Hi,

I know full well the complicated feelings involved in such a situation as I have been through something similar. I agree with much of what has been said. I would add that it sounds to me like an abusive relationship really. The charm and discard pattern (and lying in-between). It doesn’t sound like he cares very much about your feelings or the emotional needs of your son and that’s not right. You still want him though, he knows it and this cycle will probably keep going until you put a stop to it. From my perspective, as a lady in my 30s, also with a young child, I have lots of questions. He has clearly disrespected and taken for granted both you and your child in the past – has he really changed? Is he likely to truly change? How will you feel if he continues to be emotionally unstable or unavailable at times? What long term impacts will that have on your child? On you? How does your son interact with him when he is around? Is his father an enriching source of love and security? If you see red flags (ie your instincts are telling you something is not right), why are you ignoring them? If this man embeds himself in your family unit, then promptly changes his mind (which to me it sounds like he could well do), how will you feel? Will you be prepared to share custody if this man wants out? Is he the kind of person to put his family before himself? Im sorry if I sound a bit harsh and not very spiritual but I have been through hell with someone like this. From a spiritual perspective, practices such as mindfulness and self love have the potential to bring you clarity in this situation. From what you’ve said in your post I think you’ve already tapped into your wisdom and you know how this man will probably treat you in a “committed” relationship. Don’t doubt yourself. Your heart knows. All the best to you and your son.

Bella