Well, if you really wanna go, make it part of your trip. Have backup plans. Meet people on CS too and hang out with them so he won’t be 100% of that area that you are visiting. Whatever happens, one day, you will look back and go “ahhhh i did that huh” 🙂

If you have a lot of money, and the place he is at right now is one of your places on your to-go list, then go for it.

I just don’t want you to be disappointed and end up spending lotsa money in a place with a man who didn’t live up to your expectations, and in a place that you aren’t interested in.

If he is from Germany, then eventually he will have to come back right? and you two can meet again.

I don’t know this guy but how is he like? What are his plans after this year long trip?

Hi James,

Glad to know that you have a group of close friends whom you see on a regular basis. Have you ever considered seeing a life coach or speaking to a counselor about your fears etc? Here, we can only give you suggestions and all this interaction is solely via “written words”. Perhaps you can try talking to a trained professional in person and that might be better?
In any case, whatever small habits or changes you seek in your life, the effort has to be sustained and sustainable for at least weeks.
I’m thinking maybe you need to modify your thought patterns and that requires some offline help. CBT is a way as suggested earlier and you can pick up a book on this topic at the library. What you described sounds like a self-limiting belief and sabotaging behavior out of fear or lack of confidence etc. There might be other underlying reasons as well from childhood in some people’s cases. What articles have you read on here?

Best,
A

Hi James,

Anita and Inky have given some good ideas to start with. Have you looked around this tinybuddha site for some articles about finding inspiration again when you feel that you are in a rut? or how to find things that make you feel excited etc? I have read quite a few and found them useful. I don’t know your situation well, so I have a few questions.
Has it always been stressful for you even before you started this job, to be in social situations? Trying something new is a good way to break a cycle but it’s always difficult taking the first step. Perhaps treat it like a game where you level up? For example, you get ten points if you take a different route to the store, or fifty points when you go for a nature walk on Saturday instead of virtual walking on the gaming screen? I’m almost 30 too and can relate to what you are feeling. Sometimes, you get stuck in a pattern and then meeting friends in a social setting because 1) you haven’t been doing that in a while 2) fear/feelings of uneasiness from other issues etc, CAN be overwhelming. Could you remember a time when you got excited and really happy? and what were you doing then?

and last question, what would happen if you didn’t show up for work, or take a week long break doing something? Like a long trip or sabbatical.

best,
aurora