I was this kind of lover once, and my latest ex is a great oppose of that style. I believe in second chance and he does not. I thought we would be happily ever after, we talked about marriage (we both came from failed first marriage and got divorced). we had been together in pretty short length of time, less than six months. I broke up with him because he’s very sensitive toward himself without thinking of my feeling I might have too, he’s intolerably insecure which caused me hard time to keep up our long distance relationship fun and bearable. we spent much hours and hours quarrelling and the main cause was his insecurity. I am not a fully contented person also and his behaviour made me feel worse.

When I decided walking out of his life, he was mad like crazy which broke my heart badly. The situation left me uneasy up to this moment. i still have his contact, once in a while I text him, to share essential updates. firstly he replied some and ended up with arguing like we used to do before when we were still a couple. he has been blaming me, even for the things i never think about. I loved him and still do till this time being. and with him seems I wanna go back to old habit with my other exs, keep coming back and staying in unhealthy relationship. but i know i can’t. because now Im back at college, taking my second degree.

sometimes I wish I was 10years younger so i can follow the urge to be in “crazy” kind of love with this guy. so I can act dramas he wishes whenever he pushes the button; his jealousy, his emotional demands etc. but my capacity is no longer there, I ought to be more focused on my study, I need to keep socialising with some all my classmates -fact that he hates, this has been three months now, and I continue living my life without him. Somehow i feel inadequate with his absence, when he doesn’t reply my rare text I get hurt inside. there are times I feel okay being alone, but there are moments I find myself cant handle the mountainous romantic emotion I have for him. I was the one who left and cant get over it yet, even though I know this is the best for us.

I dont find time yet to really grieve, I cant cry -I want to and this burdens me more. and his abandonment is another bitter pill I should swallow. i don’t wanna regret my decision really. i just need strength to go through this………