Have a lovely day dear! Big hug and lots of warmth 💖🫂

Dear Anita,

Lovely to hear from you and thank you for checking up on me!

Me and the man I was seeing, we stopped our communication. He asked me in one of his text messages if I want him to be more successful and I replied that if we want to be more than fiends, then yes. He did not reply and our chat stopped there. I did not contact him again.

So he prefered to stop the communication than to remain friends. For him romantic connection was more important than staying friends for the time being.

I felt a bit guilty that I told him to be more successful as it might mean that I am materialistic and not person oriented. But then I realised that wanting someone honest, hard working and successful is not a sin and I need all those qualities in someone to compensate for a life I never had before.

I felt a bit of a relief. I felt more free after the chat stopped. And look Anita it’s been almost 2 months and no news from him and I guess no progress with the project either. I could waste more time by just chating and waiting.

So yes Anita, you helped me to make the right choice and now I’m focusing on dealing with my anxiety and fear.

I still don’t know how to conquer the stagnation
and helplessness in my current situation and finding a new place is not easy.

But I hope I’ll get there…

Anita, I love your new picture! You’re beautiful outside & inside 😍

Thank you for being here for me like a guardian angel 😇

Hope to hear from you soon and how is your life going.

Big hug for now 🫂

Dear Anita,

I’m happy to hear that you are proud of me and that you liked my message. Your words give me courage 😘

I’ll try my best to keep away from the spider web 🕸 and learn to protect my well being.

And if anything remarkable happens, I’ll let you know.

Have a great day Anita!

I will miss you 💖🤗

Hello Jana,

Thank you for sharing. The more I try to work with my emotions the more anxious I get. I don’t know why…

I grew up in household where I could not speak up my mind without being punished one way or the other. Every day I had a deep fear of consequences and being rejected by the only people I care about.

Now I feel guilty that I offend him, hurt his feelings and leave him in the difficult time. He told me about his health issues.

I feel sorry for him…

And I am afraid that I won’t get another chance to find another friend and somehow also escape my reality at home. I live in a remote place and
my options are limited.

I hope that helps you to understand me better.

Thank you Jana 🙏 🌸