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  • #59524

    add: sorry for any dodgy spelling, grammar etc. etc. was in quite a rush when writing


    Hi Dermot,

    I’m a twenty year old university student just like you (In September I’ll be on my third year, last summer on the huge break that I can truly empathize with,
    I wasn’t feeling all that optimistic about my studies either).

    I too, felt (and it still creeps back) huge loneliness. I was begging to find new people to bond with to fill the big void in my chest, but after taking time to open my e-mail each day and read an inspiring article from TinyBuddha, and learning to change my toxic thought processes, I am beginning to heal.

    I found I wasn’t looking for love and support in the right places, not seeing that just the strong, silent presence of my mother, farther and sister was there way of
    showing love. They weren’t the knight in shining Armour I’d dreamed would whisk me away and show me the perfect vision of love, but when I began to open my heart and finally see, the quick smile from my sister first thing on
    a morning became to mean so much more to me, realizing this made me smile more often… and I let my heart open more and more, let myself feel all the love and pain that came with it.

    I began to practice love and compassion to people around me, small steps like offering a quick smile to a passing stranger , and friends I had (but often complained were not good enough, i felt didn’t truly love me) showed me love in so many ways when I began to open up… I even inspired some of them to open up,
    and I found problems inside them that I wouldn’t have ever believed to be true, and now I have beautiful, honest relationships with my friends, where we help each other.

    Please, never give up, nothing will happen overnight but try at least opening your heart to your family… When I told my mother how I felt she cried for almost an hour,
    horrified I didn’t feel I could tell her before, and she told me she felt similarly at our age, she had no friends and felt too intimidated by her family to open up to them
    . She told me how she pushed herself out of the house, even if they did just end up on walks alone… became more open to the people around her and eventually, found
    some friends that she still speaks to today.

    Don’t compare yourself to others either; There were points Id look at pictures of groups of friends on nights out, and felt overwhelming jealousy… but then I realized that might be fun to them, but that is far from the perfect picture of life (In the past I was part of groups of people who continuously searched for thrills in clubs,
    and I didn’t find it fun anymore…. In fact, it led me down a very dark path of reliance on alcohol that also, took slow recovery). I heard a very nice phrase recently, that
    you’re missing things that could be happening outside if you weren’t sat inside… just by going on a nice walk, sitting on a park bench alone for a few minutes, anything could
    happen… even if it doesn’t, your out, moving, and living…. try appreciating the small things like the air you breathe before you push towards finding the bigger things.
    Trying to change my thoughts not only helped me find support in what felt like unlikely places, it gradually helped me become more motivated in my studies, which I know
    would say I enjoy.

    I hope what I’ve said makes some sense, don’t give up!

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