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beniParticipantHi Tee,
I know it has been a while.
I’m glad it wasn’t more and your back at baseline (is it still?). My back seems to be alright. I don’t really understand it sure it’s there I think i couldn’t do a full time construction job.
But it was out of character for her, because she wasn’t a bossy person. She wasn’t a strict, authoritative parent. But sometimes, when she was desperate (believing that no one cares about her), she would lose it, and that’s when she acted angrily and “bossy”. You said it felt “like she needs an illusion of control“.
I think at her core she really wanted harmony and connection and just could not help herself.
Wow, you make a big effort to put all the things together. I’m sorry I didn’t reply earlier. I haven’t read it till now. In a way I bought a new laptop to reply.
It touches me and at the same time feels far away from this moment.
I can see on how I feel that wanting to be recognised, seen, accepted. That I carry a similar burden. It’s hard to create space for this pain and to receive it.
If we lift it to a higher level, it might mean that you are not able to clearly express your NO (towards the things you don’t want in life), but also unable to clearly express your YES (for the things you do want in life).
Yeah, that make sense. I like the words you use to write this. There is fear and freeze involved. It’s also the question of this post.
Okay, I’ll stop here. I made a lot of assumptions while putting this together, so there might be a lot of misses. But anyway, this is my current theory of your family dynamic. Let me know what you think and if it resonates… (corrections very welcome!)
Mhh, I wonder about misses. I think it’s pretty on point.
I often felt like this is made up and I’m in a way justifying something I should rather confront. While I’m replying I had an encounter with my mom and I see it quite clear that it’s real.The above sounds the same as the conflict you had with regard to your mother: feeling guilty for rejecting her, but also not being able, or not wanting to, give her what she needed, because it went against your own needs, or because it felt inauthentic to you.
If we lift it to a higher level, it might mean that you are not able to clearly express your NO (towards the things you don’t want in life), but also unable to clearly express your YES (for the things you do want in life).
I think this pretty much hits the nail on the head. Thank you for writing it up.
So perhaps that’s why you have issues with envisioning what you want? Because there is a subconscious fear that you would be harming someone else (your mother) if you actually allowed yourself to go after your true desires?
I saw it pretty clear on our last encounter that I’m still protecting her. I’m at a point where I can’t do many things which hurt me while seldom being expressive. By not expressing myself I protect my Mom from worrying or meet her need for control. If she makes a request and I’m not shure that it’s selfless I can’t do it. I think I can’t visit her for a while now.
She’s doing her homework, I see that. She needs to work on her patience. Cause she tries to create the space where she is accepting, easy going, non-controlling and she could hold it up for many weeks and had this quick breakdown where she expressed her worries in a blaming way. It hurts and draws me away know.
beniParticipantHi Tee,
How is your back?
So far you haven’t talked about your father too much. How was he involved? Was he the one who sent you to your room when you were misbehaving?
Yeah, in my Memory yes. Mhh, my Dad was in Hospital as a child for one week and his mom couldn’t see him. I think that created some kind of void and he needs my mom and his job for it and my mom needs my dad. I think it’s about counterwil that when your personality is loose in a sense of a people pleaser can bend himself to please you maybe cope with someone solid to orient yourself.
My Dad is really good at making material presents. He can’t really say how he feels. Lately he said he was depressed for a decade in his 40ies. He would just say he’s alright all the time. My mom would always want to know how our day was or his day at work and we did not really wanna answer. It didn’t feel right. It was/is often a too open a question and doesn’t feel save to reply. It’s in someway food for something unwholesome. When you don’t listen but project yourself on the reply it can be painful to the replier.
My father was a people pleaser and basically, my mother’s enabler. He himself hasn’t abused me, but he didn’t do much to protect me from her criticism and harsh treatment. And he always tried to appease her, so to maintain the “peace” in the family.
Like he enabled by letting it happen? Appease mens to pretend everything is alright even if it isn’t?
I never had prejudice against men, though I didn’t like men who resembled (physically) to my father.
Luckily, I found a good husband and we have been happily married for many years now, although we did have our ups and downs. But our relationship grew and got stronger over time. So I am pretty happy with that aspect of my life.
Feels good to hear!
Interesting. So when imagining it, you feel good about it in the moment, but then you feel that you sort of “ticked the box” and you actually let go of that dream?
Yeah, it seems to be some way of coping with something.
You don’t engage it any more?
Yeah, I’m kinda over it. I learned the past year that if it happens I need to let go of it.
So sometimes you try to imagine your future, but you feel without perspective? Does it mean that nothing comes up that would excite you as your possible future?
When I say future here I mean the present future. I think it could be called black out. When you wanna meet a need but you do not know any strategy. No person you could meet. There is not much exciting then. I don’t enjoi it much but actually I’m present then and the mind is calm.
It seems that sometimes there is a certain burden and heaviness when you try to envision your future. It feels easier not to envision anything, but to only focus on the present moment, because staying in the now feels peaceful and grounded. Is that what you’re saying?
Yes, it seems to be wholesome to envision but it actually often isn’t.
What do you consider to be your higher needs?
If there is no external motivation I do it for myself.
beniParticipantHi Tee,
In your latest post you say she didn’t complain to you directly:
Thanks for pointing this out. It was not in such a direct way when I remember right.
Yes, I belief this is it. I met her a week ago and I saw it in her eyes.
I talk about a situation where showed myself vulnerable last year around the time of the Post and instead of being listen too she started with her pain cause there was a space for it.
From this, it more seems like she complained about you, i.e. was displeased with you, when you didn’t clean the kitchen or didn’t do what she told you to do? And then she would “lose it”, you say.
It would accumulate and then at one point cause she needed support she’d loose it in a sense that she is crying and overwhelmed.
Does it mean she would get angry with you, start yelling etc? Or she would start pitying herself, saying something like “No one ever helps me around here. Why can’t you do what I’ve asked you to? Why is everybody so ungrateful when I am doing so much for this family?”
I wonder what she said or expressed it. Mhh, propably her need got very urgent she could breakdown or get bossy. Mhh, I’m not too shure.
Or perhaps both? Maybe she would be angry that you didn’t do what she told you to do, and then she would start pitying herself, complaining about her life, perhaps about being disrespected and not cared about by you (and your father and brother)?
Observing myself it can be a breakdown and also rebellion. Like I have impulses to trigger people once there is tension. Mhh, like I that my mother would struggle to stand up for herself and when she tried my father, brother and I’m not shure if I did. Cause I’m more like her than my Dad. Would put her back to her place in a way. Because she would be emotional and it would not make sense in a logic way.
Because my mother was like that – she was strict with me and expected obedience (and I was mostly obedient), but still, in my puberty and adolescence I wasn’t too eager to help in the household. So she would use that to criticize me and then to present herself as a martyr. In fact, she would use every opportunity to pity herself and blame someone for her misery, because she always had complaints about other people, specially about me, my father and my father’s side of the family.
My mother too, she liked to boss me and my father around. She was strict and behaved a little bit like a tyrant within our small family. But to the rest of the world, she presented herself like a meek, nice woman. But within our four walls, she definitely was abusing power.
I wonder if your mother was abusing power with you, but perhaps was weak with your father?
For shure she did abuse her powers. I can just hardly remember. I think/feel it’s something like my space. She was too close. There was not enough space for me. Maybe it was something like when I had a similar pain she had she felt understood.
My father was a people pleaser, so she could do that with him. But you said that your father was more black-and-white and colder (My dad and brother are more black and white and colder). Perhaps that means that he didn’t really care about her complaints and didn’t try to please her? (and that your brother is similar?)
Does that mean she would be cruel and then present herself as victim to your Dad?
When she was emotional he kinda put her back to her place. Like when you need empathy and you get logic. She would let it happen. My brother also does that. It’s the other way around here.I understand. You don’t want to be bossed around. Perhaps you were bossed around as a child, and sometimes you tolerated it (because you wanted to please your mother), …
I assume I did not set boundaries or when I did maybe I was sent to my room and then
disobeyed and smashed something, hit your own head, etc. Was that the dynamic between you and your mother?
Maybe my Das is involved too.
It’s good that you can now say No to her bossing you around, and that she actually apologized for treating you like that. So it seems that she is getting more insight into her behavior and that therapy is actually helping her…
Yes, I’m proud at her and at me.
I wonder if she was eager to give you hugs and kisses when you were well behaved, when you were a “good boy” and did everything she told you to?
I don’t know, I think too: Or needed it herself. It’s like taking a hug.
You haven’t been talking much about your father. If I may ask. What is your relationship to men these days? Is there a sex which company you value more.
But maybe you felt those were conditional, because she didn’t really care about you and your emotional needs? She only liked you when you were obedient?
Yes, I don’t think she could care much about my emotional needs.
Well, I know daydreaming can be maladaptive, like when we do it to escape our painful reality (because in that imagined future we feel good, we feel loved, and so we escape our grim emotions).
But imagining future situations – e.g. envisioning what you would like your future to look like – can also be a good thing. If it’s not an escape, but something you actually believe you can achieve.
I really need to share this. I think the same as you about daydreaming. For me daydreaming is a loose of control there is the way of daydreaming which is triggered with a painful feeling and then I loose touch to the moment and hardly remember anything.
When I talk about envisioning the future it’s more conscious. There are many teachers saying that you imagine something to make it happen. I think there is a right and a wrong way to do it. Like when I observe myself:
I Imagine possibilities and opportunities, goals and it feels good. Also I kinda experience it in my head, feel the good feelings as if I archived it and it’s as if I did it and don’t need to do it anymore.
Sometimes there is the experience of no perspective which I usually try to overcome. Lately I thought and felt that maybe that’s the place which is peaceful and grounded in the moment. It feels like it’s a burden to keep ties with the future and all it’s ways and keeps me from meeting higher needs.
What do you think about that? Does it sound reasonable?
beniParticipantHi Tee,
I was impluseless lately. I’m rather being than doing.
In what sense were you intense?
I’m not shure, I have to ask her. I imagine needing a lot of attention.
Well, I always tried to console my mother, i.e. explain why she shouldn’t be so negative, why things are not so bad as she sees them (and I never succeeded). But that was already when I was an adolescent and in my early 20s. As a child, I wanted approval, I was a good kid, a good pupil. But I never got approval, e.g. I was never praised for my good grades. Instead, I was scolded if I got a B instead of an A. So I was supposed to be perfect.
I hear that you got the information when there was something to improve at school. Your parents did not let you know that and in your twenties you confronted your parents and you didn’t find a way to show them that there are different ways to look at situations.
Do you remember at least something from your childhood? Do you remember more from your teenage years?
The answer to the question is dependent on what I expect to remember. Like when I think at my childhood I get maybe straight away 2-3 situations. In 4 Minutes I get like 8 situations, I remember. I remember more from my teenage years. How much do you remember?
Okay, so when you feel vulnerable, you don’t have the compulsion to please her, to “console” her, to make her less sad, right? Because I am guessing (based on what you said about her earlier) that she tends to complain a lot and would like to receive sympathy from you. And she would “get high” on it, i.e. it would only confirm her martyr stance, right? But you don’t want to take part in that game of her playing the martyr, and so you are cold with her. You are not giving her sympathy, right?
Mhh, I think she did not complain to me in a direct way. It would rather be that it’s kinda dependent if the kitchen is in order and that I needed to do what she said else she could loose it. Like she needs an illusion of control. I just had a similar situation with her lately. Where she would say I need to do something right now! And I couldn’t do it. I’d just sat and looked at her. I’d have needed to hear her feelings to understand why it was so important and needed to be done right now. I did not understand. She said sorry after and I told her that in a case of emergency I need more information. I can’t take it if it’s being pushed around.
When you say that as a child you were strong for her, maybe it means that you didn’t want to express your own sadness or upset, not to bother her with it? Because she was burdened with her own stuff anyway. Maybe that’s when you rather smashed the window, or hit your own head, or got in tension with your younger brother?
Mhh, I eventually did express feeling hopeless. I was struggling at School. I was sent in my room for something when I smashed the window. Or I remember breaking some expensive things I got as a present.
So she wasn’t able to meet your emotional needs, and then you suppressed those needs in front of her, but then acted out in different ways, like smashing the window, having tension with your brother and suchlike. Is that what happened?
Mhh, maybe suppressed or I think I rather played a similar game. My dad and brother are more black and white and colder.
It’s a different level. Being kind to a stranger in the park is not the same as opening up to someone in all your vulnerability. In that sense it is “superficial”. But it is serving a purpose of you being true to yourself and doing acts of kindness – something that your heart is telling you to do. As you say, it’s honest and authentic. So it counts. But it’s a different level, of course.
Thanks for the word <3
Yes, it seems they couldn’t provide that emotional support for you. Perhaps they weren’t abusive (e.g. criticizing you harshly, or shaming you and humiliating you), but they simply didn’t pay attention to your emotional needs. So yeah, it would be emotional neglect.
Yes and they didn’t know how they feel themselves.
What do you think about daydreaming or imagine future situations, feelings are often included?
beniParticipantHi Roberta,
I’m with you. These small acts of kindness make my day whenever they happen.
There’s such a huge oppurtunity for us to support each other and make that first step. Trust in that impulse and express it.
And how sad it sometimes is to expirience the opposite.
beniParticipant<p dir=”ltr”>Hi Tee,</p>
<p dir=”ltr”>I wonder if you, as a child, felt guilty for playing and simply having fun and being care-free, because your mother was always unhappy and sad, in the martyr mode? And so you felt guilty if you were happy and enjoying yourself?
And perhaps you rather did what was expected of you? Actually, now I’ve taken a look at you earlier posts: you said that you didn’t do what was expected of you, but would rather freeze or engage in a self-destructive behavior:</p><p dir=”ltr”>
I think I was strong for my mom. My mom tells me that I was really intense. I think you had a simillar struggle if I remember right.
I also don’t remember super much. It’s hard to differentiate between analyzis and expirience.
I have some memories of self destructive behavior. Where I destroy things I like or a window or hit myself on the head to find some exit for how I feel. Or me and my younger brother having tension.
Mhh, I notice that I’m cold to my mom when I feel vulnerable like I do not send emojis then. I don’t trust that she can handle it then. Like she would get high on it. There are pictures of me expiriencing myself. You know what Gabor sais, it’s what’s not there. Empathy and the ability to express how you feel, really listen with the heart. I do not remember my parents doing that. Telling me how they feel or having these moments of connection much. Even nowadays it’s difficult and often I create it. I meet people who tell their parents are like their best friend and that’s how I imagine is how it can feel when you can express yourself both ways.</p><p dir=”ltr”>That’s nice. You did say in the beginning of your thread that you would like to have a deeper connection with people (“Right know I belief that what I actually want is deep connection with people.”). So it seems you are doing that now, offering your selfless, pure love (in form of kindness and help to a stranger), and that’s how you are expressing what you couldn’t as a child, i.e. what was not appreciated by your mother (or both parents?)</p>
<p dir=”ltr”>
Mhh, yeah I do that and it seems to be wholesome. I still think the mentioned situation is in a way superfiscial but honest and authentic. It often feels not deep enough.</p>
<p dir=”ltr”>I feel that I long for a partner.</p>
<p dir=”ltr”>I think love couldn’t be received emotionally by my parents as much as I needed it or was toxic when given.</p><p dir=”ltr”>Yeah, it seems expressing your true self, your compassionate and loving self, is your priority at the moment. Also, expressing yourself perhaps in play (e.g. skate-boarding), or doing other activities that bring you joy, instead of getting stuck in the usual freeze response, which actually blocks your joyful self-expression.</p>
<p dir=”ltr”>
Yeah, that’s what I want most in live. So, simple. Thanks for the support Tee ,<3</p>beniParticipantHi Tee,
Okay, it seems you do know what you’d like to do, but you feel unable to do it. (It can be frustrating to know things you’d like to do and not being able to do them.)
Because in your previous post you confirmed this understanding of mine: you don’t know what your contribution (to the world) should be, and you want to pray for clarity on that.
But it seems that you do know what you’d like to do (i.e. what your contribution should be), but you feel unable to do it? Or you feel no joy in doing it? (Then I can pray for finding way’s to do what I want to do with joy.) Oh perhaps you feel a certain obligation to do some acts of service, to serve the world in some way, but you feel no joy in doing that? Please help me understand because it’s not quite clear to me…
Mostly it is helping myself these days. Yeah, like today and yesterday I need support to play and be stimulated and it’s so hard to give it to me. So the best I can do is try to not suffer too much and endure it.
I think what I can do well is to create harmony in daily live that’s what I do when I regulated myself and I’m doing public things. Maybe there’s someone who’s afraid to skate in the park and I notice it. I go to the person and I talk with her about it and let her know he/she’s welcome.
You are welcome, Beni. Okay, if that’s how you feel, perhaps it is related to the above: feeling a certain obligation or pressure to do something grand and noble (to serve the world in some manner), but not feeling joy in doing that? Again, I apologize in advance if I am misunderstanding it.
I know what you mean, I believed this a few years ago. I think it’s rather simple that the meaning is to feel what would be the greatest now or in the foreseeable future and if you make it happen, that’s the meaning.
Like give a hug to this person or walk to the Garden, leave the house. Express yourself. Ask someone who she archived a goal. Tell someone that you appreciate him.Mhh that’s kinda where I’m going too. Still part of me feels that I only get accepted if I do whatever pleases people and I endure it.
beniParticipantHi Tee,
Oh… so you’re usually sick once a month with similar symptoms? But now it’s been lasting for 3 weeks, with symptoms ranging from exhaustion, feeling cold, feeling stiff, headaches etc. Sorry about that :/
Could be that your immune system is out of whack. Have you seen a doctor, or you already know this state, so it’s not something to seek help for?
Propably and Immunesystem whack, I’m finally getting better!
Actually I’ve been examining myself, and it could be psycho-somatic (I always seek possible mental causes of physical symptoms). So I kind of know what might be causing it.
So yeah, you’re right, it’s probably not physical worsening (hopefully!), but more like a signal of something that I am not doing right in my life, a signal of a limitation of mine. And now it’s time to start addressing it.
Haha, I do the same with the physical symptoms. Sounds like you’re confident and hands on about this!
Since then I’ve realized that I am worthy just because I exist, simply by having been born, and I don’t need to do anything to prove my worth.
Juhuu, feels good to read that. Reminds me at Gabor Maté I heard him say last week. Asking yourself if you’re good enough is the wrong question. Do you ask yourself if a tree is good enough or a Mounatin 🙂
However, I still have the need for achievement – not to prove myself to anybody, but to share my gifts and talents – to simply “shine my light” in a more deliberate way, if you will. So it’s kind of the need for self-expression and self-realization in one, you might say 🙂
Is it a way of giving love?
Okay, let me repeat it here again: you don’t know what your contribution (to the world) should be, and you want to pray for clarity on that.
My comment to that: how about listening within to what you want to offer to the world, rather than listening “without” (to a higher power to tell you)?
I belief in the way things are and so far haven’t met a higher power. It can be frustrating to know things you’d like to do and not being able to do them. I think praying can really help me to be an antidote to feeling helpless. Then I can pray for finding way’s to do what I want to do with joy. To overcome my obstacles in times of despair.
It sounds like if you don’t do things others expect from you (or you believe they expect), you fear that the person might feel rejected, and it causes you pain. And you feel helpless because you don’t want to hurt them, but at the same time, you don’t want to do it either. So you are conflicted. You feel ambivalence, and perhaps you freeze in that neither-nor state, not wanting to do it, but not able to reject it either. Am I interpreting this right?
Thanks for sharing this observation. What you write is very close to how I feel. Yeah, this impulse confuses me and it is a challenge to bear. What I do is to let go which takes some time and control.
It sounds like a healthy thing: to allow yourself time and space to flourish, not judging yourself, not rushing yourself, but being like a good parent, or a good friend, to yourself.
It feels good to read that 🙂
beniParticipantHi Roberta,
and yet you say feel pressurized by what you perceive as others expectations of you. Each of us has their own timescale/speed that also changes from circumstances/perception.
This was shown clearly to me today & I had to laugh at myself or rather my ego’s hypocrisy. I take my father out for a drive nearly everyday and he gets anxious if I drive faster than he likes, so we normally do 20mph, today we were behind two others cars and I felt impatience arise until I looked at the speedo we were doing 20mph! even as I was writing this the words dawdle and stuck came into my mental narrative ha ha ego trying once again to cause suffering even when retelling such a minor story.
Haha, yeahh in the end we do not know. I tell myself this over and over. Sometime I’m happy when people show up late or the opposite. If I get you right the point you make is that you wouldn’t drive faster anyway and the cars in front of you where annoying till you noticed your going already max speed. Good you’re laughing about it, why not have some fun.
I’m impressed you take the time every day to take your Dad for a ride.
Thanks, you too 🙂
beniParticipantHi Tee,
That’s okay if you don’t respond when you don’t feel like it. No pressure. I am sorry you got sick – is it something like the flu?
Thanks, I need to hear this over and over. Mhh, I wonder I actually am sick once a month an now since 3 weeks. Feeling exhausted, last week rather stiff, ill and headache this week more a cold, less dizzy. I wanna try omega-3 and Vitamin D maybe that helps.
I am again worse with regard to my back – it started hurting for apparent reason, without any wrong move, so I am perplexed. Not really panicking like last year, but it’s not a good feeling to go through it again, because I thought I’ve reached a certain state, where I was more resilient and more stable. But apparently not :\
Do I get you right, you put more stress on your back like exercise and now it started hurting? I can Imagine that you feel vulnerable and helpless cause what you did seemed to have less impact. Maybe it is something like a flashback and you are more resilient and stable than you think.
Well, it would be a positive contribution for the world, on a small scale of course, within my sphere of influence.
In a course in miracles they say that the valuation does not matter rather how it feels. I like that.
Is it rather that you wanna see yourself in a certain role in life doing a certain action to validate your existence?You want to pray to know what you need to do? Like, you don’t know what your contribution (to the world) should be, and you want to pray for clarity on that? Sorry if I misunderstood you…
Yes, that’s it. Thanks for trying.
Ah, it sounds like you believe people have expectations on you, they want you to do something, and you feel pressured by it, and you don’t like it. (BTW there are no expectations from my side, so as far as I am concerned, please don’t feel pressured to reply).
I think expectation is a small part. If someone does not reply on a forum or the phone within a time it’s easy to feel rejected. It’s already special for our systems to communicate without seeing or hearing. And I noticed that for me it’s hard to accept that my action is maybe not the cause but reminds a person at her vulnerability. My system sees danger if I do not take action I can get into ambivalence then.
Okay, so you feel comfortable doing things at your own pace, in your own time, when you feel like it, not when someone tells you to do it, right? Is it related to your family and the expectations they have from you? Or other people’s expectations as well?
Thanks for asking Tee. Yes I do things in my pace, time and feel. It is like being a child and I think I need this type of space to flourish.
beniParticipantHi Tee,
You mean you wrote a reply 2 weeks ago, but never posted it? Because you felt some resentment or discomfort? You’re welcome to tell me more, if you’d like to…
Jap, I felt disconnected. I have day’s or times where I retreat into myself and I struggle to reach out. It feels like a stone on my heart, it’s harder to give love and share/show myself and also I got and still am sick :-/
Hmm, I’ll have a sense of accomplishment of something that is important to me. You know the Maslow hierarchy of needs? I feel accomplishing this goal would meet my need for self-realization. Maybe I am wrong, but this is how I feel 🙂
And I’ll know that I’ve met it, because there are some concrete milestones I’d like to achieve…
Yes, I know it. Are you saying that you wanna reach this goal cause it expresses values you want to see in the world?
Oh interesting… so praying for you feels like not talking to anyone, whereas speaking to your inner child feels like talking to someone?
Yeah, this is exactly how it feels. Praying feels bigger.
You mean that when you pray for something, you feel you’re attached to the outcome? And it gives you a feeling that something is wrong or missing in how things are right now? And when you let go of that attachment, when you just patiently wait and trust that it will happen, then it does happen eventually?
I think/feel praying is without attachment to the outcome. It’s not easy to put in words. I’d say it’s knowing while not knowing how/what at least in the beginning. I think that’s why it’s helpful to differentiate needs from the strategies to meet the need. I wanna pray for the need.
Let me see if I understood you correctly: so your experience is that when you patiently wait, things work out by themselves? And so you’re not motivated to take action?
Can you give me an example (if you feel comfortable) of a situation where things just worked out by themselves, without you needing to take any action?
I feel like I wanna take action and do this and that and that it will have severe impact on my life if I do not take this action.
Yeah, like I wanted to reply here and my mind was like now, now, now you have to do it. It can be painful to not do things. I feel helpless. It’s hard for me to let people wait. I usually know my things I don’t forget.
Anyhow I figured if I really wanna do it I will do it. I’ll do it without effort but I have to wait for it. Often I can’t do it any other way it’s just too painful.beniParticipantMy pathway meets blocks every day
I see so many problems
but my mind’s the only one
that’s got themIf I change how I see my way
All my problems will be gone today
Cause a miracle is hiding in every dark corner
And there’s a divine light that shines the dark away
And if I wish to see that light with my own eyes,
Well the highest in me shows me how, well it tries.All this dark is just in my mind – illusion
Cause every problem already got a solution
Everything is already okay
Life’s a miracle in every way
There’s a divine light that shines the dark away
I just got to shine bright to see the light…the lyrics can also be found here on page 40 (same as 51 of the pdf): https://cdn0030.qrcodechimp.com/qr/PROD/63de5c0bef59a6b6430443b7/fm/mantras_for_miracles_full_song_book_a5_x2_compressed.pdf
yeah, the song makes me smile inside
beniParticipantHi Roberta,
Thank’s it’s reminding me at what I can control and gives strength.
beniParticipantDear Tee,
I reply late, sometimes I get in to this mode where I do not reach out to people. I replied already two weeks ago and I didn’t like where ther reply came from and it took till now as it’s changing again.
Is it only related to physical pain (you mentioned sweet pain after you fall), or in general, in your life, when you are out of sync with your being, that you feel emotionally tense and heavy (no lightness)?
It’s a general thing.
Yes, to reach the goals which are aligned with my inner being, with who I am. Not someone else’s goals, but my own.
Maybe you feel comfortable to reply this question: ‘What do you imagine happens when you meet your career goal and how do you know you met it?’
What do you think about this approach?
I forgot to pray lately, I think when I come out of the energy that there needs to be change, that there is something wrong or missing rather than I whish this and this happens and not beeing attached to the outcome it feels natural. There’s much patience endurance involved and sometimes I doubt it.
Talking to our subconscious is another aspect of solving the problem,
I feel your’re right it feels different. Two weeks a go I thought it’s the same. It feels rather like speaking to a person and praying doesn’t feel like talking to anyone or thing
And another big part of solving the problem is the plan of action – daily activities to support our goal. This is what actually brings us closer to our goal. Talking about it and understanding it is not enough. We need action.
Makes sense how can we reach a goal when wo do not move in it’s direction taking the steps, we need to be very clear what our goals are and why we need it. This kinda triggers me cause I struggle to take action mucho. I do not know how so I patiently wait and things work out too and I take action too it is just is so slow.
I like this approach about problems: https://aylalove.bandcamp.com/track/problems-are-solutions-in-disguise-2
beniParticipantHi Tee,
I understand. Would you like to say a bit more about this pain? (only if you want to share)
It’s kinda as soon as I’m out of sync with my being whatever I do feels painful or tense. There’s no lightness. If I’m in touch pain is not so painful it’s rather light pain or sweet pain.
For me, inner power is the ability to achieve what I want, to reach my goals (mostly career related), and to keep working towards it, in spite of obstacles. I get discouraged very easily and don’t have that persistence and commitment to see it through.
But inner power can include many other things, like standing up for yourself (which you mentioned), assertiveness, setting boundaries etc. But for me, it’s mostly the desire to achieve more and have a sense of accomplishment with regard to my career.
Aha, I think I understand. Basically to reach our inner worldly life goals. Somebody once told me we can’t do anything but pray. Which I understand as, we can’t do anything conscious but talk to our subconscious. I think and feel it’s a healthy perspective to act out of.
What do you think about this approach?
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