Hi there,

Im new to Tiny Buddha also, but read your thread and wanted to say Hi.

I really understand what you are saying – I’ve had very similar experiences. I had a brilliant brother and I always felt second best. I married a loser who turned out to be a nasty control freak, he just kept reminding me how useless I was – So I became useless.

My mindset was “I’m not worthy of my family, I’m not worthy of my husband, I’m not worthy of my children. I suffered from depression and hated myself, I gained weight, had no friends and was totally isolated by my self hatred.

I realised I wasnt going to be a good role model for my two young children and that my husband was just making me feel even more awful about myself, and that for my childrens sake I must do something to change.

I sought help from my GP and got referred to a therapist in secret – as I knew my husband would freak out if he knew.
Over the next few months I became stronger and learned how to accept who I was and actually like myself!!

I gained lots of confidence and found myself doing things I never could of dreamt of – I actually experienced how it felt to feel a sense of achievement and pride, and it felt so good!!

I’ve never looked back – that was 20 years ago. I’m now middle aged and my two eldest kids are grown, and are great people who I’m deeply proud of.
I found the strengh finally to leave my husband and I have never looked back. I remarried a few years later (and had 2 more wonderul kids), to a guy who has spent every day since telling me how much he loves me, how much he’s proud of me and so on.
That together with the inner strength I had already found, helped me become the real person that was until then, hidden inside me.

There is hope Zee – however bad things seem, however bad you feel about yourself, and however scared you are of finding out how strong you can be, you
CAN!!! and I’m sure you will.

Look in the mirror every morning and tell yourself ” I’m a good person, I’m a strong person, I’m worthy of my place in this world and I’m darn well gonna make the best of it”

You can do it!! ………….If I can anyone can – when I look back to the scared, weak and self loathing girl I was its like looking at a different person, I just left her behind and finally became ME…..and I loved it.

And once I finally started to believe in myself it really was only a few months before I turned a corner, so I’m sure you will too.

Hope I havent rambled on too much, just read your post and wanted to let you know how much I understand and empathise with you – All the very best hun

Sarah xx