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Berta

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  • in reply to: Encouraging affection & expecting less affection #195543
    Berta
    Participant

    Thank you Craig,

    I appreciate you sharing your story,

    I think that you’re right about punishing and encouraging. As for your specific situation from your example, who knows what would have worked best.

    I will bear the encouragement advice in mind, absolutely. I hate making my boyfriend feel as if he’s not enough for me or he’s not given me what I need.

    thanks again

     

    B

    in reply to: Encouraging affection & expecting less affection #195535
    Berta
    Participant

    Dear Mark,

    Its kind of you to take the time to advise me.

    Looking into the five languages of love seems like a great idea. I’m sure my boyfriend will be as willing to try as I am (even if he doesn’t read to book).

    I recently read a book by Scott Peck who spends a lot of time writing about how we must love in a way which encourages our own spiritual growth and others whom we love. There is no way to read this book without realising that accepting full responsibility for how and what one thinks and how one behaves is the only way to grow.

    Getting tired or drained is killer. It’s at this time that putting mind over matter is so challenging and my touch-needy child works herself up.

    thanks again for the recommendation

    B

     

    in reply to: Encouraging affection & expecting less affection #195531
    Berta
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    Thank you kindly for your reply.

    I try not to expect this type of affection from my boyfriend. I feel so disappointed in myself if I ever make him feel like he’s letting me down, because i realise that I am letting him and myself down by being ‘in need’.

    The couple on the escalator, the man, reminded me if how my dad was with me as a child. I have guilt and abandonment feelings assosicated with my dad (as well as a lot of adult, positive feelings) which slip into my list of emotional baggage during a ‘low/apathetic’ time.

    I feel secure without touch when I’m single, but insecure without touch in a relationship if I feel like I need support. My boyfriend loves me well and uniquely. I don’t want his way to stop or change or to pressure him to ‘perform’. When he knows I want support, he’ll do creative and interesting things for me to try and cheer me up. Although I find them  beautiful I also think they are indirect.

    I am always doing self work. I understand that I am responsible for shaping my perspectives on these things.

     

    B

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