Thank you Anita. I am very grateful that you listen and give me an objective opinion.

I am not dating any new man. Should I stop meeting the 39 year old too? My heart says yes but I feel I can stay text friends if that. Perhaps that’s wrong ! I’m not sure. I don’t want a relationship with him. I can’t give him what he needs. Meetings are only in my flat or his. I can easily avoid it.

Hello Anita

I came here asking for help. I’m ok to answer your questions

– I don’t blame others for how they behave. They behave the way they want to. He didn’t want a relationship with me. He probably wants someone better than me. He was stringing me along but me being stupid, I didn’t realise that till this year. I am still kind and a good friend but I don’t expect anything anymore. From him.

– my ex husband is an alcoholic but I also know that he is selfish and doesn’t care about me or anyone else. It’s why I filed for divorce at 40. When I had nothing else but my job and my little flat.

I am a decent; kind woman! I don’t take advantage of anyone else and never ask for anything. I don’t know how to ask but I am learning to set boundaries with toxic people. Like I did with my ex. But that takes time and I lose out on life. I’m not as smart as some people.

Hello Anita

Yep, I’ve probably been hoping that he would like me and value me as a person. But he doesn’t want a relationship. And I don’t know his friends or even go out with him. But we talk about life, football, work, his family. The conversations are numerous on text but not in person. He’s a nice man though. I can’t blame him

I have dated other men who seemed really pushy or aggressive and I back off.. and 2017/2018 – I was on my own and was unwell in 2017. I still look after my ex and keep in touch but not from a partner point of view but cos I still feel responsible for him in some way. I’ve tried and moved away from him since last year. Consciously. Though he still says I am the best woman he would ever meet cos I didn’t hurt him in anyway.

In my one year relationship, we have talked about me wanting a proper boyfriend.. and that he still has his dating profile up. It’s become a conversation of banter and jokes. He will move on when he finds someone decent. I think he’s just biding his time but it’s hurtful. And I don’t want to date someone else yet as i’m Not ready. I am a completely different person when I work and I don’t want to meet men when I am as low as I am now.

Hello Anita

Thank you for your reply. I have worked in good jobs but there was no work life balance in online advertising and I fell ill with shingles in 2017 which made me decide to be a freelancer. I worked all of last year but my contract ended. I am interviewing for both permanent and contract roles but nothing seems to close and I worry that it’s me. My sadness probably comes through…

I meet men through my dating profile and most of them either want sex or are pushy ( even men who are dads). I didn’t want to date a man with children as most men with children that i’ve Met so far are focussed on their kids and rightfully so. I just won’t have any time or attention and that comes from perhaps being very lonely for a very long time. I have been living on my own since 2013 and somehow it just feels very long and lonely. I am yet to meet a man who doesn’t want children. They don’t seem to pick me for some reason. I meet Caucasian men as they don’t seem to mind the two divorces but the 39 year old is the only one i’ve Liked in a long time. It’s probably why he has got away with using me for a year. He’s smart, funny, works very hard like I used to and isn’t pushy or aggressive as a person. I hope this gives you some context.