Dear Amy,

Thank you so much for your reply and I think that being in a relationship with him… I felt rather safe, happy and for the first time I learned how to love myself. He is a rather realistic person and he doesn’t babysit me (meaning he doesn’t just say I’m right or blindly supports me). He tells me that I have to care for myself and how I should put myself first because I told him that I put him above myself. Though there were bad moments where I felt like he should have cared more and pay more attention to me… I don’t know what’s normal / healthy anymore. Mostly because I’ve never been through a healthy? relationship.

I’m friends with him now but to be honest, I really just wanna be with him… I don’t think that the reason why I want to be with him is because I’m scared to be alone but that I just really enjoy his company. We could be really comfortable with each other and do our own things while we were in a call. Of course, I still do wish for physical touch and attention from him as that would be better than just facing the cold screen.

I’ve been focusing on other things and trying to meet more people. But it felt like something has changed in me. I don’t know what but while we are just friends. I really enjoy this new relationship with him but I still have this lingering feeling in me where I want him to be exclusive with me. I don’t really want him to move on and I don’t really want him to find someone else. But being brutally honest, I think part of me just doesn’t want him to move on before me…

I really want to meet him and see where we can go from there but I don’t know anymore. I don’t know if I still like him in that way anymore… I’m really scared of losing him to be honest…

Kitty