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anna1290

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Viewing 8 posts - 1 through 8 (of 8 total)
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  • in reply to: someone put my pictures on the internet? #312029
    anna1290
    Participant

    Yes a psychiatrist used to prescribe it to me over 2-3 years in 2010-2013, also some time after this. He did because I felt anxiety and had fever because of it, could not sleep. But he didn’t take time to diagnose or anything. He wasn’t focused on that. The visits lasted 10 minutes or so. He gave me prescriptions for 3 or 5 at once.

    in reply to: someone put my pictures on the internet? #311935
    anna1290
    Participant

    Yes, it had nothing to do with the other thing with pictures, but I have this fear that someone is .. following me or stalking me, I know it sounds irrational. Yesterday in a shop some guys were making jokes and laughed and I got scared and then I noticed they were laughing at their coworker. when I’m at home I imagine someone maybe sees me through my  window and I turn off the lights. I have this fear of someone stalking me, I don’t know why. It overwhelms me.

    in reply to: someone put my pictures on the internet? #311897
    anna1290
    Participant

    Dear Anita and Inky

    You’re probably right. And it’s because of my anxiety. Couple of days ago I was chatting on some page in English and suddenly someone sent me a message in my language, translated. I freaked out how someone would know where I come from and I’m thinking about it since. I keep telling myself it can probably be explained in some way but the panic is back. life is so hard with this anxiety and panic. trying to take your advice and calm down.

    in reply to: someone put my pictures on the internet? #309577
    anna1290
    Participant

    Anita, I’ve read your reply a couple of times already, I think I understand. I will definitely proceed with the mindful way of life, as the “micro” one with managing thoughts has helped me a lot. The thoughts are the most dangerous in my case,  worse than the danger of something happening. the situation with pregnancy as I now think of it, it was 5 months after having an intercourse and I visited 3 doctors during that time because I was sure I was pregnant. No amount of reason would persuade me, not even the fact that it would be shown by this time (5 months), or that I had absolutely no symptoms. I spent hours daily googling pregnancy websites. The were times when I said to myself  “how in the world it would be possible, it would be one of those miracles they describe in the news “. But I didn’t “listen” to my own reasons. It didn’t even matter that the chances are almost zero. If I shown you my photo from that time versus how I look now, you would be scared how skinny and unhealthy I looked. I don’t want to go through this again I really can’t do it again.

    I’m thinking about getting medication. I don’t want to because I used to take Xanax and was addictive, like a drug. It saved me from going insane when I was going through tough time once because I slept better, I ate, I didn’t think that much before going to bed but I was careless, hurt and ignored some of my friends at that time etc. But maybe if I would use it wise this time it would help. What do you think? I really would prefer that the tools you have shown me (meditation practice, mindfulness) to help me. I would prefer that, if only there is a chance for me.  Do you think I can overcome this ?

    in reply to: someone put my pictures on the internet? #309539
    anna1290
    Participant

    I started a day with meditation and planning to do it again later. I think it helped. I’m not sure but I slept okay, normally I would wake up during the night with troubles breathing but it didn’t happen, at least today it didn’t. Every time the thoughts are coming I keep telling myself : don’t dive in, don’t follow that road.. I try to be aware what my mind is doing, I know now it’s madness if I follow it. It’s still waiting for me to dive in. I have those thoughts that I have to keep convincing myself, coming up with reasons that I shouldn’t worry, to calm myself and control situation which in fact makes it worse and I just feed my obsession trying to calm down. (the same as it was with pregnancy situation. )

    You’re right sending pictures and risking pregnancy was a part of destruction behavior, I know it and I’m over this but this panic and obsession is always here, waiting. I have to do and buy some things today I’m a bit scared of this day, really exhausted by this panic I had in the past and I couldn’t survive it again. Or as you stated – it wouldn’t kill me so I would definitely survive it but it would exhaust me.

    in reply to: someone put my pictures on the internet? #309477
    anna1290
    Participant

    I played Mark W Mindfulness guided meditation and in the middle I paused to meditated for a few minutes and then listened to the end. It helped, maybe it’s even better than meditating alone. I don’t know what would be better – to read a book or watch a movie, or to continue meditating. I feel better but I’m still scared of panic coming.

    in reply to: someone put my pictures on the internet? #309471
    anna1290
    Participant

    that’s true, he probably doesn’t have a reason to hate me, he had some problems at the end and I helped him although he already had a girlfriend so it was awkward for me. But later we had a fight and I’m not sure how he feels about me now. I don’t know .. he has a dark side. I may have said something to his girlfriend, nothing bad but something she could have gotten upset so maybe he hates me now, I’m not sure. Anyway what the biggest problem here is my tendency to obsess to the point of being ridiculous. I was once worried about being pregnant and I used to take pregnancy tests everyday, twice  a day sometimes. I might have bought 20 or more of them, even after 5 months when it obviously turned out I am not,  I visited a doctor to check it. When I think of it now it’s freaking stupid and ridiculous but I knew it then that I’m not pregnant , I just couldn’t talk myself out of it. I got obsessed, I lost weight, I stopped eating and barely slept.

    I am scared it is happening again today. today I went for a pizza later to stop thinking about it, and also went to buy a lamp. My heart stopped pounding so I feel better and I try not to dive in those thoughts again but I’m scared it’s coming.

    I heard about mindfulness, not very much but I think I know what it is. Just dont know how to practice it in everyday life.

    in reply to: someone put my pictures on the internet? #309453
    anna1290
    Participant

    Anita, thanks a lot for that, I’m trying to calm down for past few hours , I haven’t eaten anything and can’t stop worrying. I keep telling myself it would be really weird that even if they saw my pictures they would remember my face AND recognize me immediately. I don’t know maybe I looked my someone they both knew and they were discussing that. what do you think? They obviously said she doesn’t have that skinny face. (they didn’t say she doesn’t have that skinny face “anymore” – I remember now.) So maybe it was about some girl who is similar.

    No, I dont think there is a way to check if my photos are online. But you are right that he probably got many pictures from other girls, now I’m trying  to remember what I have sent to him and I’m pretty sure almost all of them were without visible face because I kind of kept it in mind that it’s dangerous but I might have sent 1 or 2 with my face. I’m pretty sure I did.And yes of course I will not do that again, I never did ever since and never wanted to, just with this guy, he talked me into it. I really regret it. There was a time we spoke after this and we were “friends” for couple of years but the way we ended things I cannot trust he is a good person anymore. I also blocked him on social media some time ago. I googled what to do and someone said that if there isn’t my name or city on it then it will probably get lost among other pictures. It’s so hard to calm down, I cant think clearly, I’m starting to feel obsessed about it. I feel really anxious and can’t calm down

Viewing 8 posts - 1 through 8 (of 8 total)