Well, I can tell you forgiveness isn’t a good thing now. I forgave. I started seeing another woman. And wouldn’t you know over the holidays I get a text from the ex who just wanted to talk to clear the air between us. Remember we work together, so I said when I get back from the holidays we would see. She came over, we talked, she apologized profusely. She had left her husband again and wanted back in my life.

She also wants desperately to have a Kundalini Awakening and was saying her libido was diminishing dramatically. Well it didn’t that night nor over the next couple weeks. She did say to keep dating the other woman, but she also proceeded to monopolize my time. I gave presents, helped with issues, the normal and beyond friend stuff. I could tell her “Enlightenment” wouldn’t happen rapidly. While she appeared to have made progress with valuing others, her sense of self and divestment of ego was no where near what I’ve seen in friends who have meditated for years and still don’t consider themselves “Enlightened.”

I forgave. I had patience that she would see. In spending so much time with her, I ruined the relationship with the other woman at a critical time in her life for which I feel great remorse. But bad for me or not, I loved this first person. This woman I forgave then started telling me she needed space and to be selfish for a while while she found herself. I stepped back. I answered texts and visited once or twice at her request. I then was told I caused too much drama and she was out and wanted to see other people. The drama was that I was upset when she pushed me away farther like what she had apologized for the first time. It was a normal reaction. The drama was hers. The apology was insincere at best.

Now from this forgiveness I am now responsible for causing great havoc in my life, my ex-wife’s life, and this other woman I left to be back with the first woman. The first woman has left her ex-husband again creating havoc in his life I’m sure and is looking to see other people to try to find something she’s looking for. I strongly suspect from everything that was said and how it happened she is sick with Borderline Personality Disorder. I know it’s recognized as an illness. I know I should forgive, and I guess some part of me does. But in forgiving her and giving her another chance to be a decent human being and in my weakness for her, I have caused pain to others extending the cycle. I take blame for my weakness. I do wish she had respected that other relationship. I do wish I had had the strength to say no to what I thought I loved. I am working to forgive myself. I am working to move on. I’m not sure I can forgive because when I forgive it means I forget and move on. If you forget when you forgive, maybe forgiveness isn’t a good thing.

Some of us need to hold on to the past to avoid repeating mistakes.

• This reply was modified 9 years, 7 months ago by TrumpXII.