Dear Tee,

Thank you for your message and your kind wishes. I’m really sorry not to reply sooner but I wasn’t well for a long time. I’ve got a very bad Covid which knocked me down for a long time. Also more problems came to my life as I could not help my elderly. It caused a lot of tension and I just emotionally ‘froze’ as I was not able to deal with it at that moment.

Anyways, on a positive note, I am a bit better now. Dr. said I got the long term one and need to look after myself more.

Tee, how are you these days? Are you going on any holidays?

I agree with everything you said in your last post. Yes, I’ve tried one Christian website in the past but all matches lived too far away and did not want to travel to see me 🙈

Once I feel and look better 😆 I will try some new webpages. Do you have any specific suggestion?

Also, have you ever been to India? I’ve heard it is a very spiritual country and marriage is sacred. I also heard that most marriages are arranged so not many prospects my age are left. I’ve tried some spiritual websites but it seems like everyone is talking only about massages and Tantra 😄 🤣

Have a lovely day Tee!

Hope to hear from you soon.

Warm wishes

Dafne 💓🪷🌼

Dear Roberta,

Thank you for sharing your thoughts. That’s a really wise phrase. Some patterns keep repeating in my life and I am accepting too little from those men.

I also realised that it might be the way I speak with men. You can see my example with the last man in my email above. I should not be too serious too soon (saying that I’m looking for dates, affection, feelings before sex) as it may scare them away. I do not understand how men think and they take me for granted very quickly. Maybe the right approach would be to say that I’m just looking to meet new people? Maybe to say I’m not looking for anything in particular? I realised that the first few meetings are the most important moments and even one small mistake can ruin it all (especially if the man is recently divorced).
<p style=”text-align: left;”>I’ll have a look at the poem you recommended and the ways how to create the healthy independence. It is not easy to find the right balance in life but I’ll try to apply it (if I ever get a chance to meet someone new).</p>
Have a good day Roberta 🪻🌞

Kind greetings 🙏

Dafne

Dear Tee,

How are you doing these day? Do you feel any better? 🌼

Thank you for taking time to reply to my message. I might be too emotional to see the things the way you do. It feels like something is pushing me towards him to help him in his struggle. I just can’t let him go…

I even spoke with one of our priests as he asked me again if I already found someone to spend my life with. I explained the situation and he adviced me to give it a last shot. He said that I can choose to never contact him again or I can give him a last chance and call him asking to meet just as friends. I should try to call him few times and if he doesn’t answer, to delete him from my life forever. No looking back…

Tee, what do you think? I know that you said to forget him but would you change your mind after hearing this suggestion from a priest?

I took your advice about the healing to my heart, and I will do my best to try it and not give up on my life just yet. I do not have many reasons to stay on this Earth if not for the elderly I want to help.

I’m grateful that the Universe has sent me an angel like you to give me hope. Also Roberta was kind enough to give me her perspective.

Looking forward to hearing from you.

Thank you 🌷🙏

Have a good night

Dafne

Dear Tee,

I’m sorry to hear that you are not well. I hope you will feel better soon 💓

Thank you for your kind words of consolation and explaining the dynamics of the relationships. I can understand now that it is not always about having sex too soon but more about the people and emotions involved. Don’t worry about being too blunt, as it helps me see the things exactly as they are. I appreciate it.

We never spoke about those matters at home and anything sexual was quite shameful and avoided to talk about. I felt closed off emotionally and physically all my life and was afraid of romantic relationships. On top of that I always longed for a loving father and a loving husband eventually. To be honest this feeling was so strong that I can’t live my life fully and it also affects my health badly.

I had no chance to do my list as I am still trying to recover emotionally from my yesterday’s experience. You will not believe what happened…

I walking on the street and I saw the last guy. He did not see me so I decided to go after him and see if he will want to talk.

He was very surprised to see me. The conversation was a bit awkward but he gave some answers I was looking for. He explained that he decided to not reply as he did not want to hurt me. I told him that his silence hurts even more.

Then I asked why he did not want to stay in touch. Basically he was not happy that I wasn’t sexually ‘wild’ with him (when he invited me to his house last time). He expected more to happen and what he did is not enough for him. At some point he was quite explicit with his words and things he expected that evening. Got totaly emotional and said his ex was like that, very sexual and wild (she has a daughter from a previous relationship and apparently lots of experience). Then I asked if I reminded him of her. So he took his phone and showed me their pictures from travels and wedding video. I did not know if I should smile or cry. His hands were shaking, started to smoke and said he doesn’t feel like going out, talking, doing things together, no yoga, no walks. He just wants to be there for his son but is open to meet me without going out.

Then he asked me when was the last time I slept with a man and did not like the fact that I was not experienced in those matters. Also tried to have a pick at my décolleté but I refused. He said: ‘You see, you do not let me do anything and you expect me to be content without progressing fast?’

I explained to him that I need more than that and there is no romance at all, no dates and he is not my man yet to be this open with him. Well, for now he can’t offer more than that and expects me to be sexually open first (especially at my age). The ex gave him what he wanted and he misses those experiences. I asked if he treated her like me when they first met and he said no, of course not. He was a different man back then, was in love, was affectionate, kind. They slept together after 3 weeks and started the committed relationship. He dated her the proper way.

He said it is too complicated without explaing more. Tee, he is divorced now, why is it too complicated? I’m only guessing that it’s because he still has feelings for her and is not able to move on. But why complicated?

I’m sorry for being too descriptive but I was trying to show you the whole picture of this situation. I am still trying to figure out and see if I could do or say things differently that day. I was taken by surprise and had no idea what to ask him or how to react. I felt completely lost and overwhelmed to see things clearly.

Tee, what do think about that? And what would you say or do if you were in my place?

Do you think that a woman who is happy to be more sexually open with him can conquer his heart? Or he will always miss his wife?

Is he really devasted so much by his divorce and can’t find a way to deal with that? How can I help him? Is it the right moment to try to be just a friend for him?

I’ve heard so many stories, where women started friendships with recently divorced men (even after refusing sex) and after a while they ended up together happily. It took some time but it was worth it. Could this apply to my situation? What are the good ways to do that without imposing too much?

How long would you wait before trying to get closer to him again? I know that he is not a dangerous person so even going to his place won’t matter anymore. He is not at his best now and not being himself.

My friend told me to tell him that I do not want to loose him completely or let him suffer in silence. She adviced to stay close but only as friend (no kiss, no touch etc.). But she is also not sure how and when to approach him. On the other hand, some online coaches advice to stay romantically involved but no sex.

I have no idea what to do right now. I do not want to loose him completely but at the same time being sexually open without proper romance/feelings doesn’t feel enough.

Tee, you have no idea what being able to talk to you means to me. I can even tell you that you are saving me from some desperate steps. I feel like you really understand me and the pain I have all my life.

I pray for your health to get better 🙏

I’m looking forward to your message!

Please take care of yourself! 🌸

Big hug 🫂

Dafne

Dear Tee,

How are you doing these days?

You’ve been so helpful again! I really like your suggestions for the vision of a dream man and also the example text you created 🙏🪷

Tee, you were right about this last man. Unfortunately, it got even worst than I expected. I’ve sent him the text 3 days ago and till now he did not reply at all! (left me on seen).

I can’t believe it. I’m not even worth a simple reply. All the promises written in the sand. I was so wrong about him. I thought he is suffering after his divorce and needs time. Now I can see that he has not even the smallest decency to be a man and reply.

My friend suggested to give him a final call in few days to have a closure but I’m not sure if asking for reasons over the phone is a good idea? Also meeting him at his workplace might seem like too much.

Also, my friend found his profile on the dating site so I guess he is busy with other women. I believe that they are more easy going & carefree than me so it makes him more interested 🤷

He told me that he is not looking for anything serious but on the webpage it says that he is not sure yet. Might be a way to attract more women?

Maybe the sexual compatibility is more important to him than getting to know someone as a person first. Maybe that’s how the relationships start nowadays and I was not aware of it.

Tee, how is it that some women go easily for casual sex and it turns into a committed relationship? And women who wait with sex are ghosted in the end?

Is there any way to know when is the best moment to start being physical with a man (and avoid being ghosted)? Some coaches say that it is not about sex on the 1 or 2 date but the emotional attraction you created before it happened. But how is it that those women create the bond so fast?

It is all a big mystery to me…

I regret that I let him be more than a friend. I was hoping that it might change something between us but it didn’t.

I guess we never know until we try but then it hurts too much 💔

Thank you for listening Tee and your understanding 🌷💖🙏

Looking forward to hearing from you soon.

Have a good night 🌙

Big hug 🫂

Dafne

Dear Tee,

I hope you had a good weekend.
<p style=”text-align: left;”>I was trying to submit my new post but unfortunately it did not go through. So I’ll try to do it again today. I hope I did not forget anything :)</p>
Thank you for looking into this concept in more details. I can feel you and completely relate to what you said regarding the physical intimacy. I could date more than 1 man but only in a platonic way. But how long a man can wait with a kiss or holding hands? I don’t think that very long. Also they always ask if I am seeing other men.

My friend told me that the original concept comes from a lady named Rori Ray. I’ve checked her webpage and there are many women who have an anxious attachment style but found her concept helpful. There was 1 women who was romantically involved with a man that wasn’t ready for anything serious. She decided to also date 1 more man and now they are engaged. She did not tell the 1 man that she is dating around but kept her schedule busy. It might work for some people..

I’ve also checked the coach that you know and I really like how she relates to women and their fears.

I will try to learn more about it. Thank you for this great recommendation! 👍

To be honest with you I was feeling a bit sad and depressed in the past days as the last man did not contact me again. He told me that we will be going outdoors but nothing happened. I’m trying to figure out why. Maybe getting more romantic with him was a mistake and it was better to keep him as a friend till he is ready. Well, now is too late for that..

Tee, do you think I should reach out to him first?

Dating is so hard nowadays and leaves so many women heartbroken. I’m really feeling so confused with all the rules and playing games.

You are giving me the hope to carry on with my life and to see the light that the loneliness may end one day.

Thank you for listening 🌷

Big hug 🫂 🤗

Dafne

Hello Tee 🙂

I’m really glad that you are still here. Thank you for taking time to answer my questions in more depth. I’m really grateful for you being there for me🌷

I do not want to go on and on about him and how to make him emotionally available. You gave me the beautiful foundation of how to navigate the early stages of the meeting (especially after divorce).

To summ up, next time he contacts me I will only accept meeting him in public (no going to his place for at least 2 more dates outside). I will find an excuse that the evening I’m busy and only day time works for now. If he doesn’t accept, I will say that I won’t be coming to his place. And that I can wait when he is ready for a more romantic relationship. We can stay friends for the moment being.

Actually, he doesn’t text me, only before the meeting so that might also be a sign that he doesn’t want to bond emotionally.

One of my friends came up with a new idea for dating. I’m curious what is your take on that. She advised not to be boyfriend/girlfriend until engagement. Basically we are connecting as friends, maybe kiss and hug (no sex with men). I can meet with more than 1 person and get to know without giving the benefits of a relationship. That’s her way to get married sooner than later.

I’m curious, Tee, what is your opinion on that? Is it a good way and more effective than being boyfriend/girlfriend first? I would like to get married and not stuck in a relationship forever.

Looking forward to your message.

Have a blessed day!

Warm greetings 🤗💖

Dafne